whoa!

[freakininsane!]

excuse me, i know that this is the dumbest most insane thing ever, but ive got a huge problem. im married to another addict. his doc is heroin. im a pill poppin weed smokin drunk myself. he was clean when we met and ever since until recently. ive never been around heroin. i was crushed to find out he had relapsed. and struggling to rebuild our damaged relationship. however ever since thjat drug was in my house im obsessing. i want to do it. i wanna shoot dope. never did it. dont know why, now that i been clean for some time, that i do. i cant stop thinking about it. i know its soooo stupid but i cant help it. i wonder if its because i want to "get even?" with him or if i feel like im missing out on something? i seen people die because of heroin. but i WANT IT BAD. i dont feel like using my doc or anything else just that its insane help me has anyone else ever felt this?

[C CHARLES]

The reason that you are asking questions is because in your heart you do really wont to try this high.Well missy, I did that same thing with this guy that was dating when i was a young girl. This was the most painful high to kick. Your whole body feels like someone is stumping y into the ground. This is why your mate do not wont to stop. He is not strong enough to stomache the with-draws. You have enough problems trying to stop the drug of your choice. Don't do it.

[Hacker 2255]

Appropriate handle....insane, LOL!!!! If you're willing to be turned out by your husband doing tricks to support both of your habits, have all your possessions traded or sold to buy dope, have your children, if you have them or if you plan to have children together later, taken away by a childrens protective agency after being deemed unfit to be a mother to them by the court system, then by all means....go for it. Do you a big ol'shot!!! But, having already said that opiates were your DOC, you've got to know what's gonna happen. I mean, whatya think heroin is made from??? The opium poppy is the root source of most pain killers be they prescribed or otherwise so be aware that you're in for more than an 8 second bullride should you deciede to take on your husbands rodeo!!!!!

Go to a meeting, try to get your husband to one or even get him to detox so you both save yourselves alot of pain and regret. I have spent a wasted lifetime chasing that dragon. The pain and wreckage I've left in my wake I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. If, by some grace of god, I could be taken back in time to when I first met my wife, knowing what I know now, I would have never asked her out for that first date if I thought for even a millisecond I would have started doing heroin again after we got married. I had chipped dope before I met her but I never thought when I started using it again in my mid twenties that it would take over my life for almost thirty years! Thank god heroin/opiates weren't her doc at anytime in our life together so that she was able to keep it together well enough for the both of us so our kids had a pretty easy go of it while they were all young and have only had to deal with my disease since they've been adults. My two daughters remain sober at 25 and 23 respectively and each has started out doing ok in their lives with the oldest a happily married, well educated, mom with a 7 month old baby who has recently returned to her job as a well paid professional. My middle daughter is in her junior year in college, engaged to a very nice young man who is driven to be the best husband and father he can be when he graduates in 2 years with his degree. My 21 year old son, unfortunately has witnessed my latest fall from sobriety which began a little over 4 years ago and which has turned out to be the worst one with me losing an extremely well paying job I had held for 20 years and was within 4 years of a pension when I was terminated. Consequently he has struggled with the bottle and pills while finding out that he has that same addictive gene as I do so now my wife suffers for both our sins. But it would have been far worse on them all had she decieded she wanted to try a little heroin knowing full well she had a problem with opiates. The relationship she and I had suffered irrepairable damage and though she loves me she always has to be on guard as she can't trust me (When's a junkie lieing???? When he opens his mouth.)nor has she any respect for me as a husband, father or person. Early on after she realized the depth of my problem with heroin our kids and their welfare became her primary responsibility and should I have began dealing out of the house, stealing as a profession to support us or ended up in the joint for either or both of the above, I'm sure she would have left me so fast it would have made my head spin but fortunately I had that job I mentioned earlier that kept them from seeing me always messed up because I worked so many hours and the money I made from all that overtime fed they monkey and the family so I never had to steal or deal. But of course that's all gone now and who knows what's in store in the near future.

If I sound like I'm trying to be funny, make light of a bad situation that you could easily find yourself in should you make the wrong decision or judgmental of you, please forgive me because I didn't have that intention. I hope and pray you get help for you and your husband, find a way to live your life free and sober of any artificial stimulant and create happiness by living your lives together clean. Keep coming back to this site and listen to the advice of people here who have managed to build alot of sober time by staying clean each day. Everyone here loves and cares about thier fellow struggling addict and give freely of themselves without any expectations, without any boundaries. Bless you and yours.

Peace,

Hack