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Sick of meetings

Old 05-17-2017, 06:29 AM
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Question Sick of meetings

Hey Guys, hope everyone is having a good week so far. I'm 8 months without a drink, and 6 months without touching drugs. I attended a treatment center last year, and while i was in there, I loved going to meetings/working the steps with my sponsor. Now, I truthfully can't stand going to meetings in my hometown. I haven't talked to my sponsor in a long time, and likewise with regards to meetings. This is the part where I'm supposed to say "I know I should be going to meetings..", but the truth is, I feel better maintaining my sobriety through God and other people in my support group that are not in recovery. The obsession has remained lifted, and my life has been better since I stopped attending meetings daily. My question is, does anyone have experience with a similar situation? Am I in a dangerous place, and is my disease just telling me that I feel good? Any feedback/ experience would be appreciated, thanks guys.
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Old 05-17-2017, 07:15 AM
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I stopped going completely after a long period sober, lost contact with all my support people and gradually began neglecting to use the program in my life. My thinking began to revert to its old ways and my attitude became more and more negative. Eventually I convinced myself that it would be okay to try drinking again.

I had to go back to meetings to get sober again and then attended regularly for a while until I got back on my feet. Now I don't go again, but I do visit SR regularly throughout my day and live a life which includes applying my 12-step program's ideas along with other spiritual principles. I make sure I never forget where I came from and what I could go back to if I fail to stay on track.

Sometimes cutting back or taking a short break can be helpful, or even finding a different group. There's nothing that says you need to attend daily, although that early in sobriety, regular attendance can be very important. Maybe look at exactly why you are so sick of meetings. The point is to be able to stay on track and keep working the program in your life and without a solid foundation and support, that can be extremely difficult.
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Old 05-17-2017, 11:43 AM
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six months in is awfully soon to be claiming "I Got This!". you are moving as far away from the things that helped you GET sober in first place. to me that is a slippery slope.

i relapsed after 7.5 years sober............doing the same thing. getting as far away from anything "recovery" as i could.......and that left the barn door wide open.........

i get not liking A meeting, or your home group.....that's the beauty of AA/NA, there are scads and oodles of MORE meetings to try out. different times, different settings. maybe try a few and take an open mind. listen for ONE thing that sounds like your own story.
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Old 05-17-2017, 07:17 PM
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The only direction we can coast is downhill.

I do understand getting tired of the same meetings with the same people day after day... in which case try another meeting. But more than that, I would ask - what have you done to give back? Service work may sound like a drag but in my experience it gives back far more to me than I put into it.
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Old 05-17-2017, 10:26 PM
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For ME, meetings are a way of connecting. The jargon and the quotes and clichés are passé at times. BUT it is the effort to going which is important to me. My emotional compass was found to be dysfunctional and just that reminder is what I do meetings for. Only 16 months sober- but I know the eventual outcome for me, and it was very, very scary. If I drink again- next time I will remain permanently dead. If that means putting up with AA zealots - it helps me stay grounded- because I have proven I cannot do this alone.
Support to you.
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Old 05-18-2017, 02:32 AM
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"Am I in a dangerous place, and is my disease just telling me that I feel good? "

just my opinion- you already know you are and are trying to rationalize why youre not.
its not the disease of addiction tellin ya anything. addiction cant say a dam thing unless youre using.
its the disease of denial,pride,ego....... 4th step will prolly reveal more.
you got through the steps in 6 months,eh?
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Old 05-18-2017, 03:17 AM
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I completely understand getting sick of meetings - I think everyone does! You want, like anyone would, to think that at some point you're cured and don't need them anymore. I remember thinking myself at various points that meetings were no longer necessary, and I felt like I had completed such an accomplishment. Well... Needless to say, 2 months later I had a really hard relapse and binged for 4 days. Awful.

That doesn't have to be you; everyone is different. I would look for another nmeeting in your area if possible. I agree with what tomsteve said about rationalizing. Six months is huge, and you should be proud!! But sticking to it, for me, is a constant reminder that alcohol is everywhere, and I'm just as vulnerable now as I was right before my last relapse (just with a better understanding of the disease).

You'll do what is right for you, but don't become complacent like I did!!
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Old 05-18-2017, 03:54 AM
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AA helped me a lot in early sobriety,
End of the day, though, it wasn't the program for me.
I found the war stories weren't helpful, among other things.
I post here, listen to recovery podcasts, and learn as much as I can about alcohol addiction.
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:25 PM
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Hi Maudcat (or anyone else), which recovery podcasts do you listen to? I was actually going to make another post about this, but since you mentioned it here, I figured I'd ask.

