Rinkys All Addictions Corner!

[rinky]

Originally Posted by dizzydolphin

Popping in to say good morning! I hope everyone is doing well.

Amy, hope you're feeling better and got all your school work done. I should have my GED and transcripts within a couple more weeks.

Rinky?? I worry when you don't post. Hope everything is cool with you and you are just too busy.

Ruby, Ollie, aeiou, live, ghostly, bdx2 hope you are all doing great.

Where did everyone go this week??

Hugs

Hey my darlin.... I knew someone would beat me to it....lol.... I just posted... I'll check back later... love ya girl....

[Ollie909]

Hello everyone.
I like this post simply because everyone says what they have to say. Good,bad,ugly, in between and whatever. Just a nice place to vent whatever you want. Rinky I'm really liking your stoutness. Good to read everyone's post. Ruby, Sheldon's somehow got my address and he's asking questions I can't answer.

[RubyRose]

LOL Ollie!! I had forgotten about that - thanks for such a good big morning belly laugh. I'll ask Leonard if he can keep a tighter rein on Sheldon - you know how obsessive he gets when he really wants an answer now!

...Ruby...

[Impurrfect]

Sorry I've been MIA. Worked all week, have an SR friend going through a tough time, family stuff driving me crazy, and just NOW starting on my assignments. I'm totally clueless as to what my statistics teacher wants, so e-mailed one of my classmates.

(((Rinky))) - come to think of it, though my XABF#1 was cool when things were going good for me, he also liked having the upper hand (not physically, but mentally) when things were going bad, which was usually my reaction to him and his behaviors which, I now see, were totally unacceptable to a non-codie person.

I was not invited to my younger niece's b'day party, nor did I meet the one niece's bf (the brat) even though I told her I wanted to meet him and he came here to meet up with the brat and sm and go to the party. It's okay...they're making it clear that blood family is more important, I'm just a "step". Funny thing, though, when all hell breaks loose, it's dad and I that everyone comes to.

XABF#3 used to say "you'll need me before I ever need you". I proved him wrong, threw his words back in his face, but since I've gotten into recovery, I can actually say the same thing to my stepfamily.

Needless to say, it's not very comfortable here at the house, unless everyone is gone, so working was a good thing. It's just now, I'm so behind with school. I am going to try to get ahead on next week's stuff as dad and I are going to see my aunt and uncle in Arkansas next weekend. I want to be able to spend time with them....not sit there on the computer, doing school work, the whole time.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[RubyRose]

Good Morning to all! Happy Sunday. I hope all is going well as can be. (I know not to end sentences with prepositions but I do it constantly - that's how I talk - that's how most everyone talks - I don't think it's fair to have grammar and language rules for writing that don't pertain to talking, I write as I talk.)

I am glad to know that I could help you out Rinky. And thanks for helping me out with answering my questions so that I could truly understand! I hope you're having a good day on the inside, not just on the outside. :ghug3

Amy, here is my smiley for you when people in your life are insensitive or rude or just plain annoying. If you don't fall to their level they have no choice but to rise to yours!

I had a boyfriend for 1 year that we had a long-distance relationship for 10 months and then moved in together. What a big mistake from seeing each other on weekends to living in the same house. I lasted 2 months, but I knew within 2 weeks it wasn't going to work. He was so insecure and jealous that he did the same thing, put me down to raise himself thing. Phoned me at noon every day to see if I was dressed and in what and had anyone come to the door? He was ridiculously jealous, off my family, of my foster 3 year old I had! He tried to refuse me 'permission' to take Little Boy to my family's cabin at the lake but I went anyway. His reasons were, people might look at me if I wore a bathing suit on the beach, I might wear a tank-top and accidentally forget to put on a bra - and the best one I wasn't to take summer pj's (tank top style) in case I 'forgot' to get dressed and accidentally went to the store!! To this day my Mom and sister and I use that line when-ever we get a chance.

