Thinking about getting some

[tyler]

I know where I can get it now. I could probably keep it under control for the time being, but I know where it will lead eventually, and am not really caring. I'm not even really sure why I'm posting this. I guess it's like when I decided I wanted to kill myself and emailed my ex after I took the pills. Maybe there is part of me that want's to be talked out of it, but I don't really know. Not liking myself so much right now and not really caring about it. Sorry guys. Wish I could be a better example for those who choose not to follow the 12-step format, but I seemed to be destined for failure. See ya'll around sometime.

[TONYTEXAS]

Originally Posted by tyler

I know where I can get it now. I could probably keep it under control for the time being, but I know where it will lead eventually, and am not really caring. I'm not even really sure why I'm posting this. I guess it's like when I decided I wanted to kill myself and emailed my ex after I took the pills. Maybe there is part of me that want's to be talked out of it, but I don't really know. Not liking myself so much right now and not really caring about it. Sorry guys. Wish I could be a better example for those who choose not to follow the 12-step format, but I seemed to be destined for failure. See ya'll around sometime.

HEY THERE IM CONCERNED ABOUT THAT POST BECAUSE IM BASICALLY AT THE SAME PLACE AND CAN RELATE. YOU DONT WANT TO USE, JUST LIKE YOU SAID " YOU KNOW HERE IT WILL LEAD" ITS GOOD YOU POSTED AND DIDNT PUT UP A FRONT AND LIE. I CAN ONLY TELL YOU THE RIGHT THINGS TO DO SINCE I CANT LISTEN TO MYSELF. PM ME IF YOU WANT TO TALK. DONT DO IT! CALL A FRIEND OR SPONSOR

[mParnell]

Hang in there Tyler, Blue and I are praying for you.

[Peter]

Don't make the wrong choice again........do something different this time, pick up the phone and call a non using friend.....

[hopealwayz]

Don't do it....you will only kick yourself for it later and then wonderful why the heck you made that choice.
Just find something, anything to do that does not involve using. Stay in the light.

[Time2Surrender]

I also know where to score.Most of us do.I could even get credit if I were broke which I am not.I am home alone tonight.Girlfriend is at her house with her kids.Maybe I could use just one last time? Who would know? I would know.Luckily I am a member of Narcotics Anonymous.I know where to find a meeting.I have phone #s I can call.Tonight I do not have the urge to use.Tommorow? Who knows how I will feel? Perhaps I could keep it under control? But I seriously doubt it.Not me.I have no desire to find outMy disease has lied to me too many times in the past.I have not forgotten how I felt one day last spring coming down after a long binge as I boarded a plane for New Jersey.And I pray I never forget.I do not ever want to feel the way I felt that day again.And I dont have to.Neither does anyone else.Thanks to actually working a program of recovery through NA I actually like myself today. And for that I am very grateful.Nothing against those who prefer to not do a 12 step program.I tried other ways myself.Never lasted.Hang in there Tyler.Keep posting.I will keep you in my prayers.

[angelgirl]

Hey Tyler,,

Ya know what?? You are not a bad example to anyone.. You're an addict, like the rest of us,, Just having a hard time.. You began doing the right thing Tyler, you got on SR, and began posting to us,, reaching out for help. But you stopped. Please, come back, and continue to post some more. Get whatever it is that is eating at you, causing you to want to go back out and use,, get it out...

Are you upset? Is something going on in your life? Talk to ustyler, It's how you will feel better.. We want to be here for you.. But unless you want us to, we can't. We are online, there isn't much else we can do, besides wait and worry...

I am praying, I can do that for you.. I am doing that for you..
We care very much about you,,
We love you Tyler,,
Come back,
let us know what's going on,
what"s
hurting you??

Hang in there bud,,
Love and prayers,
Becky

[roadie58]

Damn, buddy, my head was in the same place last night. Wanted some white real bad. Was going to date this cool chick and nothing worked out (see I'm ALIVE, where you usually give me some durn good advice Tyler!)

Just don't do it today dude, you can always pick up tomorrow. Have you tried a meeting lately? I picked up the Big Book last night, it felt like an old friend. Hadn't actually read it for a while. Everything I need to know about myself is right in there. Took some vitamins, drank extra H2o and slept with my head in that book, like old college days. Must have sunk in cos it's 4"30 here and I feel strangely serene.

So get yerself some serenity and hang in there buddy. It'll be okay, now about that next 24 hours......

Michael

[historyteach]

...I seemed to be destined for failure.

No such thing as predestination, Tyler.
Just choice.
I'm praying for you...that you made the right choice.
Please let us know how you are. We care.

Shalom, my friend...

[lulu70]

(((((((((Tyler)))))))))) No matter what you chose to do, I hope you will come back here soon and let us know that you are okay. I definitely could figure out where to get some drugs if I wanted them, too. I have thought about it as well. Of course, my main drug of choice was alcohol--we all know how readily available that is. I really hope you are hanging in there..... I know how bad you will feel if you give in. Destined for failure? I don't think so. Destined to struggle sometimes? Definitely. We all are......

