XANAX, ATIVAN, KLONOPIN, VALIUM, great info here

[windysan]

Beer? I drink it but can take it or leave it. I like it best with boiled crawfish and other seafoods. I'll crack a few and watch the Saints play ball. Never had a problem with booze cuz I'm a wuss when it comes to booze. I always hated hangovers and my guts got all sick and whatnot.

[TexasDumb]

Barto, Mikiglen,

Thanks for writing. I will check out the home detox site. I need all the help I can get!

Barto, about my taper....I do not mean "I" want to rush it..Just I am sure my Doc wants me to... But there are other doctors and I have goooood insurance since I work for the Feds now.. Yep, that's right - I am a "G"man. Boy, I really like saying that, ha.
If my taper took two months or 10 months, it would be okay with me. 'Cause I never want to be pulling my hair out like the last 14 nights and days. It was hard to function and my eyesight was so blurry, worse than when with alcohol, and I normally have 20/20.
Also, my concentration came and went and for my job, I usually drive 80-180 miles a day. I skipped some days (luckily I can, as I set my own hours,) because I did not feel safe behind the wheel and I was cold sober...

But today when I got back from the Doc's and before I blasted off to work, I actually took a one hour nap on my recliner in the BRIGHT sunshine. And I ATE 3 times today....What a concept!
I did need to re-taper, huh????

You asked what lead to me wanting/needing these pills to begin with? My Divorce? Yea, kind of.

Truth be told, I really did not need anti-anxiety to begin with. I needed anti-depressants.
But it did not know, so I told the Doc my problems and asked for anti-anxiety help. She thought okay, "Which do you want..Xanax or Valium?" I did not know, so I asked her what she thought. She thought Xanax.

Wrong. For me.
For the first 3 days I could not keep my eyes open I was so sleepy - there's a clue! I even called her to say I can't do these, but she was not in for a few days...

So, after a little while and I decided I wanted off, and had found some research, with the best being the Ashton Manual, I had to beg her twice to swithch me to Valium.
She finally did, but also set up a too-fast taper (actually non-existant) - I think I had 5 Xanax left to taper from the Xanax to my new Valium under-doseage.

So I was in trouble from the git, and I could not get her to budge. I should have found a different doctor that day...
She wanted me to taper from 3mgs of Xanax a day to 20 mgs (not even equal, according to Ashton's chart) and then from the 20 mgs to 0 in less than two months...

I was doomed. DOOMED. And I knew it.

But, I hoped, it had only been 4 and 1/2 months at that time, so I thought I might be one of the "lucky" ones with minimal withdrawal symptoms. I wasn't.

I still have a "speedy little metabolism - used to drive my wife crazy cause I could eat everything I wanted and a bag of chips every day and never gain a pound, and I guess I just metabolized them demonpill funsuckers out quickly enough to be "too" empty before my brain was ready.
In my humble medical opinion, of course, I skipped that day at med school.

But back to the why did I want to try some medication to help me. Mainly, of course it was my divorce in progress.
Or more likely the shock of coming to grips with my family breaking up.

I woke up last Feb. 1 next to my wife a married man, and went to bed that night divorced...

She had all the planning, I only barely expected anything. I had actually asked two days before that was she having an affair ( because she was treating me so badly for the last little while.)
Of course, she lied and said no.

Two days later, I got home early from work to catch the daughters from the bus after school and to let my wife get a full day of work in.
At 4:30 p.m. that afternoon, after us talking periodically nicely and normally throughout the day like nothing was up, she called me. She said she was through with work and would be home in an hour.
About two hours later, I began to worry for her a little, so I called her cell. It answered but she was not on it.
I began to litsten to the background noise on her cell, and lo and behold, she was doing the adultry nasty with someone.

She answered it on purpose she told me later, because she wanted to "hurt me as bad as I had hurt her."
That person, whoever she is, is not my friend.

I was stunned and shocked. She never came home again and left the girls with me for 3 weeks until she found a place to rent. Then she began to want to share custody of our children so we did. I would never keep my girls from their momma unless she was danger to them.

From the git, she said she did not want us to try to work out anything and then the next thing out of her mouth was "Maybe."

This went on for a few months, and I held out hope, because she had done this before but for a much shorter time....
Later, I finally realized she was just keeping me around for a "security blanket" and to bury the hatchet a little deeper into my feelings..

