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02-17-2006, 04:31 AM
| #51 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: middle earth
Posts: 962
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Hey free Great to see you flying high (scuse the expression!  )Well - I guess you have to get thro those final throws? How is it? Is it worse than you expected - or is it tolerable? No matter - it's nearly over for you...............just hang on and it will start to improve - for sure. Take care with the ambien? It's something I am having probs with too - sleep - but I have made a decision not to use anything artificial in the way of chemicals to help ..........maybe I am mad - maybe I will get desperate for sleep - who knows? But for now - I am really going to try to ride this thing out without pills. Generally I find that once I am up, showered and on my way of a day - then the old biological rhythms kick in and I just get on with it............ fatigue dosent really seem to worry me. For now - that is! For me - it helps to be busy. My worst times are when I am doing nothing............. then I feel all the "pain" of withdrawal..........so I am trying to keep busy. At night - I no longer stress - but am happy enough to lie there - at least I am warm and dry - I'm not cold, wet and hungry and on the streets in these long dark nights. Chin up - free - its nearly over. Hey Bonesy - your position sounds so like so many people in here - you can do this............ you are doing it!! Me too - and I am finding that tapering is OK - not a great deal of fun - but doable. I am down to the equivalent of 7 vicodin from original of about 12 per day............... in the space of 2 weeks.................. and hope to be off completely in a few weeks. Free is heading up the charge here - we are right behind him??  Agent - great to have someone else along side too!! Seriously though Agent - you are going by way of c/t? All power to you. Its hard - but will be over so soon? If you find its too much - then maybe you could get some more hydro for a taper. Free has done a fast taper - mine is slower - so you can do what is best for you? Keep posting..........keep close?  Sheat - how are you today? |
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02-17-2006, 09:46 AM
| #52 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
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Hey Woops. DAY 3 FREE. The WD's are far less than I expected. I am able to function and really don't have many phsyical symptoms. A little anxiety and restlessness. It'll be up and down but getting better every day. As for the Ambian- Yeah, I'm going to be careful with it. I'll take it for the next few days until the restless-crazy leg feeling leaves. No more than 5 days- I have taken it a few times in the past but have never abused it. I've heard horror stories. I hope to be putting in full days and getting some rigorous exercise soon, so I'll switch to more natural/less problematic aids to get to sleep if need be. Valerian root, melatonin, benedryl etc. Sounds like you are in good spirits Woops and are plodding along with strength. Great for you! Agent- CT today? If so, good luck to you and remember your suffering-it has purpose. My only suggestion is that you have any and all the little comforts that may help-in place. Electric blanket, food etc. Shea- How are you? Bonesy? All-thanks for all the support and great suggestions along the way. It has kept me going. It's very difficult to do this alone/without support. A link to others who walk, have walked, or are trying not to walk this road of addiction is a light in the darkness when it is hard to see.  10 days ago, taking pills, I had no pain but what a sacrefice. My head was not clear, groggy all the time, no feeling, no motivation-just numb. What a dis-service to myself and to others around me. I can't change the past-I can only learn from it. There are 4 doves outside my window, I probably wouldn't have noticed them 10 days ago!! There is a storm coming from the north here in south Texas. Cold and rain (actually it won't be cold-only by Texas standards-I'm from Maine and we'd be out in shorts in this weather). May it wash over me and cleanse me and may each of you out there find some strenth in a storm. |
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02-17-2006, 10:02 AM
| #53 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: middle earth
Posts: 962
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Free......................... you just enjoy the feeling...............the freedom must be wonderful? Hope you'll keep popping by to cheer me on? I am hoping that by this time next week I will be at about 3 pills? And getting close to that final shove............ Thanks for being such a "force" in here.................... I really think that your strength and determination have inspired me this last week or two............. You are courageous!! |
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02-17-2006, 10:38 AM
| #54 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
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Woops- I am only doing what needs to be done. I have also gained strength and been inspired by you and many others here. I am not out of the woods but I see the light ahead in the clearing. Anyway, we are bound to this now (as frodo and sam) so I will stick with u as far as you go. To the clearing in the dark forest.  |
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02-17-2006, 06:00 PM
| #58 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Oakland , CA
Posts: 23
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Thanks for checking in with me! I have stuck to my plan; have had my 12.5 mg of norco today and its only 5pm; i know i should have spaced them out more, but i was edgy. Still, i will NOT take more than i planned. I also took my self allotted 5 mg of valium, and like i said, the night looms ahead with no pills on the agenda. Theoretically i'm doing well; i feel a bit defeated today though. Tomorrow will be better. I keep reading these threads; sounds like folks who are down to 10-12 mgs just quit taking the pills. Maybe i should, but i'm too scared. I'm going to taper at this horrendous slow pace, down to 2.5 mg, and god willing, then i hope i'll have the guts to just STOP!!! More soon, thanks again and good luck to us all. xo
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02-17-2006, 07:46 PM
| #59 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
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Bonesy. Good to here from you. This is by no means a race. Give yourself the time you need to be successful. Remember, everyone is different and the outcome is what is important. Personally, I stopped at 15mg/hydro but I was ready and didn't see the point in taking 1 pill per day. I remember my first and only other taper- I would save up my pills and suffer all day just to feel good that night. But that is not what this is about-the taper. At regular intervals it will give some relief and gradually ween the body from the drug but it will never feel great. I think a plan and a schedule is important. Push yourself with the taper but don't push too hard. you are the best judge of your limits and how much you can take. When you are ready you will be able to surrender, to let go of this monster and be free Like you said, We all feel defeated here but as you also said we are all doing OK and tomorrow will be better. Keep it up! you're doing great!! |
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02-18-2006, 09:02 AM
| #60 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Oakland , CA
Posts: 23
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Free, thank you so much. I do feel better, and you're right; i'm going to take my sweet time. After all, i've been on this crap for 30 years (yikes, my brain cells, i shudder to think!) anyway, i think for me the slow taper is good. Its so weird; i almost feel like when i get down to 10 mg, i could almost take a placebo and i'd be ok. The very act of taking the fricking these becomes such a momentous thing. Or rather the thought of NOT taking them. Ah, yes, i know counseling would be a good thing; i'm not ready though. I have been the sneakiest most high functioning addict you'd ever not want to know ( and i'm not proud of that). more soon, peace, and good luck!
