The Hydro Thread
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
This is amazing.
I was so dopesick yesterday and I thought today was going to be miserable.
But the Imodium completely took away the cravings and the sickness.
Maybe we need to suffer to learn our lessons but not having WD's is a gift from heaven above.
I can quit right now no problem.
No fear of the WD's.
Sugar... I only share what works for me.
Knowing you're in pain makes me sad.
Let me know how you're doing.
I was so dopesick yesterday and I thought today was going to be miserable.
But the Imodium completely took away the cravings and the sickness.
Maybe we need to suffer to learn our lessons but not having WD's is a gift from heaven above.
I can quit right now no problem.
No fear of the WD's.
Sugar... I only share what works for me.
Knowing you're in pain makes me sad.
Let me know how you're doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey guys....
I'm here.
It's ok to feel good Dawg. I am so happy you are feeling so good. I really am. I wouldn't wish this suckfest on anyone. So, no worries. I want you to tell me you are doing/ feeling good. That's the whole goal of all this, right?? To feel good without our DOC?? I'm just not there yet, but hopefully I will be soon. Like Final said, I'm just gonna keep on truckin' until I do. I am just really glad you found something that works for you to help you through the wds. I am hoping you will choose not to use. Oh well, that rhymed. Anyway, please come here and talk about it all you need to, vent, whatever you need to do, but please don't use today. Or you will end up in the trenches like me. I guarantee it. See me?? See what I am going through right now?? This WILL be YOU when the pills you get today, if you get them today, run out. You can't ever change the inevitable outcome, my friend. Only the timeline. Please stay with us.
Thanks, Tea for the clip. Loved it. I love Stevie so much. She is simply amazing. What she said made so much sense to me. Thought it was going to be a song at first. Pretty cool, sweetie.
Anyhow, I am on day 5. Still no sleep. I feel like I am on another planet. Planet wtf. I want to use SO SO SO SO SO SO bad just to make it all stop, but I know it won't matter. I have accepted that finally. I think. I hope. Complete honesty here....I want to use. I could go get them right now. But, if I do, then I will want a cigarette. Then I will want a Xanax when the pills start to wear off. Then, I will want to go get more pills so I can sleep tonight. Justify another pack of cigarettes. And then before I know it, a week, or 2 will go by, and I will be right back here trying to find a way to get clean again without having to go through this all over. No thanks. Just did the walk through on that thought and I am not moving. But oh, man, the urges are so strong today.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I jumped off the Xanax almost completely, and those wds started to come on last night. Just added another layer of awful to the **** cake I got baking right now. So, now I got 3 sets of wds going, and they all have 1 thing in common. Insomnia when you don't use them. I have never been so tired or run down in my whole life. But, IF I can keep my sanity, it will be so worth it. One set of wds. One time through. Knock em all out. I chose this route for a reason. I am sick of wds. So, I promised myself this time to go all in or go home. Because if I keep any one of them, and yes, even the cigs, it will lead back to all. I know me. If I can go all out using, then I can go all out quitting. I am not going to go through months more of weaning, tapering, some wds, full wds, I'm ok, I'm not ok. Man, no way. I just want to get through this.
Well, there I went, off and meandering somewhere again. Sorry. I hope everyone is having a peachy day. I have to go clean up puppy puke now. I don't know why my pups is feeling bad, but gotta go take care of her. Sick or not. She needs me. And my mom is coming over at eleven. Oh boy. My mom is a HUGE trigger for me. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it. Keep with me, today, Dawg. Post as much as you want. Just don't use. I will be here for you.
Love and hugs.
I'm here.
It's ok to feel good Dawg. I am so happy you are feeling so good. I really am. I wouldn't wish this suckfest on anyone. So, no worries. I want you to tell me you are doing/ feeling good. That's the whole goal of all this, right?? To feel good without our DOC?? I'm just not there yet, but hopefully I will be soon. Like Final said, I'm just gonna keep on truckin' until I do. I am just really glad you found something that works for you to help you through the wds. I am hoping you will choose not to use. Oh well, that rhymed. Anyway, please come here and talk about it all you need to, vent, whatever you need to do, but please don't use today. Or you will end up in the trenches like me. I guarantee it. See me?? See what I am going through right now?? This WILL be YOU when the pills you get today, if you get them today, run out. You can't ever change the inevitable outcome, my friend. Only the timeline. Please stay with us.
Thanks, Tea for the clip. Loved it. I love Stevie so much. She is simply amazing. What she said made so much sense to me. Thought it was going to be a song at first. Pretty cool, sweetie.
