Lost

[Margaret]

Where do I go from here? At present I have successfully destroyed all family relationships and most friendships. I am barely hanging on to my job. Five years ago I was a professional single female, had a decent income, flawless credit history, a hard earned sense of security to support and take care of myself, therefore never needing to ask anyone else for help. Purchased a middle class home, by myself. Own a nice car and also a truck just to hail house and lawn necessites. That was five years ago. I still have the house, the autos, and even somehow still have a job. I no longer have the career that provided me with my personal security and material luxeries. At this time I struggle to pay my mortgage on the last day of the 15 day grace period. My credit history is embarrassing. I can't afford to get my brakes fixed on my nice car. I'm pretty sure I am only days aways from being fired from my do-dah job. For some reason I have been able to save this house. It's all I have left to show for , if I loose this house I throw away the sizable amount of equity that is now the only savings I have. Until tonight by getting on to this web-site, I have only recently admitted that I have a problem to one other person. Three weeks ago I ask my partner of six + years to go with me to check into Rehab. I was packed and finally forced up the courage to ask for help. After all, it has been his constant rejection and verbal name calling regarding my addiction that helped me to admit /see my ugly shame. I had expected him to respond with compassion and affectionate support toward me and my final willingness to admit my shame and need for help. His response was a fit of rage and destruction. It was just not a convenient time for me to admit and ask for help. How could I be so selfish? He lives here with me. He loves this house more than I do. But now that I had not been able to support us alone, he had to go back to work. If I checked into Rehab, he had the entire responsibility to support our household, alone. LOST, admitting my shame only caused rage, trying to help myself and reach out here, on line, allows me to continue drinking and snorting endlessly. Maybe i'm only embarrassing myself more, babbling on in this forum. LOST, someone please direct me, where do I go from here?

[In memory of miracle]

Well, Margret, there are two ways you can go. You can consider this your bottom and get some help, or you can sink lower to jail or death.Thats the real deal. I had to get to the point where I wanted help above all else.I feel for you, I was there, not to long ago. I am glad that you are reaching out by posting on this forum, it's a great place. I use AA as my means of recovery, there is also NA. The best plan for you might just be rehab, I encourage you to go, that house wont do you any good if you are dead. The boyfriend is mad? Thats his problem. Your job? They haveto hold it for you, its a law.Do whatever it is you need to do to get recovery, I promise you, it's worth it.
Bless, Trish

[Time2Surrender]

Welcome to SoberRecovery Margret. You are not babbling nor are you embarassing yourself.Stick around and keep posting.This site is here for support.I have felt the same way you are feeling.There is hope.I found it in Narcotics Anonymous.I used to live in Douglasville,Ga so I know there are meetings in your area.Try and get to a meeting.

[CarolD]

So glad to see you here! Yes.....I too live in Dallas.

I am an alcoholic in AA recovery.
I will PM you my phone number.

You may call to talk 24/7.
I would be honored to share with you.
Still on dial up...so the line might be busy if I am here.
Or....
If you feel more comfortable on line...it's OK.

No pressure...up to you. Blessings...

[michski]

I gotta agree with miracle... your life has just begun to slide down hill! Go to rehab without your partner! You can do it. It always seems impossible to do especially when you're loaded. My husband drove me to rehab.. He had to hang on to me because I tried to jump out of the car at a red light but I am so glad I went, kicking and screaming to get the help I needed to begin my life again free of booze and drugs. You won't regret it and after all it's not like booze and drugs are going to disappear! They'll still be around offering to make your life a mess again when you get out.

[grumpy_b05]

You should be proud of yourself for admitting you have a problem and then asking for help! You need to make the decsion wheather or not you should check in to rehab. No one else can tell you if this is your bottom or not, but like Mireclen2003 said the next place would be jail or death. To me it sounds like it's the best time to go to rehab cause you asked for it,not someone else! You'll be thankful you did this for you!

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers! Send amessage if you would like someone to talk with.

Hugs & Laughter
Grumpy

[51anna]

Margaret,

Welcome and I am so glad you found us.

Sometimes when we reach out to a loved one in desperation and need, they don't understand and they turn away. It's very disappointing and sad, but it happens. By the time I decided to stop drinking my family had given up on me in frustration, so I was on my own. That's why SR is such a great place. I know I'm not alone when I come here. You are not alone. We're here to help.