Cocaine abuse ruined my Marriage
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
Cocaine abuse ruined my Marriage
Hi Guys,
Where to start???
My Mother died 2 years ago. I was very anti-drugs at the time. But because i couldn't hide my grief and it was eating away at me, i started taking cocaine. Me and my Wife of 10 years (5 married), just used to socialise, she had friends who used amphetamine regularly and also her Sister was a heavy user.
We continued to use on social occasions but was never really a big problem. Then our marriage started falling apart as our use of drugs increased, i would get high at the weekend then would be on comedown all week. Letting myself go, put weight on, got lazy, and ignored my marital duties as a husband and neglected my Wife and her feelings.
We broke up for about 6 weeks, i was devestated, i had hit rock bottom, the only thing that kept me going was my Son (from a previous relationship). Then 1 night i found out she had slept with another guy 3 days after leaving me, i was really upset and rang my Wife, then she got upset and over the following weeks we reconciled.
I had changed, i started looking after myself in that 6 week span, started to regain focus, but the drugs were still a problem. I fought with it for about a year, got myself clean for a while and we had a lovely holiday. Then this past Xmas aprox 6 months ago i had a really heavy weekend on Cocaine with a co worker. It steamrolled out of control and i was using every weekend, even during the week sometimes.
Then my Marriage started falling apart again. Me and my Wife had been desperate for our own child, she wanted to be a maternal Mother as well as a Step Mother for so long. We had tried for roughly 7 years on and off. We have both had multiple tests and our fertility was unexplained. Then 2 months ago she had an operation, she had some cysts that were blocking her ovaries slightly, so she went under the knife to help increase our fertility and also to ease her period pains.
We both agreed mutually that the drugs were going to stop after the operation, that we were going to get healthy and concentrate on having a child. I was the only person who visited her during her stay in hospital, she was there 3 days and i went to see her everyday even though the hospital was at least an hours travel from my home and i rely on public transport.
The weekend we got home my Son's Mother refused me access to him, even though i had a court order (she has done this numerous times during his 11 years costing us thousands in solicitors fees).
I ended up using again and carrying on using although my Wife would beg me not to. I was starting to neglect her feelings again.
3 weeks ago we sat at home and we knew thing were not right between us, we had both become cold towards each other. We both burst into tears and then she said she wanted to leave again, and that she had been speaking to other men intimately through online chat rooms. We had a big bust up i brought up her previous infidelity, She brought up mine (i had a couple of Emotional Affairs early on in the relationship).
It was a messy break up. She cut contact altogether, changed her phone number, blocked me from facebook and collected the rest of her things with her Father a few days later.
I was heartbroken, i attempted suicide, but ive been clean 3 weeks now. Looking after myself and going to the gym, lost nearly 2 stone in weight. I have done No Contact for 3 weeks until 2 nights ago when i found out from 1 of her friends that My Wife was actually talking to another man she used to know from school and he was married with children. I was so angry. I found out she was drinking in town with her sisters through a friends facebook account and tracked her down.
I asked her to tell me the truth and be honest about speaking to other guys and she told me it was just a harmless chat but it was about our relationship and there was nothing sexual involved, she only told me it was to hurt me, that i had let her down, crushed her dreams of ever having a family. Because of my actions i have broken her bond with my Son who she loves very much, and that she is staying with her Mother for a while to save money and that she is going to move away. She said she doesn't see a future with me anymore and that i had always been self centred and selfish. She said i was addicted to the drugs but not my Wife. This really hurt. Why do i always go into a shell when things are bad, why do i lack the communication skills to sort out my problems and just rely on a crutch to get through things while pushing everybody else away.
I just don't know what to do, i've craved cocaine again but don't want to do it. I've thought suicide, but then that would just be me being selfish again. I love this woman so much, but she is so angry at me right now. My older Sister and my Mother in Law have both told me that i need to leave her alone to concentrate on herself, and to let her calm down, and let her come to me if she wants to resolve things. They also indicated that she still possibly loves me though, otherwise she wouldn't feel so hurt and angry towards me.
I still have her passport at mine so i know she will be in touch eventually. I really miss her, we called each other our soulmates, we were best friends. I've really messed up and can't get her out of my mind. I'm also waiting for a court hearing date so i can initiate contact with my Son again. I start my 1st drug counselling session next week too. I feel like i've lost everything and don't know what to do.
Where to start???
My Mother died 2 years ago. I was very anti-drugs at the time. But because i couldn't hide my grief and it was eating away at me, i started taking cocaine. Me and my Wife of 10 years (5 married), just used to socialise, she had friends who used amphetamine regularly and also her Sister was a heavy user.
We continued to use on social occasions but was never really a big problem. Then our marriage started falling apart as our use of drugs increased, i would get high at the weekend then would be on comedown all week. Letting myself go, put weight on, got lazy, and ignored my marital duties as a husband and neglected my Wife and her feelings.