Finally, after she "sowed her oats from here to there," she told me she had met someone and thought she really liked them.
The next week she said she thought she "loved" them - (after knowing them 1 month, yea sure.)

Anyway, this rocked on a couple of weeks, until I found out she was dragging our daughters to his house while she had her fun on overnight visits.

I told her stop taking them on those kind of trips, what she did was her business, not theirs.

I said, drop them off with me, even if it is your night with them. Then go "do the whole town, but you oughta at least be getting paid for it. Maybe we could move to Vegas, and I could watch the kids and you could support us. There's money to be made out there, I hear."

She did not seem to care for that remark of mine too much, go figure...

She kept on, so I filed for divorce to protect my daughters (they are only 9 and 7.) Get some strong restrictions in our Temporary Orders to protect my daughters....

Did you know that in our US society, 82% of all divorces are filed by women.

Two reasons - most us men ARE pigs, and Reason two, women tend to think the "grass is greener over there."

What they fail to realize is Rule number one!
It ain't greener, it's just a different kind of Hell, usually.

So, I am one of the 18% of men who filed for their divorces. And to put me an even smaller class, I did not even want a divorce!!! I never did think like everybody else. A different egg, I am.

But what hurt me so bad, besides the usual hurts that divorce and rejection bring on, is that I had truly made a Commitment to my wife, my marriage, my daughters, and our family. And when I make a commitment, I mean it.
It is hard for me to un-make/unlearn this thing.

I will, it's is just so engrained in me, that like sobriety, it takes a little while to get used to , I guess.

I read on several people's posts, a quote at the bottom that I really like and probably fits me..to paraphrase it goes something like this:
"When one door shuts, another door opens, we just may not see it because we spend to much time looking at the closed door..."

Anyway, I know this is long and rambling, and probably should have been sent to Dear Abby instead of you guys. But, Barto, you did ask, ha.
And it felt so good getting it out there and out of me....

By the way, Barto, I read the two quotes you included, and forgive me, I can't understand them for sure, I think. Remember my name, ha.
Maybe you can explain them a little for me,?

Later and thanks, y'all.
Tonight, temporarily signing off as "Texas Screwed."

[Starbaby]

Thanks for sharing. It's good to get it out, important for getting well I think.

Love you!

I'm really sorry. I know life really stinks sometimes.

[TexasDumb]

Thanks Starbaby.

It is hard to adjust to a being/having a family unit and then boom, none. I do still have my daughters from this deal and that's a good thing.

They are God's gift.

I am now trying to remember the guy I was before marriage and get back to me....with God's help, of course.

Soon-to-be-ex has been lately acting like she feels she made a big mistake.

But before, when she has noticed me finally getting myself together and learning to accept, go forward and distance from her, she would draw me back in, JUST so she could bury the hatchet a little deeper.

No more, been down that "blood-letting." Ha.

Starbaby, thanks for caring...especially for a complete stranger - although, a fellow human just like you, trying to get by happily in this world!

How are you doing?

[TexasDumb]

Barto and others,

It seems I have been posted on two related threads here, and getting them a little confused (go figure, 14 days with no sleep.) I believe I actually answered your above questions for me on the other thread, to which you are also currently posting...so, sorry.

But, I have good news...I just slept 4+ hours in a row for the first time in what seems like an eternity. I would have probably not even woke up then, but I was in a pool of enough sweat that it woke me up being cold. Had to towel off....grosssssss.

But now I know.....why I was writhing around on the concrete floor...

Barto, I just re-read some of your above posts and they made even more sense to me after a little sleep....still haven't got the quotes yet...but Jung was always somewhat over my head or at least on a different plane..

Hey, wait a minute, does ego mean "me, and my thoughts outward... (it's been twenty years since my last Psych class.) I remember there of three of these states, just can't remember the other two (ID is one) and which one is ego.... it's making more sense now.

By the way, never was too much of a fan of Froid. He did too much cocaine. I mean way too much cocaine...Did you know he had to have more than three operations on his nose to repair his septum (the tissue dividing left from right nostril.)

That cocaine is a burner! Glad there never was much of it around here in my days and it was too expensive anyway, ha. Must of been cheap in his day, heck, they're giving it away!

