Life after addiction is better with friends...

[Dallas Alice]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, but wanted to make a brief introduction before I delve into the heart of my "what's the matter."

Some of you probably know my story...or one like it, you know, apples and oranges. After a lifetime of drugs and alcohol, at 48 I find myself on methadone to help me stay away from vicodin and percocet. Just as I was once on the fence about trying to get off the pills, I now find myself on the fence wondering when...or if...it's time to try to wean off the methadone. Since I can't bear the thought of anything remotely uncomfortable, I know I will have to wean at a minimal amount, and at 120 mgs. a day, I'm looking at a year at least, maybe more. The thing is, I knew when I was ready to ask for help with my pill addiction, even though I can't to this day pinpoint exactly what it was that brought me to that place of reaching out. Now with the comfort that methadone gives me, like knowing even if I take anything I won't feel it so it would be a waste, I can tell by that sentence I just wrote that I'm probably not ready! I'm still thinking of them, I still dream of them, and the worst thing is, I've built a tolerance to my methadone level as I've been stable at it for over a year, but now it doesn't last as long, I have breakthrough wd feelings (thankfully minimal), but the biggest is my sleep is disrupted. There is no way I will increase my dose, so I either live with it the way it is (but feel I may be risking relapse), or I decide it's time...time to wean ever so slowly off the methadone, and then of course I will worry constantly about relapse. If I can wean down to 30 mgs., they will put me on the Suboxone, but then it will be one more thing to wean off of.

Anyway, I just don't know, and as I once found help at a forum such as this, here I am reaching out, asking questions, welcoming input and just saying 'hi' to some friends--hopefully both old and new.

Thanks for reading, and for those who know me (or the likes of me!), I surely have a whole lot more to say, so please beware of long diatribes, wandering thoughts, and small, smoky wisps of posts that evolve into full-blown fires.

Some names here are so familiar, it's as if I already know some of you...

Take care,
Dallas Alice

[Got It]

Hi Dallas Alice,

I remember your name from the "other" board!!

Do whatever takes to stay away from what you really know "you do not want to do". I know that is easier said then done - but - as the old saying goes - We all have another relapse in us but do we have another recovery in us? I feel that over time we tend to remember the things that we liked about using and forget that in - reality there are more things we don't like about using. Our minds play tricks on us.

Did you by chance get banned from HB? I am just curious - boy they are little hitler's over there!!!

Take care and try to remember your using days at their worst!!!

[Dallas Alice]

Originally Posted by Got It

Hi Dallas Alice,

I remember your name from the "other" board!!

Did you by chance get banned from HB? I am just curious - boy they are little hitler's over there!!!

Take care and try to remember your using days at their worst!!!

Hi...I was hoping some folks here would remember me I'm sorry, but your name isn't familiar? Perhaps it was time for a new moniker?! Thanks for reading and replying to me--I'm looking forward to getting to know the folks over here.

No, I haven't been banned from HB...yet! But there is hardly anyone left over there from the group of folks I first met and "clicked" with, and some others just got banned also, and I knew it was time for a change of venue. It was the oddest thing, about two months ago around the end of Feb., one of the 'ole gang who had gone away to rehab several months ago and was doing great had relapsed and posted a call out to anyone and everyone, and especially those "who knew her when." For some reason I went to the boards after having been away since the holidays, saw her post, and started writing again.

In one of my posts I posed the question of where oh where has the old gang gone, and a poster whose user name I didn't recognize started a thread with my name on it and gave me some hints as to where to look for those I'd mentioned. I could not believe all the people who had been banished. Finally last night I read between that poster's lines and found this place, though, and I was soooo relieved and happy when I saw the names I was looking for. If they hadn't kept their user names (or variations of ), I may not have found them, so I decided to do the same with the hopes that someone would recognize me and we could all reconnect and post happily ever after!

As to my quandry with my methadone...I hear exactly what you are saying, and when I'm rational and on the upbeat side of things, I know that where I am is where I'm supposed to be, but...when the loneliness and the "what's it all about-doubts" creep up on me, I just don't know why I keep on keeping on with this methadone. I'm scared to let go of it and give weaning off a try...I know myself too well. That tells me I'm not ready, but to be honest, it's becoming a financial burden on top of all the rest. When I read your last sentence, though, and I do think back to what I was like and the way I acted and my suicidal ideations that have stayed at bay for awhile now, I know I don't dare do anything too soon or for the wrong reason.

I am struggling with wanting to know when the time to go off it will be right, though, like how I knew it was time to do something about my pill addiction...how will I know when it's time to do something about my methadone maintenance?

Alone with my thoughts too much again,
Dallas Alice

[paramedic9742]

I am wishing you the best of luck You can do it. Withdrawls are the worst. I have been clean from hydro for 1 month its been tuff and still is. Good luck.

[Done_With_It]

Hey!

Welcome to SR, I am thinking you'll find a lot of your friends here from HB, that place seems pretty scary. ;-) Glad your here!

Others will be along soon with more help, I just wanted to welcome you!

[Keepongrowing]

Hi Dallas Alice!

I was on the HB for a long time, recently switched when things started to get weird. It seems like it started with the Nutracleanse stuff then took off from there. I just wanted you to know that there are former HBers here alive and kicking. This board is much more laid back...I think you will enjoy it. There are still a few over there. Wondering if we could get another message to them? Well anyway, WELCOME good to see ya-