What really is ego?

[sfgirl]

There are quite a few terms when it comes to talking about recovery that get tossed around. At first, I think I know what we are talking about. But honestly for a lot of them when I start really thinking about it, I have zero idea. Ego has been one of those terms lately and I am struggling to understand letting go of the ego or however I should term it.

What does ego or your ego mean to you? What does it mean in your recovery?

[sfgirl]

This is interesting and helpful:

Jos - Ego

[readyforhelp]

Originally Posted by sfgirl

What does ego or your ego mean to you? What does it mean in your recovery?

I was just thinking about this! When I was first starting my sober journey, I asked a friend if she thought that the voice that keeps wanting to drink is my ego. She said she didn't know but it sounded good. Then, I started to listen a little better to what was going on when I would have these moments >> and I decided that since I feel that the ego is the root of all evil, to think of the addictive voice as my ego would help to squash it. To this point, it has helped. But that may be because I already believe in stuff like world peace and pain body, you know? To each her own.......

Thanks for this post!

[californiapoppy]

I have always more or less equated ego with pride. I need to be proud of myself to carry on, no more, no less, no excess in any direction.

[californiapoppy]

And I mean pride as in self-estime

[Mark75]

As I always understood ego (in the Freudian sense)...

Ego is the conscious part of our psyche that balances our id (our pleasure seeking center of the universe), superego (our moral/ethical center of the universe) and reality, ... hopefully in a healthy manner.

Ego is not inherently "bad" or "good"... but bad or good decisions can result from a poorly functioning ego...

Mark

[Mark75]

Oh... What does it mean in my recovery...

Well, while I was active, I was way too busy feeding my id and totally ignored my superego while refusing to face reality...

Now I am finding balance... healthy ways to satisfy my emotional and physical needs, music, exercise, photography, diet sprite... ... while making my own needs less important and and other's more important and always trying to do the next right thing, and, finding strength in my proper place in reality and my universe. How my behavior, actions, perceptions effect reality....

oh well, hope that came out right.

Mark

[espresso]

EGO = edging 'God' out

The 12 steps have proved a good ego deflater for me

[zxcirce]

in my experience and belief, ego is the part of me that thinks i'm the most, nay only, important person or thing in the world. it's the part that gets hurt when i feel neglected, ignored, disliked, attacked, it wants to protect itself from feeling anything less than perfect.

my ego is the part that fights change, loss, and is always afraid of being proven wrong. my ego is the part of me that thinks everyone needs to love me or i'm worthless.

my ego needs to be systematically and regularly proven wrong, by me,my thoughts and my actions.

i'm reading "the new earth" by eckhart tolle and it describes my view of the ego very well.

[Mark75]

I don't agree or disagree with tolle, i have his book... but for the sake of discussion, not contention (please!)... as I understand the classical and original concept of ego was not that it was evil or bad, but that it is necessary to balance the self serving needs of the childlike id and the parent-like sense of right and wrong with the reality that confronts us.

It is the id that I worry about, not the ego. A healthy ego keeps the id in balance with the rest of the universe.

I enjoy the discourse... hope you do too...

Mark

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by Cubile75

as I understand the classical and original concept of ego was not that it was evil or bad, but that it is necessary to balance the self serving needs of the childlike id and the parent-like sense of right and wrong with the reality that confronts us.

It is the id that I worry about, not the ego. A healthy ego keeps the id in balance with the rest of the universe.

I think along the same lines. The Id is my pleasure principle. It wants to feel good and have fun all the time. In addiction my Id wanted me to get high all the time regardless of what harm I may have caused to others around me. For me a healthy Ego seeks to get my needs fulfilled wile considering the needs of others too. Then there's the Superego. That could be said to be the moral part of me. However a too inflated sense of morality can make me rigid and judgmental. Think of the self righteous when the superego takes control.

As I understand the popular usage in one particular recovery method the Ego is equated to selfishness. It would be like I become so obsessed with getting high that I am willing to trample others to get it. Then when I get into recovery and work a selfish program. I would care less about those around me in recovery as long as I got what I wanted.

[Mark75]

Right zencat... I do get the popular usage of "ego"... I shouldn't try so hard to swim against the tide...

It's just that I like the classical definition of ego... A healthy ego would balance the pleasure seeking self-willed id with the reality of our universe while applying our superego's dictate of right and wrong. Someone whose ego is highly functioning would not, in fact, be considered to be egocentric...