Now, my biggest question for you oh Barto one, how does one make such accurate cuts. I asked before on the other thread, but after 4 hours sleep and a little more rested brain, it has really hit me hard that I have to do this healing/quitting wean thang exactly right...

I am going to figure out my OWN exact withdrawal/weaning/taper schedule regiment based on guru Ashton's work. Then, present it to my dimwitted Doctors.

If she won't go along with it, she's Donald Trump fired!

Heck, I AM paying her, I can fire her! We ain't got no contract...

I am also a military Veteran, salute! And we have a good VA clinic about 38 miles from my little po-dunk town. I'll go there, they are used to seeing way worse than me!!!!!! They'll help me help myself and not give me the lecture: "You know you have to quit these."

I bowed up at her a little when they told me that today....heck, lady, what do you think I am in here today trying to do?????? Get my car fixed????

Why are we scared of Doctors anyway, like they are some kind of authority....
Heck, Doctor, I can read, and do math toooooo! Ha.

Oh yea, Windysan, you tell 'em man. These Benzo Withdrawal Blues are worse than a Jimi Hendrix 70s bad trip......

[Barto]

Hey TD,

I don’t have too much time to read or write today, but I make the .125mg. cuts by cutting a .25 mg pill in half (it is scored). I’ll get back to you later tonight or tomorrow with more after I have had a chance to sit and read everything.

[TexasDumb]

Barto,

Thanks, I need your help and experitise!

Who the MAN, why, BARTO, of course!

Thank you man,

[TexasDumb]

Barton,

Yo soy comprendo.

I will wait....Take your time......

[Barto]

Me, the man? You must be mistaken. I have just been through this deal a few too many times maybe. If you want to see what kind of a nut I am, look up my old Klonopin thread in this section. I can’t bare to do it because I am embarrassed to read what I wrote. I started posting here when I went off Klonopin fairly c/t last February, and went through the grinder. If that doesn’t convince you, ask Windy what a nut I am. He’ll probably tell you. Anything I have to say about this stuff that makes sense (other than simply stating my experience) is based on information I got off the internet (this site, benzo.org.uk, or through a Google search or something). Thank you for the thanks, though. I really am glad to be a part of, rather than apart from.

[TexasDumb]

BARTO,

You ain't a NUT! Easy, killer.

If you wake up tomorrow, it means God is not through with you --- So, how can you be through with your SELF! My motto, anyway.....

Hang tough, we NEED you here!!!!!

You have helped me immensly.

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by Barto

I guess you missed the post about TD not being able to lick his toes. You see men can’t do that because, well … why is that again TD? Never mind, it’s not that important.

Sorry you all, I just have never been very good with abstruse allegories, so still don't know if TD is male or female. lol

Originally Posted by TexasDumb

I have been reading this site for months now. Mostly, the alcohol boards, because I used too much alcohol to get numb and number.

This where I groked that you were an alky. LOL Hey it quacked. It waddled. I thought it was a duck! (Sorry, though.)

"Truth be told - I had my time....."

LOL... Hell we've all had our time TD. But you know - a hallmark of good mental health is when one can step back and say, "I used to look back and think I had 'my time'. Today I look to the present and can honestly say that I'm still having the time of my life sober."

There is a difference. One describes good mental health and happiness not dependent upon any substance. - Priceless.

Ya know, my dad, he never passed a Christmas without imbibing. Both my folks were alcoholics. There is plenty wrong when a 12-pack is a prerequisite to enjoying oneself. I came to understand long ago that, as I young child I'd have given anything just to have my folks in a clear, honest and healthy state of mind rather than being sloshed.

Originally Posted by TexasDumb

Ten Chips,

I hope you are right.

In my case, it's been two weeks now, and I still can't sleep.

Fourteen fricking DAYS. I hope you kid. Wow. Hopefully you mean without a nice, full night's sleep rather no than sleep in 14 DAYS.

Didn't think that was possible, really.

Cheers all -
Ten

[TexasDumb]

Ten Chips,

I am a guy! as in Jerk. Don't have to be, but most of us are IDIOTS.....

And the 14 days with NO sleep - meant - 1 hour here, two hours there, for a total of about 3 hours a night and not even in a row.

I was a walking Zombie....with blurry vision and a host of other symptoms... Made it hard or impossible to do my job, which involves a lot of highway driving and then selling myself when I find my correct Census Bureau house.

