please

[luisa]

This is the first time i have ever done anything like this.I hate the fact that i need to take codine based pain killers,to ease my pain.Im not prescribed them,but members in my family are,and i get them from them or anyone else.I don't take any more than 8 a day,but i shouldn't even be taking them.I feel they help me cope and stop me feeling the horrible feeling that i have inside.I take them for emotional pain,depression and to make me feel better.I finaly told my husband last night how bad my problem really is.He is a non drinking alcaholic,and has been sober nearly 5 years.I think focusing on all his faults and always trying to make him happy, that i'v lost myself somewhere along the way.I don't want to continue on this downward spiral.I have so much to live for and i really want to stop.I hate facing up to my own reality for fear of failure.But i do know i want to get better for ME and im petrified.What do i do?Do i go cold turkey and just stop or do i wean myself off.I take tablets called "solpadol" or anyting with some codine.Can anyone help or give me some advice.I so hope this is my first step to getting better.luisa

[historyteach]

Luisa;
First, let me welcome you to SR. You've come to a place where you can and will get the help and support you need to help yourself.
Do you have withdrawal symptoms? Have you tried to stop, and been unable? Have you spoken to your doctor about this problem?
You might want to get to a meeting if you don't have withdrawal symptoms; if you do, please speak to your doctor.
I am on the anon boards, but, I saw your post, and wanted to be sure to welcome you here at SR.
Please know that others in your shoes will be here shortly to give better information!
Please, come often and share as we both grow in our recovery.
Shalom!

[luisa]

Thanx for getting back.I have never tried to stop taking codine before.I have known for some time that i have a problem and this is the first step( by going on this site )i have made.My doctor does not know,and i am too ashamed to tell him.I have taken some solpadol today.I hate the fact that i have to depend on a pill to make me feel better.I have 2 tablets left and i dont intend to get any more.Do i go cold turkey?I don't have a clue how im going to feel coming off of this stuff as i have never had the courage to admit my problem.I know that i get flu like feelings and a runny nose if i go for a day without one.I know that i feel angry inside when i don't have them.I know its only going to get worse and i really want to stop.I have got the support of my husband to be the strong one for a while ,so that i can sort myself out.I want to start liking myself again so much.I want to get better.I don't have the courage to go to a meeting.I feel so ashamed of myself for having this problem.I feel dirty,and horrible,but im going to do this i just dont know how?Luisa

[Blessed]

Welcome Luisa, We do recover and you have made the first step. Honesty and a desire to stop using. I would seek help with detox. If you have insurance seek re-hab. If not at least see a doctor about it. Narcotics Anonymous meetings are your path to recovery and a new way of life. Hope and help is available. You are not alone. Be willing to seek help from the resources you have available. Stick to it and recovery is possible. May Gods Love light your path...

[historyteach]

(((Luisa)))
You are NOT a dirty, horrible person....
Please understand that. You are a child of G*D, deserving of all the best the world has to offer you. But, it is up to you to take the first steps...
Please don't be ashamed to speak to your doctor! S/he has heard much worse, trust me!!! My son is a heroin addict; has been addicted to drugs since he was 14; he is now almost 25.
He has done terrible things....but, he is NOT a terrible person. He is a young man with a terrible disease.
You too have a disease. If you had strep throat, would you refuse to tell the doctor? Of course not! S/he will NOT judge you, if they are worthy of the white coat and stethoscope they wear, anyway. If s/he does, then find another. But, believe me, they have the resources to help you help yourself.
From what you say, it does sound as if you have a physical and psychological addiction to codine. I am not aware of the withdrawal dangers of that. Sometimes, withdrawal can be deadly; other times, just very, very uncomfortable.
I am certain that others who know more than I will be here to help. But, rest assured, there are many, many programs to help you. NA is just one. Don S. has a list of other resources. I don't make any judgements as to what is better...I only hope for you to get in contact with one and begin this journey called recovery.
It's a long, winding path, but, one that will lead to serenity and a better life than you can now imagine!
Keep coming...see what others have to say...
Don't give up before the miracle happens!
Shalom!

