Help Please ergent!!! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

my2boyz · 04-17-2006, 04:29 PM

I have a 17 year old sister who has a nine month old daughter!!! She has been on a meth benge for about 3 months now. We knew she used in the past but she said it was the people she hung out with. My parents are both ex heroin users (now just pill poppers and drunks) they think they are clean. They can care less what happens to her. SHe is with this 50 year old man who is the main connection. He is always telling her if she leaves he'll kill her daughter. He puts needles in her arm and basically keeps her loaded. She ran away from him today she made it top her church where they sent her to some one elses house out of harms way. She is passed out on the couch and now we don't know what to do she may wake up on a come down and flipp out. She has ran from him before but went back to him because she called him and he threatended her. We wont let her use the phone. I know we cant heelp her if she don't want it. what if she wakes up and wants to leave??? This guy beats her, calls her names and he's broken a cell phone over her head. She don't want to get the police involved because she's scared of him. I NEED HELP PLEASE!!!

I think she will sleep for a few days or at least I am hoping!!!

**Done-With-It** · 04-17-2006, 05:26 PM

Hey there,

Deep breaths, ;-). I would call the police and tell her you will call CPS if she goes back to this guy.

Meth was my doc. That stuff is dangerous and it screws with your thinking so bad. It's nothing a baby should have to deal with. Sorry I know you know that already.

I'm not sure what to say except call the police.

Also you should probably post this thread over in the Naranon forum.
You'll get a lot of help and advice over there, they are used to dealing
with this kind of stuff.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/nar-anon/

Hang in there, and keep posting, let us know how all of you are doing.

splendra · 04-17-2006, 05:30 PM

where is the baby?

**Peter** · 04-17-2006, 06:10 PM

Yeah, as Done says the first thing you need to do is calm down.

There are places of safety you can send her to where he would not be able to find her.

The problem is: Will she want to stay when she wakes up and wants more drugs?

I don't think she goes back to him because she is afraid of him, she goes back to him because she wants to get loaded.If she really wants to get away from him she can.

**BigSis** · 04-17-2006, 06:21 PM

Yeah - where the baby is might make a difference on how to help.

You can call a local rehab and they might have good advice. The one I took my meth addicted daughter to told me this:

Talk to her at her low point - while she is coming down was good for me. She would say almost anything if I would just let her go back to sleep.

I got her to agree to a 2-day drug assessment that is offered by our rehab. When she woke up, I think she was wanting to back out, but a part of her wanted to see if she was really as bad as she thought.

She was.... she stayed for the 2-day, then ended up in outpatient treatment where she failed (but she had agreed when leaving the 2-day that if she couldn't make outpatient work -she would come back for the entire 30 days).

The place I called has an 800 number, takes state coupons and is located in Washington State. You can find out more from them here: http://www.sundown.org

But they use the Minnesota Medical Model for treatment, which is a common treatment format - so you don't have to go to this one. You might want to call them, though, they are open 24/7.

I wish you the best.

my2boyz · 04-17-2006, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splendra

where is the baby?

My Mother has the baby. My sister hasn't seen her daughter in a while.

my2boyz · 04-17-2006, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigSis

Yeah - where the baby is might make a difference on how to help.

You can call a local rehab and they might have good advice. The one I took my meth addicted daughter to told me this:

Talk to her at her low point - while she is coming down was good for me. She would say almost anything if I would just let her go back to sleep.

I got her to agree to a 2-day drug assessment that is offered by our rehab. When she woke up, I think she was wanting to back out, but a part of her wanted to see if she was really as bad as she thought.

She was.... she stayed for the 2-day, then ended up in outpatient treatment where she failed (but she had agreed when leaving the 2-day that if she couldn't make outpatient work -she would come back for the entire 30 days).

The place I called has an 800 number, takes state coupons and is located in Washington State. You can find out more from them here: http://www.sundown.org

But they use the Minnesota Medical Model for treatment, which is a common treatment format - so you don't have to go to this one. You might want to call them, though, they are open 24/7.

I wish you the best.

