Help, Please - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

roa · 02-23-2005, 01:09 PM

My daughter is an addict. She was jailed Dec. 24 for possession of heroin and crack. I did not bail her out. Her next court day is mid March. This is her first time in jail.

She called today and has a cough, sore throat and sounds very sick. She wants so much for me to bail her out. And of course, as a mother, I want to. But I am confused on what would be the best for her. Please, does anyone have any thoughts on what would have been or was most beneficial to you?

C CHARLES · 03-12-2005, 02:02 PM

Roa, Drug Addiction And Jails Have Been A Form For My Brother Since He Was 15 Years Old. My Mother Bailed Him Out And He Is 44 And He Has Not Learned. Please Allow Your Child To Grow Up And Face The Music. Make Sure Your There For Vists But Request That She First Gets Rehab Help. If You Enable Her Now Your Be Doing It Forever. Remenber They Can Get Free Medical Help In Jail. Doctors Are There To.

sharebear2004 · 03-12-2005, 04:19 PM

Now is the most IMPORTANT time your DAUGHTER will NEED YOU!!! I was in this same spot just a little while ago! And I stayed there over night my bail was only 40.00 and I was ignored! To this day I don't speak with my parent's... They didn't even show up for the court date the next morning and I was released! But the point is that JAIL strsghten's people up it is a scary place and I think that if she has been there that long she has detoxed and there is a good chence she has a differnt out-look on life! But I can only say what has gone on in my life! And I have no family and I know that when I was locked up I was scared and had called family member's that night that has disowned me when I was 5! So when you go to JAIL you are not the SAME ever again! I know I live my life in fear of going to jail! And I was not this way before! Oh yeah I was pulled over because of my plate's! Because they were VERMONT and they held me at GUN POINT! And saw the back seat passenger drop 20 bags of heroin and coke! And the DA'S OFFICE DROPPED all CHARGE'S!! And if this is her first affense she will more then likey get probation so just think how would you be after you have been in JAIL as LONG as she has been? I think you have made your point to her! I am scared you might have ruined a relationship! And she just may never come to you again for help! I know that I won't go to my MOM or DAD or anyone else that I went to then! Because I Knew I was innocent! But they didn't care! And I won't help them or let them have my number! So think please.....................
Sharebear

Jane63 · 03-12-2005, 07:32 PM

Hi roa,
Being a mom myself, I really feel for you and hope you are getting support for yourself as well. Once our children reach a certain age, they have to find out for themselves the right way or the wrong way to live, and we should figure ourselves blessed {even through it's still hard} if we don't loose them completely in the process.
I am not familiar with the law or your daughters particular circumstances...My only suggestions would be to make sure she is getting the correct medical treatment while in jail and find out what the plans are for her aftercare, if she is attending any AA/NA meetings, has a sponser, and just to visit often and let her know you still love her and will be there for her when she gets out.
Jane

roa · 03-13-2005, 10:56 AM

Thanks C Charles, Sharebear & Jane,

I greatly appreciate your responses. This was very difficult, but I did leave her in jail, sent letters, money for commisary, and spoke with substance abuse councelor. Talked to her on the phone many times. As it is< i didn't bail her out. I could have handled the bail money, but not the $5,000 if she missed the court date. Friends of hers figured a way to get her out without the $5,000 being attached to them, but to her assets. I offered to help with the $500 needed to get her out. She was released on Wednesday and I have talked to her several times since. The jail experience has indeed been traumatic. She sounds grateful to be out, eating her favorite foods, etc. I told her all through the ordeal that I loved her, but could not afford the $5,000 if she were not to show up for court. Maybe she understood, maybe not. We are in communication and hopefully will continue to be. Her court date is next week. I pray she makes it.

I so appreciate your responses to my post.

