1 week out of rehab, having a hard time...

[leileikattx]

I went to rehab out of town and just got back home a week ago. While I was gone nobody, I mean nobody, wondered where I was and I was gone a month. I thought these people I called my friends cared about me and it hurts that they don't. I now realize that I have no friends. I am very lonely. I am 39 days clean and am doing what they tell me to do in order to maintain my sobriety. The meetings help and I got a sponsor list last night. I am starting to remember things and it is so painful. All the memories hit me so hard. I just keep praying to God to take the memories away. I know I have to go through this in order to heal, but damn it, it hurts so bad. My mom wonders what's wrong with me...I tell her that it's going to take some time. She expects me to be this beacon of sunshine all the time and I was when I was using. Does every recovering addict go through a period like I am experiencing? Thanks for listening.

[tyler]

In answer to your question, yes, I think we all go through it. When we were using we blocked out those feelings with drugs, but now we have to deal with them clean and sober and it can be a bit overwhelming at times. I find that keeping a journal and writing about how I'm feeling helps. It seems to get it out. If you want take the stuff you write down and burn it, kinda like turning it over to your HP. Sharing at meetings might help too if you go to them. That can also help you find a new group of friends too. I know all of my "friends" were really "using buddies". Now that I don't use I really don't have anything in common with them. You will make new friends in time. This is a good place to find folks to talk with, though it doesn't take the place of f2f interaction. It will take some time to readjust to "life on the outside". Talk to your mom and try to explain to her what you are going through. We all have these "regrets" about things we did when we were using, we cause a lot of people pain, but most of all we hurt ourselves and it takes time to heal. Take care and keep posting, it helps.

[Dan]

Welcome Kattx.
It's going to hurt for a while. We clean up, get sober and Bang! There we are, memories and all.
Yep, I did experience exactly what you're feeling.
Stay close to your peers in the rooms, hang on to that sponsor list, and better yet, call one of them.
And thanks for being here.

[leileikattx]

Good to know I am not alone. Good advice and I will do what you suggest. I go through waves of emotion. I guess that is how normal people live, right? Doing the 90 in 90 and yes I will call people on my list asap. God Bless!

[stormyautumn]

Yes I'm going through the same thing here. 13 days clean here so far. This isnt the first time i'vwe tried to sober up though. I too have no more friends. All my friends were my party friends. You will met tons of great people here and wonderful people at meetings. Don't get down, I am experiencing the ups and downs too and no one around me understands. I keep a journal like others and write down things I am happy for at the end of the day so not to dwell on my negative feelings. When something bothers me I come on here and write it. PM me if you ever need to talk ...

[icefalcon]

welcome to recovery! yep keeping all those emotions suppressed with drugs for years and all the sudden thier released. it' kind of like setting a caged bird free. the 12 steps not only teach us how to deal with the past but to move on, meetings, talking with us and get a sponser.
lets see rehab + 1 wk most be about 35 days congrats!!

dean