I think my brain has a hole in it...

[restlessmama]

I wonder why it only takes about 2 weeks for the brain to forget what it really wants.
I wonder if it is event the brain that forgets it?
Anyways, I went 10 day without drinking anything, felt amazing, felt wonderful, proud, strong, and I guess that must have meant that I should, could have some drinks.
I never went crazy on on it at all but, over the past 2 weeks I have went through one case of beer. BUT the day after each time I drank I would feel bad and yadayadayada.
Yesterday I was thinking to myself as i cracked another beer that it was almost as though I accept this drinking part of me and that my head, not my heart, makes me think it ain't that bad a thing. I almost get lazy, if you will about quitting and the need for it.
Well, I will trudge ahead with my original intent and stop, I just wish I didnt forget so darn fast how I feel after drinking.
It isn't rocket science but for some darn reason it sure feels like it.
Last night I dumped my forth beer down the drain. I was sober by the time I went to bed and let me tell you I had a few wonderful hours of sleep between all the anxiety I caused myself once again. *sarcasm* *wipes sleep and cobwebs from my eyes*

onward i go

[Trudge]

You did a great job of explaining how I existed for years, thank you for reminding me.

[tryingtolive]

If I get drunk (hammered drunk) I am hungover for about 48 hours and barely functionable the next day without alcohol.


Like you, I alwasy start to feel better and then decide its OK if I go out and drink. Well, the next day I always remember why I wanted to quit in the first place. Rinse and repeat is not the way to go. It is a bad way to live. Even as I type this I don't know if I will be able to hold out for more than 90 days. ugggghhhhh

[kj3880]

I was just this way with opiates. I would start to feel high just going out to buy them. My brain was on this whole other plane that began when my quest for drugs (every day after work) would begin.

I would be high and happy while buying, using, running around the house cleaning under the influence (that's what opiates do to me, they make me clean manically and happily).

Then I'd come down and be miserable. Disgusted with myself and my DOC and everyone around me. Yell at kids for messing up newly cleaned house. Scream at addict b/f for "doing this to me" (yeah, I know now that it was my fault, he was just an enabler). Be disgusted about spending money on that stuff.

Then the next morning, I'd get up, sore and hurting, and do my "wakeup" (amount opiate users commonly save for the next day to get them out of bed and to work, or wherever). Go to work, feeling the excitement build all day until I could leave and get my "stuff" again, the highpoint of my day, every day.

Then repeat, over and over. I couldn't get past it, until I got to NA.

KJ

[CarolD]

Hmm...
How about making a list of what damage alcohol is causing you?
Then another listing why sobriety is better.

Perhaps that would de fuse the urge to drink.

....In early sobriety....in my purse....I kept
A paper with my horrendous last de tox
A small 4 sided card I was given in AA with
The Serenity Prayer...The Promises
The 12 Steps & Traditions.

Yes...I can absolutely tell you they helped me tremendously.


Keep in focus...you too can find your way.

[NewLeaf]

Originally Posted by restlessmama

Anyways, I went 10 day without drinking anything, felt amazing, felt wonderful, proud, strong, and I guess that must have meant that I should, could have some drinks.

I've gone 54 days like that and tonight I was actually telling myself the same thing, Restless.

Originally Posted by restlessmama

almost as though I accept this drinking part of me and that my head, not my heart, makes me think it ain't that bad a thing. I almost get lazy, if you will about quitting and the need for it.
Well, I will trudge ahead with my original intent and stop, I just wish I didnt forget so darn fast how I feel after drinking.
onward i go

It's hard work, still. I just pray it gets better!!! People say is does; just hope I/we get to that point.

Thanks for the share. As always -- reading here has helped. For now at least! lol

[Boleo]

Alcoholism is a threefold disease;

1. A mental obsession
2. A physical craving
3. A spiritual malady

Not everyone advances to all 3 stages of alcoholism but those that do can not stay sober on painful memories or any other psychological tricks & tips.

[vegibean]

Just keep on......some people have to do more "research"

[Boleo]

My sponsors sponsor is an alcoholic and a Doctor who works in the rehab wing of a hospital.

He says that 100% of his patients have a "blown insight circuit" in their brain. His theory is that they either have a genetic defect or brain damage that prevents the logical side of their brain from communicating with the action side of their brain.

He is also a serious Big Book thumper who believes that there is something in the 12 steps that allow us to find an alternate path for insight to travel. Something like the World Wide Web has for re-routing packets of information when part of the network is out of order.

I like to think of it like a spider-web with a big hole in the center. The spider can still go around the outside of the web to get to the other side.