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Old 11-26-2010, 01:52 PM   #421 (permalink)
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Good Luck in your continued strength. I have been reading here, while kicking this oxy habit and you have been a great inspiration to many and me. I spent numerous times trying to quit with quite a problem with withdrawals. I drive for a living and coudln't deal with the rls insomnia. Finally had to go to a doctor to be precribed suboxone which took care of withdrawals. took 2 mgs a day for four days, then just quit it all. That's been 1 week now clean. Slept solid the last two nights. It was great. Now i'm having relapse thoughts, luckily those w/d symptons override that little addict in my head.
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Old 11-26-2010, 09:19 PM   #422 (permalink)
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I haven't even gotten to the point of quitting or trying C/T. Taking Lortab for two years, and have tried to cut down. I feel ridiculous thinking I have accomplished anything after reading some of you guy's feats. It gives me a sense of hope that I might actually be able to go C/T with this thing.
Went to bed a few nights ago after a day of HALF my normal and was already having sweats. Getting up again at 5 am to work - seems impossible. But I'm going to have to do it.
Some posts state a lot of you went to Dr. - any opinions on being able to continue 12-16 hr work days, with seeking prof help to kick this nasty s***??
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Old 11-27-2010, 02:35 PM   #423 (permalink)
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"i don't think anyone can come off methadone"

Two detox's ago the doctor in the detox suggested that I take methadone to help with pain issues. (Told me to see him in his private practice) Instead of abusing oxycontins, percocets, vicodins (if I had nothing else) Methadone was 1 of my nevers. I only got them to "get rid of them" well, we all know what happens there. I got rid of them alright, got rid of them right down my throat, along with the OC's and percs. I now have 5 and a half months clean and HAPPY TO BE OFF THAT LEASH!! So, you can come off anything in my own opinion.


BM123...there is no easy answer. You are just going to have to go through it. If you are sweating alot..take lots of showers (like someone else said) be careful with the benzos. I don't think they are going to help you sleep anyway. Took me over three months to get more than 1-2 hours sleep at a time (usually in the day) after trying to sleep all night. A few things I always liked while withdrawling...zantac, immodium, cup of noodles, gatorade, toast and bannanas..I seen someone say go to a detox if you can, It will make it so much easier....you know how bad it feels now? It only gets worse. Don't eat pills on an impulse to "feel better" it wastes however long you went without one and your back to starting the BS all over again...GET INTO A DETOX!! if at all possible.
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Old 12-02-2010, 07:08 PM   #424 (permalink)
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To Seaswept

I, like you had to continue to work fairly long hours. I had to keep using just to avoid the withdrawal insomnia effects. I just google searched a doctor in my area that could precribe what was neccessary. In my case the suboxone he precribed worked pretty miraculous relieving the symptons. I was a little spacey during the day, but at least I slept. Be honest with the doctor with your usage and time frames of usage. I was taking 40-60 mgs a day for a couple of years. Time comes where the little perc buzz, pain relief ?(My back strain while moving was pretty bad, but that's over.) to just quit. I developed a dependence. Still have that mentally. The battle now is me and it. So far so good. Be committed or just keep doing the same old.
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Old 12-03-2010, 03:33 PM   #425 (permalink)
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One thing that I found useful when dealing with the mental dependancy was working those long hours. Throwing myself into projects at work kept my mind occupied and off getting "high"
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Old 12-13-2010, 08:32 PM   #426 (permalink)
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Soccer do you ever go get on chatroom?Wouldn't mind hearing from your experience
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Old 12-13-2010, 08:35 PM   #427 (permalink)
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Soccer do you ever get on chat room?
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Old 12-19-2010, 08:05 AM   #428 (permalink)
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Westwing how did you do - I'm new too

I'm new too. I was at 50 mg oxycodone a day and was supposed to be on a taper that I fooled my husband and my doctors I was on. I went cold turkey last Sunday -- well, sun 50, mon 30, tues 15, and weds 5 mg - then ZERO since Thursday. So I am on day 3 of ZERO OXYCODONE and I wonder how soon I will feel better. Here is a little of my story:

I just wanted to add my two cents in here. THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY. Those of you who are addicted to oxycodone and think you can simply "taper" off may be fooling yourselves. For me, my "slow taper" was simply permission I granted myself to keep using. I have been "tapering" off oxycodone for the past year and MAYBE this time I will manage to quit, but it has to be cold turkey.

I had two large orthopedic surgeries last year and thought I was the last person to get get addicted. But I did. i could not manage the huge amounts of drug given to me by doctors trusting me to taper myself down. With my first failed taper with one doc, he fired me when I ran out of a huge amount of drug he gave me too soon.

