shady behavior.. is it relapse????

[struggle4hope]

Maybe im in denial and i just need someone to tell me i am. ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now and do not use drugs. he was injecting heroin and cocaine when i met him and didnt tell me until i had figured it out on my own. after almost losing everything including his life, with the help of myself and his family, he ended up kicking with a methadone program, but lately i have been noticing a bunch of things that are making me suspicious he is using. i want to know if im being paranoid and if im not, how to confront/ask him if he is using without hitting a brick wall. i have eluded to my suspicions in the past, but he immediatly says i dont trust him.. so lately he has been moody, always sounds sick, the nights i spend with him he is up all night. and the really scary thing is that he has been hiding his arms from me like wearing long shirts or turning off the lights before he takes his shirt off.. and even then he always keeps his arms bent or crosses them. a few weeks ago he said he cut his arm at work and it just happened to be in the same spot as one of his track scars.. he has been under major emotional family and work stress to boot. he probably thinks i will leave him if he tells me he is using and will lie or fight with me.. or are these signs just paranoia>> to a friend in need please reply

[best]

I am thinking the question should be... what will or what can or what should I do if he is using again. Nar Anon meetings. The Nar Anon board and the sticky posts here will help you find those answers.

Most likely, if your feelings are saying something is not right. It may be what you think. Trust is something he needs be responsable for the upkeep of.
If he is using, he is also the only one who can stop himself from using.

[liveweyerd]

Don't cause yourself grief, questioning him, tracking him, snooping him.
Your guts are usually right. You see what you see.
But it will come out without you becoming the inquisition.
Best is right, welcome, check out the nar-anon and check out going to some meetings, for your own well-being and sanity.
It is hard, (impossible) to stay sane when you live in an insane environment.
hugs,
live

[virgovixen]

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us. Please check out the NARANON forum for friends and family af addicts. My BF is also an IV heroin/coke addict. He had been using for about 5 months before I realized their was a problem. He hid his arms with long sleeves all the time. In my experience, my gut is always right, you see the signs and even though you don't want to believe it, you know they are using. Staying up all night is always a give away for me. I don't even ask or accuse anymore because he will just deny it anyway and it's not worth getting myself sick over it anymore. My bf has been using off and on for 14 years, I don't know if he will ever stay clean. He has to want to do it for himself, their isn't anything we can do to force them into recovery. The only way to stay sane in a relationship with an active user is to educate yourself, learn how to set boundries, do not enable the addict in anyway, and take care of yourself first. He will seek help when he is ready. Do something nice for yourself, I would like to suggest reading Mealodie Beattie's book, "Codependent No More" it is an eye opener. Hang in there, you are not alone. Hugs!

[A Screw Loose]

I don't think you are being paranoid. My boyfriend use to slam crank and he use to pull the same things with me. It was like hitting a brick wall whenever I confronted him. You need to take care of yourself, just like everyone else has suggested Nar-Anon is a good place to start. I am an addict myself, so NA was/is the place for me. Being an addict gave me more insight to what my SO was doing because at the same time I was trying to hide the things I was doing. All that you can really do at this point is be supportive and get the support that you need. A person will do recovery when they are ready, they will only fight it if it is pushed on them. Would really hate to hear about the arguements. I know I went through enough of them when I was in denial.

Your in my prayers.

A Screw Loose
:hairout :xmasu

Hey Struggle,
I'm a recovering dope fiend and I can tell you that in the past when My girlfriend /wife started wondering about me staying up or nodding from being "tired". She was almost always right in her suspicions. I'm not saying she was always right but the few times she was wrong it was because I had previously given her so many reasons to think there was something going on that she had no other alternative but to think I was using. My point being ....Your gut is probably right( unfortunately ) just remember it's not your fault and it wont help him or you to enable this behavior. Oh my god.. I'm starting to sound like my wife!! I've got to go!!. I'm going to the bathroom to kill myself.. LOL Good luck with your situation.

Mike

[abtchonamission]

(((((Struggle)))))

UeyNC called my attention to your thread. (I'm the girlfriend he mentioned.) Since it sounds to me that you want honesty, I am going to be honest with you. Please know that whatever I say, I say with love, not to be mean. Yes, I think you are in denial. When I first came here, I wanted someone to tell me that I could fix Mike. Just someone to tell me the magic words that would make him not be an addict anymore. Instead, they gave me much more powerful magic - they taught me that I couldn't change him, but I could change me. I could change the way I reacted to things. I could change the way I lived my life. And it works.

You describe the things that your boyfriend is doing as shady - in my experience, if it waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, chances are - it's a DUCK.

Please come into the nar-anon forum. Look around, read some posts, see if there is anything there you can relate to. I betting that you'll find plenty. You'll also find many people there who understand what YOU are going through because they also have a loved one who is addicted. Some of the people will have a lot of recovery, some will be new to the forum like you, others, like me, are sort of in-between. It doesn't matter though, because we all help each other.

Hugs,
Trisha