Please help me ...its my son.

[datagirl]

I guess i am at my frustration point with my son and need some advice. My son is almost 20. He is staying with his dad right now in another state. My X-husband is bi-polar and schizophrenia. My son started showing signs of bi-polar when he was 18 and from what i can tell was heavy into pot, and by 19 i had him in sessions and he was on meds and doing fine. But when he went to live with his dad in April all hell broke loose .......he does not want to take his meds, he said pot is his only friend and will not go to see anyone. On top of that he constantly calls to pick fights with me over things that dont even make any sence. He does not want to come home. my X is doing the best he can but he also has heart probs and cant do much without going into a fit and killing himself. I had the best relationship with my son ....we were best friends untill he hit 18. My question is this .........has anyone gone through this? When will this all end with his drug use and wanting help ? Is there some magic age that he will have to get to before he wants help ? I have built my world around my son and will not give up on him. I have bent over backwards to help him and love him but he pushes me away. I need some sigh of relief knowing he is ok ...........at what point will i get that ? He is so smart .........very high IQ. He is so funny and good looking..........i will not lose him to this..........please help me.
Lisa

[nutz]

Birds sometimes toss thier chick out of the nest.
The chicks spread thier wings and learnd how to fly.

On a more personal level or experince.

I have a 21 year old step that I love every much.
He's drinking and party and the usual.
It's progress and a process.
He's making his way and learning.
It's tearing his mother's heart out at the moment."my baby"
His's straving.lol
There's growth and a mile stone...he is refusing help/hand outs
from family members which just want to fix him.
His was angery at me , at first for kicking him out.
He loves me, we have a strong relationship.

I also had an opportunity to help a young men years back.
He was 15 at the time and was getting into a lot of trouble with
the law and more. He didn't want to go home. So I let him live with me
for a while. I contact his mother of course. I spent a lot time with
him, just being his friend. He would open up himself and ask me lots
of questions about life and the meaning of it.
I couldn't punish him....lol That was the attraction or safe zone for him.
First I told him , there was nothing wrong with him..never mind all the labels.
The riddle I gave him was "it's whatever you want it to be"
Follow your dream....what is your dream?? what do you love doing??
Of course....my bad, I told him whatever he did...don't get a girl pregnuat.
That was the first thing he did.lol
He went through that...many, many nights of him coming over with
tears in his eyes. He even got married at a young age and then devoiced.
I just listen to him most of the time or just stood by his side
and whatever he was going thorugh there was nothing wrong with him.

He went through a lot ..the process.
He's only 25, he owns his own construction comapany now, very successful.
Operating an excuvators is nothing more for him then playing in a big sand box. And the joy-stick was nothing more than playing the PS2.lol

Material success and the whole nine yards. He has custady of his duaghter,now.
He came over and visit me not long ago, stress and needed a time out.
He wanted me to teach him
how to fly a R/C air plan. I told him not to it do by himself ....Oops.lol
Will....I guess he dreamed of flying. He's taking real flying lessons.
Toys for big boys.lol
He dosn't drink or use drugs today. He ask me why I didn't do that
when I first met him.

[Ann]

Welcome, Lisa, my son is an addict too and I truly know your pain.

There are a lot of us moms down on the Nar-Anon forum, and if you would like to introduce yourself there, I know they'd be pleased to meet you and share their experience, strength and hope with you.

You've come to a good place here, where people understand exactly what you are going through and who are here to support you all the way. I'm happy to have you share our journey.

Hugs
Ann

[lynn41068]

Originally Posted by datagirl

On top of that he constantly calls to pick fights with me over things that dont even make any sence.

My question is this .........has anyone gone through this? When will this all end with his drug use and wanting help ? Is there some magic age that he will have to get to before he wants help ? I have built my world around my son and will not give up on him. I have bent over backwards to help him and love him but he pushes me away. I need some sigh of relief knowing he is ok ...........at what point will i get that ? He is so smart .........very high IQ. He is so funny and good looking..........i will not lose him to this..........please help me.
Lisa

Lisa,
Hi. The addict in my life is my 18 1/2 year old son. Once again, he is in rehab. In response to your post my suggestions would be not talk to him if he calls to fight with you. Period. Not easy but you will sent him a message that you to want to talk and not fight with him. His drug use will only end when he wants it to. We cannot control it. Never give up on him but more importantly don't give up your life over it. Don't bend over backwards. That has never worked for me.

I attend FA meetings. It is basically a support group of parents whose children are drug addicts. It is a program for us. SR and FA have made a difference in my life. I am a work in progress.

I am sure you will receive lots of information from the people here. I am pretty new myself here and find it to be a very comfortable place to vent and come for support.

Love,
Lynn
NJ

[lynn41068]

oops...some how I posted twice!

[tink360]

You should read "His Bright Light" by Danielle Steele. its a true story and it might help