Tomorrow, second AA meeting (I hope I make it!)

[bike4life]

Well, that was an interesting week since my first AA meeting last Friday. After a 5 minute talk with a new friend before the meeting, I got in. Raised my hand as the first-timer and uttered my first name, "Hi, I'm Howard...oh thank you...huh, well...(gulp!)". Then listened to different people's talk...okay, I started to wonder if...and, of course, with a very open-mind, I accept it just the way it is. Nothing more needs to be explained, convinced, or coaxed here.

So, why did I go to AA? Well, my wife and I have had struggles of our own demons. Both of us blamed each other for whatever reason and counter-blamed again for our own internal weakness. When she first went to Al-Anon about 2 weeks ago, I thought, "Is she serious? She thinks I'm an alcoholic?" So, I decided to find out.

Now, at the end of the meeting, when the 24 hour coin came up, I actually interrupted to claim it! So, I bet your next question is, "Did you make it?" Well, I almost did. Then on Sunday, I watched the clock all morning again and then drank all day and night. Actually, it was overkill! Then on Monday morning, I woke up with no expert hangover but completely dazed and possibly a slight buzz. Dripped in the 'red eye' medicine. Did the usual family routine and when I got in the office, I did all I could to make a quick dash in the office kitchen for a coffee refills and then hide back in my office cave. It's at the end of the hall and very few people ever stop by anyway, which sometimes I wonder, why and maybe this is why.

This was the worst office day and I thought someone could catch me being weird but I survived. I forgot an assignment that I promised to get done last week but no one seemed to notice. Then I literally didn't get anything done with this blank state of mind which was terrible.

So, when I got home on Monday day, I did all I could...I stopped at one drink. Then all night made me a little worried about the restlessness, heaviness on my chest, and possibly this is too much of a drastic cut in drinking hard liqour. I've read that I could die just from withdrawal and I'm not sure to believe it.

Then, I blamed the lost 24 coin and went back to drinking...abited, at a slower rate and reminded myself that I don't need that coin since it stuck in my head, anyway. I even asked my puzzled wife if she has seen a special coin.

Tuesday, went to 3 glasses. Wednesday, 4. And now, hopefully slow down to 3 tonight.

I made a doctor's appointment for next week to ensure a safe abstience.

Today, after a slight disagreement over housing issues. She keeps changing her mind about a lot of things and I'm more like my decision is final. She got upset when I told her that after my recovery, I want to sell the house with too many memories. Later, I finally admited to her about my addiction to alcohol and that I'm on step 3, now. I'll give her time to soak it in.

Regards,
Howard

[CarolD]

I'm glad you are seeing your doctor....please do be
completely honest about your drinking

I assume you plan to keep drinking until you see him/her.
If so....please don't drive.

Blessings to you and your wife...this is a stressful situation
for both of you......

[McGowdog]

What makes you think you're an alcoholic? I don't understand your story.

What do you think an alcoholic is vs say... a continuous hard drinker?

[McGowdog]

All I'm saying is to take the path of consideration. It's an awesome tool... if you will... to enable you to align and focus your attention to what you need to see about yourself.

You must begin a spiritual journey with a question, not an answer. Does that make sense?