How am i suppose to be happy

[OttawaAddict]

I started on my epic drug binge shortly after my wife left. I found myself unable to cope with life and after getting really drunk one night, someone offered me some coke and it seemed like a fine idea at the time. It was so good i decided that i had to do it every waking moment and mix morphine in with it.

and now to the point of this post

My ex wife never had an issue sending the kids to my house no matter how ****** outta my head i was. Probably because she knew that no matter how insane i was, my kids safety always came first and they never got hurt or even did anything stupid while in my care. All 4 of them are perfect angels who thankfully still love me.

It was after my ex moved outta town that i really went overboard on the drug use and was close to death when i decided to quit. After being clean a month, i traveled 600 miles to go see the kids (which my ex-wife knew about) and once i got there she wouldnt let me see them. Making the trip back was the hardest thing ive ever done. She's making a new life with her new husband and is trying to make him the kids new daddy.

So now I need to prepare for a court fight in which we will both be destroyed because of our mutually ****** up pasts, and while i should get some satisfaction out of destroying her, I just wanna see my kids.

So for right now im clean, rebuilding my business but find it impossible to be happy cause i cant see my kids. Even if i found a way to be happy, it would seem the not seeing my kids thing will always be on my mind until the dust settles and lawyers have bankrupted me.

Sorry for the long post, i needed to get it off my chest and hopefully it makes sense, all those drugs have made me a little bit dumber than i used to be.

[Done-With-It]

Hey there,

Just wanted to give you a big welcome to SR! Glad you are here.
I don't have any e,s, h, in your position, I was always more so
in your kids position. But Congrats on being clean.

If there is anyway you can try talking to your X, instead of
going the court route, I would highly suggest that.
Court is hard for all, but especially the kids.
'Destroying' your X isn't only going to destroy her, It will
destroy the kids more so.

If court is the only resort, try and keep the kids out of it
as much as possible.

Just my 2 cents.

Again, Welcome to SR, I'm glad you are here.

[OttawaAddict]

thanks for the advice, since she left, I did everything i could to keep the courts out of it, even paying her 10 grand a month in cash (which she would promptly blow through) I never said no to anything she wanted.

But now she crossed the line, if she told me today i could see the kids, how could i believe her, she told me that last time and i travelled up there for nothing. Court is the last place i want to go but without my kids I have nothing.

Although im secretly hoping that she will rewalize how serious i am when the first court papers arrive and we can work it out. She knows as well as i do that a court fight will not benefit either of us. I guess its only a matter of how far she's willing to go to push me out of the kids lives.

If she had done this while i was on drugs, I could understand it, but to do it now, theres only one reason and thats the new daddy. She's insane if she thinks i'll let that happen.

[windysan]

If you stay clean then you might see the kids again.

If you get loaded then there's a chance you won't see the kids again.

Don't use.

[OttawaAddict]

using is the last thing on my mind. If we go to court, my drug use will obviously be an issue and i'll happily volunteer for drug testing 3 times a day. If i failed a drug test, i could just kiss the kids goodbye right then and there, so im staying clean no matter what.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by OttawaAddict

using is the last thing on my mind. If we go to court, my drug use will obviously be an issue and i'll happily volunteer for drug testing 3 times a day. If i failed a drug test, i could just kiss the kids goodbye right then and there, so im staying clean no matter what.

Thatta boy !!

Does the ex have a drug using past?

[OttawaAddict]

I wish she did, fortunately though she's done enough rotten things in her past that it should equal out my drug use. LOL

[windysan]

Originally Posted by OttawaAddict

I wish she did, fortunately though she's done enough rotten things in her past that it should equal out my drug use. LOL

Yeah, I hear ya.

Maybe the judge is a fair judge. I hope so.

[DaddysGirl]

How long has she been with this new guy? She may just be stroking his ego right now....he may be somewhat jealous of you. Believe me...I've gone through the divorce/custody thing in court and it is not fun.

Just remember.....YOU and only you are YOUR kids FATHER! Noone can take that place, even if you have a past. There are laws and you have parental rights. No court will be unfair to you nor her, esp if you are staying clean.
There are so many dead beat dads out there....it is enlightening for a Judge to see a Dad who really loves and cares about their kids and want to be a part of their life.

Dont let her scare you....and remember YOU have rights just as much as she does!!!!!!! Actually @ 50%!!!! Just stay clean and I really dont believe you have anything to worry about!!!! (At least from my experience....all that dirt goes in one ear of the judge and out the other as long as the kids are in a safe loving environment). Judges are used to divorced couples trying to one up each other!!!!

Maybe go online and check on custody rights for the state she is now living in so you kinda have an idea. Then when you talk to her....you can rattle some of them off. Maybe she will back down a little.

Just please stay clean....just so she cant use that against you. It doesnt matter what you used to do as long as you can prove what you are doing now for the sake of your kids.

Hope I helped a little!!

Much Love DG

[Peter]

The judge will be fair to you but you have lot of work to do getting clean and staying clean.Best of luck to you.

[OttawaAddict]

I wanna thank everyone for their advice and support. Here's an update.

Me and the ex-wife have worked out our differences and I am going to see my kids in a few days. Not surprisingly, it was not my past drug use she was concerned about, she just wanted more money. So we finally talked, negotiated and worked everything out. I'm happy to report I did not have to have her and her new husband killed although theres still a few months left in the year.

As for now, I spoke to my kids and they are extremely excited about my visit and i was able to stay drug free throughout this ordeal which was a major test.

Thanks again everyone

[sugarssweetpea]

Did you give her permission to move out of state?? Where I come from, legally the custodial parent or primary residential parent cannot move out of state without permission from the other parent. The secondary residential parent can move wherever they want b/c they are not taking the children away from the other parent. Maybe something checking into.

[liveweyerd]

It still stinks that it is blackmail to see your kids. Don't you have visitation rights in your divorce? Witholding that is contempt of court.

[OttawaAddict]

I imagine its similar here in canada, but she's in the same province, its just a big ass province. LOL

Since the day she left I went out of my way to make sure we always got along and never fought (for the kids sake) I even payed for her Marriage and didnt even get an invite. LOL So when it came to the move or anything else, we were always able to discuss it for a few minutes and it was done. I never tried to get in her way or keep her from doing anything she wanted, thats why this whole incident was a kick in the ass.

But thanks to some extra money and her incredibly greedy nature, we are getting along fine again and more importantly, I can be a father again.

I was telling one of my daughters how when I go up there, they will have my full attention, no work (I work from home and work ALOT) so my daughter said to me "and no sleeping all day"

LOL I love those kids, they're gonna see a new and improived daddy now. cant wait

[OttawaAddict]

Oh and on a side note, im probably making myself look prtetty good and her not so good.

So just to balance things out, while i always treated her well and loved her completely and only raised my voice once in 10 years with her. (i hate fights) I cant be an easy person to live with and she put up with me for 10 years so I gotta give her credit for that. And i never left her, so she was obviously a good enough person for me then. Everyone has their faults, ive got at least 4 or 5 hundred.

[Got It]

I am glad that you saw your child. Child are the greatest, especially when they are your own!!!!!

Keep life going good!!!

[dalin]

stay clean...........no matter what