She woke up and wanted to eat and smoke a cigerette. I was able to talk to her even though I had to force myself to not cry when looking at her. Her face was all picked at and she was soooooo tiny and had no color to her eyes or skin kinda like a zombie!!! She had quite the attitude but I was able to talk a bit to her. I told her that I am not critisizing nor judging I just wanna help her. She was passing all the blame on everyone else she took no responsibility. I hope that will change. She told me not to talk to her about this stuff for 3 days because she didn't want me to push her away by telling her stuff she's not ready to hear nor does she want to hurt me again. ( i talked to her over the phone a month ago where all she did was call me names) I cant put her in any rehab only her mom or dad can but like i stated before they can careless as long as my mom has her baby and my dad has his booze. Thanks all for your advice I'll keep you posted.

GeorgiaPeach · 04-18-2006, 08:38 AM

I don't know your situation but have you thought about trying to get custody of the child? I know that you want to help your sister but that child is helpless and from what you say about your parents, that is probably not the best place for the child. Your sister seems to have her wits about her a little since she said to give her a few days because she didn't want to hurt you by talking now. Maybe you you can tell your mom that unless she steps up and gets your sister the help that she needs and be a mother that you are going to turn her into CPS or something like that. I know it sounds bad and is almost using the child in a sense but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. CPS usually will look for a family member to place the child with if they are called and take the child from your mother and sister. I wish you all the best and I hope that everyone will see what is best and get to that place. I'm here if you need me(I have an AH.). Then again, depending on yor state, once a minor has had a child they are emancipated so your mother has no say in her life anymore and no one can make her do anything. Just make sure that the child is taken care of and is safe and happy!

angelgirl · 04-18-2006, 10:14 AM

Quote:

I don't know your situation but have you thought about trying to get custody of the child? I know that you want to help your sister but that child is helpless and from what you say about your parents, that is probably not the best place for the child. Your sister seems to have her wits about her a little since she said to give her a few days because she didn't want to hurt you by talking now. Maybe you you can tell your mom that unless she steps up and gets your sister the help that she needs and be a mother that you are going to turn her into CPS or something like that. I know it sounds bad and is almost using the child in a sense but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. CPS usually will look for a family member to place the child with if they are called and take the child from your mother and sister. I wish you all the best and I hope that everyone will see what is best and get to that place. I'm here if you need me(I have an AH.). Then again, depending on yor state, once a minor has had a child they are emancipated so your mother has no say in her life anymore and no one can make her do anything. Just make sure that the child is taken care of and is safe and happy!

This is great advice. The baby should be taken into protective custody, if your parents are doing pills and alcohol. I know, I lived on pills for a very long time, and they are very dangerous, we know alcohol is. But pills are equally. People do not realize just how impaired you are when youa re doing things while on pills, such as driving, or just every day living skills, most of all, taking care of a baby. Please, get that baby some help.

Hang in there.
Prayers,
Becky

my2boyz · 04-18-2006, 10:28 AM

I have called cps a few days ago and I was made out to be a lyer. My mom denied using pills, (of corse) she's also dying of cancer. My mom knows how to play the system trust me shes done it all her life. My parents are not togather because my mom left my dad for his best friend and thats why or should i say when he started drinking. I have 2 children ans a husband of my own I cant just take in another child nor do i have the space. The baby isn't in a huge amount of danger. I have other siblings there that help take care of her. I am just really wanting help on how to keep my sister from going back t this man. She threw all the drugs she had away yesterday along with the bubble. I cant just babysit her all day I have a life and she don't realize that. Thanks again everyone!!!

GeorgiaPeach · 04-18-2006, 11:22 AM

Tell her like I told my brother, I love you and I will do whatever I can to get you help when you are ready. I also told him that if he wasn't ready to not waste my time or his by ascting as if he was. This may be a bit harsh but I don't know, he has been clean since Aughst of 2005 and attends his meetings every Wednesday like clockwork. Is she ready to talk to you yet? If so, she must be in withdrawals for you to have her amitted in a hospital or for her to have herself admitted. My husband & I ran into that. He has used that morning and wasn't in withdrawals so they turned him away! I don;t know but if it were my sister and neice, I woud do whatever I had to do for that child. My sister has 3 boys and wanted to know if I would take one of them if anyting ever happened to her & her husband and I told her that she was crazy, I would take them all and to never split them up and I have 2 kids and a step daughter and a husband all at home. Do what you have to do and you may think that the child is ok but pills are nothing to laugh at. My husband is addicted to pain meds and the last 4 years of my life has been HELL! I don;t know anything else to tell you. Read your post, "The baby isn't in a huge amount of danger". Does that mean that a small amount of danger is ok for a 9 month old little girl? If so then it is more than your sis & mom that need help! Like I said, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!

