Recovery: Burden or Gift?

[KenL]

Hi everyone,

There are many thoughts I see being expressed on SR that to me become genres of thought. One that comes to mind is the genre of sobriety as being a burden as opposed to being a gift.

For some, sobriety seems to be viewed as something that we have to put up with and that it leads to a static life. It's a thing that is hoisted upon our shoulders and acts like a burden that we have to carry for the rest of our lives. It may me mental, emotional, spiritual or even behavioral. Those of us who feel and think that way look at sobriety as being a "state of stuckness." They relegate themselves to being somehow unfulfilled and find that counting days and weeks and months is all they seem to end up living for.

There are those on the other hand who view sobriety as a gift, a God-send or an emancipation. To them, sobriety is not a burden but rather an enlightenment. It is a change in their very selves, their identity. They are not affected by any "sobriety fallout". There is no emptiness nor need to fill something with something else. Indeed, that which was too much is now gone and serenity is put in its' place.

I wish that everyone's sobriety could be dynamic and not static. To me, sobriety is not the end of something that leaves us with something else we are forced to live with. It's the beginning of something else that allows us to live with something that sets us free to be whoever we choose to be. This is what I hope for all who suffer from addiction.

This was also posted in Newcomers forum for greater feedback purposes.

Peace,
Ken

[freya]

THE PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. -- pp. 83-84 Alcoholics Anonymous

Sounds like quite a gift to me!

I guess I see it like this -- the gifts of recovery are things that we "get," not because we deserve them or are owed them, but simply because we "show up" and demonstrate our openness and our willingness to receive them by doing certain things, taking certain actions, trying to live a certain kind of life, etc... Personally, I do this within the context of working a 12 Step Program -- but I certainly don't believe that that is the only way that it can be done.

What I do believe is that the gift of real recovery and the ability to experience one's recovery as a gift comes from working one's recovery, not just on the physical level, but also on the emotional and spiritual levels. If one tries to give up one's drug-or-obsession of choice but does not do anything to effectively address the self-centeredness and the emotional & spiritual wounding/isolation that that drug-or-obsession masked and medicated, then it only makes sense that one would experience one's "non-using" state (which, IMO, should never be equated with "sobriety" or "recovery") as a terribly painful (and probably, ultimately, unbearable) burden.

freya

[Theresa]

Ken: I am a late to this thread, but I find your posting fascinating and want to reply.

The concept of the "genre of sobriety" and its being characterized as being a burden one carries is stunning. What other areas of our life do we degrade or discount as a burden? Parenting, work, education, working in the yard, writing, being a friend? The list could go on forever.

I look for ways in which my drinking behavior parallels my behavior in other areas of my life: seeing things as a burden rather than simply accepting them as they are and allowing myself to learn from, gain, or enjoy from each experience that comes my way.

Perhaps this behavior, associated with drinking or other aspects of my life, are what they refer to dry drunk behavior. However, I think that such behavior can be capsulated in your description of a "state of stuckness" with life in general.

I am not drinking but I believe that the drinking was either in response to, as a result of, or characteristic of my "static life."

I need to be very watchful and do my best to be aware of and avoid this "genre" of living, this static lifestyle.

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Ken; they are very helpful to me.

[Mark75]

I think that recovery is not a burden, but is a responsibility... we are responsible for our recovery. Healthy recovery, to me, means that we gladly take on our responsibilities and do not see them as burdens, but as gifts that give meaning to our existence.

Whenever I feel my sobriety is a burden, and, honestly, I do at times, I know that I am off course. Since AA is working for me, I mentally review those first three steps and usually I get back on track...

Mark

[Zencat]

I view recovery as life long process the helps me become more emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. I do see it as my responsibility to gather the resources that aid me in my healing journey. For me recovery is a joyful challenge to grow into the best person I can be.

[Missybuns]

burden or gift?

Gift.

[destructor]

What I can say to this is, well first of all Im not a guy who's totally engulfed in the program. I go to AA but I dont have a sponsor and I don't buy half of the spiritual stuff thats preached at meetings. However I am sober, and all I can say is everything is what you make it. If you feel your sobriety is a burden than maybe you just havent had enough of what your drinking will bring into your life and go back to drinking to compare which burden is heavier for you. I personally have not been suddenly awakened to a life of serenity, however I had a life full of garbage, so just living without that is good enough for me. Personally I don't see sobriety as a spiritual gift or as a burden, I see it as a positive life choice and its the most important thing for me to live a normal at least not terrible life. I think for me drinking and drugging stems from multiple personality flaws and problems occuring in my childhood and I need to confront and conquer them. This is the burden! If it was easy for us to confront these issues then we wouldn't have spent so long running away from them. Being sober will enable me to do this by enabling me to analyze my mindset in situations. I'm trying to see this as a challenge of personal development rather than a chore of agony. We are not powerless! A power greater than ourselves will give us the tools we need, but only we make the effort to progress!

[KenL]

thank you Missybuns and destructor. Here's a link to the other version of this thread if your interested. I appreciate your input.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rden-gift.html (Sobriety: Burden or Gift?)