But, the definition of ego seems to be changing and that's fine...

Thanx for the discussion.

Mark

[Missybuns]

the ego wants to be in charge....it wants me to forget who I am. It is part of the illusion that is my body.

To some, this will make sense, and to some, it won't.

I'm one who believes we are spiritual beings having a human experience,

So, put it into my recovery I can explain it best by exchanging the word "addiction" with "ego". My ego wants to trip me up, much the same as my addiction.


Missy

[DaveBB164]

selfishness, self centredness

[splendra]

For me my ego is like this thing that I have take out of the box on the top shelf in my closet to relate to others in the public world.

The real me does not care in the slightest if someone likes my hair, shoes, or clothes my ego has to take care of this for me. If someone says they like something about my physical appearance I am often at a loss as to why and I know to some my reaction comes off aloof or maybe egotistical.

I still am very unsure of my choices of clothes and stuff as I have no fashion sense at all. I cannot phantom why clothes are so important to people but I do know it is so and if I want to be able to perform professionally I have to care on some level about it. My son and one of my nieces helps me make choices in clothing because I really haven't a clue. I would go everywhere in sweat pants and a leotard if I could get away with it cause it feels comfortable to me. I have been told by shrinks that my ego is not very well developed.

My spirit keeps me gardening and playing music and writing. I feel like my spirit is my mind and heart combined.

Why can't we be more accepting of others for the way they are instead of how we think they ought to look or act?

[citychick]

I imagine my ego as small child, stamping her foot and demanding "look at me, look at me..it's ALL about me!" lol

[paulmh]

This thread -

King Baby (King Baby Syndrome)

might be interesting.

It's a mistake to say that 12 step programmes consider the ego to be a "bad" thing. The problem is a dysfunctional ego, not the ego itself. Seems to me that the role of the ego is always as mediator - between the unconscious and the rational, between the internal and the external. It's interesting though that as people explore the "spiritual" side of recovery, some find themselves naturally drawn to religious traditions which are interested in the dissolution of the "self" - and this often seems to get equated with "the ego".

I too find the id / ego / superego model to be very useful in trying to understand my addiction - but I seem to be the type of person who benefits a lot more from the pragmatism of 12 steps, rather than getting hung up on the conceptual stuff. Even that Freudian framework seems pretty metaphorical - more like signposts in the mist than actual labels?

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by paulmh

The problem is a dysfunctional ego, not the ego itself. Seems to me that the role of the ego is always as mediator - between the unconscious and the rational, between the internal and the external. It's interesting though that as people explore the "spiritual" side of recovery, some find themselves naturally drawn to religious traditions which are interested in the dissolution of the "self" - and this often seems to get equated with "the ego".

Thanks, you clarified my point a little... Ego is not the same as Self

Like you, I usually try to be more pragmatic and as such I don't find this conceptual thinking helpful in a real time sense in my recovery. But, as I have been told, I like to intellectualize... maybe too much. But, I guess it is better than drinking.

Mark

[MCake]

I'm not a Freudian, but I agree with Cubile's take on the subject. Technically speaking, Ego can be regarded as a "mediator" of sorts. Self condenses the totality of our psychic being, and beyond.

In practice, I regard Self as part of a Higher Power. Ego does the best it can (or sure seems to think so!), and is usually very strained, resentful and haggard

[BP44]

There was a time where I would get all heady and cerebral about this kind of stuff. What I have found us that simplicity has worked best for me. The best definition I have heard for ego is mind made false sense of self. This is easy for me to work with. It is that part of my mind that tells me what I think I need to be to fit in the world. When in reality I have always been and always needed all I have to fit in the world right here, right now. The problem for most of us is that we are blocked from what allows us to see that and realize that in the here and now. The reason that the 12 steps work so effectively is that they are all designed to deflate ego. The action I take on a daily basis brings me into the world and this life. As a result I am no longer separate from you, because I am you, no more, no less. Waking up to that strips me of judgement and ended the good/ bad debate.

[jowinbo]

Originally Posted by sfgirl

This is interesting and helpful:

Jos - Ego

thanks , i found this site to be very interesting!!!! luvs and blessings

[Thumpers]

Ego for me is whatever I think or do that is not intended to help others. Example, when I eat, it should be to give me energy to go help another drunk. So I have some high standards about that, and still a pretty big ego in all my affairs. But still not as huge as it was without the Steps.