Recovering heroin/pills addict but NOT an alcoholic?
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Join Date: May 2016
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Recovering heroin/pills addict but NOT an alcoholic?
Im sorry if there are already threads about this but...
In my head i know I'm right but since I am not an addict I feel like i need to talk to those who truly understand the addict brain.
Since this is going to be a long post, here are my questions and below is back story for whoever wants to do some more reading!
1. Can a heroin/pills addict ( or any type of substance addict besides alcohol) drink alcohol in moderation without becoming dependent? (I feel like the answer is an obvious NO but lets discuss)
Backstory
My girlfriend has been in recovery for about a year...well there have been a couple slip ups (that i know of :/) but for the most part i think she has been clean. She was addicted to heroin mainly. When she couldn't get that she resorted to alcohol. Towards the end right before she hit bottom she was drinking heavily to compensate for not having her drug of choice, and i didn't realize it because we were in a long distance thing while she was doing an internship.
Now she's telling me that she wants to try drinking again, socially. A beer every once in a while. Shed like to be able to go out with friends and drink like normal people. She doesn't think she is a true alcoholic but she knows she's a true addict and that if she started back on heroin or pills it would be all over. But she feels alcohol won't have the same effect on her because she only used it when she couldn't get what she really wanted. She thinks she can control it.
I mean I've seen a million red flags, i don't know why i so desperately want to give her the benefit of the doubt. We have been through a lot, broken up once, a lot of trust lost, but since we've been back together its like she goes out of her way to prove to me that she is trustworthy. She will leave her phone around me to show she has nothing to hide, she'll call me and let me know if she's running late because she doesn't want me to think that she's sneaking around, she'll even FaceTime me to show me where she's at. She actually even told me that she bought a case of beer and drank a few one night. She thought i'd be happy that she was being honest with me, and i was. I'm glad she told me. And I've gone back and forth with how i feel about her starting to drink socially. At first i was like "NO NO bad idea don't even go there! Why risk it?" But then i was thinking "well what if she CAN control it?" Then its " well if she could control it she would have never hit rock bottom and needed to go to rehab", then its, " well that was for heroin and pills....and alcohol because she didn't have her heroin" as if that somehow excuses the alcohol from the equation
...Then i find myself thinking "well if she's going to drink, i'd rather it be in front of me instead of behind my back"...She says she has talked to several people who say they were addicted to drugs but now they just drink but like they're not alcoholics. So therefore she thinks she can do it too.
So I told her that despite whether or not she can control it, why would she even want to take the risk, given everything she has been through and everything she has put her family and myself through this past year. Then she simply said "ok, i won't do it then. Its settled." OH COME ON! Like its that easy! Now i don't believe her! I guess i just want to hear your thoughts...i mean if she's going to drink she's going to drink. Not much i can do about except remove myself from the situation if she does...
In my head i know I'm right but since I am not an addict I feel like i need to talk to those who truly understand the addict brain.
Since this is going to be a long post, here are my questions and below is back story for whoever wants to do some more reading!
1. Can a heroin/pills addict ( or any type of substance addict besides alcohol) drink alcohol in moderation without becoming dependent? (I feel like the answer is an obvious NO but lets discuss)
Backstory
My girlfriend has been in recovery for about a year...well there have been a couple slip ups (that i know of :/) but for the most part i think she has been clean. She was addicted to heroin mainly. When she couldn't get that she resorted to alcohol. Towards the end right before she hit bottom she was drinking heavily to compensate for not having her drug of choice, and i didn't realize it because we were in a long distance thing while she was doing an internship.
Now she's telling me that she wants to try drinking again, socially. A beer every once in a while. Shed like to be able to go out with friends and drink like normal people. She doesn't think she is a true alcoholic but she knows she's a true addict and that if she started back on heroin or pills it would be all over. But she feels alcohol won't have the same effect on her because she only used it when she couldn't get what she really wanted. She thinks she can control it.
I mean I've seen a million red flags, i don't know why i so desperately want to give her the benefit of the doubt. We have been through a lot, broken up once, a lot of trust lost, but since we've been back together its like she goes out of her way to prove to me that she is trustworthy. She will leave her phone around me to show she has nothing to hide, she'll call me and let me know if she's running late because she doesn't want me to think that she's sneaking around, she'll even FaceTime me to show me where she's at. She actually even told me that she bought a case of beer and drank a few one night. She thought i'd be happy that she was being honest with me, and i was. I'm glad she told me. And I've gone back and forth with how i feel about her starting to drink socially. At first i was like "NO NO bad idea don't even go there! Why risk it?" But then i was thinking "well what if she CAN control it?" Then its " well if she could control it she would have never hit rock bottom and needed to go to rehab", then its, " well that was for heroin and pills....and alcohol because she didn't have her heroin" as if that somehow excuses the alcohol from the equation
...Then i find myself thinking "well if she's going to drink, i'd rather it be in front of me instead of behind my back"...She says she has talked to several people who say they were addicted to drugs but now they just drink but like they're not alcoholics. So therefore she thinks she can do it too. So I told her that despite whether or not she can control it, why would she even want to take the risk, given everything she has been through and everything she has put her family and myself through this past year. Then she simply said "ok, i won't do it then. Its settled." OH COME ON! Like its that easy! Now i don't believe her! I guess i just want to hear your thoughts...i mean if she's going to drink she's going to drink. Not much i can do about except remove myself from the situation if she does...
