Trying...again....

[tyler]

Well here I go again. I'm quitting for good, again!! So what will be different this time? Good question. I am trying to focus on the positive things I have in life when I'm not high. I can't just seem to do it "just to relax" in the evenings, like I'd like to. I'm just not "normal" that way. It all seems very simple really, and in fact it is very simple, that does not make it easy, however. I feel like I have made some changes in the way I think and react to situations so that I won't feel the need to numb life all the time. I'm not religious in any way what so ever, but Easter seemed like a good time to "start over" with my life and get the drugs out. I'm kinda rambling here, so I think I'm going to get some sleep. Hope everyone is doing well and thanks to those who kept in touch will I was "out". Take care all.

[Done-With-It]

RIGHT ON!!!!!!!! Yah!!! I'm so happy you are back, and especially that your going to give it a go! You can do it!!!!

[lulu70]

Great to see you, Tyler! Keep posting!

[Peter]

Good for you tyler.

[Hope]

I'm happy that you made that decision!

[doorknob]

Great to see ya bro!

[tyler]

thanks guys. Slept OK last night, though sleep is a major issue for me, it's what got me started in this mess to begin with. However, given the huge amount of problems it has caused me in the past, I think I just need to learn to deal with the whole difficulty sleeping thing. At least then I'm only out of it when I don't get sleep as opposed to being out of it all the time. Anyway, it's going well so far. Take care all.

[Done-With-It]

Hey Tyler!~

Glad day one is going good!
You know that sleep thing is part of why I just love the meth. I have and always have had horrible insomnia. Then I'd get exhausted. You know with meth, you no longer need sleep.
So I can empathize with that.
It's still a struggle for me, but yea, your right the drugs just bring us a whole lot more problems than insomnia!~~

Keep going!~~

[2stop]

{{{{tyler}}}}} You can do it.......it gets better. Sleep IS hard to come by at first.............but it comes back..in time.

{{Hugs}} Hang in there!

[Tori Girl]

Well..end of this month will be a year for me. Weed free for one year...I would have never thought it possible. Looking back ...I would say..the hardest part was those first few months. Now...I tell myself when I get upset or frusterated..."I wish I had some weed!!" but I think I just say it to remind myself that I don't do it anymore and I have to revert to that other way I have to deal with things now.

There are alternatives for getting that high...massages, chiropractic adjustments, and exercise. And above all stay busy. I opened up a Juice Bar and keep really busy.

Put all your energy into all the alternatives that you come up with...and be addicted to them ...like you were with your drug. You might actually end up being really successful because you are totally dedicated. That's what I am hoping will happen to me.

You know you wanna quit..so just quit...don't look back...don't start again. It will just take longer to say that you have been sober for a year and two years and so on. You know what to do...you have quit before...just do it for good this time. You are torturing yourself by quiting and starting and quiting and starting.

You don't need it as much as you think you do. Once it gets out of your system..you will start to believe me.

[doorknob]

Hi from over the hill Tori. Great message. I'm on day 5 pot free. Damn it's hard!

DK

[BigSis]

TYLER!!!! Oh, it IS you!!! Welcome back! Good to see you again.... congrats on day one!!!

[tyler]

Thanks Tori!! It's good to hear from someone who has been there. The stopping and starting thing is killing me. I was clean for about 8 months untill I caved in this last time. This is going to sound like total BS, but one of the reason's I started smoking again was to see if I could stop on my own. With my 8 months, I was taken out of the area I was in and relocated with my parrents. I didn't really know where to get anything, or at least anywhere I was going to go to get some. I have never been a score on the street corner kind of guy. As always happens, eventually I found someone who could hook me up. I figured it would be a good test for me before I go an move back to the area I'm from in the fall. Well, it was a good test, and I failed it just as I have countless times before!! I couldn't walk away when I wanted to. Well, I guess I did eventually, but not before it started getting out of control again. But at least this time it didn't get completely out of control. But I just have to get it through my head that I just can't do this. I mean when it comes right down to it, it's not that big a deal. I can do so many other things, I just can't smoke pot. I have to focus on that fact. Well, gonna try to get some sleep. Thanks all for the support.

