Ignore this, I just need to type

[Cassy]

I almost wish I hadn`t stopped using. Everything would be normal right now. I would be warm at home with Gary in my beautiful house instead of freezing my ass off sleeping in my car. Maybe I`ll get arrested for parking here so I can get some food and a damn bed! My family hates me and I hate them for not caring about me. They don`t care if I`m dead or alive. I bet they wish I was dead, I really do. The meeting tonight was a joke. You could smell pot in the parking lot. The people at the meeting seemed to get off just talking about their addiction, like a contact high. They said they would help me find a place to stay until I got a job, bullshit! Just talk, all talk. No help, no doctor like they said, just frigging talk. Talk is cheap, just empty promises and hot air. It`s dark and I`m glad it`s dark. When the sun comes up tomorrow nothing will be any better, just another crappy day. Every day is a crappy day. Ever watch water going down the drain, how it spins as it goes down the drain? It just spins faster and faster, then it`s gone. Gary wishes I was gone, like the water going down the drain.

Cassy

Plese don't give up hope. I don't know where you are, but if you were close to where I live I would let you use my couch until you got into rehab.

I have been to those kinds of meetings too, but I just had to keep on looking until I found the good ones.

Don't delude yourself about everything being "normal," you may have still been in a warm bed, but things definitely would not be normal. I know you know this anyway.

If there's anything I can do to help you e-mail me at pifcat2000@yahoo.com

Julia

[sssalas]

Kassy I don't know what the whole picture is like for you under your present circomstances, but from what you have described, you had held a secret from your spouce, and family. They are problebly in shock, disbelif, and deeply hurt!!!! And they have every right to be angry, they're in pain, give them space to heal, you hurt their feelings by lying to them. And you can't expect for them not to be hurt, how they decide in the future to either accept you, or deny you is entirely up to them. Furthermore I dont know what kind of life you have lived, as to wether you've ever been without before, but Im here to remind you, that I have been without, and if you have a car to sleep in thank your lucky stars. Humility is one of those things you can't take a course on at the local collage, its something you learn, like what your going thruogh now, know in your heart that it is good. When one gets high, it dosn't matter on what, you begin a process of problem solving by medication, when you quit, one main obstical is how to problem solve the imediate conflicts that arise without self medication. If you can't find a decent NA meeting look into AA, you need structer and support right now, your sobriety depends on it!~!!!!! You may also need to search for some reasorses that can benifit you, like a shelter, employment agency, ect. check the phone book, call churches, or the salvation army., youve gota take care of you!!!!!! One Day At A Time!!!!!!!!!!

[Cassy]

Wow, I meant to hit the clear button, not the submit buttun! Just blowing off steam here, all those anon posts pissed me off and I had a real bad day. Never meant for this to be on the forum. Sorry.