[Dan]

Hi Luisa, and welcome.
First, throw the shame stick away.
You want to get well, and there is great merit in that. We are people addicted to substances. The only shame would be to not get help.
Secondly, I've been told that we're only as sick as the secrets we keep.
In your shoes, I would certainly consider speaking with your physician. This is your health after all.
The codeine phosphate in Solpadol tablets, according to an article I found on the net, can adversely affect the liver after prolongued use.
And withdrawal from any kind of opiate can be a tricky proposition.
Please, please consider including your doctor in your support circle.
Glad you're here Luisa.

[Blessed]

Luisa, You have a disease...Addiction. You are not dirty and horrible! You are a wonderful person with a disease that affects millions of people. Do not let shame stop you from seeking help. Many good people have this disease. It takes a lot of courage to get honest with ourselves and others. Give yourself a chance to learn the concept of recovery. You don't have to talk at meetings, just go and listen. Get the literature and read it. Addiction is bondage, Recovery is Freedom from the bondage of addiction!

[redbird]

Luisa - I was in a very similar situation and have been clean for over 6 months. As I read your post I felt as though I could have written it exactly myself 6 months ago. I send you hugs. I know how difficult it is to go to that first meeting... but my experience has been that the people there are amazing, and really so supportive - especially of someone new. For me at first, the time after the meeting was (and still is) as helpful or more helpful than the meeting itself. At the meeting you can just sit and listen...nobody pressures you to share anything you are not ready for. Just remind yourself that EVERYBODY there has been exactly where you are now, with the fear/hopelessness/self-bashing..
The people that have been attending for awhile TRUELY consider it an honor to help someone like they were helped when they started out.
The other thing that saved me was an outpatient treatment program. Maybe you could just look on the net this weekend and call around Monday to programs in your area. One of the things I learned there is that I really do have to take care of me, that I have choices how I do that. It sounds like that would be obvious to most people, but for me it hadn't been. A lot of that had to do with the way I related to my husband, which sounds so much like what you are talking about.
Anyway, I an excited for you to be confronting this problem. It is a tough road, but just look at what you have to gain. YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN DO THIS, just let yourself ask for some help.
More hugs sent your way...will be praying for you.

[luisa]

I will make an appointment to see my doctor asap.Thankyou for making me feel better.My whole body is shaking and im scared,more scared than i have ever been.I find it hard being honest with myself,as it hurts.But im going to be honest as i want so much to get better.Thankyou Luisax

[woodchip]

Hi Luisa and welcome to S.R.
I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone and I am going through the exact same thing as we speak,I too am No Doctor. I tried "weening my self" off of them and found out really fast what a bad doctor I would be.Everytime my anxiety flared up or the phone rang..I'd prescribe myself more. YESTERDAY, I made an appointment with the doctor who has been giving me Hydrocodene for a year VERY ASHAMED.so I typed him a letter ahead of time saying Im an addict .I lied to you about why & how many I needed and for the second time this month...I dumped my remaining pill's down the toilet..knowing damn well that in about 24 hours I'd be scuba diving down the toilet trying to get them back. ( yuck)Cold turkey can be done and yes, it hurts like hell for the 1st few days at least.My doctor hugged me ,thanked me for my honesty and told me to go cold turkey but gave me a clonidine patch because my blood pressure goes way high while detoxing. But No other drugs to help with the withdrawal's.( I was hoping to just wake up in a week all better ) it doesnt work that way.Others on this board have better advise..all I can tell you is drink lots of fluids, water,juices.Dont be ashamed .forgive yourself and try to sleep and get some immodium-pepto-bismal ready as tummy aches and body aches are a big part of it for me and reconsider going to an NA mtg. or at least get thier Book, the basic text & read until sleep comes to you.Your fortunate that your husband understands and that will be helpful. try long walks, fresh air.that helps me out of insomnia that comes with detoxing. YOU CAN DO THIS..Im praying for us both woodchipper

[Chy]

Welcome luisa,
I understand being scared, I really do. You can recover, you can be happy and healthy, just like most here we just needed to make a few adujustments to do so. You'll be okay.