[marty888]

Hey Ken,
Good post I see it as a burden and a gift. Its certainly a burden when I want a beer and definitely a gift when I see the joy in my kids eyes when they are enjoying spending time a sober dad.
Mate thanks for your support when you got me through my first weekend 4 weeks ago. You certainly made it easier for me.

[Leprechaun]

It is only a burden until we fully grasp recovery then it becomes a gift.

Peace,
Lep

[KenL]

Originally Posted by marty888

Hey Ken,
Good post I see it as a burden and a gift. Its certainly a burden when I want a beer and definitely a gift when I see the joy in my kids eyes when they are enjoying spending time a sober dad.
Mate thanks for your support when you got me through my first weekend 4 weeks ago. You certainly made it easier for me.

Hey Marty. You're most welcome for the support my good friend. You don't know how good it feels to hear that. (((Marty))) Sometimes I wonder if I really have a place here. Your words however have confirmed that what I am doing is helping others in need. Thank you again. I appreciate this so much!

[freya]

Originally Posted by Leprechaun

It is only a burden until we fully grasp recovery then it becomes a gift.

Peace,
Lep

I like this.....and actually I was thinking something similar this morning using the idea of pregnancy and childbirth as a metaphor (I know, it's hard for some of you 'guys' to relate, but c'mom, use your imaginations...and, yes, it really is that painful!)

...but, anyways, I was thinking about all the pain and the work involved in having a baby, and, really, recovery is a lot like that. Because, at first, you do know, somewhat, how hard/challenging/painful it's gonna be, but you really, really want the baby, so you "take the leap." And by the time you actually have the baby in your arms, you realize that the work involved was both harder and more painful than you imagnined, but the reward is also inmeasurably more wonderful than you imagined!

...so, I guess I still probably personally wouldn't use the word "burden," more like hard, sometimes painful work to attain a goal that, despite all of the work, is miraculous beyond what even that work, in and of itself, should reasonably be able to produce. This would be where HP comes in (or, in the case of pregnancy, hormones!)

freya

[KenL]

I really like that analogy freya. Like a baby, recovery needs to be continually nourished, cared for and loved. It is a dynamic "rebirth" of ourselves. A rebirth where we ourselves as man or woman are the primary care givers.

[SugarScars]

I think that (well, not just me - it's listed as a fact in the basic text, I think) that recovery is a process. Like any process, it takes time. Depending on how far down you started, it may take longer for some than for others to get well again. Like that song says, too, "Where you end up depends on where you start." So, if you began in a lower socioeconomic household with only one parent who had to work all of the time and you had to raise yourself, or the streets raise you, this process of getting well could take decades. Also, the process never truly ends. If you work it, it just keeps getting BETTER and BETTER.

I think recovery is a freaking GIFT! I can't believe how lucky I am. Addiction runs in my family (back HUNDREDS OF YEARS!!!). We have NOTORIOUS addicts in my family. As recently as my grandfather's decade, AA was too newfangled to be considered trustworthy by the average person. As a result, he died a very serious alcoholic. He was a very severe, strict, cold-hearted man. Had he found recovery, perhaps he could have been the loving, kind-hearted father that my own father needed.

If I didn't have NA, I wouldn't think that there was a way to quit using drugs. Like I thought before truly finding recovery, I would die from my opiate addiction. It would only be a matter of time. If I got lucky, I would still be young enough to not be too bad off, and I would still be hot, and people would still have good memories of me. If I was unlucky, I would have gotten really old, and it would be a slow, long, drawn-out process of dying, painful and disgusting, and I would get beaten up on the streets, robbed, raped, mutilated by the younger street people, and I would have NO friends, no dignity, no hope, no self-respect. I believed that WHEN was my only option. That suicide may be my only possible out.

I don't mean to scare anyone. I just need to get honest, because this is how I truly feel. This is my story.

Now, because of NA, I can get off of drugs. Also, because of suboxone, I can have an easier time doing it - and believe that it's possible to quit using street drugs. I have to say, that in my particular story, had I not had a suboxone doctor, I wouldn't even bother trying recovery. The only reason I'm trying it is because I got a GLIMMER OF HOPE when I quit shooting up because of suboxone. Now, I believe that I can try NA and working the steps. I kinda believe it can work for me, too, if I WORK IT.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts on this subject. I look forward to my process of recovery and DIScovery: discovery of myself, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my career, my world. I am lucky to still have family and friends to DIScover.

To me, it's not about REcovering something that I used to have ... BECAUSE I NEVER HAD IT. It's about DIScovering SOMETHING ENTIRELY NEW.

And that's exciting!!!

[Wolfchild]

Even when i feel like all the work i still need to put into my recovery is a burden, i remind myself that getting caught in the grip of self obsession is far worse. This reawakens the gratitude i have of God giving me another day clean. The awareness of a spiritual reality is the gift i choose to life.

In active addiction, i was under the influence of a very cunning enemy of life.
In active recovery, i am in the loving care of a power greater than my addiction.