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02-18-2006, 09:09 AM
| #62 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
| DAY 4 and all is well. slept like a baby. 9 hours. Had to take an ambien to get to sleep but didn't wake. As for WD's-I really don't have many- A little anxious, restless and i've got a constant strange feeling in my legs-like a mild electric shock in my veins. The flu feeling, stomach crap has passed . No cravings for pills. No craving to return to the house of tupor/sloth. I'm going to go for a long walk and try to burn off some of this energy.  How is everyone else? Woops? Agent?Bonesy?Shea? |
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02-18-2006, 09:33 AM
| #63 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: cyberspace
Posts: 139
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Today is DAY1 of CT and I feel crappy already. Last pill intake was last night at 7pm. I've taken Immodium AD which helps with the physical WDs. I kinda of want to be totally free of all opiods but Immodium AD is an opiod and it does help. I will try to space it out . I'm suppose to go to the gym in an hour but I really don't feel like it but I know it will help. I suppose I can go and go through the tormented angiuish of the high intensity workout , come back home (child free weekend! Yay) and take a valium and clonodine. Knock myself out after ....OK I just convinced myself to go to the gym. Here comes the protein drinks for strength.....I have to do flying kicks and stuff like that.........wish me luck...UUUuuugggghhhhh............... 
__________________ Take care~ Agent  |
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02-18-2006, 09:34 AM
| #64 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Oakland , CA
Posts: 23
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Free, rock on! Phew, you give me hope. I responded earlier to your message yesterday and really wanted to thank you. I'm checking in on you regularly. I'm off to a dance class and am considering skipping my measly ( see how bitter i am? i hate the drugs, but hate to go off them!) pill but think i'll stay with the plan. Off to sweat and hopefully feel great. Talk to you later! Keep it up!
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02-18-2006, 09:36 AM
| #65 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
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Bonesy- yeah, 30 years is a long time. Strong habits are very hard to break-to let go of. Perhaps counseling would help, perhaps you can get through this on your own. You are on the right track- You are on a taper and are taking a very low dose. You are also very aware of yourself, your addiction and where you want to go. Awareness is very important! When i started my taper, I went from 8/10 to 4 almost overnight. That was the hardest on my body I think but going from 2 to zero was the hardest on my mind/psyche. It was difficult for me to take that blind jump but after, when I landed on my feet I felt empowered. I know the feeling of "not taking them being a momentous thing" but when you are ready, the feeling will shift. Not taking them will become a momentous thing in a positive way. The feeling will be hope and strength rather than dispair and hopelessness. Keep going at your own pace and acknowledge yourself in how far you have come! I'm cheering you on as well |
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02-18-2006, 09:47 AM
| #67 (permalink) |
| Day by day....  |
((((agent))))) Honey you keep up the fight. You can do this. Maybe when you get back from the gym you wont feel like you have to knock yourself out. Maybe find a good girlie movie and curl up with a bottle of motrin and a blanket?? I just worry about you!!! I think trying to stay on some kind of regular awake/asleep schedule can be helpful in regulating your body after all this mess we've been through. Keep the faith. I know you can do this and in a few days you'll look back with pride at your accomplishments....I promise it will pass.
__________________ Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results!  |
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02-18-2006, 09:53 AM
| #68 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
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Agent- Bonesy is struggling with 30 years-so, hats off to Bonesy!!! God, I feel for you going CT. I think most of us know what it feels like-either by trying to quit or running out of pills. Going to the gym? good god man-that's great!! Remember, sufferage can be our greatest teacher. Check in when you need to. I'm here for ya dude!
