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Old 03-11-2011, 08:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Major life changes in the first year of recovery

I always hear not to make any major life changes in the first year of recovery. But what if it is sort of thrust upon you? Or what if you make a decision without thinking of the consequences, and end up with a major, life-changing event taking place? How do you go about making and accepting such changes in early sobriety? How do you make the best decision you can, and do it without using? I hate change-- it scares me. But sometimes change is good, even when it is something that will turn your whole world upside down. I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too, but that can't go on much longer. It's the red pill or the blue pill right now (okay, bad place to talk about pills, lol!) I just want to be happy.
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I went through the most major changes in my life (next to having children) in the first year of my sobriety. I left my husband, moved to a different state, then went through a divorce.

I think those changes were neccesary in order to make positive changes in my life.

YOU are the only one who knows deep inside what is right for you. I think the suggestion not to make major changes in the first year is just that, a suggestion.
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Old 03-11-2011, 10:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Sometimes our HP will do things for us that we cannot do for ourselves. At the time these things might seem to make no sense at all, but thank goodness we are not God.
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Old 03-11-2011, 10:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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As the others have said, sometimes it just has to be the way it has to be. Do what you need to do. It is only a suggestion to not make major life changes in the first year. Sometimes that is just not an option. Sometimes you cannot plan things so neatly and sometimes letting things remain the same are not conducive to your sobriety, sometimes making the change is what is needed.

Whether you are in AA or not, whether you believe or not, i find strength in the Serenity prayer.. .
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Old 03-11-2011, 02:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Sometimes there is a push to under achieve or a "dumbing down" mentality in some groups. I dont believe in that at all. Why would I want to go backwards in sobriety? Be all you can be and dont listen to those that accept mediocrity.

Btw, that changes thing isnt part of AA.
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Old 03-12-2011, 02:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Yes that is true stugotz: there is nothing in AA literature or the BB book about not making major changes the first year of sobriety.
It is something that is suggested by sponsors.
And, it is only a suggestion.
This is a great question Onewithwings.
I would suggest that you use your support network as much as you can during this time. Call up friends in recovery, if you are in AA: use the fellowship network as a sounding board. If you are in another program, do the same.
I am extremely grateful that I am in a fellowship and can call people up to discuss things that are happening in my life.
I never had that when I was drinking. I was totally isolated and never asked for advice or feedback from anyone.
You could even send some PM's to people here for some feedback.
SR is a great place for finding support.
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Old 03-13-2011, 01:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I had huge changes in my life at the beginning of my recovery.

Husband and I had to move 2 hours away from our kids who were both in university. So, we had to leave them both behind - instant empty nest.

The City we moved to was not an english-speaking city, so I couldn't work.

Those things were thrust upon me and it could not have worked out better. I had dreaded the empty nest for a year and when it finally happened, I was still alive LOL. I got involvled with a volunteer job in the new city and it was the answer to any and all of my prayers.
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Old 03-13-2011, 04:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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... there is nothing in AA literature or the BB book about not making major changes the first year of sobriety.
Lets see what Bill W. did his first year;

Took a new job
Went to Akron
Lived with Dr. Bob
Quit his job
Moved back to New York
Took several sponce's into his home.
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Old 03-13-2011, 08:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Lets see what Bill W. did his first year;

Took a new job
Went to Akron
Lived with Dr. Bob
Quit his job
Moved back to New York
Took several sponce's into his home.
haha, I need a WWBWD? bracelet.
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Old 03-14-2011, 08:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
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A lot of major life changes can not be predicted nor avoided, my mom died 5 months after I got sober and then 3 mths after that my dad came to stay with me, I obviously couldn't control my mothers death and I felt bad for my dad so I really had no choice. Both those events were very stressful for me and after a couple of months with my dad I was feeling on the verge of drinking but I didn't and knowing that I got through that difficult time w/o drinking strenthened my sobriety immensely. I've always heard you shouldn't enter a new love relationship in the first year and I strongly agree with that because you need to focus on yourself as much as possible and new relationships require a lot of work and if they don't work they can set you back way too far.
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Old 06-08-2011, 12:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I got sober FOR my upcoming life changes.
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Old 06-08-2011, 06:03 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I quit drinking 17 days ago; I'm moving to germany next month.....I'm all for making huge changes....the way I was living life in the past certainly was not working.....why not change?
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