How do 'chronic relapsers' do it?

[Jeff070204]

I'm becoming more and more interested by these people who "have been in and out of These Rooms" -- meaning that they show up to meetings and don't drink or do drugs for a few weeks or months, and then disappear. Then (I guess) they drink and get high for a while until such time as they feel the need to show up at meetings again. At least as often as not, apart from being a little sheepish and run-down looking, they seem none the worse for wear.

What kind of alcoholism or addiction do these folks have, anyway?

What does someone who is sobering up only until he or she feels well enough to drink again get out of 12 Step programs?

I attend AA because drinking is no longer an option for me. Indeed, because the situation I found myself in was one where AA was the ONLY option. But apparently for many of these folks, drinking is still an option.

[Anna]

Hi Jeff,

I think addiction is addiction, but it does affect each of us differently. I never drank until my mid-forties and when I turned to alcohol, I became addicted almost immediately and went downhill very quickly.

Some people are able to stop drinking or drugging as they going down. They have not yet reached a point where they feel they need to stop forever. But, alcoholism is a progressive disease and they will likely get worse as time goes on.

I'm not an AA person, but I would think that people who sober up temporarily go to AA because they do want to stop drinking, at least on some level. They may find comfort in knowing that they are not alone. We are all on this journey together.

[laurenlanai25]

hi!

I once thought drinking was not an option for me either, i had 3.5 years of continuous sobriety when i chose to drink again. Remember its cunning, baffliing, and powerful! i cant speak for anyone else who has relapsed but i can share my own experience. i did not come into aa to sober up until i felt better, i like many of us tried to take it one day at a time. then i really dont know what happend to this day! i guess thats the whole cunning, baffling, powerful part! i was attending meetings, voulenteering at the hospital once a week, working with newcomers, talking to my sponsor, and trying to incorporate the steps into my life.

I think i just got bored, the drama had pretty much left me, i think i became resentful at aa that my life was so routine. i mean i had this amazing job, wonderful friends, and a pretty amazing life, and i was pissed! it was BORING!!! and it was all AA's fault! let me tell you, i would take that life any day over the drama i so needed, which got!! i go to court friday, because of the second dui i got, my liscense is suspended so i cant drive, still on probation because of the first one i got 1yr and 1 month because of this last one!

so i guess i answered my question i why i went back out, but i just want to let you know that it was not my intention when i first got sober! going back out for a year and then having to come back to the rooms and once again admit COMPLETE DEFEAT!! it was hard, my pride kept me out of the rooms the entire year that i drank! its not easy, and it sucked that first meeting, i was so embarassed! i was afraid someone was going to say i told you so, but guess what? no one did.

i guess an answer that i have to your question "What kind of alcoholism or addiction do these folks have, anyway?"

THE TYPE OF ALCOHOLISM I HAVE IS THE SAME KIND YOU DO!!!

[Viki]

Jeff,
I have often wondered the exzct same thing. I once thought that these people were addicted to the process of detoxing and then finding their way back to the drug of choice. After all of the hard work that I had to put into becoming sober I sure didn't wsnt to go through that again. Being so sick I couldn'thold my head up or anything down. Those memories are still fresh and I have no desire to relive them.......Viki

[laurenlanai25]

ps!!

The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental
defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither
he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense
must come from a Higher Power."

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 43

[lostmdboy]

I went out and it took me 7 years to get back. Somwone said lets have some beers, and I wsas off and running. For awhile I sorta controlled my drinking, and I thought since I was sober for a couple off years I was "better". Progressively I drink more often, and larger amounts. I knew I had to do something. At this point I am back in AA, and working the steps. I still cosider my self just one drink away from that other life. The whole time I was drinking I thought I was in control. I could stop any time I wanted. It is a cunning and baffling disease. It will tell you anything to get you to take that first drink.

[escape2day]

Originally Posted by lostmdboy

I went out and it took me 7 years to get back. Somwone said lets have some beers, and I wsas off and running. For awhile I sorta controlled my drinking, and I thought since I was sober for a couple off years I was "better". Progressively I drink more often, and larger amounts. I knew I had to do something. At this point I am back in AA, and working the steps. I still cosider my self just one drink away from that other life. The whole time I was drinking I thought I was in control. I could stop any time I wanted. It is a cunning and baffling disease. It will tell you anything to get you to take that first drink.

been there and done that.....too many times. and here i am again. i was trying to control my drinking and then fell down the proverbial rabbit hole and was gone. even when i am drinking, i am telling myself i'm quitting today..every day. but then i go to work and come home tired or something happened that i think i need to destress from and then all of a sudden im halfway thru a 12pack. im just a happy drunk and love it when im drinking but the morning after .......... the guilt and the depression and the secrecy of it. it doesn't do a body good.
in defense of myself, i stumble and i fall and i try again. im on day 7 today and ive had a lot of day 7's before. but who knows that this day 7 will be the last day seven i have. one can always have hope.

Two Japanese proverbs: Fall down seven times, get up eight.
Beginning is easy...continuing is hard.

i feel if i always get up more times than i fall, then i always have a chance to go beyond this disease and i am a good beginner but yes the continuing is so hard for me.

[justjo]

Im not trying to offend anyone. My sister told me in her case it simply was easier to drink than to face the world. She is what I call a Cronic alcoholic. So many many times in detox and rehab I have lost count and everytime she will buy booze on the way home or as soon as she can get in the car and get it.
She was taken to emergency 2 weeks ago with a reading of .35 out of it.....in hospital for four days recovering and got drunk as soon as she got home. How does she do it, heck I dont know!!
All I know is that I see that her life may end soon just because she cant face herself. Her emotional and mental well being is shot and the hospital told me she was mentally stable and there was nothing they could do for her. Then, some say she has to get to her rock bottom. Well, I think it could be d..th.

