sara

This is the first chat room that I have had the courage to enter since I decided to stop abusing cocaine. I am 25 and had everything going for me. I am a college student studying to be teacher and was doing great until this summer. I started using cocaine as a form of fun which really was me trying to escape from my problems. i.e. relationship problems. My ex-boyfriend is the one whom I have to thank for saving my life. I had gone on a 24 hour binge of drinking and using coke when he saw me at a bar and I could barely stand. He took me home and later, through talks with doctors, found out that I could have slipped into a coma that night because of everything that I had done. I have used coke a couple of times since then and don't know why. I know that it could kill me. I don't want to do it and I will sometimes find myself in situations that I can't control. I have recently started seeing a counselor and he says that I am not addicted to the drug, I abuse it when I use it. I don't need it to function on a day to day basis I just seem to get myself into bad situations. And when I start using it I have a hard time stopping. And my counselor says that I have a form of depression. I couldn't stop crying last night for almost two hours. I don't like to be alone and when I am I am just sad. I don't like feeling this way and want to get my life back on track, what do I do?

smoke gets in my eyes

Okay, so the counselor says you're an abuser, not an addict. STAY AWAY from the places and people that have drugs. Kicking the blues is a whole lot easier than kicking a full fledged habit.

Where the heck is your counselor in all of this? Maybe you are trying to fill an empty spot in your life, or maybe you have a real medical problem causing depression. If your counselor is not helping you explore this, get a different counselor.

Depression feels the same whether it's caused by a genetic chemical imbalance, prolonged stress or sadness, or because you only eat junk food and don't exercise. You've got to find out where it's coming from... then you can fight it.

Don't make your problem even bigger. It's not that far a step from abuser to addict.

Smoke

wolfmanjeff

Hello,
My name is Jeff.I have an addiction to cocaine that has dominated my life for almost 20 years. I started when I was 20. I was still in college, Syracuse University. I was a political science, pre-law major. I went to college on 1340 SAT's, and alot of positive dreams about my future. When I was in my early 20's I was considered an abuser also, no-one reffered to it as an addiction. I am now 38 years old. I live in a one bedroom very modest apartment, my last job I was doing janitorial work, I am preparing for bankruptcy to alleviate the 50,000$ of debt I've created, I have been seperated from my family for over a year with no hope of reconcillation with my wife and no contact with my 4 year old daughter, I had to sell the house that I lived to build 6 years ago, I have spent 100's of thousands of dollars on cocaine and recovery, I have a criminal record, I have stole from so many people including family and friends, I am 38 years old. I dont have any answers for you as far as quitting. I wish I would have when I was 25. Writing in this recovery source is a good step. I have given TOO MUCH of my life to cocaine. I have no real plan for staying clean. I've had my fill of 12 step programs, and have given up psychiatry. I do take wellbutrin to keep my emotional level in balance and it seems to work pretty well. I am very serious about not using cocaine anymore, that much I know. I believe alot of what is neccesary for staying clean is to establish and maintian a high level of self-esteem. The more you use, and the more you lose , will make this exceedingly difficult. Thru all the terrible things that have happened in my life ( and I just touched the surface) as a result of cocaine, I am still very fortunate. I have my mind and for now my health. Both of these things can be lost by using coke. I will pray for you. Feel free to send an e-mail if you want to swap some thoughts. Good Luck. Jeff

sara

Jeff,
Thank you for your thougts. I would love to exchange e-mails with you. However, would you mind giving me your address first because my e-mail address includes my first and last name and I don't want all of that information readily available to everyone.

Thanks again,
Sara

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi again Sara...
Click on the envelope symbol above Jeff's post to get his e-mail address.

Smoke