I am surprised folks opened their doors to me then, they must have felt sorry for me.....ha.

Thanks for asking,

[RUNVS]

Hello everyone I want the truth to be know what this medication can do to people. Below is a link (video) of a man that cold turkeyed benzos after 29 years of use. The video is taken of him at 4 months free of benzos. The images might be disturbing for some to view. Remember this is an extreme case and the vast majority of people will never experience this man's discomfort especially if they slowly taper off benzos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDbPnAQ-c1o

I think its important to read this whole thread for info about benzos. Its far from complete thread but there is a lot of information and people do share their opinions on the matter. A lot of Doctors do not recognize Benzo withdrawal issues after being off benzos for 90 days or more.

* The video might be disturbing to watch * But its a true glimpse of a man c/t symptoms at 4 months off.

[windysan]

Looks like a very extreme case. 29 years of benzo use? That's just crazy. I'm hoping the guy was just an addict and not one of those accidental addict people who didn't read the literature that comes from the pharmacy.

Poor rascal.

[woops]

Windy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit............................................... .

[windysan]

I really do feel bad for that poor guy. However I am amazed how people don't know about benzos being dope. Heck, in junior high I knew that valium and librium was good for getting high. I don't think they made Xanax back then. I guess it was the drug culture I grew up in.

[Ten Chips Down]

Can't get "high" off benzos. It's a common misuse of the word. They just don't affect the NTs (namely dopamine, norephinephrine) responsible for true elevation of mood. By "high" - here, I am equating the buzz, rush, and euphoria you get from a good three or four-beer buzz; the high you get from mainlining, smoking, or snorting coke, crank, or the opiates (of course you can also get high from oral ingestion of same). The point is, all these have mechanisms of action that directly produce a true "high"--that is, euphoria and profound sesne of well-being.

You won't get the euphoria part from Valium. lol

Certain BZDs, most notoriously alprazolam, have a very fast pharmacokenitic absorption and potency, such that a user can ingest several milligrams and experience almost a warmness; certainly a profound feeling of relaxation, well-being, and the feeling that... all is well with world.

But this is not from enhancing dopamine or norepinephrine - only the GABA-A NT. Because of the kinetic properties as well as ready absorption of alprazolam, however (it hits ya hard, fast, and efficiently), this instant gratification can easily be mistaken for a high.

Ten

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by tennlady955

Hey TenChips, what do you hear about the drug lamictal? My doc took me off lithium and put me on lamictal. Just curious if you know much about it...love ya!!!

Hey button.

Lamictal? Good Lord, what do you think, I'm a doctor. No I know what YOU'RE about. I got YOU. You just wanna get me in trouble coz I'm good with breaking stuff down! You're evil!!!

I'm sorry. There is.... NO WAY I am about to sit here.. and-

Ok it's a "novel" (meaning somehow different from others synthesized to date) anticonvulsant and curiously, some of these anticonvulsants are indicated in the treatment for bipolar disorder and what is known as "rapid cycling," a mood disorder similar to bipolar. Lamotrigine has been shown to have a pronounced antidepressant effect when administered for rapid cycling. The brain, you see, is really one big electric ball of organic connectivity. Billions and billions of neuronal signals are being zapped from here to there in a frenetic marvel of something unimaginably complex, every second of every day. Well most of these kinds of drugs actually get in there and affect modulation of presynaptic or postsynaptic releases of certain excitatory neurotransmitters, and in the literature these drugs' modality of action is described with such terms as "voltage modulation"! LOL Kid ya not. Somehow, there appears to be a relationship between some anticonvulsant meds (namely carbamazepine (Tegretol), phenytoin (Dilantin), valproic acid (Depakate), and lamotrigine (your Lamactil) and bipolar disorder. Wiki says, "Lamotrigine (Lamictal) is the first FDA-approved therapy since lithium for maintenance treatment of bipolar I."

Something else that might interest you here. This is different from the aforementioned classes of drugs, but at least one other substance--Digoxin, namebrand Lanoxin--discovered with a modulatory affect on the body's electrical-impulse characteristic fundament to the operation of the CNS is also used to treat some heart-rhythm disorders. This important, life-saving medication for cardiac patients is derived from the leaves of the foxglove plant, digitalis lanata. By decreasing conduction of electrical impusles, this extract, standardized into a pharmaceutical drug, has important clinical use in controlling patients with arrhythmias and effectively keeping a good strong, steady and consistent heart-rate.*

Hope it sheds some light and answers whatever was particular to you. I see there are discussions going on elsewhere about this, and since this is of course off-topic for the thread, if there is anything else you'd like to follow up on, you just shoot me a PM ok?