my2boyz · 04-18-2006, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgiaPeach

Tell her like I told my brother, I love you and I will do whatever I can to get you help when you are ready. I also told him that if he wasn't ready to not waste my time or his by ascting as if he was. This may be a bit harsh but I don't know, he has been clean since Aughst of 2005 and attends his meetings every Wednesday like clockwork. Is she ready to talk to you yet? If so, she must be in withdrawals for you to have her amitted in a hospital or for her to have herself admitted. My husband & I ran into that. He has used that morning and wasn't in withdrawals so they turned him away! I don;t know but if it were my sister and neice, I woud do whatever I had to do for that child. My sister has 3 boys and wanted to know if I would take one of them if anyting ever happened to her & her husband and I told her that she was crazy, I would take them all and to never split them up and I have 2 kids and a step daughter and a husband all at home. Do what you have to do and you may think that the child is ok but pills are nothing to laugh at. My husband is addicted to pain meds and the last 4 years of my life has been HELL! I don;t know anything else to tell you. Read your post, "The baby isn't in a huge amount of danger". Does that mean that a small amount of danger is ok for a 9 month old little girl? If so then it is more than your sis & mom that need help! Like I said, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!

I am not trying to down play the fact that my mother is a pill popper but when cps goes to her beautiful home theres food in the fridge, theres clothes on their backs they all attend school normally and they all lie for my mom I become to look like the idiot who has lied!!! I have called cps numerous amounts of times, I have called the police trust me my mother works the system. My mom use to beat the crap out of me and then tell authoritys that I fell or that I was a mouthy teen ( all a bunch of crap she was on a come down and I was in her way) So again I looked like the bad guy. She works the system. All the pills do is make her sleep all day long. her and her boyfriend. I have other siblings there as well. I have a one bedroom apt. I just had a baby nine months ago wwho is partially deaf and a 2 year old. My hubby works 2 full time jobs just to help support us. I can't take on any more!!! My sister is just going to have to step up. I am not taking over her responcibility thats how she got in this mess. My mother told her " you need to go out and party have a good time Ill watch your daughter I know what it's like to be young and miss out on all that becaus e I had kids at 16 too" I am doing as much as I can. my husband don't want me to even help her he say's it disrupts our family life. So I am doing What it takes as far as I can take it. I am under alot of stress right now. I am trying to the best of my ability.

earlybird · 04-18-2006, 12:44 PM

Im not sure what "CPS" stands for. But,...I do know that if you feel that someone is a danger to themselves or others, you absolutely can have them committed into a psych ward for a 3-5 days minimum. At the facility,...they have the authority to extend her stay, or have her go to a recovery center. Get a restraining order against this loser guy she hangs with. So,...just so you know, there are things you can do here.

GeorgiaPeach · 04-18-2006, 02:47 PM

Congratulations, that was your first step. It is wonderful that you want to help your sister but after my harshness, you said the magic words "my sister is just going to have to step up. I am not taking over he responsibility that's how she got in this mess." You see, you had to realize that it is not you and you can't do anything to help her, she has to and must want to help herself. You can be supportive of her but that is about it. I am sorry that my post sounded so cruel but you had to realize what your limits and your responsibilities are and if you think that the baby is in no harm then at least she is not with your sister right now or the guy that did this to your sister. On all of the Nar-anon threads they always say to take care of yourself. Tell your sister about SR and encourage her to check it out and tell her that you will take her to the hospital or any place to get help but other than that and moral support, you will not aid her anymore unless she wants help. I must say that I did mean the things in my last thread but some people just know how to "work" the system and get away with it and if your sister doesn't care anymore about herself or the baby then you can't make her. Take care of your 9 month old and your 2 year old and you and your husband be happy together as much as possible. You can't make her want to change only be there if she does.

