Walk With Me

[Walk With Me]

Hmmm where to start? Well i've been lurking around these forums for a little bit now and finally have the courage to post. Just wanted to say congratulations to everybody who has beaten there addictions and who remain clean. About me, Well im 19yrs old and I Have a 5 month old son. Me and his mother are together and we get along good. My downfall is opiates. I have been using opiates since i was 14. I had skin cancer and they had to remove bad moles. They prescribed me percocet 10.......bad move. First time i popped em i fell in love. By the age of 16 i was popping everyday and went to my first detox. I Honestly didnt want to quit but my parents made me go so I had no choice. I came back out and started popping more. Let me forward thru some time to about now. I still pop everyday but it just seems to get worse. I love percocet and oxy contin but i hate it at the same time. I dread waking up because I wake up in sweats and leg cramps until I pop my pills. My girlfriend knows about my use and tries to help me and I want to stop but I guess Im afraid to go thru withdrawls again. Ive tried to quit a bunch of times after my first time in rehab but it just hasnt worked. I See my son and It just makes me wanna kick myself in the ass but I still dont change. I use to use other drugs when I was younger but my main thing has always been the pills. It made me feel energized and turned me into an outgoing person. Now they just screw with my head and I feel like im loosing myself day after day. Dont really know what else to say just wanted to post my story here and start posting to other people. Thanks for your time.

[jcade]

If you really want to quit you can. First start taking one half tablet less everyday for a week. then the nest week 1 tablet and so forth. ween yourself off of them and when you get down to just a half tab a day continue for 1 week then go to nar-anon

john

[Lbad]

Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Posting your story is a good place to start.
Lots of recovery here from all sorts of drugs.
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic my favorite drug was any opiate.
Keep posting.
When you are ready there are lots of options for detoxing.
Good luck and God bless.

[Got It]

Keep on trying and don't give up - I am 7 months into being opiate free - my life keeps getting better and better. When I was using I was so in my own head - lots of noise - hope too that I would quit tommorrow, or after this, or after that happens - Today I actually like my life - who would of thunk that!!!!?????

[Christian]

i think several people here have had success with 'sub' for tapering and eventually quitting opiates. maybe talk with your doc about that.

[Walk With Me]

Thank you all for the replys. I dont have insurance right now so I dont know how that would work for me. I will keep on posting tho im picking up my son and gf there staying with me tonight and tomorrow. The weekdays I usually cut down on my mgs and the weekends i boost em up. At one point i was down to 20mgs of oxy n perc but then my dosage went back up. Later yall.....

[ARIES]

WELCOME...I hope to see more posts of you... Stefanie

[awis25]

Well Congrats on wanting to quit!! I just recently quit Percs/Oxys/Vics/any narcotic pain pill and it is the greatest feeling in the world to be clean!! I have been clean now for 6 days and I LOVE it!! As..Christian mention subs is a good way to go if you want to get rid of the WD's. Or you could try to find a Detox Doctor in your area..Believe me they work wonders...NO WD!! Of course having insurance is no big deal with the Detox docs b/c most don't accept it anyway. I paid $375.00 to go, but believe me it was well worth it and plus I would have spent 10 times that amount on pills. Hope you get through this....Plus, I'm glad your here sooo many people suffer just like us and it is good to talk to people who really understand what you are going through! Mandie

[golf99]

Well, you have alot to get clean for. Think of all the money you can spend on your baby and girlfriend when you stop buying pills.
The first thing you need to do is list the pros & cons of taking drugs, you'll see the cons will win by a mile. Then pick a date to quit, get as much information about withdrawals as you can. I used the internet and a nutrinist. Next, take it head on. You've been to rehab before so you should have an idea of what to expect. Just remember, a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. Get your mind set and tackle this demon.
I had a 4 plus year of opium and benzo addiction, I went cold turkey and it worked. Just do alot of research and keep posting. Life is so much better when it is not controlled by pills. This process will make you stronger than you can ever imagine.


Best of luc,

Golf

[Walk With Me]

Thank you all for your posts. Well ive tried to detox ct before and it was just hell for me and I gave up. Theres sumthin about me I can be all the way up at 120mgs then cut myself down to 60 then cut myself down to 30 but once i get down to that i cant make the drop from 30 to 0. I dont know if its more a head thing with me or what like am i trying to sabatoge my detox on purpose? And yah your right the cons do way out the pros enormously. How does the sub really work though? Would i become dependant on that then? I Will keep posting later all...........