Love,
Ro

sharebear2004 · 03-13-2005, 11:53 AM

Roa,
Hey just a question how much did she get caught with? I ask this because it sound's like a high bail for possession. So I also hope that this time in JAIL has helped her out in a good way! Because jail can work both way's you can learn to stay the **** out of there or it can go the other way! Also even when you first get out of jail it is hard to adjust to the outside world! I have listened to my HUSBAND who spent 4 years in for a stupid reciving stolen property and also my uncle's who have spent 10+ years! So hope you and her have a good relationship still!!!
Sharebear and Glenn

roa · 03-13-2005, 02:41 PM

Sharebear & Glenn,

Less than 25 grms of heroin and (crack) cocaine is what she was caught with.
Bail was first set at $15,000, reduced to $10,000 then to $5,000.
Thanks for your interest, Sharebear and Glenn. Wishing the two of you the best.
Ro

pedagogue · 03-13-2005, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roa

Her court date is next week. I pray she makes it.

I am not sure of the proximity of your residence with hers or the courthouse...but I might suggest that she spend the night before with you, and the two of you go down to the courthouse. You can be there for her, while also making sure she gets there on time, etc.

The more I read, experience, etc....the more being a parent (one day) scares the bejesus out of me. It is one of my goals in life, but it isn't not for the faint of heart!

Best of luck, please keep us posted.

-pedagogue

roa · 03-14-2005, 04:15 AM

Thanks, Pedagogue,

She lives near the court, I live about an hour away. I can't stay there as she is living with new people and her child lives with me, I get him to school, etc. I'll be checking with her friends to be certain there is someone that is going to get her up and to court on time.

Parenthood can be a scary thing, but well worth the effort.

Best wishes to you. Thanks, again.

Ro

Jane63 · 03-14-2005, 07:24 AM

Roa,
Please don't think me nosey, but I'm curious...What kind of new friends is she living with? Do you know them? The reason why I ask is because if they are into the same bad habits that got her into jail in the first place, then she has no business going back there! It would be totally detrimental to her sobriety!

Parenthood is scary at times, but soo worth it!

In my {almost} 18-yrs, I have come to the conclusion that each new phase prepares you to better cope with the next. Like when our daughter was a baby, I thought her colic was going to be the end of me {and her!! LOL!} but we survived and I got abit stronger....then, Jr.High and BOYS, but I survived and got stronger and so on! Now we are edging close to college time and the whole "empty nest" thing and I pray that that strength will carry me through once again!
{{{HUGS}}}
Jane

roa · 03-14-2005, 08:19 AM

Thanks for your reply, Jane. The new friends are not into drugs, actually most are are old friends that are trying to save her from herself. You know how that goes. They do not use drugs. I have known most of them for many, many year. Thank you for your concern.

I know what you mean about surviving colic. What a trip that was.

Ro

sharebear2004 · 03-14-2005, 03:12 PM

Did she get possession or trafficing??? And also Glenn said that if that was the amount he would have done the same thing! He says lesson to be learned! But anyways Roa it is time for her to get out of the selling people missourie..... We were fortunate enough to get out before we were caught dealing heroin. It wasn't much time before we would have been caught. And we know because where we used to get it from the P.D had stopped and questioned someone about my husband they knew everything his name and the truck he went down in it is scary! I am sorry for the post I put I thought it was something small. Like mine was a little amount and there was no reason for the stop at least a legal reason so it was dropped. But anyways wanted to say I was sorry i didn't fully understand what was happening.
Sharbear + Glenn

roa · 03-14-2005, 03:17 PM

Sharebear & Glenn, thanks for your interest. The charge was for possession. She is out now. Has court in a few days. Sounds like she is doing well and we're still in contact. I'm looking forwrd to seeing her soon.

I am so happy that the two of you are choosing a new path in your lives. Best wishes to both of you for a happy, bright future.

Ro

Jane63 · 03-14-2005, 11:31 PM

That is good news Roa! The more sober, supportive and caring friends and family the better!!!

Colic...LOL, yes, I look back at that now and think "girl, you hadn't seen nuthin' yet!"

Take care!
Jane

sharebear2004 · 03-15-2005, 02:49 PM

Roa,
You should let her know of the site and let her know that we are her if she want's to talk to us! She might find it helpful to talk to other people that are in the same position as she is.
Sharebear and Glenn

roa · 03-15-2005, 04:25 PM

Thanks again, Sharebear & Glenn,

I will let her know and hopefully she will join you here. Again, best wishes to both of you. Your responses have been such a help.