**BigSis** · 04-18-2006, 04:00 PM

My2.... I never committed my kid, I just asked if SHE would be willing to go to a 2-day assessment. So hers was a voluntary admission.

I don't know if my kid could have signed in without me there or not, but if she has medical coupons or insurance, I bet the staff at any facility could advise you.

What I told her... just 2 days, we would stay in a motel, she could swim in the pool - I sort of made it sound like a little mini-vacation. And it would have been, except we left on January 31, 2004 and hit some sort of fricken blizzard in the Cascades.... I ended up driving for 11 hours to get what would normally take 3 hours.

We checked in to motel for what was left of the night, then left the next morning for the facility.

The facility put us up for the next 2 days and 1 night... - most of it was an orientation for those who brought the kids, and testing and interviewing for the kids themselves.

But, like was said here, if she is very resistant, then this might not be the time, and pushing too hard might "ruin" or make more difficult, the right time - when it comes.

Until then.... Alanon is a great organization for those of us who love alcoholics. Since most addicts I know also have trouble with alcohol (especially if their drug of choice is unavailable), I always felt like I could qualify for Alanon. But there are some cities that have Naranon, too. At Alanon I learned some techniques for not obsessing about my daughter while I was "waiting" for her to figure out she wanted to be sober.

I hope you can find some meetings in your area.

my2boyz · 04-18-2006, 04:12 PM

Georgia I do have to say, I was very offended by your post because you made me feel like what I was doing wasn't enough. My siblings and I have has a difficult life. I have always tried to lead by example because we didn't have a positive role model growing up. None of them followed my lead. My sister whose 19 use to be addicted to meth my older brothers were also. I cant even tell you how to use it or what it looks like. I am the only one to graduate high school or college. My younger siblings are too young to determain what they want out of life. Yesterday when I was talking to her she was blameing my mom saying her drug use was her fault because she never did anything about her brothers ( our uncles) molesting her. The same thing only worse happen to me and she is well aware of it. I never turned to drugs I do understand people deal with it differently but I think this was the wrong way. Like I said before I don't know what is truthful and not because all she does is lie. To be honest I think every one of my mothers kids need therepy/counseling. I was very offended by the comment you made about me needing help as well as my mother and sister. there is so much more to the story. I haven't even touched the surface. Mind you I am not complaning about my childhood just giving you some back round.

MeggieStar · 04-18-2006, 04:40 PM

Hi My2...welcome to SR!

It sounds like you have alot on your plate and that is really overwhelming. I'm sure you are doing the best you can for your family. From what you have said about yourself, you are probably one of the oldest kids in the family and the "role model"...Did you know that oldest kids often take on the role of leader and also often feel pressure to hold it together or set a good example? That sounds like what you said...I think it's really great that you were able to graduate high school and college and have started a family of your own. However, it is very easy for someone in your position to be an "enabler" because in that position you often take the brunt of the responsibility...even for other people or their problems.

I am an oldest child myself, and I think it has something to do with my being co-dependent. I often try to control situations and people. I do it out of love for them and because I think I know what they should do to be happier. It can be selfless, but also selfish as well.

Al-Anon helped me recognize what I was doing to hurt myself by enabling and being codependent. It's a great program and it's free. It helps us find peace and serenity in the nasty messy world of addiction.

I don't think you are doing anything but your best! It's great that you have realized that your sister's life is her own and that you are not responsible for cleaning up her messes. To answer your original question: there is not much you can do to keep her from going back with the older man. Although you've been given suggestions such as hospital, CPS, police etc...which can help...your sister may still return to her drug life. The question will be: how will you handle it if she does? It's obvious that you love her and it hurts alot that we can't save our addicts. I'll send prayers that she find her way.

Sometimes it is difficult to hear what others have to say. One saying in AlAnon that I really like is "take what you like and leave the rest." You may not always like everything you hear here, and that is perfectly fine. You don't have to! And if you don't like something, it is ok to let it go. I don't think anyone here would ever mean to be cruel or judgemental. There is alot of positive encouragement here, so I hope you stick around.

Please tell your story on the Naranon board as well, because the people there are all people who love addicts. We can really understand what you are going through.

Hugs!

