Helpless, watching....

[_If_]

33 days into my 7th attempt at sobriety, and things are looking promising. I still want to hit that psychological 90 day mark (that has been my achilles heel). However, my bf and I are now 33 days Crystal Meth free. We are still taking things one day at a time. However, last night, as I was typing a post, he was pacing...... back and forth..... For a while, he was on the phone with one of the only friends we have left, telling him "our story". Even the condensed version took him nearly 2 hours. SS (the friend) was quiet for much of the story - and my frequent "don't forget to tell him....." interjections...... All the while, he paced...... back and forth..... His story is a little longer than mine. 13 years ago, he had a bad accident that has left him in debilitating pain, and waiting for a surgery - that he keeps running away from..... minimum 6 months recovery time - bedridden, who can blame him?? So, this morning he was laying beside me snoring and shaking, because he is out of the painkillers that he has also become dependent on. He has been out of work with no insurance since January, so, of course, he has not been getting the painkillers from a Doctor and/or a Pharmacy. This is not only illegal and dangerous, but also spotty and unreliable. So, he is going through the first stages of withdrawl every week or so. We have both been taking voluntary drug tests on a weekly basis, so I do know that the only thing he has been doing is painkillers. Anyway, we got him signed up on an insurance plan, however it does not kick in until Monday, so this weekend is not going to be fun. As his last pill was wearing off last night, we spent those last moments making a plan. As I have never experienced the withdrawl from painkillers first hand (although, I have watched him go through parts of it numerous times) I would love input from any of you that have been through this.

Here is a condensed version of our plan:
1) Get on a health insurance plan (if possible)..... done
2) Make appointment with ortho to get on Dr. recommended regimen (both physical and medicinal)
3) Make appointment with counselor (whole family.... we've all got our own issues =) Treat the mind, body AND spirit)
4) Follow Doctor's recommended regimen with goal of getting in shape, with the eventual goal of surgery (he has been told he is not in good enough shape to have the surgery he needs)
5) Once he hits a point where the pain is at a manageable level (with or without surgery) - detox

This is a big one.... We are looking at the rapid detox, and were wondering if anyone has had any experiences (good, bad or otherwise) with it, and would like to share.

Thank you all, God Bless!!

[Done-With-It]

Hey,

I wanted to say a quick Hi. I only have experience detoxing from meth.
But I know someone will be around soon tog be of more help.

You sound great though, sounds like your doing a great job!

Keep going forward!

[Phinneas]

Welcome to SR. Glad you're here. Like Done, I don't have much experience in those areas. Give it a little time and others who do will be along.

Hang in there. A day clean and sober is a miracle.

[_If_]

Thanks Done and Phinneas! We have been through this cycle enough times that we are pretty good at hanging on =) It is really hard to watch this though. When we cleaned up off of Meth, we just slept and slept. Actually, this time around, I was back to work in three days. That was odd.... Last several times, it was weeks. But just sleeping sure beats the hell outta what I am watching him go through right now. Throwing up, shaking, awake dreams, panic attacks, etc... Makes it kinda hard to encourage him to quit, knowing he has to go through weeks of that, and there is nothing waiting for him at the end of that but the pain that started it all in the first place. Am I wrong to kind of turn my head when he heads out the door to go see his "dealer" to get a couple more pain pills? I know he isn't getting anything else, we are both taking random drug tests (although, I am smart enough to know that even those are not 100%). Monday, his insurance should kick in, and then he can go and see a real doctor. But, between now and Monday, should I put my foot down and watch him go through hell? Or, go with him to pick the pills up, and put myself in temptation's way? Or let him go by himself and worry the whole time?

Sigh....

[golf99]

Throwing up, shaking, awake dreams, panic attacks, etc... Makes it kinda hard to encourage him to quit, knowing he has to go through weeks of that, and there is nothing waiting for him at the end of that but the pain that started it all in the first place.


I was a four plus year, full blown opiate addict. Withdrawals lasted days (5-7) not weeks.


Am I wrong to kind of turn my head when he heads out the door to go see his "dealer" to get a couple more pain pills?

From what you are describing, he is taking more than a 'couple' of pain pills.


I'm very happy you both kicked meth, however, I think your partner has a pill issue. From what you are telling us he is vomiting, shaking, having day nightmares and panic attacks. It sounds like he takes a large quanity of pills daily. These withdrawal symptoms don't add up to someone taking only a 'couple' of pills.

As far as obtaining these pills from a dealer, you know the answer to that.

I would suggest seeing a Doctor asap and getting your partner the help they need, health insurance or not.


Keep your eye on the prize


Best,
Golf

[_If_]

Thanks Golf -

Although, I am not sure if it makes any difference or not, but he is way past 4 years, he is closer to 13 (although, it has been on and off), I know there was a time he was taking 16 40mg OC's a day. Funny though, that was Dr. perscribed. His injury is bad enough that they will pretty much perscribe him anything (atleast *some* doctors will.... we are trying to avoid that kind). That was about 5 or 6 years ago.... he actually had to call his doc and tell to stop writing the RX. The guy calls back and said "he really wouldn't recommend that". He had to move out of state to clean up that time. But, if the pain won't go away, then how to get rid of the pills? I can't even pretend to understand, I am not in pain.

[_If_]

Oh yeah - one more thing.... When you say, get him the help he needs.... Any recommendation as to what? I know our options are:

counseling, detox, hospital, NA, etc.... But my thoughts are - if we don't fix the pain (or atleast learn some new methods of coping), then it is only a matter of time... He says that the pain is the only driving force, once that is gone, then he can see no reason to ever use again. I am not sure that I agree.... I think that somewhere we have reprogrammed our brains to be more apt to use (anything) than someone who has never used. I also believe there are some human aspects that play into this too....

