feelings of guilt

[juliwuli]

does anyone feel overwhelming guilt for doing some of the thing they did when drunk?
ive been sober 2 months, and i keep gettin flashbacks to the terrible things i did to my kids when they were young, they are all teenagers now but i used to be a terrible mother to my eldest son, and ive seen him drinking too much i pray the pattern will not repeat itself, i want to say im sorry to him but i just cant get the words out,
hes now a father himself and he lives close by and visits regularly but i can see in his eyes he hates me,
how on earth can i move foreward if i cant forgive myself

[Freedom1990]

All I can share is what worked for me, and it was through working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that I was finally able to shed that guilt and get on with life.

[1963comet]

Yes I have felt really bad for what I have done in the past. I beat myself up long after my family forgave me. No matter how much I thought about it or regreted it. It will never change what happened. So dwelling on it was doing no good for me.

I just read the other day "that I am not my past mistakes".

[Tommyh]

been there,and I remember it fairly well.
if you want to get over the guilt and shame
then do steps 8 & 9<I hope you are working on the first 7 >

if you have a hard time talking to them,then stop and thing about it for a minute or two.
What would you really like to say to them?Write it out on paper,and consider it.It`s kind of like a practice run on your amends to them.The best thing is to live different towards them.Let your life and actions to them be different and soon you may be able to talk to them.Amends sometimes does take a long time,so no quick fixes,but if you really want things to get better,get in the solution.The sooner you start it,the sooner the guilt and shame will be lifted.Your choice
best wishes

[bburken]

I totally agree with the above that regret helps, but we need to try to build ourselves after we dig out our past.

[supernothing]

Hi,
Im just short of three weeks sober, and although i never drank round my kids, i have been unbelievably horrible to my partner, the poor sod has taken SO much from me, and hes STILL here and STILL loves me :S- of course us arguing and my bad behaviour will OF COURSE have affected them anyway.
Ive done everything from physically attacking him to much much worse.....
The fact that hes still here loving/supporting me almost makes it worse as i feel i dont really deserve him.
Im battling lots of feelings just now, lots of guilt and SHEER horror at what i do/have done when im drinking, things the *sober me* wouldnt be capable of
Its hard to think about the things ive done, but im TRYING (although not always acheiving!) to use these feelings positively- ie, " and that is EXACTLY WHY i will not pick up today"

Im trying to stay positive and am hoping through acheiving long term sobriety i will eventually become someone me AND my family will be proud of.
All the best.:praying

[least]

I too have a hard time moving past my overwhelming (and, I think, well deserved) feelings of guilt.:sorry

[lovingseren]

I found that in early recovery guilt is just sheer negative, and not condusive to recovery.

I found it was self indulgent and kept me "stuck".

As I got more into recovery I found my thinking was clearer and I could make amends and apologise to my family for all I had put them through.

The best way to make amends is to stay sober, I am sure your kids will agree with that.

Seren

[acon4726]

Guilt is not a good motivator for positive change. Guilt leads a person to think "I am a bad person." (which would be a permanent trait and leads a person to feeling helpless) instead of "My actions were wrong." (which can be fixed through right actions)

No more guilt! Just positive changes!