I've relapsed and need support

[rita123]

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about a relationship i'm kind of in, in my recovery house. Last night i just couldn't cope with how i felt and secretly had a drink in my room. No one has found out so i can stay in the house, but now i just feel worse! I'm heartbroken cos i can't have this relationship with this man in the house and i'm hungover and look awful cos i've been crying my eyes out. I can't cope with all these feelings i've got for him. I've been through such a lot in my life and am shocked that i can't handle this. I'm more worried about this than the fact i've had a drink. The drink DID make me feel better last night. It was a huge relief. That scares me. I really appreciated everyone who responded before and i'm reaching out for more support.

[Impurrfect]

((Rita))

To be honest, I think you need to focus more on your recovery, and less on him. I know that without my recovery, I'm not going to be any good to anyone else or myself. I used to focus on someone else, because I didn't want to deal with ME.

I hope you can get back on track.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[CarolD]

I do remember you Rita ...

And how did that drink come to be in your room?
You had to plan this before you drank.

Look at the big picture ...you have this opportunity
to learn how to be healthy and begin a new better life.

No drink or no man is worth the risk you are taking.
It's your future ...please get back on track.

[navysteve]

I remember you Rita. I hope you get rid of that bottle. It is not only dangerous to you, but others in the house.

[51anna]

Hi Rita,

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, but you really do need to focus on yourself.

I wish you well.

[HERRERA]

I was in that situation many times, and what was suggested to me, is that I must put my recovery first, if I want to stay sober/clean. This is only a suggested program, and I really had to ask myself, I'm I willing to go to any length for my recovery? Alcohol for me was only a temporarily relief,and i always ended up not only losing the guy anyway but, losing my self-worth. Thanks for reminding me of those situations. I hope I've helped by my experinces. TAKE CARE..........

[Astro]

Hi Rita, glad you decided to come back and post this, to reach out for support in your recovery.

How about putting the plug in the jug and keeping your focus on sobriety instead of a relationship?

Three years ago I came into AA looking for a date, a relationship to "fix" the broken person I was. It took over two years before I had the emotional sobriety and spiritual skills to have a healthy relationship with another person in recovery. It's hard work, I'm grateful I stayed sober and have an understanding partner who knows that my recovery comes first.

[nandm]

Rita, I am sorry you are experiencing such pain right now. I do remember your original post. I think that what you experienced last night answers the question of your original post "why do they discourage relationships in early sobriety?" Answer because unless someone is stable in their sobriety a relationship can be an excuse to drink again.

As hard as it may sound to do, the best thing you can do right now is to work on your sobriety and stay away from any relationship with this man. If you are too overwhelmed by your feelings for him to maintain just a friendship with him then cut off the friendship until you are stable in your sobriety.

I realize you say that it made you feel better to drink last night. The big picture though includes how you feel today. Yes, for a few short hours the drink may have felt like it helped. But think about how you feel today, how you will feel tomorrow, the hangover, the emotions, the guilt, etc.... Those are the feelings that linger not the passing feeling you get from the actual drink itself. There was a reason you started this journey of sobriety. Try to focus on that and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Relationships will come and go but sobriety is something you can have for a lifetime. I have found that the people I am attracted to and that are attracted to me in sobriety are overall a much higher quality of people.

[lilbit]

Was you drinking perfume or cough syrup? Either way...I feel ya. Kinda hard to process everything all at once...and nothing feels better than a lil escape. But the guilt and shame of it all...
Yeah...still got dem feelings and a new one...and a head-ache maybe. It's tuff...I know....been there myself. And I see what cha are writing. Reading it and such. Hang in there...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Hey...!...LOOK! Another wagon is coming along!!
Wanna get back on it?
I'll drive!

[kj3880]

Oh Sweetie, I remember reading your initial post and just waiting for the "other shoe to drop" because of that recovery-house relationship taking the focus off your sobriety. Now it has, but that's ok. Relapse is part of many successful recoveries, and it can be part of yours, too. Do you want to stop drinking? Do you have the desire? It sounds as though you might be questioning your motivation to get sober since you are saying that the drink did help you last night. I'm going to make a suggestion, the only thing that worked for me when I didn't even want to get sober was to pray to my higher power to remove the desire to use. It's the only thing that ever got me to stop. Willpower or rationing never worked for me, it was my higher power. Hope this helps, now give yourself a break, don't waste time beating yourself up, just admit what you did at least to your sponsor if it won't get you kicked out of the house, make amends if you can for damage you did or trust that you broke by drinking, and move on. And get to a meeting if they let you! We love you unconditionally here.
kj

[tommyk]

Ask your higher power for help, remember that you are never alone even when you are by yourself.

[Lily]

Rita,

I honestly think that is why relationships in the beginning are sooo dangerous. It is those darn "tingles" you get in a new relationship that can endanger your recovery.
you really need to let him go for now and dump the bottle. Get back on track and put your recovery back on the front burner. we are pulling for you Rita!

sheila