going back would be way easier. :-/

[surfergirlie17]

Its been a little over 5 weeks without cocaine.
++i thought it was okay.
really, really hard. SUPER hard. but it was the 'good' thing, right?
and now the girl who also hadnt used, and had made me swear never to do it again, is using again.
and my bestest friend since we were born has been in and out of the ER, we've been worried sick, he still uses, and now 2 nights ago he randomly texts me being really mean...
and i dont know.
it doesnt sound like much but.
it just seems like right now a line would make everything so much better.
and it just ISNTGETTINGEASIER.
i thought it would be easier after FIVEWEEKS. and its not. every single day is a struggle. a massive resistance against this insatiable urge to get some more.

>_<

this sucks.

[icefalcon]

hi girlie, someone once told that if it's easy, it's not worth having. i'm sorry your having a tough time. but i was also told that it is an easy program , all you have to do is change your entire F****** life! i know that if it were me and i was always talking to or hanging around people who are still using. i'd have a really messed up day to. don't get me wrong, i think that you still care about your freinds. but you need to care enough about yourself. people don't like it when you hold a mirror up to their face. thats what happens when you are trying to stay clean and your freinds are not. they see something that they want, but are ready to do the work to get it.
talk to some of the newbie's here, i think we all go though the same thing.
i know for me. some of my best freinds hung around for about 3 months, trying to get to go back! and when they seen that i was not going back, they choose not to be my freinds.
keep talking to us girlie, get the strength you need from thoose here and at meetings!

[KelKel]

It may seem like a solution right now, just because it is the easiest thing to do at the moment, does not mean it is the best solution in the long run.
Sounds like you have some wonderful examples of failed attempts from two friends... do you really need to find out for yourself again that it just does not get any better out there.

[roadie58]

For me 30 days was squirrly time, then 90 days was tough again. You've GOT to change people, places and things. Can't hang around users anymore. period. Get to AA, NA, anyA, and make new friends. This time is the test. I know you can still taste it and visualize the effects, but do this.

PLAY THE TAPE....

Replay in your mind what happened that LAST time you used. Where did you end up, how did you feel when the coke ran out? What did you have to do, pay, give up to get the coke? Did it cost you health, pride, relationships?

If you're a typical user like me, you'll find the memory very distasteful. Maybe this will help persuade you to NOT USE. Stay online and in touch. We need each other.

[splendra]

(((surfergirlie)))

It's a mind thing. Your addiction has a voice and you are listening to it if you think that it would be easier to start using.

It is like you are surfing and you have caught a big swell you have worked for over 5 weeks to catch this wave are you going to jump off the board before you get to ride in? I certainly hope that you choose to stay on the board cause you have worked hard to get this big one. Isn't dangerous to jump off the board right when the wave is starting to crest? Isn't that what you are thinking about doing? I don't know a whole lot about surfing but I did hang out with some people who surfed when I lived in LA.... so you tell me

[ETACsoldier]

girlie a line would make everything so much better....for about 5 minutes...but is the end result worth it? i had a problem with cocaine a while back, and i consider myself a weak minded person but i pulled through that addiction and havent touched it since...the end result is a bloody nose and much worse of a problem when your done. it took me a while to get through it, but trust me..if i can, so can you, stay strong, and dont let others falling behind sway your decision, pick them up if you can and keep moving forward. i wish you the best

[dmajor7th]

What everybody else said. Especially hanging around friends still using. Of course that will bring on cravings. You have to do things that won't. Things that make you think of other things. Positive things. Good luck. Go see War of The Worlds or something. Either by yourself or with a clean friend. Then take a walk on the way home from the theatre.

[roadie58]

You still out there girlie?? Hope you're doing okay, I always get nervous when someone talks about (planning to) go out. Be at peace today.

[grayhorizon]

how do you get someone to stop hanging out with people who use?? this person says he wants to stop, clean up, quit - all that -but it will take time. I ask how much time when the person who sells him the coke lives in the same house??? am I an enabler for continuing to believe he's trying to get sober? How much patience do I need to have before I cross the line to becoming an enabler?? or have I already crossed that line?

[tyler]

Personally I find counting days makes it harder. It really doesn't matter how many days you have as long as today you are clean. I found that when I did count I would reach milestones and that became a reason to let up and then I would find myself in trouble. So I don't count anymore. Today I am clean and sober.

[roadie58]

Girlie, think about things you've acquired in your life, jobs, guys, stuff, cars- all good things worth having- all took time and WORK. This sure isn't easy, I'll be the first to admit. I've been relapsing for three years, until I thought it would KILL ME. Enough is enough. Please, please realize early on how bad this disease is and just stop the madness. Like my sponser says, I can always go out and find more pain if I haven't had enough by now.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of pain, I'm tired of Day One. It hurts and I'm tired of hurting. Drugs just take away the pain of life temporarily, but it's always replaced with more pain of a more terrible variety.

I'm with Tyler, that whole 'birthday' thing makes me want to celebrate 30 days or 60 days. I just take it one day at a time and don't count anymore. Just stay alive. That's all, it's real simple. I need simple.

[grayhorizon]

Good luck Roadie. I wish the person I am trying to help is as willing to get better as you are.

[roadie58]

gray- the Dealer has to go..... put your foot down on that one.

[michski]

first hit yourself on the top of your head with a hammer...

then take some sandpaper and curl it up and run it up and down inside your nostrils.....

then take all the money out of your wallet and the bank and rip it up into little pieces and flush it down the toilet....

That's the "head tape" I used when I'd dare to even venture ever so slightly into the possibility of me getting loaded... It worked for me!

[roadie58]

Great, I just spit out potato chips all over my monitor! ROTFLMFAO, that is great.

[hopealwayz]

I hope you pop back in soon Surfergirlie.

Don't give in to the urges, try to keep yourself busy,busy,busy.
Also, you have to leave behind the people who are using. That will only make the urges worse and put you at risk of being at the wrong place and the wrong time and you may end up using even though you didn't intend to do it. It is the nature of cocaine to lure people in thru trickery.

I know you can do this. You have many people pulling for you.