One time I walked out of the cabin first thing in the morning without saying anything and just started walking down the road. Both Mom and Sister finally realized I went out the door and disappeared - they ran out on the road and hollered at me "What are you doing? Where are you going?" I hollered back "I'm going to the store - what else would I be doing in my pj's at 7 am?" Mom just said "Good Grief" and went back in. My sister and I both had to sit on the road, 2 blocks apart, laughing so hard (It really wasn't fair, she was so much closer to the bathroom and I had to run back 2 blocks with wet pants.) You know I would never win a wet-t-shirt contest but I bet I could win a wet- pants contest!

And now I have no idea what I started to say in this post (random, told ya, very random) so I'll go now and get my brain back on track! I'll be back later.

Love to all ...Ruby...

[Impurrfect]

(((Ruby))) - thanks for the laugh AND the line The brat actually DOES go to the store in her jammies, but around here, kids think that is cool, okay or something. Stepmom was going to do it, one day, and I gave her "a look". She said "well, Brat does it all the time". I reminded her that the brat is 18, SHE is in her 60's, big difference.

Okay, back to my chapter on statistics, hoping it makes sense at some point.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[rinky]

OMG. ya'll.. how in heck did two or three days get by me... dang stupid men.. Ya'll wouldn't believe whats been going on here.. or heck you probably would since I tell ya'll everything...

My stupid man person and I went out Fri and didn't fight, had a good eve Sat and didn't fight,,, then yesterday eve,, I get home from running some errands and he is completely different than when I left him and not only that, blamed me for it and I was just the same as I'd been all weekend....

I really don't know what to make of it.. of course we went to bed mad last night and then this am he expects me to act like nothing happened... Fine... I'll act as though nothing happened..

But,,, now guess what??? He expects me to be able to pretend the whole thing was just a bad mood... .that would be ok, except this particular incident was no where near normal.. I told him,, how do you expect me to ever be able to trust anything that ever happens between us when you can apparently without any reason at all start fussing at me?? oh drat,, he got up,, im gonna have to go till later or in the am.. I promise i'll be back in the am.. love ya'll

[rinky]

Good Afternoon Ya'll,

I'm finally able to sit for a few and catch up on everything... I'm trying my best to change the way I think about things and respond to them... that is never easy. I am most certainly going to have to stop procrastinating about going to meetings . That helps me keep my mind on the things I should instead of getting bogged down in my misery.

I am also making a new commitment to 12 steps... That is the only way I will ever be happy and at peace with myself and the people in my life... It works for me when I'm willing to work it... I can't for the life of me figure out why I procrastinate about it so much... That is the insanity of our disease.

Good News... We have an agreement with the workers comp finally for my husbands injury... and even better is that they had to increase their offer by $5,500. because of my insistance on a second opinion... YaY for me.. lol.. I have to toot my own horn on that one bc my husband is one who just wants it the fastest way instead of making people do what they should... You guys would die if you knew how much money this man has wasted and/or given away over the years from not wanting to deal with things.

Impurrfect, How long do you think you will have to stay with your dad and step mom...? I know you would be so much happier and able to study better if you had your own place.. heck... Have you thought about renting a room even??? To me that would be better than to have to put up with all the stress that is there... It's just a thought. I don't know how things are where you live, but where I live, there are several places that rent rooms, and one of our motels rents rooms by the week.. I know there is no way I could ever stay with my mom, or dad.... I'd go to the womens shelter before I'd stay with anyone in my family,,, Thats awful I know, but it's true.

Ruby'R,, you always have the most funny stories... I always get a laugh when I read your posts.. I admire you and all you have acomplished while having so many kids to raise... lordy,, your like super woman.. ha.... I had a boyfriend when I was 17, He was 36.... I know,, that was sick.. anyway, he was super jealous like you were saying about yours... he would get mad if he called and I didn't answer the phone by a certain amt of rings and that sort of thing... I finally figured out I didn't want to live that way and that it's not normal for someone to be that way... I'll tell ya... I will never put up with that crap again... God, It's like being in prison. I stayed with him for 2 years and then Went to Jackson Tn to stay with my Dad for a while.. I lived in Jackson for a year and moved back home,, been here ever since.

