I Just cant do this

[vicodinprincess]

I just cannot do this an it hurts.I have never felt so weak.When i have them everything is perfect I am perfect.I always think after this last refill i will stop but do i ? no i just find another doctor find another refill.what is gonna happen to me? I cannot live my life on refill to refill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bozo]

Because I know the good feeling and I know the trapped feeling.

I had those pills for awhile when I had a root canal and it was a wonderful escape, for a few days.

I know I am a drug addict. Always will be. Sometimes I am weak too. Sad to say I still peek in peoples medicine cabinets.

The bottom line I think is we have to accept reality and the pain that goes with everyday living. Of course we would all like to live in a fantasy world free from pain, but we are addicts that abuse any drug of our choice.

You need to get honest with yourself and your doctor and face reality.

You are taking pills IMO to escape reality and the pain that goes along with it.

I do not know the long term effects of abusing Vicodin, but you need to tell the truth to your doctor.

My heart goes out to you because I know how wonderful it is to escape for awhile and have the mind put in a quiet state.

But drug abuse is harmful and in the end will always bring us to our knees.

Good luck, from a fellow abuser.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by vicodinprincess

When i have them everything is perfect I am perfect.

((((v-princess)))) It's a lie. It's an illusion and a lie. You started by taking the pills, now the pills are taking you.

There is hope. There is recovery. Can you get to an NA or AA meeting? There are people there who know what you're going through.

hugs,

phinny

[angelgirl]

Originally Posted by Bozo

I know I am a drug addict. Always will be. Sometimes I am weak too. Sad to say I still peek in peoples medicine cabinets.

But drug abuse is harmful and in the end will always bring us to our knees.

Good luck, from a fellow abuser.

Hey Bozo, great support given!!
Hi there, welcome to SR..,,
I had to highlight Bozos statement about the medicine cabinets...
About 3 months ago, I stopped looking in other people's
medicine cabinets, and let me tell ya, that had to be the BEST
feeling I have had since getting clean. One day, I was at some one's house,and I thought, WOW, it feels so good, I feel like such a good
person, because I feel like this person can trust me to be in their house. I am NOT going to HURT them anymore, by stealing their meds.. It was the MOST freeing feeling I have had...
You too can have this hun..
There is much help available ou there that is just waitng for you.
You just need to seek it, just as HARdm as you seek the drugs. I know, I have battled this disease for years also.. I always will. I have been clean just 6 months, but to me those 6 months feel like a life time, right now anyway..
Please just seek the help. You can do this. If you get one more refill, it will lead to one more, and the ANXIETY of how to get yet another, and another and still another,,,,,

Stick around here, but also seek out help face to face.. Check into NA, or AA, or Celebrate Recovery ( if you have a meeting like that available)
or call a mntal health facility, or a crisis center, they should be able to lead you in the right direction. If you really want help, its out there.. Go for it. A refill will only bring you more trouble.
Believe me, I also know.

Hang in there hun
Love'
Becky

[Alera]

person, because I feel like this person can trust me to be in their house. I am NOT going to HURT them anymore, by stealing their meds.. It was the MOST freeing feeling I have had...

I got the chance to enjoy that feeling today. A man wanted me to work on an appliance. I know him from guess where, the pharmacy where I used to get my "supply". But the Pharmacy knows about me getting clean too because I told them.

Well, this person needed work done on some appliances and called me up! I was in their home for several hours. I felt so awesome being granted that trust.

[ragidiman]

Everyone that wants to, has to start somewhere
This is not a bad place to be, if U are just realiseing
U have a problem, there are a lot of people just like
U , who act like U, and so on, me being one at first
This is my first attempt w/help to quit the stuff
I tried it on my own a year ago was pure h--l
First thing is let someone that cares about U,
know about your problem, family, friend, Dr, ect...
Thats how I finaly got this far "6 weeks" and goin strong
I did the stuff and worse "hydros, morphene, ozzies, ect...
for five + years, if I can do it, anybody can, Ul see that
quote here alot and if U realy want to quit Ul be
sayin it too.

see my post reply on Ur other thread



"" If I Always Use, Then In Return I Will Always Lose"
MAC

[livenletlive]

Welcome to SR. I can see you are getting the support you need from people who have been there with the pills. I for one was never in the cycle of going to the doctor to get scripts and then refill after refill. I know I must be h*ll though. I was like that with cocaine.

Be proud of yourself and rejoice that you are seeking help here. There is a lot of help all around you. Think little accomplishments. 1 day sober then the next. After the physical dependency goes away, you will feel more confident to keep stopped. My prayers are with you. Do think about going to detox because I heard pill withdrawal is very painfull and you should be in the care of professionals. I don't know what or how much you take, but don't go it alone.