We broke up for about 6 weeks, i was devestated, i had hit rock bottom, the only thing that kept me going was my Son (from a previous relationship). Then 1 night i found out she had slept with another guy 3 days after leaving me, i was really upset and rang my Wife, then she got upset and over the following weeks we reconciled.
I had changed, i started looking after myself in that 6 week span, started to regain focus, but the drugs were still a problem. I fought with it for about a year, got myself clean for a while and we had a lovely holiday. Then this past Xmas aprox 6 months ago i had a really heavy weekend on Cocaine with a co worker. It steamrolled out of control and i was using every weekend, even during the week sometimes.
Then my Marriage started falling apart again. Me and my Wife had been desperate for our own child, she wanted to be a maternal Mother as well as a Step Mother for so long. We had tried for roughly 7 years on and off. We have both had multiple tests and our fertility was unexplained. Then 2 months ago she had an operation, she had some cysts that were blocking her ovaries slightly, so she went under the knife to help increase our fertility and also to ease her period pains.
We both agreed mutually that the drugs were going to stop after the operation, that we were going to get healthy and concentrate on having a child. I was the only person who visited her during her stay in hospital, she was there 3 days and i went to see her everyday even though the hospital was at least an hours travel from my home and i rely on public transport.
The weekend we got home my Son's Mother refused me access to him, even though i had a court order (she has done this numerous times during his 11 years costing us thousands in solicitors fees).
I ended up using again and carrying on using although my Wife would beg me not to. I was starting to neglect her feelings again.
3 weeks ago we sat at home and we knew thing were not right between us, we had both become cold towards each other. We both burst into tears and then she said she wanted to leave again, and that she had been speaking to other men intimately through online chat rooms. We had a big bust up i brought up her previous infidelity, She brought up mine (i had a couple of Emotional Affairs early on in the relationship).
It was a messy break up. She cut contact altogether, changed her phone number, blocked me from facebook and collected the rest of her things with her Father a few days later.
I was heartbroken, i attempted suicide, but ive been clean 3 weeks now. Looking after myself and going to the gym, lost nearly 2 stone in weight. I have done No Contact for 3 weeks until 2 nights ago when i found out from 1 of her friends that My Wife was actually talking to another man she used to know from school and he was married with children. I was so angry. I found out she was drinking in town with her sisters through a friends facebook account and tracked her down.
I asked her to tell me the truth and be honest about speaking to other guys and she told me it was just a harmless chat but it was about our relationship and there was nothing sexual involved, she only told me it was to hurt me, that i had let her down, crushed her dreams of ever having a family. Because of my actions i have broken her bond with my Son who she loves very much, and that she is staying with her Mother for a while to save money and that she is going to move away. She said she doesn't see a future with me anymore and that i had always been self centred and selfish. She said i was addicted to the drugs but not my Wife. This really hurt. Why do i always go into a shell when things are bad, why do i lack the communication skills to sort out my problems and just rely on a crutch to get through things while pushing everybody else away.
I just don't know what to do, i've craved cocaine again but don't want to do it. I've thought suicide, but then that would just be me being selfish again. I love this woman so much, but she is so angry at me right now. My older Sister and my Mother in Law have both told me that i need to leave her alone to concentrate on herself, and to let her calm down, and let her come to me if she wants to resolve things. They also indicated that she still possibly loves me though, otherwise she wouldn't feel so hurt and angry towards me.
I still have her passport at mine so i know she will be in touch eventually. I really miss her, we called each other our soulmates, we were best friends. I've really messed up and can't get her out of my mind. I'm also waiting for a court hearing date so i can initiate contact with my Son again. I start my 1st drug counselling session next week too. I feel like i've lost everything and don't know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Welcome to the Sober Recovery community.
Some of us have also felt like we 'lost everything'. Being alive and breathing and posting, means you are still alive, which means a complete life renewal is a VERY REAL possibility. For me, it started, and was only possible when ... my life was SHAKEN to the core, and I had to reach a place of complete surrender.
This is a great place, again ... WELCOME.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
Some of us have also felt like we 'lost everything'. Being alive and breathing and posting, means you are still alive, which means a complete life renewal is a VERY REAL possibility. For me, it started, and was only possible when ... my life was SHAKEN to the core, and I had to reach a place of complete surrender.
This is a great place, again ... WELCOME.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
I know. At 1st I was using the actions speak louder than words to try and win my Wife back but now I'm starting to come to the conclusion that she won't come back until I change my life around and show that I can prolong the change and do it over a long space of time. The gym is helping me keep my mind off things and keeping me busy. I felt so selfish again writing this thread, going on about my problems and what I'm going through and all the while not considering what my Wife has had to go through and the fact that even though she has family to rely on, She is also having to start again. Even if she did come back right now nothing would change, and the resentment would still be there. I need to learn to stand on my own 2 feet, grow up and be a man. 10 years I've relied on my Wife to look after me. I now need to look after myself.
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