BTW congrats on 5 days DK!!! Let's walk the walk together!!

[Tori Girl]

I KNOW you can do it Ty Ty !! You KNOW you can do it too. This may seem weird...but maybe try telling everyone that you are quitting. Even tell your dealer to not sell to you. It might work...pot dealers don't ever have a problem selling the stuff and they are usually pretty cool and supportive. That way...even if you get really down and feel like you need it...they can tell you that you asked them not to sell it to you...

My pot dealer was my brother...and I just know he would be dissapointed if I called him for some...even though he smokes it himself and can't seem to quit. So I don't even call...There are times when I walk myself through it all...me calling him and wondering what he will say to me...I even picture myself driving 1/2 hour to his house to get some...I know if I begged and cried...he would prolly break down and give me some...but it would still make him feel like crap for doing it..and I don't want him to feel like crap over it.

Then I think...do I want to start over...I have already gone a whole year...but isht happens...and I still get really down...if I could just smoke some..I would feel better and nothing would bother me...But then I would smoke...feel good...eventually it would wear off and I would have to smoke again..pretty soon..I would be smoking as much as I used to...and then no amout of weed could make me feel better...I would try and smoke as much as possible and nothing...what's next harder drugs?...well...now i am just rambling..but you probably recognise this rambling.

Ok ..back to work...

Bye Ty..take care

[tyler]

Heck, it's not just the rambling I recognise, but the whole freaking story!!!! I have told the guy who "hooks me up" that I won't be buying anymore, and he's probably going to be following suit himself. I came clean about my whole history with pot and he felt really bad for getting it for me. He said if had any idea he would have never gotten it for me. Of course I said that's why I never told him!!!

I'm just trying to keep my eye on the prize of getting back to be with my son. I've ruined a 15+ year with my ex-wife (still can't get used to the ex part even though it's been almost 2 years now) but I'm blessed that she is not a vengeful bi*ch, even though, in my opinion, she has every right to be. Example: My 5 year old son wanted to dye an Easter egg for me...and then send it to me. Yup, a real egg. So she is getting a cooler, dry ice and overnight shipping the egg to me. I should mention that she isn't exactly rolling in money. I cried when she told me what she was doing. I really feel like I don't deserve it, but I guess that is what I need to work on, is imporving myself so I do feel like I deserve things like that. That is very much a work in progress.

Anyway, overall, it was a pretty good day today. Thanks for listening everyone.

[angelgirl]

Oh Tyler!!

You are BACKKK!!! YEAH!!! That is SO COOL! WOO-WOO!!


We did miss you very much! Things have changed a bit around here, as I am sure you see, but eh, change is necessary in life, right? We know that, don't we.. :wink2:
It's just great to have you back, and clean too..

The drug story is the same for everyone, no matter the DOC. Go back, then it is never enough, soon, on to bigger and worse things, when the DOC isn't working anymore. It's such a terrible roller coaster, one I am glad we are off that ride.

So she is getting a cooler, dry ice and overnight shipping the egg to me.

What a woman!! this brought tears to my eyes. Tyler youa re SO blessed!! Hang on tight to those in your life. You have every reason, ( Yep, your own life being the biggest reason ) to stay clean.. You are truly loved. We love you as well..

You hang in there buddy, and keep taking it one day at a time.
We know you can do this, you have done it before.. You have been a really strong
support person here at SR, and I know that you will be again..

I AM Praying for you Tyler...
Love you,
Becky

PS- Tori-- My sons name is Tyler, and I call him Ty Ty, he is my baby,, close to my heart.. I just love that.. I thought that was SO cute!! It made me smile, I didn't think anyone else said called anyone else named Tyler that.. LOL..

[PlanoTexican]

Tyler,

It is so great to see you back. Your posts helped me get through those first very difficult months of being pot free. Your story was one that I could so relate to.

I am still using Benadryl for allergies to help me sleep. Not as often now, but I do kep a bottle in the nightstand for when I can't sleep.

You can win the battle too. If I couldn't have got regular sleep I too would have failed at quitting pot.

