Stupid!!!!!

[jeninohio]

Its been years since ive been diagnosed with bi-polar, panic, and anxiety disorder. I am very obsessive compulsive. For years now ive been taking over the counter drugs. Started out with migraine pills, then worked its way to sleeping pills. After that it just didnt matter what i took. Cold pills, sinus pills,allergy pills. Anything. got to the point where it didnt matter if i had any symptoms or not, i just took them. Got to be habit. I would buy a box of cold medicine and not be done till the whole box was gone whether i had symptoms or not. I took a variety of pills on a daily basis. Took the wrong thing one day. Ended up in the hospital from a reaction to taking everything at once. Was a pretty good scare for me. Ive not taken anything for a month now, but now i deal with chronic headaches, ached and pains. Starting to get unbearable for me. So ashamed that my daughter seen me beeing taken away by the emergency crew like that for something so stupid.
For now thats it. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Any comments would be welcome.

[best]

Wonderful...Congratulations on the clean time. WAY TO GO

I would go see a DR and maybe find a solution for the headaches.
I wouldn't beat myself up so much because my daughter seen me get medical care. You know why it happened, she may only understand that you needed the medical attention. When we are ill and have a disease, we get medical attention. If you had the flu and went for a Dr visit, would you feel bad that your daughter had seen you schedule an appointment?

[angelgirl]

Hey Jen,

Sounds like you need to go in and recieve some medical help, see a therapist.. That's what I do, funny (well, not really) but I am diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and Bi-Polar disorder as well. I too took every kind of pill that anyone told me was a pain killer,, because my drug of choice was pain killers.. It's bad to play pharmacist for yourself. That;s what my drug and alcohol counselor says, and that's what they told me as my addiction got so bad that I was in treatment and hospital detox oveer, and over, and over, more times than I can count, or maybe it's that I can't remember, because I had a few years that were just a big black out, and that is really, really sad, because not only did I miss those years in my life, but I have 4 kids, that also only got a numb mom, and I missed their lives,, I always think, what if something would have happened to one of them, or me?? It isn't good to to dwell on that, but I feel it does me some good because I know now that I am out of the fog of using, that I don't want to miss anymore of their lives, and life is short, we never kow who's time will be when, I don't want to waste precious time I have with my kids or husband,,
numbed my drugs, with an addiction that will kill me that hates me...
Your use of rugs even though over the counter is just as destructive to your life.. It could also take you from your daughter, and it woudl be really terrible to have her see you taken away because your addiction killed you, and you were never coming back.. I don;t know how old your daughter is, but I am working on the fear of having my kids see me take meds daily that I need to help me, after what they have been through, they are so afraid of me puttng a pill in my mouth, even if it's soemthing I need, such as an anti-depressant.. But I too am teaching them that they need to take care of themselves so they don't get liek I was.. I would really hate that,,,

I actually forgot to welcome you to SR, so WELCOME
It is truly wonderful that you found this excellent place..
Post all you want, get it all off your chest..
Hang i there,, get some help.. I go to a group called Dual Diagnosis,
it's held at a mental health clinic in town. Its a really, GREAT group, I love it,
it's for people that suffer from an addiction as well as a mental illness.
Maybe you should check and see if there is anythjing like that
that you could join to get some help and support, as well as SR, and anything else you can join.
You can never get to myuch help for an addiction..
Hang in there,
Love, Becky