I don't know what will ever become of me and My current husband but he isn't controling or physically abusive. I can tell that he is largely un aware of his mental cruelty... He does not see it... I'm trying to be patient and understanding about it,,, but that goes against my nature in the worst way.. lol.. So last night I finally said... You know what... Jackass... All the time you think you need to be running that mouth of your's you should really just keep it shut and shove it up your ass........He didn't say another word... got up this am and was fine... went off to work like always... so, I thought,, well good...

I was really ready to have it out with him but I'm glad I didn't have to... I guess he could tell I was about ready to knock him out... lol. I called him a little while ago to let him know that a settlement was reached in his workers comp so I think that will take some stress off of him and maybe he'll relax and be able to listen to me instead of getting so wound up before I can even get started.. I do know if he don't get to where he can listen to me and talk with me to get our relationship going in a better direction,, we will definately be in divorce court... I hope that don't happen, but I am prepared if it does...

I have not been able to get with my counsler this week yet to start the process of detox.. I will see her again Thur,,, and see if I can get the ball rolling on that... I really want to move ahead with it.

AEIOU,,, I see you looking from time to time.. sure would be good to see a line or two from you... Let us know how you're doing and all that stuff ya know...

ollie909. it's always good to hear from you.. Thanks for the encouraging words... I'm glad you like our little corner here... you know you are largely responsible for it... lol.... It has turned out to be a God send to me.... everyone here and the people who pop in from time to time mean alot to me... sometimes I get so very lonely,, even when people are here in the house with me bc they do not know what it's like to be like us...

They don't want to hear about it either... they just want to pretend things are ok.. if they aren't ok, they want to ignore the issues and hope they dissapear.. I get so miserable and lonesome at times especially when my husband is being a particular butthole... Then I come here and I feel 100 times better, bc you guys are here and there aint a problem I could have that one or more of you haven't had or something similar...

Speaking of problems,, I want to share with ya'll a poem by a truely remarkable boy who was named Mattie J.T. Stepanek..From his book,,,, Heart Songs..... Actually, I believe this poem was in that book, but I have Reflections of A Peace Maker that his mom put together after his death..Mattie died in June 2004.. He was and remains a true inspiration to All people...

Problems, Problems, Problems.

Problems are like pimples, always out of place...
and just like many other zits, they're always in your face!

Problems are like crickets, annoying as can be...
and if you don't just deal with them, they'll bark you up a tree!

Problems are like bullies, bugging you to death...
But one sure way to lure them gone,
is to let them smell your breath!

Problems are like schoolwork, always in your way...
And if you don't get rid of them,
They'll ruin every day!

Problems, problems, problems,
Forever causing strife...
But don't let problems get you down,
Or you'll miss out on life!

October 24, 2000.

I couldn't have said it better than that..... Thanks Mattie.....

[Impurrfect]

(((Rinky))) - LOVE the poem! Glad the settlement worked out and prayers that you and your hubby can work things out, too.

I don't make enough money to pay bills and rent a room, and I'm not willing to leave my cats behind, any way. I've lived in motels before (when I first got out of the diversion center) and they're about $800+/month.

My niece, the brat, got her driver's license today and her other grandparents have promised to get her a car and pay insurance, so she was pretty bossy, telling stepmom to HURRY UP!!! She has no way to pay for GAS in a car, but I'll let her figure that out. She certainly drives stepmom's car (with stepmom) all over and doesn't think twice about it.

I've got to finish up this week's assignments and get busy on the next week. Internet went down as I was about to start a test. I got it back up, but certainly don't need THAT to happen. One of my classmates is in the hospital, another is divorcing her husband because he's an A, and they are 2 of the 4 members of our team for a project. Guess the other member and I will get stuff done, we've been doing most of the work, anyway.