Originally Posted by hope3

Hi tenchips, how are you doing, we seem to end up in alot of threads together.
I know what you mean about our first gut reaction posting: hey we can't be perfect all the time *ell, we can't even be perfect part of the.

However if a bunch of us get it partially perfect, maybe as a whole we tell a pretty perfect story, wow that was a ramble of a new demension, you think...

Sounds a bit like me, there! How'm I doing - fighting the good fight, one foot in front of the other, day-at-a-time little increments ya know. "Trying to do the right thing" as our Arura i think it is, says under her name.

"However if a bunch of us get it partially perfect, maybe as a whole we tell a pretty perfect story, wow that was a ramble of a new demension, you think..."

LOL ur NUTS! We're all in good company around here, then.

Ten

*A disclaimer: The previous in-depth explanation of Lamictal and the related information following it is all a layman's explanation from a layman's point of view. -It is not medical advice.-
Thank ya.

[MKM]

I have questions about this man in the video.
I expected someone older who had taken these pills under
a Dr.s supervision for the nearly 30 years.

He looks young enough to have had them as a teen.

What is his background, how much, why he cold turkeyed
off them. Did he have anxiety/panic disorder.

And sorry but the obvious: If that is how he is without these
pills, then some Dr. could give him some tranq. and he would
not have these symptoms.

The cure for PWS is to take the pills for these rare cases.

Of course, that opinion would get one thrown off the more
militant island forum.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by Ten Chips Down

Can't get "high" off benzos. It's a common misuse of the word. They just don't affect the NTs (namely dopamine, norephinephrine) responsible for true elevation of mood. By "high" - here, I am equating the buzz, rush, and euphoria you get from a good three or four-beer buzz; the high you get from mainlining, smoking, or snorting coke, crank, or the opiates (of course you can also get high from oral ingestion of same). The point is, all these have mechanisms of action that directly produce a true "high"--that is, euphoria and profound sesne of well-being.

You won't get the euphoria part from Valium. lol

Certain BZDs, most notoriously alprazolam, have a very fast pharmacokenitic absorption and potency, such that a user can ingest several milligrams and experience almost a warmness; certainly a profound feeling of relaxation, well-being, and the feeling that... all is well with world.

But this is not from enhancing dopamine or norepinephrine - only the GABA-A NT. Because of the kinetic properties as well as ready absorption of alprazolam, however (it hits ya hard, fast, and efficiently), this instant gratification can easily be mistaken for a high.

Ten

Maybe I used the wrong word, high. Back in junior high and high school we'd drink a six pack and eat some valium and get buzzed. I always got a "sense of well being" when I ate a handful of benzos. Of course I'd mix them up with the soma, the oxy, the vic too for the full enchilada.

Now nothing beat the warm and crusty tar or the oxy....that is getting high.

I just knew early on in my career that the benzos were part of the inventory for getting wasted.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by MKM

I have questions about this man in the video.
I expected someone older who had taken these pills under
a Dr.s supervision for the nearly 30 years.

He looks young enough to have had them as a teen.

What is his background, how much, why he cold turkeyed
off them. Did he have anxiety/panic disorder.

And sorry but the obvious: If that is how he is without these
pills, then some Dr. could give him some tranq. and he would
not have these symptoms.

The cure for PWS is to take the pills for these rare cases.

Of course, that opinion would get one thrown off the more
militant island forum.

don't worry about getting kicked off the island...there are several original thinkers in exile here.

[Barto]

Sorry to hear about the wife and all. I feel for you. As you know, you have some serious things to deal with.

I don’t know if I can explain the quotes any better than they explain themselves, and certainly not in fewer words. I may take a crack at them another time, when I am not so tired. My thoughts now are that, in a practical sense, they may mean different things to different people, and different things to me on different days. But I think they are broad and deep and to be thought over. I really believe that they encapsulate the disease of the spirit, and are at the root of addiction, if not at the root of most human suffering, especially emotional suffering.