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02-18-2006, 10:09 AM
| #69 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: cyberspace
Posts: 139
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Thank you BeginAgain. As always, you are so kind and considerate. I have to do this and I will!!!! I'm so tired of feeling like this. Hopefully, I won't have to take anything but maybe the clonodine...that stuff makes me so so sleepy. Valium- all it does for me is make me sleepy. I have never liked benzos whatsoever- unfortuantely only opiates. Thank you , thank you, thank you.....have you heard anything else about the other stuff? Free2see- its all mind over matter- but sometimes during WDs , it seems you don't have a mind and its OCD only thoughts!! CT is the only way for me- tapering takes too long and you do go through slight WDs but I don't have that steel strength willpower. I'm nothing but a weakling.  Trust me , I really, really don't wanna go to work out but I know the endorphins make you feel so normal after. Well not really totally normal but helps ALOT.... BTW, I'm a chick but I call everyone - "dude". Obviously, i'm from Los Angeles, dude.....LOL.  Bonsey- you're my hero! 30 years is AWESOME... How did you do it again? Taper?
__________________ Take care~ Agent |
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02-18-2006, 10:11 AM
| #70 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: middle earth
Posts: 962
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Well free - what can I say? I am so so happy to see you today and see you doing so well!!! I am sitting here with a big smile on my face........ so pleased for you. And 9 hours of sleep? Ditch the ambien? yeeeeeeeeeehhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............... ........ Agent - take care - exercise is good - hope it helps you in the next few days............... Is there any reason why you dont want to taper? You would be in good company here!! Keep posting - let us help! Bonesy - yep - 30 yrs is a long time - and doing a slow taper like this will give you the chance to let your mind/psyche come to terms with life without pills. You say " I have been the sneakiest most high functioning addict you'd ever not want to know ( and i'm not proud of that)." Hellooooooooooooooooo - another sneak here!!!! Hubbie does not know - nor do kids - also at university................. Arent we the clever ones?? NOT! Its a heavy burden to carry all alone? I am so looking forward to getting rid of it!! Looking forward to travelling a while with you! OK - so my consumption is consderably higher than yours (7 today - going down to 6 tomorrow - might even go for 5!) - but addiction is addiction - no easy way out! Good luck to us all! woops |
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02-18-2006, 03:17 PM
| #71 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: san antonio texas
Posts: 78
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Woops- Thanks for the smile and the Texas cheer - yeeeehaaaa! (although I'm a Yankee livin in the lone star state).  Agent- Stay strong dudesse. It sounds like you no how to get though this and what you need to do. I'm with you in your suffering  |
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02-18-2006, 04:36 PM
| #72 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: cyberspace
Posts: 139
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Ok everybody....I went to exercise and I do have to say it helped me alot . I feel OK..not too bad actually. I can't taper...I'm too weak. I've tried it the past and it most certainly helps but I work full time in a very high profile job and its very hard when the job demands you 24-7 to be clear minded...ya know what I mean? I only wished I had a 2 week holiday. Tapering is totally doable...and congrats to all who are doing it....I know it ain't easy at all but you guys are an inspiration to all. Please keep this thread alive.....GREAT JOB to all who are tapering.....its tough but YOU CAN DO IT...
__________________ Take care~ Agent |
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02-19-2006, 08:43 AM
| #73 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: middle earth
Posts: 962
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Hangin' in - but not feeling so great. How's everyone else on this Sunday morning? Had never before realised just how much anxiety there is in all this.................................. makes me so snappy and irritable with everyone..................family commenting.......... Might have to slow up this taper - but I dont want it to go on a minute longer than necessary - its a sort of Catch22 situation? Well - Agent - maybe yours is the best way to go? At least it should all be over for you in a matter of a few days? But - I just dont think I can take the withdrawal symptoms.... Free - you got any words to spur us all on? |
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02-19-2006, 09:14 AM
| #74 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Oakland , CA
Posts: 23
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Woops, wow, amazing how much we can keep from people we love. I have been married for almost 23 years. My husband is such a purist he won't even take a freaking advil. He knows i've taken pain meds over the years for a long chronic back condition, so he's used to seeing stuff around, but he has NO idea. Just the fact that i am doing this now, and communicating with you all online, i realize there is a chance he could see something on the computer, and woop, there it is. I guess theres a part of me thats willing to let that happen; i mean trust me, I'd rather not. If I can kick this beast sola, i'd rather. I mean, i've been on my own thus far. It is soooooo liberating to talk to you all about it though. About your taper, my advice for what its worth is slow it down. I've been keeping a notebook with goals, dates when i'm going to go down a notch, etc. I havent felt bad at all; i'm sure its because of the excruciating slowness. Keep me posted, ok? Hang tough; us suburban former soccer mom addicts have got to stick together.
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