The next doctor I saw happily just kept giving me my drug, even though I made the appointment with him so he would help me taper. I only stopped taking drugs from that guy when the feds stepped in a couple of months ago and arrested him for hiding the money he was raking in in numerous banks without paying taxes. He profited by keeping me on oxycodone.

The next doctor, the one I see now, has trusted me for the past three months to taper myself on my own schedule. HA! Little did he know that I had to have dental work and got three additional dentists to give me more and more oxycodone. So while he thought I was tapering, I had almost doubled my dose.

I became so reckless with my dosages, that I thought I would not be caught lying about getting additional drugs by tapering myself off without telling him what I did. What happened was that I had become to the higher dosages and could not stop, thus running myself out last weekend. I am not due to go back to my current tapering doctor for another two weeks, during which time I was supposed to have had plenty of drug left for the taper. Instead, her I am with NO drug and find myself in a forced taper.

I have a couple of choices. I could go find the drug on the street, which I have never done, and at 59 years old and a woman, who would i ask? I have lied to my husband, too, and he thinks I just tapered off gradually and that is why I have no more drug left. He didn't notice my getting extra drugs. But he would notice if I went to the street. I could go back in to my tapering doctor next week, a week early, and tell him I ran out too soon, risking him firing me like the first tapering doctor did. He has already warned me not to double up on my pills as there would be no early refills. So, no option there.

I have no options. I must now cold turkey. I am now on DAY THREE WITH ZERO OXYCODONE in my blood. I feel sick, hot and cold, stomach queasy, and generally so crappy I could crawl out of my skin. I have spent some time reading internet posts, and the OXYCODONE WITHDRAWAL GUIDE posted online, and I think I should start feeling better tomorrow. Meanwhile, I am sick and miserable, and alone in my misery. I have been living a big lie and now I pay.

My words are here for you taperers out there. If you are going to try to do that, I think you need to have someone hold your pills for you who will refuse to give you more than your prescribed tapering dose. I actually did well a few weeks here and there, but by and large, I cannot be trusted with large amounts of pills. I will take them. If I have a lot, I will take a lot, caring little for how I will feel later on when I run out. It's like I'm almost two people, and the first one doesn't care that the other will suffer later on.

Right now, I am just so ashamed of lying and failing to do what I promised to do. All I can do is suffer alone in my misery until I start to feel better. Then, I hope I don't go back to my doctor in a couple of weeks, because if I don't tell him what I did and get away with this big lie, he'll give me more oxycodone. But my husband would know I am getting more pills, and he has already told me he won't let me do that.

Has anyone else failed tapering like I did? How did you do eventually? When will I feel back to normal. I was on oxy's for probably 2 yrs.
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Old 12-19-2010, 08:52 AM   #429 (permalink)
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PLEASE, someone tell me not to seek more oxycodone!!!!

Here I am again, at few hours later, on DAY 3 OF ZERO OXYCODONE IN MY BLOOD. I took some Loperamide after spending a bunch of time making toilet trips and feeling creepy crawly crappy horrible.

I could go back to my doctor this Wednesday and get more pills. But by then I will have been off oxycodone for a week. My intellect tells me NO DO NOT GO GET MORE PILLS. My addict is begging me to do it. I could get probably a prescription for 42 more oxycodone pills to "continue" my taper. I.e., lie to my doctor and tell him I am tapering down just fine. Ha! Right after I just got done with 50 mg a day (35 mg from the dentists and 15 from him) and had to cold turkey last Wednesday.

I need some support now to STOP ME! My husband knows I am out of pills, but he doesn't know this was a COLD TURKEY FROM A HIGHER DOSE. I recognize some of you are or have been on more, but I could see myself easily taking much more. My husband thinks I had tapered down to 2 tablets a day and I was supposed to run out on Wednesday! He states he will NOT LET ME get more pills. I could probably song and dance myself into getting more, just like I have been doing.

Somebody, anybody, please TELL ME I SHOULD NOT GO GET MORE PILLS! :
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Old 12-19-2010, 08:59 AM   #430 (permalink)
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I think you should tell your husband how deep you are in. I didn't kick opiods until I came clean with my wife. Now she helps me everyday. It gets better.
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Old 12-19-2010, 09:32 AM   #431 (permalink)
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failedtaper,

The hardest part for me was driving past my Dr's office on my way to work & knowing that all I had to do was place a call and get 240-30 mg oxycodone. I think what helped most was remembering the pain I was in detoxing & also attending a 12 step program. I had taken entire my last script in 5 days & decided to go CT. I was in agony for a long time, but I used them for about 8 years at very high doses. You just need to put the option out of your mind. I don't want to ever return to that shell of a life I was living, but the decision is all yours to make. I'm at 101 days & you could be too eventually if you want it. My life has improved dramatically. Good luck & hang tough.
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Old 12-19-2010, 10:32 AM   #432 (permalink)
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Yes, I am a bad fish too.