[Cathy31]

Originally Posted by Jeff070204

What does someone who is sobering up only until he or she feels well enough to drink again get out of 12 Step programs?

I attend AA because drinking is no longer an option for me. Indeed, because the situation I found myself in was one where AA was the ONLY option. But apparently for many of these folks, drinking is still an option.

Hi Jeff
You're lucky then in a way, or not, depends on how you look at it. When I got to AA drinking WAS still an option - mainly because I did not know or believe about the spiritual and physical malady...I did not know that I was 'allergic' to alcohol - that the mistaken belief that 'this time it would be different" was all part of my addiciton...

about 18 months of coming in and out of AA - a chronic relapser you might call it, although to be perfectly honest, with all those 'relapses' I had never intended to stay sober FOR GOOD (too long!!!) so I did that for 18 months and finally by the Grace of God the penny dropped and I am now almost sober that amount of time! awesome hey - whichever route we choose, for whatever reason we choose is irrelevant - as long as we get to the destination - and the solution~!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your sister in recovery

cathy31
x

[parentrecovers]

hey jef - i think it's great that the program works so well for you. i guess you just made up your mind sooner than some other people..

my daughter has relapsed many times now, after a lot of treatment, aa meetings, a sponsor, step work, etc. it's a hard place to be.

blessings, k

[Jeff070204]

My ONE relapse went about like yours did. It was a complete disaster. My life went from OK to an absolute nightmare in short order. I came close to dying from the physical effects of alcohol, to say nothing of the emotional and psychological toll.

Your experience I understand completely. It's chronic relapsers which baffle me -- people who are "in" and "out" five or ten times or even more. To put my questions regarding these folks bluntly, why aren't they DEAD?

[Emimily]

big guy's got bigger plans.

y'know?

[parentrecovers]

i guess their higher power is looking out for the ones who aren't dead. and a lot of them ARE dead..

i met a guy awhile back who runs a free clinic for addiction/mental illness residents. he's been very successful in helping many folks along the way.

it has taken him 23 years to have 11 years of sobriety (or something like that...)

the main thing is not to give up. and for those people who "get there" sooner - be grateful and humble, do 12th step service work, and never ever shoot the wounded.

that's my two cents. thanks for listening! k

[Emimily]

k, thank you.

"never ever shoot the wounded."

my sponsor told my mom that when she came back from a relapse, crying, holding my hand. we were at the same meeting i had gone to as my very first aa meeting ever, and my spons looked at my mom and said "honey, i'm glad you're back... we don't shoot our wounded, y'know?" i love her so much for that, for making my mom chuckle a bit through her tears.

right on, right on.

[Jeff070204]

Originally Posted by laurenlanai25

hi!

I once thought drinking was not an option for me either, i had 3.5 years of continuous sobriety when i chose to drink again. Remember its cunning, baffliing, and powerful! i cant speak for anyone else who has relapsed but i can share my own experience...going back out for a year and then having to come back to the rooms and once again admit COMPLETE DEFEAT!! it was hard, my pride kept me out of the rooms the entire year that i drank! its not easy, and it sucked that first meeting, i was so embarassed! i was afraid someone was going to say i told you so, but guess what? no one did.

i guess an answer that i have to your question "What kind of alcoholism or addiction do these folks have, anyway?"

THE TYPE OF ALCOHOLISM I HAVE IS THE SAME KIND YOU DO!!!

My ONE relapse went about like yours did. It was a complete disaster. My life went from OK to an absolute nightmare in short order. I came close to dying from the physical effects of alcohol, to say nothing of the emotional and psychological toll.

Your experience I understand completely. It's chronic relapsers which baffle me -- people who are "in" and "out" five or ten times or even more. To put my questions regarding these folks bluntly, why aren't they DEAD?

[nandm]

willing to listen. I know for me when I hear someone talk about relapse it reminds me that I am not immune to relapse. As the Big Book states on page 85 "It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance or our spiritual condition." I need those reminders and am thankful that I am not the one living the reminder.

I am truely grateful for those that find the courage to come back and keep trying. For those my philosophy is: "Failure is not necessarily at the end of the road. Many times it is the beginning of a new and more exciting trip." (Zig Ziglar)

[barb dwyer]

Hi Jeff - good thread! and some good answers here, too.

I recently had to come to terms with something similar within myself, and subsequently, within my OWN Program as well.

And that little truth is -

Many people are only trying to get back to where they were.
They don't want anything MORE ... just what they'd LOST.
Then ... they're done.
They just go through the motions of recovery ... for a while longer ... and no more from them ... until the relapse.
And they DO relapse. Almost every time.

That's a strange concept to me, but once I figured it out- a good many things regarding my expectations and the Program ... dissolved.
Others are probably doing the 60 days I feel better - thanks cya later thing.
Some haven't progressed into the final stages like I was.

It's different for everyone.

[laurenlanai25]

hi jeff!

i guess I dont worry about others, i could become a chronic relapser too, i try to learn something from the people that come in and out of the rooms! I focus on my own sobriety and try to stay in today! i have relapsed once, whos to say it wont happen again, and just because it only happend once does not mean that i am any better then the ones who have relapsed more. we are all sick, some of us get better adn some of us dont! just remember "some are sicker than others"

[agrippa]

Does anyone 'know' that they are 'chronic relapsers'????

We think not.

At any rate, it is pretty unlikely that many are privy to their drinking habits.

Also, it is none of anyone's business. never has been, never will be.

Do not go visiting in another person's life.