Where do I fit in?

[Jadmack25]

I used to drink every day, and did so from about 18. It was after my young kids woke up to find mum and dad drunk as, me having driven home from a party, and not remembering doing it, that I decided to stop. That was 35 years ago. Now I have no more than 3 beers, 2 weak scotch and dry's or 1 wine on special occasions. When out with abf I don't drink as someone needs to have their wits about them.

My abf went on his holiday, stayed sober for the first 4 days and then had a few beers with old school friends he hadn't seen in 40 years. Now is drunk each time he phones me. It has sent me into a tailspin again. I did so need to vent but my power was off for sub-station upgrade, so was home alone and going demented.

Last night I found a whisky bottle that was half full. It had been hidden away (from abf) since last family get together in September. It is empty now. Got a decent sleep last night, but now feel guilty, stupid and annoyed that I did it, and afraid I may do it again.

My father died when only a bit older than I am now, most of his ill health caused by his heavy drinking.
My XAH is in a nursing home, having drunk himself into dementia and stroke.

I know from past usage that I could also be tempted to start drinking, this time to shut out the feelings I don't want to feel.

Don't know where I should be posting as seems I qualify for a few forums.
God bless

[Astro]

Why not share your experience, strength, and hope whenever you identify with a post? I'm an alcoholic, but I understand that my experience might be useful to the good folks in the Al-Anon/Friends & Family forums on SR.

Where do we fit in? I'm in recovery, I feel like I fit in pretty well when it comes to any addiction.

[Jadmack25]

I felt like a real dodo when I realised that now I was the one hitting the darn stuff.
abf rang at 8am, had stayed overnight in pub, hadn't had a drink but still over limit, was going to drive to mate's place and clean up, then have a nap. I told him that sounded a good idea, but wondered if it would actually happen. Spent next half hour praying for us to get thru today, and that something good will turn up for me to help me pull out of this mess.

Later my daughter rang and begged me to come to her place for a visit and I thought if I stay here on my own I will be a bigger wreck than I am now, so said "yes". She collects me tomorrow morning and I will be home on Tuesday. Four days with them, cuddled and kissed by 2 young grandsons has to be a big pickup for me.

How is that for swift answer to last part of my prayer?

Just had chat with abf, and rest of prayer answered also. He had shower, something to eat and lay down for his nap. Woke up 7 hours later!! He has not slept 7 hours straight in the 19 years I have known him.

His friend said abf had a beer but took so long to drink it, that it got warm and he THREW IT OUT!! Had a coffee instead. Only time I have known him to leave stubbie get warm was if he fell asleep clutching it, as it usually it goes down too fast to get chill off it.

Thought this was time to repeat my words from last binge, that he would get no more enabling help from me. abf asked if I was leaving him ,and I told him I didn't know right now, needed time and space to think about it, and will give him the answer face to face when he returned.

Won't have any contact till I get home so will try and stop myself imagining the worst, and concentrate on calming ME down. Also be offline till Tuesday.

God bless