Getting a Sponsor....?

[mimi54321]

Hello all - I am on Day 25 (NEVER thought I'd get here!!!!)

I've been going to about 2-3 meetings a week and the more I go the more I get out of them, I'm beginning to realise how in depth and truly amazing these meetings are for people. I think they should do an EA fellowship (Everyone Anonymous :ghug) as they could benefit EVERYONE even those without a booze problem.

Anyway, I want to get a sponsor but don't know where to start.....any tips from y'all words of wisdom???

M xx

[ANGELINA243]

Congrats on 25 days!!! For me, I listened to what others shared in rooms, plus watched their behavior both inside/outside the rooms. I wanted a sponsor which wouldn't talk about my business (like gossip) with others members of the group. Sad, but sometimes you do hear that kind of stuff outside of meetings--we all are indeed sick people.....some are sicker than others. I had to find someone I was comfortable with--telling all my stuff to>someone I could trust. It was important to me that my sponsor had already worked through all 12 steps and also had a sponsor themselves.

Here is a link about sponsorship from Alcoholics Anonymous website....maybe this will help. (You may have to adjust it to fit your screen after you click on the pamphlet)....

Alcoholics Anonymous : Questions & Answers on Sponsorship

[CarolD]

In most of the AA meetings here ...on the free literature
rack is the official guideline about sponsorship...

"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

And...in Newcomers/Beginners meetings there are people
willing to sponsor ...a good place to look.

Congratulations on your progress...

[stone]

In the meetings I go to there is no free literature rack and there are no newcomers meetings either....hopefully it is better where you are Mimi.

I would basically observe people with long term sobriety who practice the program and have some serenity...people who have what you want, and just ask them.
Or you can mention you want to get started on the steps in a share and hope someone offers.

[CarolD]

Hmm...ok....Thanks Stone...

Please see if this site has information Mimi.

Alcoholics Anonymous UK Newcomers

[mimi54321]

Thanks guys

I'll give it a whirl - just one more question....is there an unofficial amount of time you need or should be sober for before starting on the steps?

M xxxx

[stone]

No, if you feel you want to start them then do.

Personally I think the sooner the better but people have different opinions.

[ANGELINA243]

I agree with with stone....the sooner the better. The sooner you start the steps..the sooner you can begin the recovery process. Granted for those who may need detox beforehand...may be the exception. I think one should have a somewhat "clear" head before trying to process the information which the steps provide.

[ananda]

Also.....you can get a temporary sponsor to read through the guide on sponsorship and help you to figure out who you want for a sponsor....

And at any time that you feel you would be better served by a different sponsor you can change sponsors...though I wouldn't recommend sponsor hoping alot...tends to not work too well.

[jackiedawn1980]

I have been holding the numbers for temporary sponsors for a month now
because I have never met these peopel and have been scared. I can't hold off any longer. Today is the day.

[Boleo]

Look for someone who "has what you want".

Compliment them on their quality of sobriety and ask them if they are available to be your sponsor.

If they answer "No", ask them who they would recommend?

[mimi54321]

Great thanks guys, really appreciate it :ghug

I'll go to a beginners meeting this week then and see how it goes, I gotta just be brave

M xx

[jackiedawn1980]

Does a sponsor have to have the same addiction as the sponsee? Or can an alcoholic sponsor a cocaine addict?

[dgillz]

I have seen people with a different DOC than their sponsor. I believe this is a personal issue between sponsor and sponsee.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by Boleo

Look for someone who "has what you want".

Compliment them on their quality of sobriety and ask them if they are available to be your sponsor.

If they answer "No", ask them who they would recommend?

Recently I have been thinking about when I got sober and when people said 'ask someone who has what you want' I thought they meant material things. Lol. I wanted a sponsor who had a flash car, a big house and looked good. And I had this woman in mind, I wanted to ask. I must've been like 3 months sober or close to it.

But before I could bring myself to ask her I went thorough a bit of a crises (kill my sister or drink) and I rang my local phoneline and got this elderly woman who wanted to know why I hadn't started on the steps yet. So she picked me up a few days later and took me to an assembly and she become my sponsor by default.