MeggieStar · 04-18-2006, 04:43 PM

Hi again...I just wanted to add that when we say "we are as sick as our addicts" it's because it can be true. Of course no one wants to think that they too, are sick (it should be the addict's problem right?) but certain behaviors tend to pop up when dealing with an addict and those behaviors can make us physically, mentally and emotionally sick and tired.

Not saying you are "just as sick" or whatever, but thought this might help explain what that comment meant. More hugs!

GeorgiaPeach · 04-19-2006, 08:14 AM

I am sorry that I offended you but you must realize that we can only respond to what we read and that is exactly what I did. If you look back in one post I said, "I don't know your situation but...". I know that sometimes things are hard to hear but sometimes those are the things that make us think about the situation. I realize that you are not your sister's keeper and that she controls her own destiny but that baby doesn't have a choice and she relies solely on her family to take care of her and make decisions for her. Again, I apologize for the harshness but regardless what happens with your sister, you or another family member are the only ones who can make sure that that baby are safe because right now your sister doesn't care so someone has to becasue she is helpless. I have no advice or suggestions, only prayers for you and your family!

my2boyz · 04-19-2006, 10:45 AM

She Left yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!! She went back to the old *******. I am sick of this, I even got her into a program that was supposed to start Monday. I am done being her guppy and my mom blameing me for my sister being this screwed up!!!!

GeorgiaPeach · 04-19-2006, 10:54 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your sister but she is not ready yet. Someday she will come around and want it enough to get help. Take care of yourself and your family and try to distance yourself from that whole situation. I know that is easier said than done but your immediate family needs you so focus on them for a while because no one other than you want to do anything to help your sister(not a lot anyway) so be good to you for a while! My prayers are out to your sister and to you!

earlybird · 04-19-2006, 11:07 AM

This is hard for you to hear, I know, but, wash your hands of her. For right now. She doesnt want to quit. She isnt ready. A treatment center would do her absolutely no good right now. You HAVE to WANT it. She doesnt. Unfortunately,...she will probably get into waaaaaaaaay more trouble because of her addiction. She will probably get a DUI,...get hit again by this loser guy she went back to,....probably have to hit the hospital a few times,....but its what she needs to go through. And you being privy to all of that will only hurt you. Wash your hands of her,...you will only have to concern yourself with her when she comes crawling to you ready to quit. Then help her. Until that happens,...you are only feeding her addiction. You will know when she means it. I cant explain how,....only that you WILL know.

04-17-2006, 04:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
my2boyz Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stockton California Posts: 15	Help Please ergent!!! I have a 17 year old sister who has a nine month old daughter!!! She has been on a meth benge for about 3 months now. We knew she used in the past but she said it was the people she hung out with. My parents are both ex heroin users (now just pill poppers and drunks) they think they are clean. They can care less what happens to her. SHe is with this 50 year old man who is the main connection. He is always telling her if she leaves he'll kill her daughter. He puts needles in her arm and basically keeps her loaded. She ran away from him today she made it top her church where they sent her to some one elses house out of harms way. She is passed out on the couch and now we don't know what to do she may wake up on a come down and flipp out. She has ran from him before but went back to him because she called him and he threatended her. We wont let her use the phone. I know we cant heelp her if she don't want it. what if she wakes up and wants to leave??? This guy beats her, calls her names and he's broken a cell phone over her head. She don't want to get the police involved because she's scared of him. I NEED HELP PLEASE!!! I think she will sleep for a few days or at least I am hoping!!!

04-17-2006, 05:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
Done-With-It InAButtonKindOfWay. Seriously? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Hollywood Posts: 8,250 Blog Entries: 15	Hey there, Deep breaths, ;-). I would call the police and tell her you will call CPS if she goes back to this guy. Meth was my doc. That stuff is dangerous and it screws with your thinking so bad. It's nothing a baby should have to deal with. Sorry I know you know that already. I'm not sure what to say except call the police. Also you should probably post this thread over in the Naranon forum. You'll get a lot of help and advice over there, they are used to dealing with this kind of stuff. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/nar-anon/ Hang in there, and keep posting, let us know how all of you are doing. __________________ Living in fast forward Hollywood RockStar outta control Need to rewind real slow Alwys Runin Time to take control Oh yeah ...