[least]

My recovery is a blessing. I am finally free of the demons destroying my life and happiness. I still have problems, actually seems like I have more problems just cause I'm more aware of them. But it's so good to face things clear headed and sober. Every sober day that passes I'm one day stronger. My worst day sober is far better than my best day drinking.

For me, recovery is truly a blessing.

[firestorm090]

freya, I watched a couple ladies give birth and it wasn't painful to me at all, lol. (Don't slap me too hard, lol.)

Not having a hangover everyday is a gift, not wondering what life's about is a gift, not feeling like I'm missing something is a gift, so to me living sober is a gift. The burden was the bottle.

[sarahmills]

Being sober gives a whole new beginning for those who have previous drug or alcohol addiction problems. It also provides the opportunity for families and loved ones to be reunited again.

[tk1fry]

What drinking has given me:
Hangovers..................................burden
Fear..........................................burd en
never drinking enough...................burden
ego...........................................burd en
fair weathered friends...................burden
lying..........................................bur den
secrets......................................burde n


What recovery has given me
Sprirituality.................................Gift
relationship with God....................Gift
truthfulness................................Gift (ego thinks different) lol
respect for myself........................Gift
Family's respect..........................Gift
renewed affair with wife................Gift
courage to face fears...................Gift (ego doesn't agree) lol
empathy for others.......................Gift (was/is a fear, im getting over it)

First time actually looking forward to painting Easter eggs.......tbd.

[mikefreak]

It is definitely a GIFT. One I thought was not attainable or deserved. BOOZE was a burden. Can't believe recovery happened. Can you spell Miracle?

[Latte]

It's a gift.

[espresso]

I got sober through AA and I have never once regarded it (sobriety or AA) as a burden. Maybe some people who don't do AA (but have stopped drinking), see "it" as a burden. Personally speaking, anyone who thinks "not drinking" is a burden has not reached their rock bottom.

I won't go on about AA because I know it's not for everyone but I will say this.

The last 16 months of my drinking was pretty much round the clock. I never thought I'd stop. I never thought I'd be able to get up without needing a drink. On the days when I had no money to get alcohol, all I did was scheme about how to get some money for the next drink. If I could have sold my floor boards to drink I would have done because I'd sold everything else. I started to get used to the ghosts and weird things coming out the walls and off the ceilings. After all they were my only "friends".

I didn't care that I was living in squalor and I mean squalor, that I would only go out generally in the dark for more supplies. When I got rid of my bottles I would also rummage through other people's garbage bags for food. I didn't care whether I existed or died; in fact some days I hoped I wouldn't wake up from the permanent oblivion I sought but never found.

Today, I wake up knowing exactly what I did the night before. I wake up ready for the day whether I have things to do or not, whether I feel happy or depressed. Today I appreciate flowers in the park and I know what day/month/season it is. Today I can help others without expecting anything in return and Today I have some measure of self respect and dignity. Today I face Life on Life's terms; the good, the difficult and the mediocre. Would I swap one bad day in my sobriety for one day of my drinking? No way not even for a million bucks.

[KenL]

Originally Posted by SugarScars

I don't mean to scare anyone. I just need to get honest, because this is how I truly feel. This is my story.

To me, it's not about REcovering something that I used to have ... BECAUSE I NEVER HAD IT. It's about DIScovering SOMETHING ENTIRELY NEW.

And that's exciting!!!

Thank you sugarscars for revealing these things about your life. What you have written is an inspiration.

I agree that recovery is all about DIScovery. Discovery about our individual lives and how we can make choices that result in positive ends. Sometimes those decisions end in negative ends. But the process we go through to reach those ends is what now defines us. Within that process, we discover who we are.

That is the discovery. At least for me. I am now experiencing life and not merely living it. I don't have epiphanies each day and I don't mean to be maudlin. But the fact stands that it is a very deep and moving transformation in which I find myself. Will this transformation ever end? I don't think so. I find myself to be a bit of a dreamer and sometimes even a space case. Having said that, though, I am comfortable with it and I embrace it because that is something I have discovered about myself in this post-drinking stage of my life.

Today I am submitting a cover letter and resume to an organization where I wish to work. There's a million butterflies in my stomach right now. I haven't done this in ten years. It's all new and fresh. But I discovered in myself the confidence that I lacked before to do this. That confidence is a good feeling and it really boosts my self-esteem and self-respect. I am grateful for the butterflies as much as I am for the confidence. Wherever this ends, I do not know. But the experience of living it with a clear mind and decisions that have a firm foundation is what makes recovery so rewarding. I am looking forward to discovering more about myself regardless of where this journey takes me.

And to you Espresso. AA is a wonderful organization. Don't worry that others don't choose that path. Be proud and happy to talk of AA in whatever way you wish to. If it has saved your life then that is reason enough to have your say whenever you wish. Thank you too for bearing your soul.

Ken

[jamdls]

Sobriety is a gift to me that I rejected for so many years, now that I have accepted it I realize the burden I carried for years in the form of a bottle that might as well have weighed a 1,000,000 pounds. Life is awesome.

Judy