It's hot as hell here, add in hot flashes, and I'd seriously like to climb in the freezer

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[Impurrfect]

Where IS everyone? The brat did get her "new" car and it is very nice. I had already checked out the reviews and safety stuff and was telling her things about the car that she didn't know.

I am stuck on my stats chapter..it makes absolutely no sense to me. Have gotten a couple of assignments turned in, still have several to do but need to get stuff ready for us to leave tonight for AR. We'll be back Monday, my assignments are due by Tue. night at midnight, so hopefully I'll get it all done.

The weather here is FINALLY cooler, absolutely gorgeous...in the 70's, sunshine and a nice breeze.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[RubyRose]

Well, I don't know where anyone else is, but I'VE been chasing you all over the place! Stay put for a second so I can talk to you (That sounds very reminiscent of exact words that would come out of my mouth to my kids!)

How did Brat get her car? How in the world is she going to make car payments, gas, insurance etc. as well as pay for an apt. to raise her baby in. Her priorities seem slightly screwed up unless she plans to raise a child in the car! Does she realize she'll have to pay daycare because she'll have to work? That babies are not cheap and once you have one it's yours for life? I've been a Foster Mom for many, many years and those are the babies and toddlers I would end up with. I think so many kids think that tiny babies are so cute, they can dress them up and show them off and everyones coo's over them. How will Brat handle a 4-year old holy terror? She does realize babies can be boys and they become children, right?

When my son was 4 years old he was whining and refusing to walk (you know those spaghetti-legs small children get when they're mad?) because I told him he couldn't have something he wanted. He pulled away from my hand and put his hands on his hips and said loud and clear "Well, I'm not very happy with YOU today!" and stomped his foot. I had to pretend to blow my nose real fast so he wouldn't know I was laughing because I was supposed to be angry. He mimicked me so well even I saw myself in him!

I'm in the middle of a big blizzard here. Finally got power back because the snow is so heavy it's downing lines. Yup, we have 2 seasons, Winter and July.

...Ruby...

[Impurrfect]

(((Ruby))) - I do seem to post all over the place

The brat was given the car by her other grandparents (the dad and stepmom of her sperm donor A dad who is in prison). When brat's mama died, the place she worked at..all the coworkers collected money for the brat (she was only 1 at the time) and these grandparents took that money. At one point they told her they had spent it on her presents over the years.

They paid for the car in cash, as well as the tag and are paying for her insurance. All she has to pay for is gas, but guess bf is paying for it as she has no job. No, she has no clue of what being pregnant really means, though she should because she's spent months taking care of bf's cousins kids. I don't even think she's trying to get a job, the bf makes $8/hr and is living with his family.

I'm letting her walk her path. It feels like deja vu, though. Her mom lived here through her pregnancy and not long after the brat was born; sperm donor's dad got her HER car, and probably less than a year later she fell asleep at the wheel of a car, she died, the man she hit on the wrong side of the freeway died, her best friend was in an ICU right next to the one I worked...almost didn't make it.

I know the brat's a good driver and she's probably MORE cautious because of what happened to her mom. I don't think she has any clue of what consequences are, and it may be years before she figures out that all actions have consequences, either good or bad. She has an 8th grade education, NO interest in getting her GED, other than talking about it.

I'm just turning her over to HP. She did quit smoking when she found out she was pregnant, and definitely quit drinking, so at least she's being responsible in that way.

I got my oil changed, car cleaned up, need to start getting stuff together so we'll be ready to ride tonight. I think dad wanted to leave earlier, totaly didn't hear me say I had a dr's appt. and then a lecture. I don't want to get to AR too early, no need to wake up my aunt and uncle at the crack of dawn.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[RubyRose]

Ok Where is everyone ELSE? I hope everyone is doing fine. Check in please, you know how we all worry about each other. In a good way.

Amy, I had my oldest child at the age of 16, I was pregnant at 15. I do understand pregnancy in kids. My parents were very much the type to say, "Wonderful, and what are YOUR plans? We've already raised our babies!"