Sometimes they simply serve as a reminder that I am but a small part of a much greater whole (the human race, its collective intelligence, the spirit of humanity or of the universe, or the universe itself, or beyond, whatever); and that my best days seem to be the ones not planned, those in which I let go of expectations and am open to surprise, as opposed to those days in which my arrogant expectations are not met and my experience is disappointment. Also my best days are those that I am a part of, rather than apart from.

To briefly look at it from the other side, there are those days that I am so caught up in self, obsessed with what I don’t have that I think I want or deserve, steadfastly focused on that things are not the way I think they should be, that I just miss out on life. On the best of these days, I get what I want and feel a sense of relief or perverse vindication (but never surprise, wonder, or gratitude), and only for a short time. And on most of these days things don’t go my way, and I am disappointed, resentful, remorseful, etc.

This is what I would consider a “tiny tip of the iceberg glimpse” into an aspect of what these quotes mean to me. These are the kind of quotes that convey a concept that words cannot adequately describe. I really think they must thought over, over a period of time, to be somewhat understood. At least by me. And I may not totally understand them, and they may not mean the same to any two people.

Wow, I really hesitate to hit the submit button on this one, but what the heck. If this post is really that hokey, it will prove my earlier point: that I really am a nut!

[Barto]

While I was typing my first question to you, you answered it in your reply to Ten. However, I still don’t what you mean when you say that you can’t believe people don’t know benzos are dope.

Also, the manufacturers appear to have removed that “short term use” caveat as far as I can tell. These drugs are now being prescribed by MD’s regularly for long term use for anxiety and panic patients as well as for epilepsy patients (just to name the disorders that I know about). I do remember reading something about short term use once, but I don’t see it anywhere now, and I would not have thought to question my doctors over this point (and I did see three doctors over this prescription to rule out any physiological underlying condition, one of which was in AA).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a benzo advocate, as you must know. I wish I never heard of them. I just don’t understand what you mean when you say that you can’t believe that people don’t know these drugs are dope? I mean this would not have stopped me from taking the meds as needed. Of course that video might have, but I had no idea that that kind of thing could happen. And now it appears that this is what I am trying to avoid. Yikes! Is that for real??? Come clean RUNVS. I want more info!

[windysan]

I guess I assume that most people grew up in a drug culture like I did. It is just hard for me to understand how people never heard of "Mother's Little Helper" or the Karen Ann Quinlan thing. I remember hearing about valium when I first started smoking dope. Of course dope was THE recreational thing to do in the town I grew up in. I forget that a lot of people grew up in normal places and never really knew that benzos were in the inventory for abuse. I knew most all the pills at an early age. Those old school pills, placydils, ambitols, nebutols, qualludes, t's and blues, valium, librium.....heck, we knew what to look for when rummaging through grandma's medicine cabinet...LOL.

[RUNVS]

Originally Posted by RUNVS

Hello everyone I want the truth to be know what this medication can do to people. Below is a link (video) of a man that cold turkeyed benzos after 29 years of use. The video is taken of him at 4 months free of benzos. The images might be disturbing for some to view. Remember this is an extreme case and the vast majority of people will never experience this man's discomfort especially if they slowly taper off benzos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDbPnAQ-c1o

I think its important to read this whole thread for info about benzos. Its far from complete thread but there is a lot of information and people do share their opinions on the matter. A lot of Doctors do not recognize Benzo withdrawal issues after being off benzos for 90 days or more.

* The video might be disturbing to watch * But its a true glimpse of a man c/t symptoms at 4 months off.

***********Here is more info about the guy in the video.************



My name is M@@@ S@@@@,(M@@@)I'm in the video. I was prescribed Klonopin and ssri's for twenty-nine years, abruptly discontinuing them September 23, 2006. I made the video to validate and hopefully promote awareness of "benzo" illness. I'm including two short "pieces" that I have been sending to gain media exposure for
us all. My email is XXXXX