[luisa]

Thankyou to everyone who has taken time to leave me a message.Theres so much going on in my life just now.I find it very hard to deal with emotional pain.Its mad but i dont take pain killers to ease physical pain, its for my emotional pain.I find it so easy to fix everybody else,and so hard to help me.But im going to really try Luisa

[Jane63]

Luisa,
Welcome and so glad you found the site! I have a thread here in this forum if you want to read about my experience detoxing from Vicoden alittle over 7-months ago. I was being prescribed 8-a day at the time, but it quickly escalated to over 25-a day...I never thought it would get that bad, but it really caught up with me quickly!
I researched rehab centers on here and found one that sounded good, called them and set a date, and then called my doctor and fessed up everything. He was wonderful and very understanding! I am glad you are going to talk to your doctor....He may suggest helping wean you off at home or you could do it in a rehab if you wanted. Either way, there will be trained professionals to help you and aftercare which is very important!
In rehab I was given the Catapress Patch {2-on my back} that eased withdrawals very, very well for me. Some doctors will prescribe this if you want to do an at-home detox so that is something to think about. I would also tell your doctor of your depression and emotional pain so he can evaluate and figure that into your recovery process.
I hope this helps in some way and if you have anymore questions, please ask! Although most of us are not doctors, we have been through some rough times and may have some tips on how to cope and get through. Ultimately, the best advice I ever got was to take one day at a time and you will get through this if you really want it bad enough! So hang in there!!!
Jane

[luisa]

Jane I sent you a quick reply to your message which has not came up on my thread.Im new to this.Could you send me back the message i sent you,so that i can kep this online diary of how im doing thanx Luisa Did you get my message??

[Jane63]

Hi Luisa,
Sorry, but I didn't have any messages...Did you mean a PM{private message}?? This can be done by clicking on my name in my post which will take you to my info and there is a place there that says "contact info" and private messaging {you click on that}. I'll keep checking!

How are you doing today? Have you contacted your doctor yet? I hope you are staying clean and feeling more positive! You can do this!!! Keeping a thread going with your progress is a great idea! I go back often and read mine from the beginning and how far I have come.
{{HUGS}} sent your way!!
Jane

[luisa]

I'm feeling ok today.I have not taken any codine for 2 days.I had 1 naprosyn for head pain and tummy cramp.I felt as if i was in labor with pain yesterday.Im still a bit shakie,but the horrible feeling inside has gone.My nose is runnie and my bones and head are a bit sore.I didn't contact my doctor as im not in too much pain.I still have 2 tablets called solpadine left.They don't contain as much codine as "solpadol" ,but i still don't have any plans to touch them.2 days is good for me and im proud of myself and feeling a bit better.I just hope theres not more withdrawing pain to come.Im scared to touch any kind of pain relief incase i get hooked on something else.Im on prozac 20mg a day for my deppresison.Im feeling better about tomorrow and looking forward to not depending on a pill to make things ok.Thanx for all the support and words of courage it has helped more than you could ever know.Luisaxxx

[Jane63]

Hi Luisa,
Glad you got the PM thingy figured out!! Congrats on the 2-days and remember it gets alittle better with each passing day!
If things get real bad your doctor can probably help with something to ease your WDs, but the choice is yours if you want to fess up or not. Keep in mind that if you are ever prescribed addictive medication, you may be putting your recovery at risk and a doctor that knows is one that will be better for you in the long run.
I hope you will flush any remaining pills you have left! Just do it quickly so you won't be tempted to take them {and you will!!}...It is for the best!!
I took Ibuprofen for my WD pains {aches, cramping, restless legs} after I got home from rehab and it worked fine. Also lots of warm baths, naps, and stretching exercises help as well. Try to keep your mind and hands busy as much as possible and keep telling yourself how wonderful you will feel to kick this addiction in the butt and be done with it!
Sending you {{{HUGS}}}
Jane

[luisa]

The 2 remaining tablets are down the loo!Today i feel so much better!!I feel better not taking them than i did taken them.I don't have as much energy but i know that will come back soon.Its so strange how much your story relates to me,and that makes me feel so much better to see you still clean today.You must be so proud of yourself!Im looking forward to reading the rest of your story Take care Love LUISAXXX

[Jane63]

I am so proud of you Luisa!!! Just keep hanging in there and it will get better!
I hated the no-energy feeling too, but it was a good trade off to get off the Vicoden...that was a fake sort of energy anyways! Your energy level will come back in time, but for now just focus on taking it one day at a time.