It's hard but yes, it can be done. My daughter is 34 now and despite mine and her Dad's (he was 18 when she was born) immature parenting skills, we raised a great kid! I also had another child at 19 (my son) and then went on to foster children most of my adult life. I was able to adopt only one of my foster children, all the others were Short-term, the longest one 5 years and many, many newborns from the hospital for 1 or 2 days only until their adopted parents could take them. The average was 6 mo. to a year. I loved them all dearly and even today I could tell you every single one's name and age when I had them.

I'm probably the only person in the world who is actually jealous of Michelle Duggar! (I can name all her children too.)

I'm on my way to a job today but I'll have Internet connection so I'll be back just as soon as I can. Have a wonderful weekend everyone, (it's Easter weekend here - not sure if it is everywhere, but

Love to all...Ruby...

[Live]

Thank you for the glorious laughs Ruby!

Rinky...that poem is PROFOUND, talk about out of the mouths of babes!!!! wow!

My private name for my caseworker is "Maybe Malinda"...meaning maybe she will show up and maybe she won't, so now I know not to have that expectation. But when she comes thro for me,she REALLY comes thro for me. I also know she has a huge overload of cases, really wanted out of this field of work and has her own personal life struggles. She kinda saved my ass in 3 different ways this week, so....I can think of her as one of us with her own struggles. The little one up crap.....I have seen it far too many times and can see thro it. It is her personal problem, not mine.

LOL, Amy the major I was working on was liberal arts/humanities. I find all of them interesting but you might like ethics because it also covers real medical issues. Any of them would be easy for you. a breeze compared to what you are doing and have all ready done. If I were you, I would just find out which ones require a long paper and which don't. wink.

I have been awol because my laptop only works for a little while on certain days. overheats and shuts down for days very easily. and I use it to come here, curled up in my own cozy corner.

I started a book I bought awhile back by Kathleen Norris. She is awesome. I read all kinds of spiritual traditions.....she writes from the monastic discipline even tho she married and raised kids, but has taken many sabbaticals and studied the monastics going back to the dessert fathers and she shares a very rich spirituality. Not sure why I bought the book and let it lay for over a month but I credit starting it last night with getting great sleep and a much better outlook today.

I was a basketcase for 3 wks from PTSD after writing my life history of traumas etc for the ssd. Brought it all back.

I want to brag on myself a bit, ok? My pdr has taken a position supervising 33!!! wow!! nursing homes and is cutting his private practice drastically. "Non-compliant patients"...meaning those who won't really work with him and work themselves on their health are being referred to other therapists. BRAG ALERT: He is keeping me as a primary patient and even extended the services to me/us. Even tho he is not taking any new patients, he is very willing to take over David's med management! so cool! The VA is not doing right by David and for some time, I have been bringing david in with me on all my sessions. it just makes sense to me to do so, as everything with each of us effects the other.
This is an awesome development. One of the reasons I wanted to sell plasma was so David could see him as a therapist but as it is working out, it has become an us session...not just me, so that David does have the opportunity to benefit as well.

and Ruby, I read this today...: I got so excited about Spring I wet my plants!

[rinky]

HEY Ya'll,.

I tried to post last night and fell asleep with my fingers on the key and ended up with a long page of something lol.


Where oh Where are ya'll... I have had a horrible few days. nothing but fussing and fighting... I give up on it.. I told my husband lastnight,, thats it, Don't bother me and I wont bother you.. I just cant stand it any more....I don't know what in the world is wrong with him but he'll just have to work it out.... I don't want any part of it any more...

I had a bad day at the clinic thur ... I tested pos for amphetamines bc of a diet suppliment I was using to try and lose some weight before going to the beach this summer.... My counsler said it happens and she believed me when I told her I didn't know... or at least she acted like she did... I have read things like decongestants could cause that but I always figured that people just said that to cover their drug use... apparently it happens often but she put me on 90 day probation any way which means I can't move up a level for till the end of it.. the bad thing is they did a test one week and another the next week and I was using that stuff both but apparently they don't test for it every time.. so if I go in and the other one was positive then I get knocked back a level which means I'll have to go there an extra day a week to dose than I've been having to do.... that will make me mad...