[golf99]

Originally Posted by Walk With Me

Thank you all for your posts. Well ive tried to detox ct before and it was just hell for me and I gave up. Theres sumthin about me I can be all the way up at 120mgs then cut myself down to 60 then cut myself down to 30 but once i get down to that i cant make the drop from 30 to 0. I dont know if its more a head thing with me or what like am i trying to sabatoge my detox on purpose? And yah your right the cons do way out the pros enormously. How does the sub really work though? Would i become dependant on that then? I Will keep posting later all...........

You really want to do a ton of research regarding 'sub'. In my opinion, and it is only that, my opinion...'sub' is extremely hard to get off of. It is another one that you need to taper off. I never wanted to substitute one drug for another, didn't sound to productive to me. If you can't go cold turkey why don't you taper down from 30? Do 30 for a week then go down to 20 and so on. Just keep in mind, there is no easy way out. But anything worth having isn't worth going through some pain, right?
As I see it you have three options; 1) taper, 2) cold turkey, 3) do nothing.
Options 1 and 2 hold the map to get back to your life.
I found that gathering as much information about withdrawals and what to expect helped me get through it.
And you are right, headgames are an all too common evil. I kept my brain busy with crosswords, tv, music and whatever it took.

Best of luck,

Golf

[Walk With Me]

Thanks for the response golf. I really dont want to substitute the percocet and oxy contin for the suboxone. I know the type of person I am and I know if I were on the suboxone I'd abuse it or be hooked on it. All I've been doing for the past months have been reading and researching. I honestly dont know which way to stop though. When I start to detox I cant stand the leg cramping thats the worst for me. But I know everybody who detoxes experiences the basics and maybe im to weak to get through the first part of detox. I really want to try something this week though and hopefully with all the praying the reading and the posting something will give. Take care golf I'll try to post later tonight.........

[awis25]

Yes, but the Med. Detox I did was not a maintence program...Bascially you only take the Sub for 3 days and No more....You are only given enough for three days (it is a shot though..not pill like reg. Sub)...You don't become addicted to it that quick and after the three days have passed you also don't get WD from you old opiates either. Basically all you do is detox with it. I did not want to be on a maintence program that I was addicted again, but to something else. And YES IT REALLY WORKS!!! wonders I'd say...I could never get off opiates CT it was just too hard mentally and phsyically....I had tried sooo many times prior to the Med. Detox....Plus, the med takes away all cravings too and they were also a big thing for me....20 mins after my first shot I was normal again....It was very weird..not high, but normal....Plus I am still clean and staying that way...Any way this is just a sugg. for you if you can't do it CT....Mandie

[golf99]

Originally Posted by Walk With Me

Thanks for the response golf. I really dont want to substitute the percocet and oxy contin for the suboxone. I know the type of person I am and I know if I were on the suboxone I'd abuse it or be hooked on it. All I've been doing for the past months have been reading and researching. I honestly dont know which way to stop though. When I start to detox I cant stand the leg cramping thats the worst for me. But I know everybody who detoxes experiences the basics and maybe im to weak to get through the first part of detox. I really want to try something this week though and hopefully with all the praying the reading and the posting something will give. Take care golf I'll try to post later tonight.........

I agree, the leg cramps are awful. I used a heating pad and it worked alittle. I just rolled with it, it passes. From what I know, 'sub' locks onto your brain receptors and blocks any opium 'high'. The problem, long term use-from my research, to get off of the stuff is a nightmare.
If you lay down a plan and work it..you'll acheive your goal. That is what I did. I put a daily plan together and stuck to it, it was HARD AS HELL but worked. It was the best thing I have ever done. I don't think anyone is too weak to get through detoxing. Remember, if you think you can or can't...you are right. Believe me, you will draw from inner strength you never knew you had and you will be better off for it.

Best,

Golf

[awis25]

Yes I totally agree with you with long term Sub use is very bad. People end up being worse off by using it as a maintence plan. The WD is worse and there is nothing that can take that WD away. That is why I went the route I did. No long term oppiates. I wanted to be free of drugs..Not addicted to a new one.

[golf99]

Originally Posted by awis25

Yes I totally agree with you with long term Sub use is very bad. People end up being worse off by using it as a maintence plan. The WD is worse and there is nothing that can take that WD away. That is why I went the route I did. No long term oppiates. I wanted to be free of drugs..Not addicted to a new one.

I'm glad that the short term use worked well for you. I too have read that the WD's from 'sub' are much worse than opiates.