04-17-2006, 05:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,771 Blog Entries: 3	where is the baby? __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

04-17-2006, 06:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,164	Yeah - where the baby is might make a difference on how to help. You can call a local rehab and they might have good advice. The one I took my meth addicted daughter to told me this: Talk to her at her low point - while she is coming down was good for me. She would say almost anything if I would just let her go back to sleep. I got her to agree to a 2-day drug assessment that is offered by our rehab. When she woke up, I think she was wanting to back out, but a part of her wanted to see if she was really as bad as she thought. She was.... she stayed for the 2-day, then ended up in outpatient treatment where she failed (but she had agreed when leaving the 2-day that if she couldn't make outpatient work -she would come back for the entire 30 days). The place I called has an 800 number, takes state coupons and is located in Washington State. You can find out more from them here: http://www.sundown.org But they use the Minnesota Medical Model for treatment, which is a common treatment format - so you don't have to go to this one. You might want to call them, though, they are open 24/7. I wish you the best. __________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

04-18-2006, 10:28 AM	#10 (permalink)
my2boyz Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stockton California Posts: 15	I have called cps a few days ago and I was made out to be a lyer. My mom denied using pills, (of corse) she's also dying of cancer. My mom knows how to play the system trust me shes done it all her life. My parents are not togather because my mom left my dad for his best friend and thats why or should i say when he started drinking. I have 2 children ans a husband of my own I cant just take in another child nor do i have the space. The baby isn't in a huge amount of danger. I have other siblings there that help take care of her. I am just really wanting help on how to keep my sister from going back t this man. She threw all the drugs she had away yesterday along with the bubble. I cant just babysit her all day I have a life and she don't realize that. Thanks again everyone!!! __________________ ~~~ My Scars remind me that the past is real ~~~

04-17-2006, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
Peter Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Leaving Sparta Posts: 2,552	Yeah, as Done says the first thing you need to do is calm down. There are places of safety you can send her to where he would not be able to find her. The problem is: Will she want to stay when she wakes up and wants more drugs? I don't think she goes back to him because she is afraid of him, she goes back to him because she wants to get loaded.If she really wants to get away from him she can.

04-18-2006, 08:38 AM	#8 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	I don't know your situation but have you thought about trying to get custody of the child? I know that you want to help your sister but that child is helpless and from what you say about your parents, that is probably not the best place for the child. Your sister seems to have her wits about her a little since she said to give her a few days because she didn't want to hurt you by talking now. Maybe you you can tell your mom that unless she steps up and gets your sister the help that she needs and be a mother that you are going to turn her into CPS or something like that. I know it sounds bad and is almost using the child in a sense but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. CPS usually will look for a family member to place the child with if they are called and take the child from your mother and sister. I wish you all the best and I hope that everyone will see what is best and get to that place. I'm here if you need me(I have an AH.). Then again, depending on yor state, once a minor has had a child they are emancipated so your mother has no say in her life anymore and no one can make her do anything. Just make sure that the child is taken care of and is safe and happy!

04-18-2006, 11:22 AM	#11 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	Tell her like I told my brother, I love you and I will do whatever I can to get you help when you are ready. I also told him that if he wasn't ready to not waste my time or his by ascting as if he was. This may be a bit harsh but I don't know, he has been clean since Aughst of 2005 and attends his meetings every Wednesday like clockwork. Is she ready to talk to you yet? If so, she must be in withdrawals for you to have her amitted in a hospital or for her to have herself admitted. My husband & I ran into that. He has used that morning and wasn't in withdrawals so they turned him away! I don;t know but if it were my sister and neice, I woud do whatever I had to do for that child. My sister has 3 boys and wanted to know if I would take one of them if anyting ever happened to her & her husband and I told her that she was crazy, I would take them all and to never split them up and I have 2 kids and a step daughter and a husband all at home. Do what you have to do and you may think that the child is ok but pills are nothing to laugh at. My husband is addicted to pain meds and the last 4 years of my life has been HELL! I don;t know anything else to tell you. Read your post, "The baby isn't in a huge amount of danger". Does that mean that a small amount of danger is ok for a 9 month old little girl? If so then it is more than your sis & mom that need help! Like I said, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!