So far, I've been listening to 'Since right now' and 'The bubble hour', and I enjoy both of them. My particular addiction was more with certain drugs than alcohol, though. I still get a lot out of them since there are many parallels with both addictions. But if anybody knew of any podcasts that had a little more focus on substance abuse, that would be great! Or even any other good podcasts that focus on alcoholism. Thanks
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:43 PM
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Baseball32, be careful, your AV(Addictive Voice) is a sneaky SOB. Rootin for ys.
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:20 PM
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Not again
 
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Hello to all,

Great topic, full of controversy. I hate going to meetings, but do so every night (almost). I am certain you can get sober with out them, but I don't know anyone that has. I wish I could stop going, but I kinda cut a deal with God. I have to help the still sick and suffering addicts and I don't know where else to find them. Not that it's easy in the rooms, as they seem to attract a lot of social misfits and mentally unstable people. This does not help those of us looking for a solution to our drug and alchol problem, but what else can you do?
So the way I see it is there are many different types of path's to sobriety. Some people are comfortable with the "self-help" method, meaning meetings. Others find grace in the 12-step program as defined in the Big Book of AA. Some do both (Me) I do take issue with people saying the only way out is to sit in meetings and do what a sponsor tells you to do, as that has nothing to do with the program of AA. It's just some mutation that happened along the way. But if it keeps you from smoking crack or shootin' dope, by all means keep doing it.
I on the other hand needed a bit more. So, as I noted earlier, I turned to God, gave up sinning and started helping others. Guess what, it works, really well I might add. I am fairly happy with my life, as compared to all the bitching and moaning I hear from people who only go to meetings and talk about some phantom sponsor. But who am I to judge, I still ride a bike at 53

Be Well,
Larry
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Old 05-25-2017, 07:12 PM
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At some point it got to where it wasn't about me. I go to two meetings a week typically. I also help set up and occasionally chair. I do all of this not because I think I will drink if I don't but because there were people doing it when I was lost, hopeless, and in pain and they saved my life. We need to be there for the newcomer. It could save their life. And who knows when one of us with some sober time will need a boost as well.
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Old 05-28-2017, 10:56 PM
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I just got banned from a building that holds my AA homegroup and a Na meeting on another day. A good amount people in my borough are upset with me because I often throw furniture or hit people at meetings. I'm very sensitive about my mental health symptoms. sometimes I'm respectful an loving, and i still get shunned because of the way I look.

I know I can't do this alone and meetings help me tremendously, but at this time I'm tired of the abuse, judgement, and isolation. this is not the first time this has happen. i'm not going to be called a "crazy f@ggot"for being me, an not smack fire out your face. i'm not going to be told I'm pretending to have mental illness just to get a check, and not hurt you. i like the program, despise the fellowship right now.

so I'm thinking of just doing my outpatient and church for the summer, then return to meetings when I'm more stable. at this point I'm not getting any help from AA members outside of my sponsor. Life is too good for negativity. I going where i'm love and appreciated.
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Old 05-29-2017, 05:13 AM
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I would be on a slippery slope if I stopped going to meetings. I think one reason is that I learn something from each one (consciously, sometimes, because some are not fun, plenty annoying, etc), and another is that attending 4-6 a week (my sweet spot) is part of what I call my recovery routine. My discipline about my program is something I protect and value greatly, and it shows in the time I spend, schedule considerations etc to make it happen.

Side note- behaviors like throwing chairs, argument starting, etc, wouldn't be tolerated at any of the places I attend meetings. Many of us have mental health issues from fairly minor to very severe; IMO and as I understand the AA part about group conscience and the greater whole being above/beyond any individual, meetings and clubhouses must be kept safe for the totality of the membership.

I'd also say that the meetings I choose to attend are very tolerant of diverse "looks"- what some might term "lifestyle choices" (we have one local celeb who is a well known, colorful trans figure in Atlanta), and such - and I would only respect meetings and groups that do have this kind of tolerance.
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Old 06-02-2017, 10:55 AM
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I would say that your treatment worked and did what it's supposed to do, freeing you from your addiction. I think it's perfectly acceptable and healthy to move on from meetings and carry on living your life as a non-drinker or drug user. I don't believe in the disease model of AA so I don't believe that it has to be a life sentence. People quit drugs and drinking all the time and go on to live normal balanced lives. I read some stats that said 75% of people will beat their addictions with or without treatment. My opinion is that if you feel solid in your recovery and don't feel like meetings are necessary for you anymore then you should trust yourself. You can always go back if that changes.
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Old 06-02-2017, 12:42 PM
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because I often throw furniture or hit people at meetings

it makes perfect sense why ANY group would consider banning someone who assaults others. that is only for the common good. groups are quite tolerant, but there MUST be limits and rules on acceptable behavior when it endangers others.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Cleansing View Post
I just got banned from a building that holds my AA homegroup and a Na meeting on another day. A good amount people in my borough are upset with me because I often throw furniture or hit people at meetings. I'm very sensitive about my mental health symptoms. sometimes I'm respectful an loving, and i still get shunned because of the way I look.

