Tommummery94

Hello all,

I am around 14 months sober and am really struggling with judgementalism at the moment - it is my most prominent defect and it seems that no amount of praying is really shifting it, it hasn't been removed at all. I just noticed really how I think horrible things about pretty much everyone and really don't want to be like this. Is there anyway to be rid of it?

Many thanks,

Tom

walktheline1

I get into super judgemental funks every now and then. Getting outside of myself and helping other people helps a lot. Some of the programs call it "service". For me, rolling up my sleeves and helping other people makes me feel more connected. It could be helping someone with a house project, helping another family with childcare, or serving soup at a kitchen. When I'm connected to other people I am less likely to be judgemental because I am connecting with the people instead of being lost in my own selfish head.

RDBplus3

For me,
The character defects that 'just don't go away' are a way to gauge just how committed I am to my Program of Sobriety and Maintenance of the ever-so-important Spiritual Condition. When 'God just won't take it away', or I just can't Stop Doing It ... even when I am continually doing the Step 6&7 Work related to it ... it is like a Test of My Resolve. Am I going to say, 'well that doesn't work', and walk away from it all, or 'well I guess the God thing doesn't really work', or some other version of me getting frustrated that I haven't reached 'Spiritual Perfection' ... is that when 'I' say f-it, and just go back to drinking / using? Absolutely NOT. I 'Am' living on the miracle side of the program ... I don't have the obsession to drink/use which IS a Miracle for me.

So, realizing that we are ALL 'flawed' human beings, I realize that just being able to recognize the Character Defect in myself IS a Big Deal, and having the Opportunity to continually do the Work and the Prayers to offset my Thoughts and Feelings to hopefully Prevent my potential for Bad Behaviors and Outward Actions, IS well worth continuing to 'Walk in Freedom' alongside the Character Defects I am thankfully now Aware of, and it IS a Big Deal to NOT let those Thoughts and Behaviors 'have the keys to the car'.

I recognize that I have a 'Critical Nature'. This 'walk alongside of' the Character Defect that 'just won't go away', humbles me in a way that God can point out to me that maybe I should extend some grace to 'others' that 'aren't perfect' ... maybe the exact same person(s) I feel so justified in being Critical of ... maybe that's one of the 'limited' opportunities God gets to 'suggest' to me some ... Humility.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... even while not having obtained the sometimes so elusive ... Spiritual Perfection

teatreeoil007

Hmmmm...how not to be judgmental....well, for me, it's just humbling to realize or "know" that any of us could have turned out like anyone or anything else. We have some control over how we are, but some people have less control over what kind of hand they've been dealt in life. And, some folks have been dealt a real sucky hand, ya know? Maybe think in terms of that....that person could be me? Well, not necessarily literally so, but it's possible.

Dee74

when I feel judgemental, I try really hard to put myself in the other persons shoes - try to get some empathy going. I don't always make it, but I try

D

OpioPhobe

Tom - when I am judgmental towards everyone in general it means that I am angry with myself about something. I tend to become very judgmental towards myself during those periods. When I give myself a break it is easier to give others the same courtesy.

If I am judgmental about some specific character flaw it is sometimes due to a past resentment. Other times it is because I have that same character flaw and I am ashamed.