drug friend died...don't know what to do now.

[angeldancer]

sorry for posting so much.

my first and last post here was talking about how i'm planning on getting sober and how i'm staying with a friend to "detox"

its been hard, so hard.

then sunday night i get a phone call from a friend whos absolutely histerical. i drive to where she is and she tells me that our friend jess, a 3 year coke addict had overdosed saturday night, and the guy that was with her panic'd and left her, and her heart stopped.

my first thought was:
"i can't deal with this, i need some coke..NOW"

my second thought was:
"holy **** that could have been me"

and my third thought was:
"i wish it could have been me."

ever since her death. i just can't deal with being clean anymore. everythings so hard. i just feel like theres nothing left anymore.

its hard to describe. but i'm just having a hard time.


thanks for listening

Robyn

[Done-With-It]

Damn girl, I am sorry. I really am.

We just lost someone here as well from an o.d.

Girl, now is the time to get some help.
I can only imagine how your feeling, but doing more
is only going to make you feel worse.

Honor your friend and clean yourself up.

When I came here, I was so suicidal. In fact I had
intentions of doing something all the time.
Coming here was somewhat of a last resort.
So I can relate to wishing it was you.


But it wasn't, It wasn't for a reason.

What about going to a meeting? Would you consider doing that?
Do you know of any around you? If not we can help you find
someplace.

What about rehab? detox?

Don't give up.....

Do you need a crisis number to call?

((((Robyn)))

[Ann]

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend Robyn, and for your grief and pain.

Yes, you could use and continue to use until you can't feel the pain anymore...or...you could go to detox and begin on a journey of recovery and sobriety and let her death mean something, let her be remembered, because one person, you, learned from her and found your way back.

Addiction can be beaten. And you can be among those who prove that every day.

My prayers are with you and all who loved Jess.

Hugs,

[cmc]

I am so glad it wasn't you who died, and that you are here getting some help. Please consider taking the suggestions given here-You are worth so much more than that lifestlye. I am sure you know it,but let me remind you of it anyway.
The reason this hurts us so much is because in many ways it is senseless- unless we use it to make sense of it all... to change. What I choose to do- has a ripple effect on so many others. This is not meant to be said to make someone feel bad for making mistakes or just being human. Look at how your friend's death is affecting you. It hurts me and I am a total stranger.

It is just the truth. About 27 years ago to the day- our family lost someone. We still grieve! Each life has value and importance. You said:

"ever since her death. i just can't deal with being clean anymore. everythings so hard. i just feel like theres nothing left anymore."


Grief is like that- and yes everything can be hard sometimes, but not always and not forever. Feelings can lie to us. I know mine have lied to me.

When you said nothing is left...maybe that's good and now you can fill that empty spot with something better.... hope and strength. These are attainable to you! And the bonus is that afterwards you will gain experience and offer it to people like Jess.


Like Ann said:

Yes, you could use and continue to use until you can't feel the pain anymore...or...you could go to detox and begin on a journey of recovery and sobriety and let her death mean something, let her be remembered, because one person, you, learned from her and found your way back.

Addiction can be beaten. And you can be among those who prove that every day.

That about sums things up- please keep coming around.

[Alera]

I will never forget the first time I felt grief after I stopped abusing. In a way, it was healing, because I was able to feel for the first time in a long time.

My thoughts are with you, and remember just for today.

[Hope]

Robyn, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. You can honor her every day by beating addiction and getting clean. You still have a chance.

Don't ever give up!

[CarolD]

Prayers and Hugs to you...and for all who loved Jess.

[indigo]

Be clean for her and for you, I am sorry for your loss.
indigo

[historyteach]

First, Welcome to SR.
Never be afraid of posting too much. That's why we're here...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
I pray for your friend, Jess and all who loved her.

Shalom!

[Nina Kay]

Hi Robyn,
I too, want to Welcome you here. I am so sorry for the devastating loss of your friend, Jess. I certainly agree with what everyone before me has said. You could decide to honor your friend by getting clean & sober with help from a hospital detox that would also help you to sort out all that you're going through and dealing with by use of a good couselor. You would also get some support while going through this instead of going through this all alone. No one needs to try to go through something like this alone. It's too much for anyone to go through alone. Please seek help for yourself. I've always tried to handle things without help until recently, I just got tired of doing that and decided I would just reach out in every direction that I could find for anyone that might be willing to help me through any of my stuff that I was dealing with. I just decided that I am that desperate and determined to feel and be healthy & well in every way possible and I'll do whatever it takes to get to where I need to be. Pride be damned. That was very hard for me to decide, but with the extreme that I wouldn't ask for any help is now the opposite extreme that I'll ask for help wherever anyone is willing to help me to get better. Please think about doing that for yourself, especially now. This is all devastating for you and you will honor your friend by doing this for yourself. You know that your friend would want this for you. Keep coming back here as often as you can because we do care what you are going through.

[Lightenup]

I'm so sorry for your friend's death and your having to deal with the situation. It's not easy, sober or in recovery or in addiction, so you are not alone in your horror. Grieving sucks, but so does addiction and death from it. Please reach out, please post when you need to, please make a phone call. I bet you have some numbers.................they're there for you, that's what it's all about, love.................Love, Bets

[windysan]

I'm sorry too. I just lost my brother (not to drugs).

It is tough.

Don't use.

[BigSis]

Well, SOMETHING brought you back in here... and if I've learned anything in recovery, it is that there AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS COINCIDENCE!

You have a desire to be sober, and you can include MY prayers for strength, commitment and comfort.

((((Robyn)))))

[DaddysGirl]

Robyn.....

I am new here at SR, but it seems to be a very tight knit group of friends with an outpouring of support. Everyone seems to really care about each other. I am so glad to be here as well and if you ever need someone to talk to, I will be here with you during this most difficult time you are having.

I hope you keep coming around and posting.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you!!!!

Much Love DG

[lulu70]

Originally Posted by Ann

Yes, you could use and continue to use until you can't feel the pain anymore...or...you could go to detox and begin on a journey of recovery and sobriety and let her death mean something, let her be remembered, because one person, you, learned from her and found your way back.

I know she has already been quoted, but I couldn't say it any better.

So sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and wishing you peace. Try to take care of yourself.

[Debby]

I am so very sorry.

I just posted a thread "IT COULD BE WORSE" I hope it will help you.

I lost my sister this past December. I too went crazy for cocaine, until I got the help I needed. If I didnt get the help, I would have been next.

I will always love and miss her and I will not let her death mean nothing. I hope you do the same with your loss. Please take my advise and believe me feeling of life cant go on will fade and the beautiful memeories of your friendship will be nicer to you.

Please dont let your freinds death mean nothing. Your friend needs more from you.

Let me know.
Debby