help...trying as many threads as i can

[mam631]

i am in desperate need of support. i have been using opiates very heavily over the past few months. i am a nurse and they are easily accessible. i changed departments to help control the urge...but i somehow am able to jusify why i need to do it just one more time. now....i know i need to stop before i lose my job. i have been taking approximately 8-10 percocet and 30-60 mg morphine daily. the last time was yesterday morning. i have been through withdrawal before...but never at this dose after this long of a period.
i can not risk going to an inpatient facility at this time. my physician is aware of my last detox...i am afraid to tell him about this time....i do not want to be turned in to the nursing board. i do not have direct patient care....i am in an administrative position.
please help lead me to someone who can assist with some support. i feel if i talk to someone daily this may help.
thanks
mam631
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[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by mam631

i changed departments to help control the urge...but i somehow am able to jusify why i need to do it just one more time.

... yup, mam, I gotta tell you that, for me, there was no "controlling the urge." I was addicted and that was that. This is a disease and control, will power, doing it on my own didn't work. Ever.

But it's not all bad, believe me. There is a solution. We do recover. I found recovery in the rooms of AA/NA. There I met people who had been there before me and who could guide me through detoxing and early recovery and where I could learn the steps and apply them to my addicition and to my life. There is help available and you can get off this stuff and stay off.

We have some recovering nurses here on SR who I hope will be along to give you some experience, strength and hope regarding the job front.

In the meantime, hang in there and know that real recovery is possible for you. You can get your life back - in fact, live a better life in every way.

hugs,

--phinny

[bikewench]

Mam....
welcome to Sober Recovery...


Yeah... quitting is hard....

But... staying quit is even harder...

I know that without the support and structure of the 12 step program I would never have got myself off my addictive treadmill...

I also know not to ever underestimate the power of my addictive thinking and how it likes me to minimize the impact of it in my life...

I know I would never have ripped myself free by my own unaided human will... but... that's just me.. ;o)

SR is a huge resource for addiction.. and many have gone before you....
Stay.. and draw strength..

[mam631]

thanks
i have received many encouraging messages. i feel being able to talk with others will help me to be able to help myself.
thanks again

[Dawn10]

Nothing replaces face to face support. This site is great, but there is something about accountability that going to meetings offers us in recovery. Being able to not b******* your way around recovery. There is also something to be said for therapy. Find an addictions therapist. This is your life you are talking about. Mam, I see myself in you. I have said and done everything you have shared on this and the other posts.
When you are ready......

[Demplee]

Hi and welcome to SR. I to am a nurse, and my primary source for my drugs was work. I had to get caught in order to get help. I live in Texas and we have a peer assistance program here for nurses with addictions. I can truely say today that it saved my life. There are programs out there, contact your state board (you don't have to identify yourself). I know you said that you don't work in patient care, but the drugs are readily available. If you are stealing from work it is only a matter of time before you are caught. Even if not, it is still only a matter of time.
I consider myself lucky in that I am still employed for the same company that I used to steal from. They have been VERY supporative, in fact I con't to work on the same unit, and today I can dispense narcotics, but only because I am spirtiualy fit, and a active member of NA.
I strongly encourage you to go to a meeting, you might be suprised at just how many nurses are there. My sponser is a RN, as well as my grand sponser. there is even an MD and a nurse practioner in my home group.
Being nurse does not make any one of us unique...I am a drug addict, just like the person on the street corner, turning a trick to get the next fix. I still have a spiritual void, that I was trying to fill with whatever made me feel better.. the answer is the same for all of us...the 12 steps of NA/AA. Get to a meeting!!!!! and listen to the similarities, not the differences.
I wish you the best of luck.

[mam631]

thanks for your support. i didnt make it through today. i had one day (and that was yesterday) clean. i now see that i am going to have to seek outside help. i am not going to be able to do this alone this time. i am using more than i ever had before and more frequently. i made a doctors appointment for tomorrow. i need to stop right now....no waiting. but, being a nurse in a pretty important role....i have to do this very discreetly.

i wish i had sought out this website sooner. i can see this will be a place i can go to when i need to talk to someone who can help me and direct me to others who can help.

thank you again for your support
mary

[Dawn10]

Mary,
I am very happy to hear that you have made that big step--making an appointment with your doctor to get help. You should be able to take family/medical leave to get into treatment. If can give you any bit of information that will help it is this. Be as honest and upfront with your doctor as you have been with us here.
You can do this!!!
Dawn