Ro

02-23-2005, 01:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Help, Please My daughter is an addict. She was jailed Dec. 24 for possession of heroin and crack. I did not bail her out. Her next court day is mid March. This is her first time in jail. She called today and has a cough, sore throat and sounds very sick. She wants so much for me to bail her out. And of course, as a mother, I want to. But I am confused on what would be the best for her. Please, does anyone have any thoughts on what would have been or was most beneficial to you?

03-12-2005, 04:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
sharebear2004 You can do it!! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Townshend,Vermont Posts: 45	She need's you.............. Now is the most IMPORTANT time your DAUGHTER will NEED YOU!!! I was in this same spot just a little while ago! And I stayed there over night my bail was only 40.00 and I was ignored! To this day I don't speak with my parent's... They didn't even show up for the court date the next morning and I was released! But the point is that JAIL strsghten's people up it is a scary place and I think that if she has been there that long she has detoxed and there is a good chence she has a differnt out-look on life! But I can only say what has gone on in my life! And I have no family and I know that when I was locked up I was scared and had called family member's that night that has disowned me when I was 5! So when you go to JAIL you are not the SAME ever again! I know I live my life in fear of going to jail! And I was not this way before! Oh yeah I was pulled over because of my plate's! Because they were VERMONT and they held me at GUN POINT! And saw the back seat passenger drop 20 bags of heroin and coke! And the DA'S OFFICE DROPPED all CHARGE'S!! And if this is her first affense she will more then likey get probation so just think how would you be after you have been in JAIL as LONG as she has been? I think you have made your point to her! I am scared you might have ruined a relationship! And she just may never come to you again for help! I know that I won't go to my MOM or DAD or anyone else that I went to then! Because I Knew I was innocent! But they didn't care! And I won't help them or let them have my number! So think please..................... Sharebear

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03-12-2005, 02:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
C CHARLES Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: HOPEWELL,VA Posts: 4	Roa, Drug Addiction And Jails Have Been A Form For My Brother Since He Was 15 Years Old. My Mother Bailed Him Out And He Is 44 And He Has Not Learned. Please Allow Your Child To Grow Up And Face The Music. Make Sure Your There For Vists But Request That She First Gets Rehab Help. If You Enable Her Now Your Be Doing It Forever. Remenber They Can Get Free Medical Help In Jail. Doctors Are There To.

03-12-2005, 07:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jane63 Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,928 Blog Entries: 8	Hi roa, Being a mom myself, I really feel for you and hope you are getting support for yourself as well. Once our children reach a certain age, they have to find out for themselves the right way or the wrong way to live, and we should figure ourselves blessed {even through it's still hard} if we don't loose them completely in the process. I am not familiar with the law or your daughters particular circumstances...My only suggestions would be to make sure she is getting the correct medical treatment while in jail and find out what the plans are for her aftercare, if she is attending any AA/NA meetings, has a sponser, and just to visit often and let her know you still love her and will be there for her when she gets out. Jane

03-13-2005, 10:56 AM	#5 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Thanks C Charles, Sharebear & Jane, I greatly appreciate your responses. This was very difficult, but I did leave her in jail, sent letters, money for commisary, and spoke with substance abuse councelor. Talked to her on the phone many times. As it is< i didn't bail her out. I could have handled the bail money, but not the $5,000 if she missed the court date. Friends of hers figured a way to get her out without the $5,000 being attached to them, but to her assets. I offered to help with the $500 needed to get her out. She was released on Wednesday and I have talked to her several times since. The jail experience has indeed been traumatic. She sounds grateful to be out, eating her favorite foods, etc. I told her all through the ordeal that I loved her, but could not afford the $5,000 if she were not to show up for court. Maybe she understood, maybe not. We are in communication and hopefully will continue to be. Her court date is next week. I pray she makes it. I so appreciate your responses to my post. Love, Ro

