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Alcohol Addiction 12 Steps
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10-11-2005, 03:28 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Doube-Edged  Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 162
| pitalls
so im going out this morning at about 1pm, and on my way out i smack my head on the side of the door (the corner). It hurt, but not that much, so i continued on to my car. Then I see in the car window that I have blood running down my face so i go back upstairs through the back and clean it up. And now several hours later i have this nasty bump and gash on like my forehead and eyebrow. its not bleeding that badly, but its much deeper than i would have thought given i just smacked it on a dorr and barely felt anything. stupid reason to have a scar. i'm going to look like a zombie form an 80's horror film just in time for halloween. i hate getting some new injury on my body every day! if its not me doing it on purpose then its me being clumsy and not paying attention and doinng it by accident. yesterday i cut myself in the hand while scraping a coconut for drinks with my friend--twice! i have more bruises and scratches and burns and god knows what else than i can really account for. i don't ever feel like i've slept. i don't feel like i've ever been asleep in my life even though i hardly get out of bed for half the day. i've had this cough for at least a month, and it was summer. i can't wait till the flu comes around. i'm so ready for it this year. will somebody just shoot me in the head please and get it over with. i can't do this. |
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10-11-2005, 06:43 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| In Memory Of  Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,740
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Hey Mag, It is good to see you around. I usto have all kinds of unexplained bumps and bruises, when I was high I didn't feel anything, exactly the way I liked it. But I had to come down sometimes, that was part of the reason I quit using,I could not take withdrawal anymore, not to mention the mental torture. Yea, we beat ourselves up pretty bad. You can do this, if I can you can. Bless, Trish
__________________ In Memory Of Teach only love...  |
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10-11-2005, 06:47 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2004 Location: la la land
Posts: 196
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I think clumsyness is hereditary. My sister was a school bus driver and she fell out of her bus sooooo much that she just recently had back surgery. She's also fallen out of her bathtub a hundred or so times. Now.....my daughter who is four is the same way. I had to call the paramedics because she flipped over the dog and head first on to the tile! I think your brains go faster then your body does. lol There isn't really any advice to you people well....maybe there is....DON'T BLINK. We love ya!! Be careful. Hey maybe someone from the other side is trying to whisper to you and putting things in your way. Do you have anyone that passed away? They are joking little boogers over on the "other side". Good luck.
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10-11-2005, 07:22 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Doube-Edged Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 162
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today i a e a pop tart. no actualy i lied it was the store brand "toaster pastries". i am going to die looking at a halef eaten box of stop n shop toaster pastires. can you tell i'm bored? tuesdaqy naight televeison is jusst loosing itsw charm. i don't know anyone whose gone this way and gotten better. except my uncle and he died young anyway. everythign alwayts hurts all the time. aches. except when i'm really wasted. and i'm never really wasted any more. except when i am and then i just dont want to wake up agaian ever. i die every night and get up again in themorning wondering how many more times can this happen? theres this idea in the upanisads that the worst eternal fate is not hell, but to be continuously reborn--to never be free from dying and dying again. ut's not all as bad as its ever been. i mean things could be worse by a lot. but i'm so tired. i'm so sick of being alone with my dull broken disgusting self. i imagine that someone would just reach down and save me. but i can't do iut myself. don't even care to. there's nothign here i want to save. what a stupid idea. there's nothing here i even want to see much less remember. anything anything anything for silence. the things in my mind chatter so loud i don't know my own voice anymore. how could god reject me if i refuse to live this life? i'm not the one who made this miserable world. he ******* owes me one. not only to live like an animal, but to die like this, on my knees. insult and insult asnd injury. |
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10-11-2005, 07:54 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| In Memory Of Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,740
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Oh Magda... You dont haveto die. We all see something in you. I see a desire to get well and that you are tired of your lifestyle. What I am going to say next, comes from the best place in my heart. Get yourself some help,start with therapy if a hos[ital seems to overwhelming right now. Call the Social Service Dept. in your area,they may help with insurance.Help yourself Mag, life can be way different,promise.