04-18-2006, 12:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
earlybird Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Livonia, MI Posts: 681	Im not sure what "CPS" stands for. But,...I do know that if you feel that someone is a danger to themselves or others, you absolutely can have them committed into a psych ward for a 3-5 days minimum. At the facility,...they have the authority to extend her stay, or have her go to a recovery center. Get a restraining order against this loser guy she hangs with. So,...just so you know, there are things you can do here.

04-18-2006, 02:47 PM	#14 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	Congratulations, that was your first step. It is wonderful that you want to help your sister but after my harshness, you said the magic words "my sister is just going to have to step up. I am not taking over he responsibility that's how she got in this mess." You see, you had to realize that it is not you and you can't do anything to help her, she has to and must want to help herself. You can be supportive of her but that is about it. I am sorry that my post sounded so cruel but you had to realize what your limits and your responsibilities are and if you think that the baby is in no harm then at least she is not with your sister right now or the guy that did this to your sister. On all of the Nar-anon threads they always say to take care of yourself. Tell your sister about SR and encourage her to check it out and tell her that you will take her to the hospital or any place to get help but other than that and moral support, you will not aid her anymore unless she wants help. I must say that I did mean the things in my last thread but some people just know how to "work" the system and get away with it and if your sister doesn't care anymore about herself or the baby then you can't make her. Take care of your 9 month old and your 2 year old and you and your husband be happy together as much as possible. You can't make her want to change only be there if she does.

04-18-2006, 04:00 PM	#15 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,164	My2.... I never committed my kid, I just asked if SHE would be willing to go to a 2-day assessment. So hers was a voluntary admission. I don't know if my kid could have signed in without me there or not, but if she has medical coupons or insurance, I bet the staff at any facility could advise you. What I told her... just 2 days, we would stay in a motel, she could swim in the pool - I sort of made it sound like a little mini-vacation. And it would have been, except we left on January 31, 2004 and hit some sort of fricken blizzard in the Cascades.... I ended up driving for 11 hours to get what would normally take 3 hours. We checked in to motel for what was left of the night, then left the next morning for the facility. The facility put us up for the next 2 days and 1 night... - most of it was an orientation for those who brought the kids, and testing and interviewing for the kids themselves. But, like was said here, if she is very resistant, then this might not be the time, and pushing too hard might "ruin" or make more difficult, the right time - when it comes. Until then.... Alanon is a great organization for those of us who love alcoholics. Since most addicts I know also have trouble with alcohol (especially if their drug of choice is unavailable), I always felt like I could qualify for Alanon. But there are some cities that have Naranon, too. At Alanon I learned some techniques for not obsessing about my daughter while I was "waiting" for her to figure out she wanted to be sober. I hope you can find some meetings in your area. __________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

04-18-2006, 04:12 PM	#16 (permalink)
my2boyz Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stockton California Posts: 15	Georgia I do have to say, I was very offended by your post because you made me feel like what I was doing wasn't enough. My siblings and I have has a difficult life. I have always tried to lead by example because we didn't have a positive role model growing up. None of them followed my lead. My sister whose 19 use to be addicted to meth my older brothers were also. I cant even tell you how to use it or what it looks like. I am the only one to graduate high school or college. My younger siblings are too young to determain what they want out of life. Yesterday when I was talking to her she was blameing my mom saying her drug use was her fault because she never did anything about her brothers ( our uncles) molesting her. The same thing only worse happen to me and she is well aware of it. I never turned to drugs I do understand people deal with it differently but I think this was the wrong way. Like I said before I don't know what is truthful and not because all she does is lie. To be honest I think every one of my mothers kids need therepy/counseling. I was very offended by the comment you made about me needing help as well as my mother and sister. there is so much more to the story. I haven't even touched the surface. Mind you I am not complaning about my childhood just giving you some back round. __________________ ~~~ My Scars remind me that the past is real ~~~