03-13-2005, 11:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
sharebear2004 You can do it!! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Townshend,Vermont Posts: 45	Roa, Hey just a question how much did she get caught with? I ask this because it sound's like a high bail for possession. So I also hope that this time in JAIL has helped her out in a good way! Because jail can work both way's you can learn to stay the **** out of there or it can go the other way! Also even when you first get out of jail it is hard to adjust to the outside world! I have listened to my HUSBAND who spent 4 years in for a stupid reciving stolen property and also my uncle's who have spent 10+ years! So hope you and her have a good relationship still!!! Sharebear and Glenn

03-13-2005, 02:41 PM	#7 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Sharebear & Glenn, Less than 25 grms of heroin and (crack) cocaine is what she was caught with. Bail was first set at $15,000, reduced to $10,000 then to $5,000. Thanks for your interest, Sharebear and Glenn. Wishing the two of you the best. Ro

03-14-2005, 04:15 AM	#9 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Thanks, Pedagogue, She lives near the court, I live about an hour away. I can't stay there as she is living with new people and her child lives with me, I get him to school, etc. I'll be checking with her friends to be certain there is someone that is going to get her up and to court on time. Parenthood can be a scary thing, but well worth the effort. Best wishes to you. Thanks, again. Ro

03-14-2005, 07:24 AM	#10 (permalink)
Jane63 Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,928 Blog Entries: 8	Roa, Please don't think me nosey, but I'm curious...What kind of new friends is she living with? Do you know them? The reason why I ask is because if they are into the same bad habits that got her into jail in the first place, then she has no business going back there! It would be totally detrimental to her sobriety! Parenthood is scary at times, but soo worth it! In my {almost} 18-yrs, I have come to the conclusion that each new phase prepares you to better cope with the next. Like when our daughter was a baby, I thought her colic was going to be the end of me {and her!! LOL!} but we survived and I got abit stronger....then, Jr.High and BOYS, but I survived and got stronger and so on! Now we are edging close to college time and the whole "empty nest" thing and I pray that that strength will carry me through once again! {{{HUGS}}} Jane

03-14-2005, 08:19 AM	#11 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Thanks for your reply, Jane. The new friends are not into drugs, actually most are are old friends that are trying to save her from herself. You know how that goes. They do not use drugs. I have known most of them for many, many year. Thank you for your concern. I know what you mean about surviving colic. What a trip that was. Ro

03-14-2005, 03:12 PM	#12 (permalink)
sharebear2004 You can do it!! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Townshend,Vermont Posts: 45	Did she get possession or trafficing??? And also Glenn said that if that was the amount he would have done the same thing! He says lesson to be learned! But anyways Roa it is time for her to get out of the selling people missourie..... We were fortunate enough to get out before we were caught dealing heroin. It wasn't much time before we would have been caught. And we know because where we used to get it from the P.D had stopped and questioned someone about my husband they knew everything his name and the truck he went down in it is scary! I am sorry for the post I put I thought it was something small. Like mine was a little amount and there was no reason for the stop at least a legal reason so it was dropped. But anyways wanted to say I was sorry i didn't fully understand what was happening. Sharbear + Glenn

03-14-2005, 03:17 PM	#13 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Sharebear & Glenn, thanks for your interest. The charge was for possession. She is out now. Has court in a few days. Sounds like she is doing well and we're still in contact. I'm looking forwrd to seeing her soon. I am so happy that the two of you are choosing a new path in your lives. Best wishes to both of you for a happy, bright future. Ro

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03-14-2005, 11:31 PM	#14 (permalink)
Jane63 Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,928 Blog Entries: 8	That is good news Roa! The more sober, supportive and caring friends and family the better!!! Colic...LOL, yes, I look back at that now and think "girl, you hadn't seen nuthin' yet!" Take care! Jane

03-15-2005, 02:49 PM	#15 (permalink)
sharebear2004 You can do it!! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Townshend,Vermont Posts: 45	Roa, You should let her know of the site and let her know that we are her if she want's to talk to us! She might find it helpful to talk to other people that are in the same position as she is. Sharebear and Glenn

03-15-2005, 04:25 PM	#16 (permalink)
roa Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere in time Posts: 83	Thanks again, Sharebear & Glenn, I will let her know and hopefully she will join you here. Again, best wishes to both of you. Your responses have been such a help. Ro