Tori Girl, glad to see you are coming up on your first year without pot, same as I.

[Tori Girl]

Hey Angel...I had a kid in my 4 year old class named Tyler...I called him Ty Ty..hehe...I just feel close to Tyler and feel like giving him a nick name...cause he has the same problems with pot that I have.

People don't realize how damaging pot can be. I never thought it might be a problem...for years and years. Until I tried to quit...then I went crazy and was a total spaz for months. I realized I was using the pot for coping with everything in my life. When it wasn't there...I didn't have any way to cope. I had to re-learn how to cope with things. But I have been smoking pot for over 11 years...so it has been a really big challenge.

My main motivation is the health reasons...my lungs really can't take it anymore...I don't want to develop lung cancer or throat cancer. I see how caked the pipe gets with BLACK resin and I picture that in my body...and it grosses me out. I have a few people who come in the juice bar that have cancer...it's a scary thing. You don't really think about that stuff until you get older and realize you are not invincible.

Plano..good to see you again. Try looking into herbs and things that are a little more natural than the benedryl..that might make you feel a little better. I know there is that valarian root for sleeping...I haven't tried it..but some people say it really works. If you have a juice bar near by..see if they have wheatgrass juice...that really helps with detox and gives you great energy.

Take care all.

[tyler]

Tough day at work today. Sales have been slow and I got chewed out by a angry customer. Comes with the territory I guess. Using hasn't even entered my mind as an option. Could it be I have finally learned my lesson??!! Day 4, a bit early to tell, but overall things are going pretty good. I've been losing weight, I've dropped about 35 pounds in the last couple of months. I was up to 270 and now I'm down to 235, I'd like to be between 210&220. I'm 6'3", so I can pull off a little weight. Now I need to take advantage of that "donation" I've been making every month to the gym and get my butt in there in the mornings. I'm not quite there yet, but I think I'm going to give it a shot next week. It's been hard as I've been working between 60-65 hrs a week, but we've hired some new people now, so it should get better. Honestly at this point in my life, working 60 hrs a week is probably the best thing for me.

Tori, I have a list of reasons several miles long to quit, I smoked for 18 years, 24/7, 1/8-1/4 a day. It was the only way I could function. I am now 37, divorced, filed for bankruptcy, back home living with my parrents 1000 miles away from my 5 year old son. The truly messed up thing is that I'm in the best shape mentally and even physically that I've been in years. At least this time I was able to realize that things were getting out of control again and I pulled the plug before a total meltdown. I tired, I don't want to go through this crap anymore, and I don't have to. I'm on the right track now and I will not be derailed.

Thanks everyone for the support. Take care all.

[bikewench]

Tyler...

I know this cliche is as old as the hills... but..

The winners are the people that get up one time more than they go down.

So yeah.. no matter how many times it takes...

You seem to be heading in a good direction though from your last post...
I've donated to a gym as well... lol...


Anyway...
I am praying to my God to remove the obsession... if you have any left.

Take care Tyler.

[tyler]

Well, I had a little 420 slip. My buddy, who is also quitting, invited me over to smoke up the rest of his stash for 420.

Well Bikewench, maybe your God did help, because even though I did smoke with him, I had no desire to buy any or even smoke more. I didn't even really enjoy it that much. So I guess that is some progress. He's the only guy I know around here who smokes, and he's quitting now too, so that should help.

Just figured I should 'fess up.

Thanks for listening.

[doorknob]

Hey Tyler,

I fell again, but I'm back.

Paul

[2stop]

" I may have fallen a thousand times, But I stood up a thousand and one"

I used to tell myself that over and over again.

Glad you both are here..........{{{{Healing Hugs}}}}

[tyler]

What happens if you go over 1000!!?? I know, get up again!!!! Hang in there Paul, thinking about you bro!!! I'm doing good, despite my slip. I'm concentrating on the positive side, not buying any to take home, which I've always done. The obsession seems to be gone for the most part. It was stupid to smoke on 4/20, but I did it, and I'm not going to do it again. I don't want to minimize, but it's a positive break in my pattern. Thanks to all for the replies and support.