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
You already know it's not okay for her to actually drink, her asking about it could be a cry for help or a warning that she is struggling. Wrap her in support that feels exciting not stifling. Do something fun together or set a goal that's achievable. Not naive here, if she's intent on derailing you can't stop her, yes removing yourself might be your best option if it goes that way.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it's the ole slippery slope of addiction.....maybe she did NOT have a real problem with alcohol, and her primary addiction was the dope. however opening that door to using ANY type of mood/mind altering substance is just asking for trouble.
however, this is HER choice. your choice is if you want to wait around and watch the potential train wreck. i know you think if she does it in front of you, you can maybe help monitor and control her intake. bad place to put yourself.......don't become the booze police.
really sorry for all your troubles. i know you care, but she is going to do what she is going to do. take care of yourself.
however, this is HER choice. your choice is if you want to wait around and watch the potential train wreck. i know you think if she does it in front of you, you can maybe help monitor and control her intake. bad place to put yourself.......don't become the booze police.
really sorry for all your troubles. i know you care, but she is going to do what she is going to do. take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 347
im a recovering pill addict. when i was 22 i went to rehab for the first time when i got out i thought i could drink. in my mind i had control ( for a while) it took a few months before i was back on pills and worse than ever.
this time when i got out i went to NA and have never used or drank since. I feel there's a reason they say at every meeting Alcohol is a drug. I truely feel like as soon as we drink the dishonesty and behaviors all come back.
this time when i got out i went to NA and have never used or drank since. I feel there's a reason they say at every meeting Alcohol is a drug. I truely feel like as soon as we drink the dishonesty and behaviors all come back.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Is it possible to be an opiate addict and drink alcohol "normally"? Sure it's possible. Probable? No. Based on my own experience, my observations of my friends over 40 years of drinking and drugging and listening to other folks who share in various 12 step groups, folks who have a problem with one mind altering substance almost always have problems with all the others.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 91
There was a reason why she got into drugs and it wasn't because she was a happy healthy individual. If she hasn't dealt with the underlying mental obstacles then she probably wouldn't be drinking just to be social. That's my 2 cents worth.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
It's very common to trade one addiction for another. My drug of choice has always been opiates. When supply ended, I got clean for a few years. But during that time I discovered alcohol and developed a problem with that. Then recently pills were around so I gave up alcohol and basically picked up where I left off a few years ago.
I'm not saying recovering addicts can't drink sociably because I'm sure some can, but you have to really be aware of why you are drinking. It could be as simple as enjoying some drinks on a night out or finding yourself craving the way alcohol makes you feel. And it's easy to think well it's alcohol, it's legal, so it should be ok right? Wrong.
Like I said, there's really no way for anyone to say whether she could handle drinking or would it set her back into her old habits.
I'm not saying recovering addicts can't drink sociably because I'm sure some can, but you have to really be aware of why you are drinking. It could be as simple as enjoying some drinks on a night out or finding yourself craving the way alcohol makes you feel. And it's easy to think well it's alcohol, it's legal, so it should be ok right? Wrong.
Like I said, there's really no way for anyone to say whether she could handle drinking or would it set her back into her old habits.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
its definitely up to the person. the odds are pretty decent of cross- addiction but some people would rather go through life with the lesser of 2 vices then live totally clean and sober, even if the 2nd vice hurts their well-being. its human nature. we are all just making our own way through life, there are no hard fast rules..just try not to harm other people
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 31
I've always noticed there's almost a hierarchy to drugs and alcohol
-There's something the person absolutely loves and most likely has a problem with
-Other things to usually supplement the first one e.g. alcohol and amphetamine combo
-then there's the social
But usually when someone fixes their addiction they start out at the most harmful, yet if they successfully remove the drug, if they didn't fix the underlying problem that was causing the use it will just make the next tier downs Addiction twice as bad because people tend to cling on to things. Just some food for thought!
-There's something the person absolutely loves and most likely has a problem with
-Other things to usually supplement the first one e.g. alcohol and amphetamine combo
-then there's the social
But usually when someone fixes their addiction they start out at the most harmful, yet if they successfully remove the drug, if they didn't fix the underlying problem that was causing the use it will just make the next tier downs Addiction twice as bad because people tend to cling on to things. Just some food for thought!
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