04-18-2006, 04:40 PM	#17 (permalink)
MeggieStar Starry Girl Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Starry Night Posts: 254	Hi My2...welcome to SR! It sounds like you have alot on your plate and that is really overwhelming. I'm sure you are doing the best you can for your family. From what you have said about yourself, you are probably one of the oldest kids in the family and the "role model"...Did you know that oldest kids often take on the role of leader and also often feel pressure to hold it together or set a good example? That sounds like what you said...I think it's really great that you were able to graduate high school and college and have started a family of your own. However, it is very easy for someone in your position to be an "enabler" because in that position you often take the brunt of the responsibility...even for other people or their problems. I am an oldest child myself, and I think it has something to do with my being co-dependent. I often try to control situations and people. I do it out of love for them and because I think I know what they should do to be happier. It can be selfless, but also selfish as well. Al-Anon helped me recognize what I was doing to hurt myself by enabling and being codependent. It's a great program and it's free. It helps us find peace and serenity in the nasty messy world of addiction. I don't think you are doing anything but your best! It's great that you have realized that your sister's life is her own and that you are not responsible for cleaning up her messes. To answer your original question: there is not much you can do to keep her from going back with the older man. Although you've been given suggestions such as hospital, CPS, police etc...which can help...your sister may still return to her drug life. The question will be: how will you handle it if she does? It's obvious that you love her and it hurts alot that we can't save our addicts. I'll send prayers that she find her way. Sometimes it is difficult to hear what others have to say. One saying in AlAnon that I really like is "take what you like and leave the rest." You may not always like everything you hear here, and that is perfectly fine. You don't have to! And if you don't like something, it is ok to let it go. I don't think anyone here would ever mean to be cruel or judgemental. There is alot of positive encouragement here, so I hope you stick around. Please tell your story on the Naranon board as well, because the people there are all people who love addicts. We can really understand what you are going through. Hugs! __________________ I am the Queen of Myself.

04-18-2006, 04:43 PM	#18 (permalink)
MeggieStar Starry Girl Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Starry Night Posts: 254	Hi again...I just wanted to add that when we say "we are as sick as our addicts" it's because it can be true. Of course no one wants to think that they too, are sick (it should be the addict's problem right?) but certain behaviors tend to pop up when dealing with an addict and those behaviors can make us physically, mentally and emotionally sick and tired. Not saying you are "just as sick" or whatever, but thought this might help explain what that comment meant. More hugs! __________________ I am the Queen of Myself.

04-19-2006, 08:14 AM	#19 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	I am sorry that I offended you but you must realize that we can only respond to what we read and that is exactly what I did. If you look back in one post I said, "I don't know your situation but...". I know that sometimes things are hard to hear but sometimes those are the things that make us think about the situation. I realize that you are not your sister's keeper and that she controls her own destiny but that baby doesn't have a choice and she relies solely on her family to take care of her and make decisions for her. Again, I apologize for the harshness but regardless what happens with your sister, you or another family member are the only ones who can make sure that that baby are safe because right now your sister doesn't care so someone has to becasue she is helpless. I have no advice or suggestions, only prayers for you and your family!

04-19-2006, 10:45 AM	#20 (permalink)
my2boyz Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Stockton California Posts: 15	She Left yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!! She went back to the old *******. I am sick of this, I even got her into a program that was supposed to start Monday. I am done being her guppy and my mom blameing me for my sister being this screwed up!!!! __________________ ~~~ My Scars remind me that the past is real ~~~

04-19-2006, 10:54 AM	#21 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	I am so sorry to hear about your sister but she is not ready yet. Someday she will come around and want it enough to get help. Take care of yourself and your family and try to distance yourself from that whole situation. I know that is easier said than done but your immediate family needs you so focus on them for a while because no one other than you want to do anything to help your sister(not a lot anyway) so be good to you for a while! My prayers are out to your sister and to you!

04-19-2006, 11:07 AM	#22 (permalink)
earlybird Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Livonia, MI Posts: 681	This is hard for you to hear, I know, but, wash your hands of her. For right now. She doesnt want to quit. She isnt ready. A treatment center would do her absolutely no good right now. You HAVE to WANT it. She doesnt. Unfortunately,...she will probably get into waaaaaaaaay more trouble because of her addiction. She will probably get a DUI,...get hit again by this loser guy she went back to,....probably have to hit the hospital a few times,....but its what she needs to go through. And you being privy to all of that will only hurt you. Wash your hands of her,...you will only have to concern yourself with her when she comes crawling to you ready to quit. Then help her. Until that happens,...you are only feeding her addiction. You will know when she means it. I cant explain how,....only that you WILL know.