I took Humblejack's advice and told my husband what I have done. He is now on my side and will stand with me and pull me up off of this reef and set me free from this poison drug.

It would be different if using oxycodone actually was a manageable drug. It really did make me feel good and normal and high functional. But the "high" part is the catch. After a short time, the same amount of drug does not make you feel as good or as normal or as functional. You keep taking higher doses to get there. Then, before you know it, you start having side effects from the drug that are not so nice. I was getting irritable bowel from the oxy's. If I went anywhere, I had to make sure I had my drug with me, so if I started to feel myself coming down, I could just take another.

I really see it now. At first, I couldn't understand how some people have gotten up to over 240 mg a day of oxy, and some much higher. I really see it now. I could get there. I must never go there again.

In 2007, a friend and co-worker went home one night and had an argument with her son. She took just a "little" extra opiate that night -- she "deserved" it -- and she was found dead in her bed the next morning by her son, who was only 15 at the time. Why didn't I think about that when I was taking my oxy's? Because I didn't believe it could happen to me, not to me, because I "knew what I was doing"? What? Anyone who thinks that is deluded by the drug.

Hang in there people. I am only on day 3 off oxys and I am really struggling. Help me too. Somebody, anybody, tell me NOT TO GO SEEK MORE OXY!
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Old 12-19-2010, 11:30 AM   #433 (permalink)
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ft,

I had to get honest with my wife at the end of my run too, and I'm glad I did. I think that was the right thing to do. You seemed like a badfish.

It will never be enough. I certainly didn't start out taking 600-800 mgs/day, but that's where anyone with an addiction problem is headed by taking this narcotic. I didn't even get high for probably the last 2 years. It just kept me from getting sick. I was so tired of hoping the Dr's office would call to re-up my script, or borrowing from my buddy, or hitting the street. It's a terrible cycle of insanity. It consumed my life entirely.

It's difficult, but anything worth doing is. The only person that can keep you from seeking more oxy is you. You're through the worst of detox already. You don't ever have to feel the effects of detox again, if you choose to do so.

Be strong.
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:08 PM   #434 (permalink)
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I'm 43 yrs old and didn't take any pain pills until a back injury. That was back in 2000. It took 10 years to finally stop. There were periods of time when I didn't use at all. I would go to any length, lie to anyone, (doctor's, police) in order to keep using. It wasn't until I told my Doctor the truth and asked to be cut-off that things turned for the better.

I have taken many steps to "burn any bridges" that may lead back. I told my wife everything. I gave her my insurance cards so I wouldn't change doctor's. I carry very little cash. I started seeing a counselor once a week.

The physical stuff is long over and I know it seems unbearable when you go through withdrawal, but if you just hang tough it does get better.
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Old 12-20-2010, 07:59 AM   #435 (permalink)
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Day 4-5, feeling better

Hi all,

I just wanted to check in and report how I feel, in case anyone else is going through the hell of withdrawals from oxycodone like I am. I had no idea I couldn't just stop taking this drug until I saw my use increasing and increasing, and not feeling as good as I used to feel with smaller doses. In fact, feeling sick any time I wasn't within 2 hours of a dose. That scared me, and I didn't think I would be able to live normally without the drug.

Well, I am now FOUR DAYS OFF OXYCODONE. There should be none of the drug left in my system now, and for the first time this morning I did not wake up sick. I am having a few stomach cramps this morning, but I feel more clear headed than I have in -- years? I hope this is not a fleeting feeling, and I don't yet feel well enough to start exercising. After two total knee replacements last year, I need to be back walking and bicycling. The first few weeks on oxycodone postoperatively, it actually felt good to do those things. The last few months on the drug, I did virtually NOTHING and gained probably 40 pounds.

I still crave the drug, and if I had a bottle of pills in front of me and no one was looking, I know I would immediately swallow a few. Then I am pretty sure I'd be back up to as many as I could find someone to prescribe for me a day.

But I have a good husband and a strong resolve to stay off this drug. If I need surgery in the future, I will not be the holder of my pills. My husband swears that MONEY is the root of this drug. He thinks that it is designed to hook you so that the drug companies can make money. I can't fault the detox people, but unfortunately, they also profit from this drug. I can't tell you (or maybe you already know, too) how many solicitations I have gotten on the internet for detoxing places. Also, unfortunately, someone has hacked into some of the search terms so that when you look for help, what you get is a list of internet pharmacies that will sell you the drug. I have never given in to that. I always feared it would not be oxycodone in the pill, and I would get sicker. Or that it was a hook to catch people illegally buying drugs online. But I tell you -- I was close to trying it.

