Is this the right place for me..??

[Hesh]

Hello everyone.. I've just spent the last few hours reading as much of this forum as i can without my eyes hurting, & i gotta say, some of you guys out there are heroes to me already.. but i think my situation is a little different & i'm not sure if this is the right place for me..
If you've read my introductory post, you'll see that my circumstances do differ.. I dunno, i'm a little bit lost & stuck in this self pity of mine..!?

[Anna]

Hi Hesh,

I'm sorry you're feeling lost.

Only you can decide if this is the right place for you. And, by that, I guess you mean, is SR the right place for you? If you are an addict, then SR is a place that can give you support and information. Are you questioning this because you don't think you're addicted or because you became an addict in what you would think of as a different way than some of us?

[Hesh]

That's a very good question Anna.. I'll try my best to describe how i feel & then maybe you can answer for me..?!?
I can go for days & weeks without any drugs or alcohol, but i think about it & the desire is there every hour of every day. So far i haven't touched a thing this week, but my thoughts for the whole time have been consumed with the dilemma of whether i should make a call to purchase some or not.. Then when i do end up getting what i've desired, i start thinking that i wish i never got it.. Does this make any sense to you Anna, because when i read this back, it sounds pathetic..?!!

[Anna]

Yes, it makes perfect sense. Part of addiction is the obsession of the mind. When I tried to 'control' my drinking, which I was determined I could do, all I would think about was when I would next drink, where and what. It consumed me. It was such a relief to me to finally say 'No more' and have the obsession lifted. My life has opened up hugely.

By the way, addiction is not defined by how often you drink/use drugs. It's how it affects your life.

[Hesh]

What if the drink/drugs affects your life in a positive way (as it did for me in the begining), is that still addiction..??

[Anna]

Yes, of course.

I started using alcohol to self-medicate. I was terribly depressed and couldn't sleep. It worked perfectly for awhile. That's what addiction does. It sucks you in and before you know it, you're hooked. I don't know when I crossed the line, I have no idea. But, I did and all of a sudden I found the alcohol was not working for me, and I had become a slave to it.

[Hesh]

Thanks to the both of you for answering me & being direct.. tracee, you've hit the nail on the head when you say that i'm using Coke is a way of getting passed my trauma, but i feel paralysed here & it's double hard when you also suffer from Agoraphoia..!!

[GlassPrisoner]

Welcome Hesh.

We all thought we were different.......that for one reason or another it wouldn't apply to us.

[indigo]

Welcome you seem to have found your niche.

indigo