Today will be day 1. Again.

[readytorecover]

Well, it's hard to think of something to say.

First, I have never had any really bad feelings of addiction, no bad w/d symptoms, no cravings. It just seems hard to find a stopping point when I am "out" on the town, be it with my husband or friends, coworkers, family. I have had blackouts, mostly when I was a teenager. And my husband tells me I get really mean when I drink too much. I don't want to be that way. It's embarassing.

If I do put effort into it, I can stop it from getting out of hand, but why should I have to do that? It seems better to not drink at all. I am an outgoing person, so I will have just as much fun.

So.......Today will be day one, again. I am thinking of looking for an AA meeting, hoping there are non-smoking meetings. It's gonna be hard to walk in that door...........

Shari

[azpenguin]

congratulations Shari!

it never is easy to walk through
that door, but once you do -- it
will be easier every time after that.

keep it up!

[topetah]

The hardest thing for me was to walk threw the front doors of a treatment center. i felt scared, embarrassed, lonely everything negative i could think of. but once i was there a day or so i relised that im not alone. once you walk threw the doors of an aa meeting you will feel so much support. if at all possable let them know who you are and i can bet you will end up with tons on phones numbers from other people who you can call n e time no matter what. sometimes i call just to talk. we all need support. do this and take a step forward.. we all have took: that step back but now its time to move on.. best wish's jason hey i like the new smiles too... yippee

[Anna]

It was really a relief for me to decide to stop trying to control my drinking. I had put SO much energy into that!

I'm glad you're seeking help.

[ccirider]

Originally Posted by readytorecover

If I do put effort into it, I can stop it from getting out of hand, but why should I have to do that? It seems better to not drink at all. I am an outgoing person, so I will have just as much fun.
Shari

People who have an obsessive/compulsive personality, such as myself, cannot stop with one. People who don't have a drinking problem don't obsess over how much they have drunk. Don't beat yourself up over it, just accept it and move on. The insanity of alcohol is standing between you and your serenity, your peace of mind. You have to make a decision here: Do you want to continue going in circles or do you want to get somewhere? The journey is rugged and uphill (recovery is painful) , but once you get to the top, the view is spectacular. It all begins with you taking the first step.

Peace.

[nandm]

Welcome back. IMO no one is a failure until they fail to try again. I hope that you will find a meeting like I go to that will welcome you with relief and open arms. Relieved that you made it back when so many do not. Please let your pride and fears fall to the side and take care of you by jumping right back into your program. Glad to see you posting here. We are always here to provide you support.

Judith

[indigo]

All the above make good sense to me.