Hugs to you, friend.....

[KelKel]

(((Tyler)))
Praying you stayed on the Good Red Road Friend....

[tyler]

still here, still clean, still confused, still unhappy with life in general. nothing's changed, but at least I didn't use, so I guess that's something.

[Chance]

((((((((((((((((((((Tyler)))))))))))))))))

Change that thought pattern focus on something else, we all know where to go and score we are addicts, but do we know how to stay clean? I hope that you are ok man I hate what this does to my friends. I have a friend here at SR right now that is really struggeling. Please whatever you do don't use, you can yahoo or msn me we can talk but please don't give this damn disease anymore power than what it already has...

Love Vic

PS I am sending good thoughts your way......(((((((((((((((((((((((((Tyler))))))))))) ))))))))

[CarolD]

Greatt news Tyleer! Whew!

[roadie58]

Tyler, check out I'm ALIVE, my sponsor asked me to read chapter 11, which is about being sober but still unhappy. It was written for guys like us. Just a few pages that should sound just about right to you now.

Think how screwed up your day could be today if you'd used last night, and please be greatful that you didn't score or die or worse.

Peace bro,

Michael

[Cindi R]

I used to drive by the dealers house everyday on my way to a meeting...
She died last summer, as a result of complications from drug use.
Why have I been given a chance at a "new life"?
I certainly don't know but I'm grateful...

[grumpy_b05]

Hi Tyler,

I haven't we haven't formely met, but I just want you to know that I am soooo PROUD of you!
You worked through a day that was very difficult for you and after that day is now over you can say "today I didn't use"!
Isn't that what we are supposed to think about "JUST FOR TODAY"? Not about yestarday or tomorrow, because those are the past and the future. We focus on TODAY because it's the present!
Tyler, I will and am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

May you also be proud of yourself, cause I know we all are!

Hugs and Laughter
Grumpy

[KelKel]

Tyler thank you for checking in... my prayers were answered as you did not have to use. This too shall pass.

[roadie58]

Sorry Tyler, I reread your first post about NOT following the 12 step format and here I've been suggesting the Big Book and it's teachings. Terribly insensitive of me. I guess maybe go back to your roots of whatever program worked for you in the past. Or just help someone else out or keep talking to us or someone around you in the same situation. That always seems to help, no matter what program you follow.

[historyteach]

Originally Posted by tyler

still here, still clean, still confused, still unhappy with life in general. nothing's changed, but at least I didn't use, so I guess that's something.

Tyler;

First, let me give you a big (((( )))) just because...
And allow me to pat you on the back for a good choice made!!!

You know, when I am confused and unhappy with life in general, the best antidote to those feelings is gratitude. I work hard at remembering all the good things in life; all of my blessings. As long as I can remain grateful, I know I'll never return to the abyss of depression again.

If you don't start feeling better in a few days, why not check it out with your doctor? There are many physical reasons that may make you feel so unhappy, including thyroid problems. There again, it may be a depression. In any case, you would at least know. And knowing is the first step to fixing a problem.

I wish you the best...Please keep us informed as to how you're doing, ok?

Shalom!

[Time4Change]

Prayers going out for you tonight, Tyler. Hang in there. I'm so relieved you didn't give in last night. You did the right thing by bringing your frustration here, instead of isolating and using. You did good! Keep it up, friend.

[spirit30]

Originally Posted by tyler

but I seemed to be destined for failure. See ya'll around sometime.

If you decide you are destined for failure (and that's exactly what you've done) then failure is the only option isn't it? In my opinion, you have a very bad habit of thinking negatively. The way you relate to "your world" is the problem. You're drug habit is just a manifestation of the underlying problem...the way you think. And you can change the way you think. I'm living proof.

I have a degree in Psychology, I work as a counsellor and I've read many self help books over the years. And in my opinion it all comes down to what I just wrote. Right now I'm reading "The Power of Self-coaching, The Five Essential Steps to Creating The Life You Want" by Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. It's one of the best I've read so far. Site: http://www.self-coaching.net/?OVRAW=...OVMTC=standard

I'm not trying to be harsh (Ok, maybe I am just a little bit) but let me tell you this...If you play the victim then you will always feel like a victim. So many people who are addicted to drugs are waiting to be rescued. We have to stop waiting and start taking control over our own destiny.

We're living in a Medical Mind-set world. Whatever you're problem is (ex. drug abuse, depression, or anxiety) everyone seems to agree that it must be a disease or illness. Well I say the only disease we have is the way we think. I think it is important to take a serious look at this way of thinking because deciding that we have a disease or illness assumes that we need some kind of special medical treatment or help or we will be plagued with our problem for the rest of our lives. Hell, many believe that even if we do get treated we still will be sick for the rest our days. Bull Shi*.

Why do you think AA works so well for so many? All it does is help addicts change the way they think...which I acknowledge is a life saver for many.

Tyler, you can find happiness just as well as anyone else, I promise. Life doesn't always have to be a struggle. Yes, we'll always have problems, but our problems don't have to steal away our happiness.

That's my philosophy and I'm stickin to it