[snowwhite]

I am glad you posted. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, but one thing postive I feel is you are so YOUNG and if you do it now, it will make the rest of your life much easier!!!! Remember this: it ONLY gets worse and worse and harder and harder. Don't let this continue for another year. You will miss your 20s and regret it and dislike yourself. I know it's so hard, but you CAN do it and stick to it. Don't let it consume your life; you are so young and you have so MUCH in life ahead of you.

Love to you

[snowwhite]

Amen, to AWIS!!!! Totally agree about the sub! But I do find that if you use it for the first five days in the beginning and not get "hooked" on it, it can help you a lot. I did this and it helped me. You will still have some w/d after you stop, but not the worst ones! Just my experience and my opinion...not to offend anyone. It just scared me and still does. I am sure there have been success stories, and I wish that for everyone, but from what I have experienced and read, for most it is a worse habit than the DOC we started with.

[Walk With Me]

Snowwhite your right im still very young and if I quit this now it wont be a lifelong battle. Well last night was pretty bad I took most of my pills and it just wasnt good. But I have two perc 7.5s left and an oxy 10. Not even 1/6th of what I usually take. I Think im going to take all what I have left today and try and make it through and Im going to try cold turkey tomorrow. I cant keep looking at my son and knowing what im doing because its not right its wrong and he deserves better. I talked to a friend today who just detoxed himself off of H and he asked me if i pray and I told him yah but i said well god isnt doing nothing. He said God is doing his part but your not doing yours and God wont do your part for you which makes good sense to me but I never looked at it like that and its not that hard to see it. Hopefully I can follow through with my plans and start my withdrawls tomorrow. Im not really looking forward to doing it but I have no other choice. I dont want to die and I dont want to be in prison. Hopefully it all works. I Will keep posting......

[awis25]

Good Luck with the WDs they are really hard, but if you are commited you can make it through. My sister CT off of herion also and she said it was horrible, but it was such a short time out of her whole life. Good Luck and I wish you the best. Mandie

[Walk With Me]

Thank You Mandie. Well I came clean to my mother and father about it and was just honest to them about my whole deal. This is like the 5th time for me trying to quit and this is the fifth time I told them so I dont really know how much hope they have in me. But as of today my girlfriend so that she wont let me see my son unless I am clean. I Think shes doing this so I can quit because she said shes been cool with what I've been doing but I honestly think that was a front. So now I have more reasons to quit because I really want to see my son. I took my last pill at 7pm and should be in withdrawls when I wake up. I'll post tomorrow. Later.........

[notkernels]

No matter what happens tomorrow keep us informed. I'm in the middle of WD right now so you've got company. I remember someone on this site said something like, everytime you take another pill you are only making your addiction stronger and everytime you don't you are making yourself stronger. Keep your head up! We're routing for ya!

[Walk With Me]

Dont worry I will keep everybody posted. The first few days will probaly be the roughest for me and I will have a lot of time on my hands so I will try to post as much as I can since I'll be living in my own caused hell. Goodluck though on your withdrawls and I hope you win the fight because Im going to fight hard. Keep in Touch.......

[golf99]

Hang in!!

[kj0975]

If you can make it past day 3-5 you will be in the home stretch!!! I recently detoxed off hydro 10/500 have some immodium on hand as you will need it drink fluids, keep active, pick up a good book and read it I noticed while I read my mind wasnt focusing on how crappy I felt. Hot baths for the legs and I found ben gay worked too but smells. Also stretch your legs that will help with the stretchies. Multi vit and b12 helped alot too lots of water. Take a walk although you wont want to it helped you will have to force yourself. The sweats, chills, unfortablness you will notice it lessen after like day 3-4. Tons of hot showers baths will make you comfortalbe. I went ct too and you know you can stop it all by a pill but DONT do it cause everyday you will start feeling better and it will be worth it. Be VERY prepared as I wasnt after the physical part the mental battle will kick in high gear. You will start craving again at that point stay bz with anything. You will actually convince yourself after w/d's that you can just take 1 and be fine and not get addicted again. Thats not true but your mind will tell you its true. A few ****** days for the rest of your life not a bad trade off. Oh and sleep that wont be happening but benadryl, melatonin helped some. Dont want to scare you but none of this will kill you just make you uncomfortable. My fiance had to set up a new bedroom for himself as my tossing turning, legs, sweating he got NO sleep either. If I can do it you can do it your talking to alot of people here who know how it goes and have been there where you are too. You have to want this more than you have ever wanted anything else. Put all your mind, and body into this so you can beat it. Just dont cave everyday gets better. KJ