Anyway, I have hope this morning.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 12-20-2010, 09:36 AM   #436 (permalink)
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FailedTaper. Great to see you hanging in there. I too kided myself with taper programs again and again. I went as far as creating a spreadsheet and putting each dose in separate ziplock bags, but I always overdid it. It just never worked when I held them. Even when my wife would hold them I would always supplement from other sources. I know some people have done it, but I sure couldn't.

I am not going to condemn oxycodone because I know MOST people use it responsibly and it is a great benefit to them and their way of life. Just because I chose to abuse it doesn't mean that everyone will. I abused every opiate based painkiller out there so I think the problem was me and not the drugs. I am not a victim.

Keep doing what you are doing. You are past the worst of the physical stuff so don't go back on the merry-go-around by going back to your doctor for another "taper". Try not to project about the what if's (i.e. another surgery). Worry about it if and when it actually happens. Hopefully you are able to deal with the mental side of the addiction. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help if you need it (you are doing a great job of it so far).
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Old 12-20-2010, 09:53 AM   #437 (permalink)
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Honesty really is the answer to recovery like they say in meetings we are as sick as our secrets. It takes courage to do what you did. 1st by stopping and second by telling on yourself. Check out some meetings they have lots in your area. Happy Holidays
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Old 12-20-2010, 11:46 AM   #438 (permalink)
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Marcus, I also did the systematic apportioning of pills, using pillboxes with each day marked for the right dose. I would just "steal" from the furthest out date, figuring I would find a way to replenish my supply later. Well, but luck ran out. If I hadn't run out of pills, I would not be off oxycodone now. It was not even a taper at the end. Down from 300 pills a month to ZERO over the course of the last three days I took them.

I agree I did this to myself. I do wish that those who see you trying to taper don't take a more active role. I wish my doctor had made my husband come to my visits with me, or another assigned "sponsor", to see to it that I did what I was supposed to do. However, I just went to the dentists for extra pills behind the doctor's back anyway. So it isn't his fault.

All my fault. I did this to myself. I have a lot of guilt. I have a long way to go to feel normal again.
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:10 PM   #439 (permalink)
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I wasn't trying to bum you out or anything. You are taking huge steps to change your life and should be very proud of that. It was funny how you said earlier "It's like I'm almost two people, and the first one doesn't care that the other will suffer later on." That rang so true to me. I always worried about how I felt at that moment only to deal with the consequences later on. I would be down to 20 pills or whatever and say these have to last me x number of days and before you knew it I would only have 10 pills to last those same number of days.

I would also reward myself. Oh I have to mow the lawn or do grocery shopping or clean the house - well I will reward myself with a few extra pills. I could tell you at any time how many pills I had left. They meant everything to me. My whole day was consumed with how many do I have (counting/recounting checking/rechecking), when can I take another one, when can I get more, how can I sneak/buy some more. It took me a long time to be able to go into the bathroom at someone elses house without wanting to check the medicine cabinet and if I saw a pill bottle sitting out - forget it I had to see what was in it.

I was always too chicken to write a fake script, but I know plenty who have. There were times I would try to get my refill early and insurance wouldn't cover it. I got plenty of looks from pharmacists. Sitting in the parking lot at the pharmacy at 6:30am waiting for them to open at 7 and then not wanting to go in right at 7 because then I would look like a fiend so trying to wait a few extra minutes.

It is a horrible horrible way to live. It steals away so much of your life. You become a prisoner to it. It feels so good to break free of that cycle, but it takes effort. I go to meetings - lots of meetings. I am not saying you need that, but if you are having trouble give them a try. If not that maybe an addictions counselor or therapist. Whatever it takes to get your life back is worth doing.

Good luck to you. Take care.
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Old 12-20-2010, 01:01 PM   #440 (permalink)
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I couldn't agree with Marcus more. I was on the same pill counting disaster for 8 years. I always knew what happens when I would run out, but in that moment, I didn't care. I was also totally consumed and waited for pharmacies to open, etc.. It's complete insanity.

I didn't have anyone suggesting a 12 step program, or did I ever think I'd attend a meeting. After being up all night for the first 8 days, I went online, found a local meeting & went. I hated the first one, but must have heard something because I went again the following night. It's been 102 days & I go to about 6 a week. It isn't for everyone, but it helps me (and tons of other addicts) a lot. I did my own program for 30 years & that got me nowhere but broken. Now I work with a great sponsor & feel better than I have in years.

Good luck & Congrats on your 4 days.
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