The vicious cycle.

[43395]

For me, recovery involved realising that I was a,'real alcoholic' not just a heavy drinker or even alcohol dependent but as Dr.Silkworth said in ,'The Doctor's Opinion' in the ,'Big Book' someone who suffered a physical and mental allergy to alcohol that has now been shown to effect a limited number (8%) of the population. In real terms it simply means that my body does not, like a ,'normal social drinker' digest alcohol at the rate of 1oz per hour but instead the acetone in my body reacts at a much slower rate on the carbohydrates from the alcohol I have consumed, thus sending messages to the brain saying,"Give me some more" thus setting off the vicious circle until I pass out, leaving this free to carry on until I wake up, and start all over again. Of course critics will say but what happens if you just stop drinking, well the craving won't start, however a 'real alcohlic' will,'once more want the sense of ease and comfort' brought about by the first drink. The illness is Alcohol-ISMS, no -ISMS, no desire for the,'sense of ease etc.' therefore it is essential that either in very rare cases a ,'spiritual experience' takes place as happened to Bill W. or a spiritual education, as happened to Dr.Bob happens, remembering the latter was a very religious man, big difference between religion and spirituality. All these things are in the opening and first 164 pages of the book,'Alcohics Anonymous' which was written, not just by Bill W. but the first 100 people, check it out, so they can't all be wrong! Of course the science bit, acetone etc., came much later but Dr.Silkworth was on the right track. Everything I've said here can be enlarged on but that is fundementally what Recovery means to me, ACCEPTANCE.

[Stereosteveo]

We have a drinking problem. But we really have a "not drinking" problem.

1. Once we start to drink we cant quit, the phenomenon is in charge.
2. Once we put the bottle down the "mental obsession" begins.

Obession:
1. Uncontrolled thinking.
2. A thought that is so strong that it overcomes any thought that tells us we can't drink and tells us "We can this time! Here's how.!!" :O)

We are powerless over this obsession.
It tells us:
1. Things are OK now, I bet I can drink.
2. Things are so bad, I may as well drink.
3. Subconsciously we are always trying to find a way to get away with it, even though we know we can't.

If we really have the power not to pick up the next drink then we won't. If we don't then we will.
Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda begins to make sense. The needed spiritual strength wasn't there..

Alcohol is the only "real" relief and comfort we know. It is our Higher Power. We are like the rat in the cocaine experment. He hits the cocaine lever instead of the food lever every time until he starves himself to death.

Like Dr. Bob said. It's a curse. It will take a Power Greater than ourselves or alcohol to remove this insanty. Oh, the strange mental blank spots that precede the first drink. I know them all too well.

In order to get in touch with this power we will have to submit to that ever humbling 12-step process, particularly (4-9). It will remove the things blocking us from Him so he can work his magic. He's always been "in" there. But we've always looked "out" there for Him.

But we search for any alternative because the disease refuses to let us submit. Our ego is the diseases' primary weapon. It tells us we can control. But the facts contradict.

We're not like the first 100 members. We know better. We're smarter. But "our" solutions are the problem. They always have been. Or we wouldn't have ended up here.

And so the stomach churns, so are the days of our prolonged recovery...