I wish you guys would post and let me know your still there... I apologize for not posting like I should either... I don't want this thread to die... I miss ya'll when we arent posting...

impurrfect, I wish I knew something that would help you with ur stats class... I really do suck at math. especially algebra and anything not ur every day stuff....

Im feeling pretty lost right now.... sometimes I wonder what in hell I'm even doing here on this planet.... I makes no sense to me right now..... I hope ya'll will post and let me know your there.... I know it's selfish, but it would make me feel some better.....

I'll check back later and maybe find a quote for the day... OMG, my little dog is outside howling with all his might.. lol,, I guess he's got the blues too..... ttyl

[rinky]

Omg,,, Ya'll when will I ever learn to look and see if a new page started.... I posted mine and then saw all of yours just now.... I'm gonna go read all of em... I feel much happier right now gosh I love ya'll so much ttyl

[Ghostly]

Hey all. Just wanted to check in and say hi. Hope you all are doin ok.

I'm approaching my two year mark, but not feeling overly joyous about it. I'm better off being sober, but it ain't easy...y'all know what I mean.

Glad to see this Thread is still goin.

[RubyRose]

Hi Ghostly, Congrats on the almost 2 year mark! That's a huge milestone. Don't stop the momentum now - life just gets better and better, even if it doesn't always seem that way. I have my almost 3 year mark coming up soon! We can all do this, especially if we stick together as a team of love and support.

Here is a Happy Easter Sunday chuckle for you all

Whose Line: Improbable Mission 2 - YouTube

and

Best Of Whose Line: Colin & Ryan Banter - YouTube

Have a great day everyone! I'm eating chocolate and playing Frisbee with German Shepherds.

...Ruby...

ps. Live, did you try the cabbage? I'm curious if you liked it?

[rinky]

Hey Rubyrose and Ghostly.

Dang Ghostly, I wish I could brag about any time clean but I can't ,and I'll bet you anything you feel better and are doing way better than I am in all my BS,, which is just what it is... I've accepted that until I'm really ready that I'll do this back and forth thing which is just what I do,, but the good thing is , I can tell that the time that I will fully commit is not far off... I really can feel that...I'm just not pushing it bc that didn't get me any where in the past... It only made the failure inevitable and harder to take.

Congrats to you RubyRose on almost three years.. thats awsome... You are one strong person from what I can tell.. Like I said,, I'll be glad when I get some time behind me...

I'm gonna go for now as it is getting late and I have to help my husband get up at four am every day for work.. I'lll be back tomorrow and have a quote for us....

I really love all of you... I'll be back tomorrow.. Everyone try and stay strong.. I'ts like RubyRose say's.. We've got to stick together and support eachother... That's what I love about ya'll.... Your always so supportive and/but... you all are not afraid to tell me or eachother when you think we are screwing up.. That don't mean your gonna get your way.. lol.. I'll talk to ya'll tomorrow... Good Night...

[Ghostly]

Yeah...congrats on almost 3 Ruby! That is awesome.

rinky - I hope you can decide when you will be ready to give it a go. You have to decide. I may sound harsh here, but are things getting better as you're waiting?

Me, I gotta get to the two year mark. I am truly not excited about it much. A bit maybe, I will accept that it is an accomplishment, and not an easy one. However, I've really had some lows recently, and the urge to drink is getting stronger than at any other point within the last two years.

So...I want to get to the two year mark. Make a decision. Do I want to go for three? At this point, I think it is more likely than not, that next year, around this time I will not be talking about my three year mark. Now...I'm not trying to bring anyone down. If I choose to go that route it is by choice. Maybe a few days drinking, maybe others are right and it will be more than that. Or, maybe I will decide that I need that three years after all...and go after it.

Please understand. I am not being dramatic here. I am not looking for someone to talk me out of anything. I am not saying this to get a rise out of you. I am simply stating, that I will get my two years, then reevaluate, and decide if I want to go for three.