After seven months clean...

[lawgirl]

After 7 months clean, I've run into a pit of depression, anxiety and despair. I feel like crap. I look like crap. And I'm apathetic about it all.

In spite of the trials of staying clean, on the whole, I've been pretty happy during the last 7 months. Now, I'm just ready to break. It's like it's all come down on me, for the first time, just now. I'm wondering if this is typical? I imagine it is, but it would be nice to see the words.

This is just a passing moment, right?

[ultimatum]

Hi lawgirl,

I am not quite where you are (just shy of 6 months right now) but I have been feeling this lately too. My personal take is that my body is still adjusting.

[Dee74]

there was a doldrums point for me too around 6-7 months...I kept myself clean, trusted it would go away...it did

D

[tanyapmc]

Wow, I had the same thing happen to me. I found that when I got out of myself and started helping the new person at a meeting that I felt better. Just remember "this too shall pass" and all that other crap!!

[LogCabin]

Yup..The pink cloud goes away as they say. And then you are left with....you, OMG...the real you.

This is a dangerous time. Don't isolate. Find meetings, find a sponsor if you don't have one. Start really working the step. Do one, two, three, again. And write about it. But again...find a sponsor. Go to a meeting, hold your hand up and ask for a sponsor.

Come to this site. Read a daily digest of some kind, and then write about it.

And lastly...I'm one person who takes every bit of advice I can. If you think you suffer from depression...don't be afraid to seek out therapy and be tested. You may need some kind of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. Those of us who may have an emotional imbalance are more likely to try to self medicate...and we know where that gets us. Better to work with a recovery psychologist and/or therapist.

And again...nothing beats being in a room of fellow addicts/alcoholics.

[kj3880]

Yes indeed. i go up and down as well. Without drugs to mask my depression and fear and loathing, I have to deal with those feelings...ugh. Let's just hang in there. We have to learn to deal, just like growing up all over again...
kj

[zencat]

Ive been up and down with my recovery mood wise. Nothing too bad just the usual I guess for the time I have. The first time I was sober I had a 3 year pink cloud.

[fulminouscherub]

Seven years ago I was clean and sober for seven months. I had become tired of being a person for whom the best thing in life was getting loaded.

During my seven year relapse I landed my dream job, struggled with it for two years, and eventually ran away from it. I met the woman of my dreams and blew it.

If I had been able to resist relapsing, I might today have seven years sobriety, a satisfying job with a future, and be with the only woman I've ever loved without reservation.

I have renewed my ambition to upgrade my higher power from the specious comforts of getting loaded to the god of sanity. My hope is that AA will help me do just that.

Think about the person you want to be in seven years. Is that person sober or using?

Stay strong & healthy and good luck!

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by lawgirl

After 7 months clean, I've run into a pit of depression, anxiety and despair. I feel like crap. I look like crap. And I'm apathetic about it all.

In spite of the trials of staying clean, on the whole, I've been pretty happy during the last 7 months. Now, I'm just ready to break. It's like it's all come down on me, for the first time, just now. I'm wondering if this is typical? I imagine it is, but it would be nice to see the words.

This is just a passing moment, right?

lawgirl,

hi. i've read the thread and i don't really want to be the one to yell fire, but i guess i will anyways. i would think typical is your having several bouts already of what you are describing. it reads for me you have not. i am concerned.

your admission of apathy is a most remarkable flag waving brightly in my face. your very first and lone post is short and concise, and you've been pretty happy but now you're just ready to break. hmmm. no. not typical, ok.

lawgirl, i implore you to repost with your thinking on what is happening now at 7 months that has not happened before this. please do not just let this go as typical recovery "blues".

i am not saying you're gonna slip up today. i'm saying leaving this unexplored imo sets the stage for the next passing moment -- and what then? more oh its just a phase? just a dumb little bump? -- how bad does it have to get before you address your own warning signs?

i'm just going on the words in your post, ok. the contrast is too remakable for me to pass on. too many addicts relapse in their early cleanup. i hate to blow my own horn here, but i have never slipped within the fellowship ever in many years, and clearly i have not because if i had your difficulties i would not pass them off as typical.

having said all that, i do not have a reliable crystal ball, so what do i know any more then any one else in this thread? nothing. i know nothing more.

what i've done is say when there is as much smoke as you have then indeed start looking for that fire; and that is the difference which makes my message atypical, for what its worth.

rock on.

Robby