She's dead now but was my default sponsor for a few years and sometimes I wonder what would've happened to me if I hadn't met her. When I talk about the love and kindness shown to me in AA I think of her. She was a great example.

Supposebly she wasn't like this with everyone though! Others thought she was an old battle axe!

However, I think she did say some odd things to me during my fifth step which would probably be judged from a 'counselling perspective' as a tad unhealthy, but at the same time I understand her reasons.

[ingear]

I scoped it out for awhile, a couple months to see who was at my meetings regularly. I found a home group and then looked for who I felt comfortable with that was upbeat and reached out to others, talked about the steps, had what I wanted.
I asked her last week and she said yes so I'm off and running on the steps.
Mine is also married to a guy in the program as am I so that is a big plus!

[lizw]

I meant to add this yesterday but the woman I had wanted to orginally ask to be my sponsor with the nice house, great car etc... these days reminds me of a tarantula and I don't mean in a cute little spider kinda way either.

More in a 'let me suck your blood and posion you kinda way.'

There are very few people in AA that I would prefer not to be around but she is at the top of the list. I also have a pet name for her, that if I could spell I would include it.

It's that character from kids cartons who has snakes instead of hair...

[Doug]

Once you have a sponsor, ask them about doing the steps. Some say jump on it now, some say wait a year, some say two...

The thing about the steps, and the program is it's a learning and changing process, all the time. Ideally, once you've done the steps, you'd then want to do them again. Whatever you do the second time around will be different than the first, because you've grown and changed.

Working the steps bring more growth and change, thus the reason to do them again.

Some step work is question and answer stuff, and in your first year you simply don't remember some things, or are still very much afraid to answer truthfully, if at all. This too changes over time.

Working the steps, and finding a sponsor are both things that when rushed, just don't feel right or do much good. And there is no finish line either, so try to take your time and look and listen around and it will happen.

Some meetings offer sponsor's either temp or regular as well. Good luck, and congrats on your time.

[mimi54321]

Thanks for all the posts :

I'm so ready for a sponsor so I'll see if I can get the courage up to ask someone

[Ago]

good thread

The way I've heard it explained, and it matches my experience is:

You don't wait till you feel better to do the steps

You do the steps then feel better

That's my experience, I work the steps to "feel better" and I asked early on, but...is it....isn't it....like....brain washing?

My sponsor says back without a pause, "who says yer brains don't need a good washing?"

It all works out though....I seems to get what I need when I need it if I just put one foot in front of the other and "do the next right thing"

I get all hung up on "do this now" or more likely "I need this now" but I need to remember it's "God's time" not my time, and stuff usually works out better then if I could have planned it anyway.

My experience is, just be ready, willing and able and your sponsor will appear and it will be the right one.

Good Luck.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by mimi54321

I'm so ready for a sponsor so I'll see if I can get the courage up to ask someone

I have had many sponsors. Some good, some bad, some smart, some dumb, some old, some young, some nice and some tough as nails. It made no difference what-so-ever until I actually followed suggestions (good and bad).

I now realize that it was the "following of suggestions" that made the difference and not the quality of the sponsor. Working the steps is a process that involves willingness (the W in HOW).

[tomvlll]

Originally Posted by mimi54321

Thanks guys

I'll give it a whirl - just one more question....is there an unofficial amount of time you need or should be sober for before starting on the steps?

M xxxx

Think of alcoholism like you would cancer. If somebody told you you had cancer, how long would you wait to start treatment?

If you delay treatment of cancer, it will probably spread. Every day you delay treatment of alcoholism, your chances of picking up a drink get greater.

A good sponsor should teach you the program and help you through the steps, but you can learn the program by listening to the Joe and Charley tapes, available for free at silkworth.net. By doing so, you WILL BE WORKING THE STEPS.
It'll be a most worthwhile ~10 hours of your time, I can guarantee you that.
Is your recovery worth a measley 10 hours?