My story is about the dangers of benzodiazepine's and the effects it had on my family. I had panic/anxiety attacks at an early age repeatedly being driven to the ER for treatment of the heart attack like symptoms. Eventually, I was prescribed benzo's. They are a class of drugs known as minor tranquilizers-Valium, Xanex, Ativan,
Klonopin. I was told to take them daily, similar to a diabetic who needs daily insulin for maintaining blood sugar. I did as directed, the med's eliminating symptoms. I never paid attention beyond it, going on with my life-school, marriage, children and business. My family grew, we moved from a starter home to a beautiful home complete with a pool and a large lot. Business prospered and we accrued the obligatory toys. Life was good, we entertained, took
vacations, and enjoyed time at the lake. Around the nine eleven tragedy, business was beginning to dwindle. I cited stress, economy, anything but the real reason. We lost the office property, our home, almost all personal possessions and filed for bankruptcy. During this time I withdrew from my wife, worked inefficiently, lost interest in
things that I had enjoyed, and became difficult. I had been taking benzo's for several years, and experienced many health nuisances such as cardiac arrhythmia, shortness of breath, loss of memory and balance, cognitive impairment, lethargy, high blood pressure, urinary dysfunction and depression. I went to many physicians, endured diagnostic tests and swallowed more pills. I tolerated a cocktail of blood pressure, antibiotic, urinary, anti- depression, and sinus medications. I know now that I experienced inter-dosage withdrawal while taking benzo's.
I finally realized my addiction and on September 23, 2006, my fathers eighty-second birthday, I abruptly stopped the benzo's. After a few days, I went into a state of withdrawal, sleepless for 14 days. I was in an acute position of anxiety, counting minutes, sometimes seconds from my watch. Fireworks, complete with whistles, shrills, and exploding rockets riveted through my brain for weeks. I lost twenty-five pounds in half as many days. We lost our rented home, and the secret came out. I had lied about out finances owing family and friends. I was truly controlled by benzo's. My wife having lived through five years of ruin, had enough. She and my children moved in with her parents, me with mine. I'm now living in a state of protracted withdrawal with hallucinations, foot paralysis
electrical and vibratory sensations, perpetual fear, sobbing, and of course anxiety. Many long-term benzo patients suffer paradoxical side effects. I stumbled across informational websites and support groups located in the UK. Many people are experiencing similar horror's, although some medical experts deny that benzo's are to blame. Some
symptoms seem dreamlike, resembling a "twilight zone" episode, but couldn't be more real. Theses meds can ruin one's health, alter behavior and personality. It is not only my goal, but my duty to educate the public, restore my dignity and possibly reclaim my family. There are eighty million benzo prescriptions written annually. If only .5 percent become dependent on benzo's, then four hundred thousand people will suffer. Are they worth it? You
decide.

Although we've never met, my good friend Pam, someone whom I share my closest, and most personal words with called today, telling me about a recent airing of your show. Antidepressants were discussed, and although I missed the broadcast, I believe Ativan may have been mentioned too. Pam, her friend Peggy, and myself share a common thread, belonging to a global internet community, supporting one another during crisis. The meds are a class of drugs called benzodiazepines-Valium, Ativan, Xanex, and Klonpin. Each of us abruptly stopped the chemical, lending alliance to one another while we fight to survive during a state of acute withdrawal. Like most
benzo victims, we became addicted not through back alley's or closed doors, but by prescriptions written by physicians eager to cure our ills. More women are prescribed than men, but the ailing seek help for anxiety, panic, insomnia, and seizure. Although benzos are suitable only for short-term usage, many including myself were prescribed for years without fanfare. Benzos produce a calming, sedating and hypnotic effect when prescribed less than two to four weeks. For long term users the result is radically different with a paradoxical effect resulting in anxiety, insomnia, lethargy, and depression. Physicians diagnose oddities common to our cause such as mitral valve
prolapse, cardiac arrhythmia, urinary dysfunction, and bowel disorders, as we desperately seek answers to our health concerns. Some of us have lost lucrative careers, homes, and more importantly our families. The most unfortunate have been forced into psychiatric clinics, prescribed anti psychotics, electrical shock, and a few lost
their lives. Pam, Peggy and I discovered the truth on our own, that benzo's took control rendering us helpless until we finally rid ourselves of addiction through a "no matter what" determination. We have endured sleeplessness, severe weight loss, paralysis, hallucinations, extreme fear, and of course, anxiety during ghastly, if not lengthy withdrawals. Benzodiazepine addiction is arguably the most misunderstood hardship in modern medicine without a principal to champion our cause. I urge you to present our struggle, to validate and vindicate, restoring our dignity while we fight an ongoing battle named hope.

Sincerely,
M@@@@