Rob

[roadie58]

"I just cannot do this an it hurts"


Well you CAN do this and of course it hurts, you've been medicating yourself with waay too much pain pills.

People quit all the time, it hurts, then they're pretty normal again, except they can NEVER go back to that old way of life. They're stuck being happy, joyous, and free. How 'bout it?

[serenity1028]

VP... I know exactly where you are coming from. That was the story of my
life for nearly three years. I couldn't go one day without popping vicodin .
Then my life began to spiral downward and I became so miserable.
My relationship was a mess. Work was going downhill. I woke up every morning struggling to get out of bed. I was sick and tired of being sick and
tired. I finally decided to get off the drugs and I knew I couldn't do it alone.
I had tried just like you -- oh this refill will be the last one , ok the next one
will be the last one.... ok just one more ( yeah right) who am I kidding.
When you've had enough pain... like I did , you'll check yourself into
rehab. It's going to be next to impossible to do it any other way.
You'll need to detox under supervision and it sounds to me like you need
at least 28 days in an inpatient facility . (just my opinion).
I have been in rehab several times -- and it's only the last time I went in
inpatient that I was able to get the intensive treatment I really needed.
Of course they'll introduce you to NA when you get there.
There are medications that can help you as well.
Don't give up. You've taken the first step by reaching out on SR.
There's more to life than popping pills. Sobriety is much more fullfilling.
It's hard to believe, but you can be happy without Vicodin!
Give it a chance , What's the worst thing that can happen?
You'll end up clean and sober and maybe even happy??

[hopealwayz]

How are you? I haven't seen you around and I just wanted to see if you were ok.

[roadie58]

It's only life and death.

Don't give up now.....


just before the miracle happens....

[paralysisofwill]

I know exactly how you feel, vicodinprincess. I say the exact same thing to myself...."after the last refill I will stop." I joined this site today, and also got a new script for vicodin today. Ironic? Hard decision to make, and to be totally honest, I haven't made the decision yet. I just keep reading these posts hoping to find that "reason" to stop. I know exactly what you mean though about everything being perfect when you are on it. When I take it I obsessively clean my house, myself, everything. Everything gets perfectly organized. It's just so hard to stop. Hang in there with me, ok? We can do this.

[angelgirl]

Originally Posted by paralysisofwill

I know exactly how you feel, vicodinprincess. I say the exact same thing to myself...."after the last refill I will stop." I joined this site today, and also got a new script for vicodin today. Ironic? Hard decision to make, and to be totally honest, I haven't made the decision yet. I just keep reading these posts hoping to find that "reason" to stop. I know exactly what you mean though about everything being perfect when you are on it. When I take it I obsessively clean my house, myself, everything. Everything gets perfectly organized. It's just so hard to stop. Hang in there with me, ok? We can do this.

But I know a really good reason to stop, at least for me it was..

I had those same great feelings when I took them, and even now,
if I think hard enough about that feeling, I even begin to crave it..

BUT, those feelings don't last forever, it's addiction,. it turns on you..
I used to beable o conquer the world on the pills, but then one day, I couldn't even get out of bed, until I had the pills in my systen long enough that I felt well enough to get up. Then slowly things began to change, and it got to the point that, NO MATTER how many I took, I felt TERRIBLE, they just weren't working anymore. They had TURNED on me..

It's true, it happens.. The pills that gave me tons of energy, enough to work full-time, 12 hours shift work and have a home, husband, walk at least 2 miles 4-5 times a week or more, and I had 4 kids to be a mom to also, suddenly those pills didn't give me that energy anymore, as a matter of fact, after that long period of time, it turned on me so badly that I couldn't get up off the couch, I got SO lazy, I did NOTHINg, and felt terrible at the same time.. all because they turned on me..I was also a nervous wreck, all due to the pills, so you see, the pills that were so wonderful in the beginning, in the end were killing me, and at a very SLOW death, and hurting everyone around me at the same time..

Love, Becky

[northbelle]

Wow, what a great post..lots of support ..I am right there beside you princess..today is day 3 from methadone..I feel like I cannot do anything without them right now..but I also know that they turned on me too//Just keeping me WELL and I noticed they made me very bitchy to my kiddo..and I just DON' want to be a dope fiend anymore..what really helps me right now is taking a bath...I go back in as often as I need to and just the smell of the lavendar and patchoulli stuff seems to make me feel better..I have to go to work on Friday and I am worried but I am trying to not think about it..Ispend so much time and money being a slave to this ****..I am sick of being nice to the dopeman when I actually can't stand the pervert...I told him he was a pervert today too and really pissed him off so I burned that bridge..anyway I just want you to know you are not alone and I am grateful I am getting another chance at this..I am not in prison again and still have my house and kid and food in the fridge and a job and many other things that I am very aware I could loose to this disease..thank you for your courage in posting your pain....love in recov..northbelle