I'm honored that you are reading my thread...You might want to check out this one as well...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=53473
{a post by "wantneeda" towards the end of thread...lots of great coping skills there and much needed HUMOR!}
You should be proud of yourself for realising there was a problem before things escalated any farther and for taking the steps to start your recovery! If I can do it, so can you! Keep reading and posting and I am sending you my prayers and {{HUGS}}
Jane

[luisa]

I looked up "solpadol" on the net to see what it contained.Theyb contain paracetomal and codine.30mg of codeine.Aproprietary analgestic (whatever that means??)I was taking the effervescent kind which had 338mg of sodium.I also looked up tylenol 500,which my mother in law gave me lots of.She gets them sent over from america.To my horror they contain codine too!I will have to get my medicin cabnet sorted out.I do feel an overwelming urge to have something tonight.That restlessness is setting in.But im not going to.Heres hoping another good day 2morw Luisaxx

[Jane63]

Luisa,
YES, by all means get rid of anything containing codiene {an opiate} or anything you might abuse when those feelings hit!! If you don't think you are strong enough, enlist your hubby to do it for you...but please do it! This is a crucial time in your recovery and every day clean is a blessing! I am sending you prayers for strength!!!
Take care!
Jane

[luisa]

Feeling good this morning and im up out of my bed!!!!!I feel not much pain today, and more happy inside.I found a "just for today" saying on my husbands bookmark.As i have done the first 1 for the last few days , i thought id do no:2---just for to-day i will be happy.Even although its raining from the heavens and my 3 yr old girl has a sick bug,im going to try to do this!!Jane ,your thread helps so much.I don't do alot of walking,as the weathers so bad and im so unfit.I've read in your thread that getting out for a walk and getting a bit of fresh air helps.This will be my next plan of action,the soon as the weather gets better!!!Its FREEZING!!!Going to al-anon is another of the things to do on my list.My husband has been sober nearly 5 years and i'v never been to a meeting.He told me the other night that it hurts him that i've never tried to understand his illness.I thought that because he has not had a drink that it wouldn't benifit me,but i was also scared to go and take a look at ME for a change.Im starting to think a bit clearer and wanting to start taking a look at the things i'v been trying to put to the back of my mind.
This site helps so much,knowing im not alone and that theres others out there who feel just the same as me.Anyway my wee one has turned the house upside down as iv been on line,so its clean up, smile and be happy time!!!!Luisaxxx

[Jane63]

Hi Luisa!
Glad to hear your doing well today! Keep up the good work!!!!
I think going to meetings is an excellent idea...both for you and hubby! It would help you to understand what he is dealing with, but more importantly right now, what you are!
The "clear-headedness" is a blessing and will get better with each day! Just remember that you cannot "fix" everything and are only human...work on what you can fix for now. This has helped me greatly:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you can get out for that breath of fresh air and some exercise soon! I need to get back in the habit as well!!! I know taking care of a little one while we aren't feeling our best can be quite trying, but hang in there!
Sending you {{{HUGS}}}
Jane

[luisa]

I spent most of the early hours (tilll 7am) on the toilet with cramp,severe tummy pain,then my wee one was up being sick.My hubby cooked last night ,but hes ok so im thinking more WD pain.Anyway my wee ones fine ,a viral thing the doc said and i got through the pain without codine.I know what you meant "Jane " by throwing all codine tabs out.Theres some tylenol in the cabnet,and i was tempted but i never.I told my husband to remove them today which he did.The voice in my head told me "nobody will know,no pain!!" but I would know and im so glad i didn't.Im so much happier and feeling alot better Luisaxx

[luisa]

I always seem to feel good in the mornings,its night time that the horrible feelings creep in.I feel gr8 at knowing i got through yesterday without taking some codene,that makes me feel good and just for today i will do the same.
I had a good laugh at the thread "lostinky".Got me thinking about my own user name. LU is a.......Toilet!Anyway it keeps my name the same but spells it different (the spainish way) Luisaxxx