__________________ In Memory Of Teach only love... |
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10-12-2005, 12:49 AM
| #7 (permalink) | |
| You're never alone!!  Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,195
| Quote:
Sounds like you maybe have schizo, ok I can't spell it, butthe voices in your head, if that's what you have, can be helped with meds. Nothing to worry about. I am in dual diagnosis with a couple of peopel that have voices. It's scarey for them. They take meds to keep the voices at bay. One girl has an old lady yelling at her all the time, along with a host of other voices at the same time.. I just really wish you'd reach out for help. Life isn't so terrible. It's really not. It's tough, yes.. That's true. But it has the good things about it too. It's just hard to see anything good when you are constantly drugging, or drinking, or just plain not feeling well. There is help, it's simple, reach out. You haven't been able to make yourself happy hun, what u r doing is not working for ya.. So, hey, at least take the chance to aloow someone else the opportunity to try to help you. They are waiting for you, and they will care about you like we do. I am glad to see you here. Please hang in there, try to get some help. I know you can, you just hve to get past yourself, and allow yourself to reachout.. Reachout girl....Please give it a try, you don't have to stick with it, if you try and aftr a really good shot at it, if you don't like t, you can go back to this misery your living in now. God wants you to get better, that's why you are still here. You are meant to be. But you are also meant to be a whole person, not a 1/2 person because yur wasted so often. love ya Hang in there, Becky
__________________  ™Don't tell God how BIG your addiction is, tell your addiction, how BIG our GOD is!! Jesus is our teacher and he is our Savior, who takes our prayers and makes them his own.  | |
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10-13-2005, 05:18 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Little Island in the Atlantic Ocean
Posts: 57
| Quote:
1. My uncle. He was a drunk/addict for many years. Lost everything. Attempted suicide, underwent stomach surgery from the drinking. He was really mean to animals too. I saw him literally kick my grandmothers dog almost to death about 10 years ago. It was so scary. But you know what? He changed. With the help of AA he's been clean for about 5 or 6 years. He has a beautiful wife and two georgeous daughters. He's kind, loving and happy...and he never touches alcohol because he knows it's his poison. I talk to him often. Our whole family are so proud of him. 2. My friend. He spent several years in Toronto...living on the streets...in what seemed to be a never ending quest for drugs. He ended up in jail where he received a very severe beating which landed him in the hospital for a month. He's been clean now for 2 years and he's still rebuilding. As part of his recovery he talks to youth at risk (in group settings) about his experience. He recently managed to turn a young boy who was experimenting with drugs away from the drug scene altogether. He told me that all the pain he went through was worth it because he was able to save this young man from the misery he himself experienced. I don't know what else to say MagdaM expect that you might want to listen to what Ms. B is saying. She makes so much sense. Get the help you need. If you don't know how to go about it then ask here. There are so many people here who can help you come up with a plan. I think about you often and I hope you will stay. I'm waiting to hear about your recovery sweetie. When you're ready.... | |
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10-13-2005, 06:06 PM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| You're never alone!! Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,195
| Quote:
Powerful post you have there Spirit,,, Very inspiring, I too feel the same about you Magda,,, Just praying you will find your way, it's there, just go for it,, You can be happy, you can live a clean life, we all can, it all comes down to a choice, I never used to believe that, but it's true, when you get out of the fog, you begin to see that it is a choice, a tough one, yet stil a choice, and you have the power in you to do it,, We have been spared thus far, don't go givin up, try the happy, clean life,, give it another shot, but this time, work as hard at being happy as you do anything else you do in your life, liek maybe going to the club.. I don't know you, but i DO have faith in you, because I see myself in you,,, I lost hope, and found it, you can to.. Love ya, thinkin about ya, Becky
__________________ ™Don't tell God how BIG your addiction is, tell your addiction, how BIG our GOD is!! Jesus is our teacher and he is our Savior, who takes our prayers and makes them his own. | |
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