Ive been gone too long....

[blindeyez83]

So here I am, it's five in the morning, and I haven't been to bed. I am new to this "getting help" stuff, but I AM addicted. I am 21 years old and I am addicted to pain killers. Any kind, mostly lortab. I started taking them when I was about 13, I found my granny's stash. I mostly took them cause I was board. I am married and have a beautiful five month old son. My husband, who is the most kind, understanding, compassionate man I have ever met, is also addicted. I got him started. He quit about two months ago, but I didn't, so he started back again. Who can blame him, I couldn't watch some one do a drug that I was addicted to. I live in a very small town. The drug of choice in this town is lortab. My granny died about two years ago so the buzz is no longer free. They cost about eight dollars a pop. I do about seven or eight a day, not counting what my husband does. So you could say we spend a substantial amount of money on them. We do not have a lot of money. We have been kicked out of an apartment once because we didn't pay the rent and now here we are two months behind again...History is supposed to teach you something right? Not us.
I know the consequences of addiction. My father is an alcoholic. He has lost three wives due to his addiction. My mom is addicted to morphine. She was a nurse, the word there is WAS. She had a beautiful house, three cars, and really good paychecks. All was lost when she was caught stealing morphine from the hospital. Now she lives in a bedroom in her sisters house on disability. What she gets in one month she got in one paycheck as a nurse.
I believe I am a smart woman, and I am not really blind. I see the pain addiction causes. I am experiencing it as we speak. My son is everything to me. He is the only light that I see at the end of this tunnel. I pray every night that he never has to go through this. He is the angel that is keeping me alive. He soon will be at an age that he will want toys and I wont be able to get them because I have a habit. My family lives on about 15K a year. When payday comes it is gone the next day. I never saw my life like this. I am at the end of my ropes. I think thoughts like "If I wasn't here, Donny would quit and give everything to Eli", but I already have two suicide attempts under my belt, and I don't want to be locked in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. I am scared that if I go to a hospital about my addiction that DCF will get involved and take my son away. That would just be the end of me. I have thought about going to meetings, but I am not sober yet.
The worst part about it is that everyone in this town, I mean everyone from age 15 to 40 is addicted to lortab. I can't afford to move, which my husband and I have thought about. I know I'm just making excuses, but these are my thoughts. I was just wondering if anyone had any insight for me, or something to make things look a little brighter for me and my family.

[Nickaddict]

Welcome Blindeyez, you're in the right place

My 1st advice: GO TO NA MEETINGS!! It doesn't matter if you're not clean or sober, you are still welcome there. The only thing they suggest is that you don't share during the meeting (if you have used in the last 24 hours) but listen.
You can talk with other NA members before the meeting, during the break if there is one, or afterwards.

My 2nd advice: GO TO NA MEETINGS!! And if possible, go with your husband as he probably is addicted too.
Get a list of phone numbers you can call and a list of meeting places.

And keep comming back. Back to meetings and if you like back to this place. In both you'll find people just like you giving experience, strength and hope.
It is helping me deal with my drug problem and chances are, if you're open to it and willing, that it will help you as well.

[ashley80]

Hi, Blindeye! You are NOT alone....I was a lortab, vicodin, norco, oxy, whatever addict, too. I felt hopeless just like you do.

You've taken a big step, admitting that you need help. That's more than half the battle. And 7-8 Lortabs a day, while way too much, isn't a huge habit. Can you get some help from a doctor or detox center to get off of them? While it's pretty unpleasant for a few days, the worst part of the detox is over after 4-5 days.

My heart goes out to you. Nick has given you some wise advice above. NA is free, and I promise that you will get help there. It's NOT hopeless. It just seems that way when you are using. Stick with us, and don't give up. Your life can be so much better!

Ashley

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

One step at a time. Do you even have meetings in your town anywhere? Can you get to a meeting? Do you want to even go?

[In memory of miracle]

I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I also was a big time pill addict. They ran my life and your right, the cost does add up, emotionally and physically. If you want to stop, there is much help and support. If you are taking 8 or more a day, detox might be in order. Recovery is possible. Bless, Trish

[FaeryQueen]

blindeyez,
I was addicted to Norcos/Lortabs. I am now 7.5 months clean and sober....and very happy and grateful to be back in the land of the living. Recovery is very possible. I go to NA and AA meetings...since I am also an alcoholic.
Keep Reaching Out
Tanya