So, that tells me, counseling and detox are indispensible, but that still leaves the pain... What if that never goes away for him? What can help him learn to cope, pill free? Or, is there a point where pain meds are OK? Seems like I remember him saying that there comes a point where you just can't take enough....

Sorry, I am rambling..... I just wish the detox fairy could wave her magic wand and give me all the answers. Thanks for listening!

[Buzz Kilowatt]

I have a friend with diabetic neuropathy and constant pain. He was an addict years ago in Vietnam. Nonetheless, his doc(s) put him on methadone with Oxy for breakthrough pain.

I can't imagine anything more compelling than chronic, severe pain to result in a relapse.

There are pain specialists . . . has he been to one or more of those? Some people report varying levels of success with Neurontin, biofeedback, pain blocks, surgery, meditation, anti-depressants. The latter is important because pain will eventually make you depressed.

Good luck.

Buzz

[_If_]

Yeah - it was the "pain specialist" that had him on all the Oxys.... Perhaps we just need to find another. He has tried Neurontin with no luck (we have probably 10 bottles of that stuff laying around.... ), he has also tried the biofeedback, and that did help somewhat, I will remind him of that! Surgery is the ultimate goal (although, he has only been given a 65% chance of improvement, and a 6 month(ish) recovery, but because of a 5 year addiction to Crystal Meth, he has been told he is not yet in good enough health to go thru surgery. I am not sure what pain blocks are? I am trying to get him to do yoga with me, as a personal thing, meditation has helped me more than anything ever, as I think I am, I am. It works wonderfully for me, but seems like you have to believe it will work to actually make it work, I still see the "I can't" monster in his actions. "I know it won't work" means that no matter what, you are right - it won't.

As to the anti-depressants, good point! I know they helped me quit smoking (cigarettes and Meth!), chalk two up for good old WellButrin!!! For me, my current DOC is venti marble mocha macciato (with two extra shots of espresso, puh-leeze!!). Now, that is a really 'spensive addiction, mien gott!!!!

Thanks for your suggestions, I will do some research on pain blocks to find out exactly what they are.

[BeginAgain]

I have heard horror stories about Rapid detox though I have no personal experience. I can tell you that I have been through the detox, relapse, cold turkey battle a million times over the last couple of years. After being sick and tired of it all 3 weeks ago I did something different and I contacted a Suboxone physician. I have been on the medication for 3 weeks and am on a very slow taper. I am completely free of cravings and withdrawals - no anxiety, no obsession, no compulsion. I am not recommending it for your situation but explore the option before you think about the rapid detox. I think it will be safer and in the end will cost much less.

One word of warning - there are docs out there who are severly taking advantage of people - over charging and not following protocol for prescribing and tapering the medication so do your research and find a good doc who will work WITH YOU and your situation. If you do a google for Suboxone you will find the website about the drug. There is also a website www.naabt.org where you can do alot of research about the treatment, find a doctor who prescribes, get feedback from others using the medication and even get help locating a doctor sometimes. If anyone on the message board lives in your area they can possibly point you in the right direction.

All that being said, there are also in-patient detoxes, longer term programs that teach you about addiction and recovery, 12 step programs like NA and AA, SMART recovery, private therapy - and even a combination of those things. The answer is never 100% the same - I believe we all have to do what works for us and what we can live with.

I wish you only the best. Good luck and please be careful if you choose the rapid detox route....some of those programs are dangerous and are not always staffed by licensed professionals and some people are just not good candidates. People HAVE died or gotten critically ill during the rapid detox process. Choose your option carefully - but remember the key to winning is never giving up. Keep trying!! Always!!

[golf99]

Originally Posted by _If_

Thanks Golf -

Although, I am not sure if it makes any difference or not, but he is way past 4 years, he is closer to 13 (although, it has been on and off), I know there was a time he was taking 16 40mg OC's a day. Funny though, that was Dr. perscribed. His injury is bad enough that they will pretty much perscribe him anything (atleast *some* doctors will.... we are trying to avoid that kind). That was about 5 or 6 years ago.... he actually had to call his doc and tell to stop writing the RX. The guy calls back and said "he really wouldn't recommend that". He had to move out of state to clean up that time. But, if the pain won't go away, then how to get rid of the pills? I can't even pretend to understand, I am not in pain.

What a doctor! perscribing 40mg OC X 16/day? Damn dangerous.

With a pain issue..not much you can do. I still would get him to a medical facility in order to calm the pain. If a medical pro. will perscibe some meds., why go to a dealer? Don't put yourself through the worry.


My thoughts are with you both


Golf

[Phinneas]

IF - Looks like you are getting some great advice and support here.

I have two suggestions -

Also post on the Naranon board here on SR. There are people there with lots of information and who can relate because they've been there, too.

And, I, too, have heard horror stories of Rapid Detox. If it were me, I would NOT go that route.

Prayers going out to you both. Keep reading and posting. You are very welcome here.

[_If_]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I just finished reading this thread to my bf, and we have been discussing everything in here. He would like to thank you all so very much for all your input. You are all wonderful, I really don't know what either of our recovery would have been like without you there. Thank you for the well wishes, and the prayers. We will win, we will beat this, and we will keep trying until we do. I am going to sleep now =) (funny how that is something I look so forward to now..... I remember while I was still smoking, how very much I HATED sleep. No good reason, just did! I would fight it for days, any excuse I could think of, to stay awake. Now, I look forward to nighttime..... sleepy time, as my son used to say.... Although, I am getting a little insomnia every now and again.... that sucks, but this too.....yawn..... shall pass)

Thanks, and good night