I know I can't do this alone and meetings help me tremendously, but at this time I'm tired of the abuse, judgement, and isolation. this is not the first time this has happen. i'm not going to be called a "crazy f@ggot"for being me, an not smack fire out your face. i'm not going to be told I'm pretending to have mental illness just to get a check, and not hurt you. i like the program, despise the fellowship right now.

so I'm thinking of just doing my outpatient and church for the summer, then return to meetings when I'm more stable. at this point I'm not getting any help from AA members outside of my sponsor. Life is too good for negativity. I going where i'm love and appreciated.
if being you is
I often throw furniture or hit people at meetings.
smack fire out your face
i'm not going to be told I'm pretending to have mental illness just to get a check, and not hurt you.

it could be something even AA or NA cant help with. it might be wise to seek outside help.
i could see those actions being taken care of by banning a member from a meeting. its quite negative to be acting or responding that way,dont you think?
we have a responsibility to protect other members. we have to aceept people the way they are, but dont have to allow unacceptable behavior in the rooms.
have you looked into dual diagnosis meetings?
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Baseball32
The obsession has remained lifted, and my life has been better since I stopped attending meetings daily. My question is, does anyone have experience with a similar situation?
Yes, I do. I was involuntarily placed after a Baker Act almost 11 years ago. While in the psych ward, I decided no drinking ever again . I attended meetings for about a year at the behest of my family, and I complied as it was the least I could do considering what I had put them through, but I had already made my decision re: never drinking again, so the programs nor the meetings were keeping me sober. In fact, I experienced more and more cognitive dissonance, as there is much that I do not agree with in the recovery circle line of thinking. I was less peaceful, and less sure of myself while attending meetings. Despite dire warnings that I would "go back out", I decided on what was best for me.

The fellowship was nice and I met many people I still have as friends today, despite our differing views. But necessary for ending my addiction? No.

You should be prepared for when your AV tries to whisper sweet nothings. It will, but it's nothing to fear. You can learn to separate from that by a technique called AVRT. If you're not familiar with it, you might look into it. There are some good threads here and other info on the net.

Many people do like to give back to their community, and AA is a nice way to do that. There are also many, many other areas in which people can do this. I'm very involved in the special needs community, and often find ways to pay forward the kindness others have extended me in my own personal journey in raising my special needs son. There are lots of important ways we can all pay kindness forward.

Best to you on whatever you decide. xo
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Old 06-06-2017, 11:35 PM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
if being you is
I often throw furniture or hit people at meetings.
smack fire out your face
i'm not going to be told I'm pretending to have mental illness just to get a check, and not hurt you.

it could be something even AA or NA cant help with. it might be wise to seek outside help.
i could see those actions being taken care of by banning a member from a meeting. its quite negative to be acting or responding that way,dont you think?
we have a responsibility to protect other members. we have to aceept people the way they are, but dont have to allow unacceptable behavior in the rooms.
have you looked into dual diagnosis meetings?
I'm gonna make different meetings, and maybe only three a week now and do my MICA groups (at outpatient) more often. I do better in small, quiet meetings. But it makes no sense to read 12-step literature, have a 12-step sponsor but make no meetings at all. If I fall apart again, maybe I'll seek those dual diagnosis groups. There are none in my area and i don't drive. But there may be some 90 minutes away by train.

I talked to a few people about these incidents and some of the recent stuff happening past three months and I wasn't okay. I had no choice but to comitt myself for observation for a few days. I'm on a different meds now and will see my Psych Doctor twice a month as opposed to once a month. I still need a therapist though.


It's very clear I was wrong and why so many people stay away from me. There's no sense in getting revenge because the madness will never stop and then it's more like a war. And it's not possible to kill everyone when you think about it.

But I'm no longer on the pity pot and trying to mind my business and keep the focus. Everyone gets harsh criticism around here and sometimes neglect. I'm not unique.

- I have a friend with no education and says silly stuff and members insults his intelligence.

- I have a Buddhist friend who people mistreat because of the way he shares due to spending so much time with his Buddhists community.

- I lot of people stay away from the female I assaulted because she refuses to do therapy and psychiatry even though she's out of control.

- I have a former sponsor whose wealthy and has a title which he always announces and some people give him stuff for that.

I live in a major city known for it's characters all over, not just in the rooms. It's important to be aware of our powerlessness here. We are just some moody, self-willed people.

It's not realistic for everyone to like or understand me.
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