Anyhow, I am on day 5. Still no sleep. I feel like I am on another planet. Planet wtf. I want to use SO SO SO SO SO SO bad just to make it all stop, but I know it won't matter. I have accepted that finally. I think. I hope. Complete honesty here....I want to use. I could go get them right now. But, if I do, then I will want a cigarette. Then I will want a Xanax when the pills start to wear off. Then, I will want to go get more pills so I can sleep tonight. Justify another pack of cigarettes. And then before I know it, a week, or 2 will go by, and I will be right back here trying to find a way to get clean again without having to go through this all over. No thanks. Just did the walk through on that thought and I am not moving. But oh, man, the urges are so strong today.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I jumped off the Xanax almost completely, and those wds started to come on last night. Just added another layer of awful to the **** cake I got baking right now. So, now I got 3 sets of wds going, and they all have 1 thing in common. Insomnia when you don't use them. I have never been so tired or run down in my whole life. But, IF I can keep my sanity, it will be so worth it. One set of wds. One time through. Knock em all out. I chose this route for a reason. I am sick of wds. So, I promised myself this time to go all in or go home. Because if I keep any one of them, and yes, even the cigs, it will lead back to all. I know me. If I can go all out using, then I can go all out quitting. I am not going to go through months more of weaning, tapering, some wds, full wds, I'm ok, I'm not ok. Man, no way. I just want to get through this.
Well, there I went, off and meandering somewhere again. Sorry. I hope everyone is having a peachy day. I have to go clean up puppy puke now. I don't know why my pups is feeling bad, but gotta go take care of her. Sick or not. She needs me. And my mom is coming over at eleven. Oh boy. My mom is a HUGE trigger for me. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it. Keep with me, today, Dawg. Post as much as you want. Just don't use. I will be here for you.
Love and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
Sugar I'm on Day 4 without the major hydro use.
Maybe the tiniest tinge of WD but compared to the past it's nothing.
It's the opioid in the Imodium that somehow has taken away both the cravings and WD's.
You're almost through the tough time.
You've got guts!!
Maybe the tiniest tinge of WD but compared to the past it's nothing.
It's the opioid in the Imodium that somehow has taken away both the cravings and WD's.
You're almost through the tough time.
You've got guts!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
sugar you go girl!!!!!!!!!!! A sponsor that I had while in China used to tell me, "your body will sleep eventually when your tired." But the staying up all night thinking would be awful. Straight awful. I remember one detox I didn't sleep through the night for 13 days. It was hell.
But this passes. You are doing it. You only have to go through this once with these band aids ripped off and bleeding. Proud of you.
Raildawg I heard that immodium helps. Never tried it but heard it does good stuff for the detox.
Keep on fighting.
Happy valentines day for those of you that celebrate. In the land of recovery I know it can be the last thing we think about. It's my first one celebrated here in 6 years (we didn't celebrate in China) the kids spoiled me rotten and the man I am seeing sent me roses. Taking my kid and I out for crab tonight. pretty excited.
Love you all
stay strong sugar.
But this passes. You are doing it. You only have to go through this once with these band aids ripped off and bleeding. Proud of you.
Raildawg I heard that immodium helps. Never tried it but heard it does good stuff for the detox.
Keep on fighting.
Happy valentines day for those of you that celebrate. In the land of recovery I know it can be the last thing we think about. It's my first one celebrated here in 6 years (we didn't celebrate in China) the kids spoiled me rotten and the man I am seeing sent me roses. Taking my kid and I out for crab tonight. pretty excited.
Love you all
stay strong sugar.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
hey guys....
Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement. I so need them right now. The xannie wds are kicking my butt hard. I didn't think they would be this intense. I have only been back on them just for a month. When I asked my doc for comfort meds, all he did was give me more xannies and an appt. to see him in a month. I mean, he told me that people detox in jail all the time cold turkey and they don't die. He said I would be fine and got me out the door. He made me feel really bad. I need to find another doc. NOT to get a scrip. Just can't deal with this doc anymore. He doesn't care.
Anyways, mom came over. We fought. The usual. I set up my ride to NA meeting on Thurs., but I am really nervous because I am feeling so weird and messed up right now. I am banking on the fact that they have been where I am and will understand that I am not insane. Just detoxing hard. I mean, I just want them to like me and not think I am a whackjob. But, I am meeting new people left and right lately, and I am meeting them at the absolute worst time in my life. I feel so unsure and insecure about everything I say and do right now. It's so hard to be NORMAL in any way. Ok, nuff said. I laid with my puppy and rubbed her belly for a while, and she's fine now. Ate all her food and goodies, played. So, I am really glad she's alright. I love my puppy very much. I would be heartsick if anything happened to her. Ah, damn, I am an emotional idiot today.
SOOO, Final....13 days?? Holy hell, how did you get through that?? That's awful, sweetie. Any advice on how to keep my sanity through this??
Your night sounds like fun. Roses, a nice dinner. That sounds great. This guy sounds alright. I am super happy for you.
Hey Dawg, you sound good, too. I am relieved. You have been on my mind, so it's good to hear you are ok. Please keep posting. You are a real help to me and everyone here. I am proud of you, you know. For a lot of reasons. Keep fighting. It will be worth it in the long run. Someone here once told me that if being sober didn't feel amazing, no one would do it. That always stuck with me. I want that, too. For me, you, all of us struggling. I am putting all my faith in a happy ending.
Guess that's all. Hoping everyone is having a wonderful evening. Thank you guys so much for just being here. I couldn't do this without your support. Just wanted to say again how much it means to me.
Love and hugs.
Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement. I so need them right now. The xannie wds are kicking my butt hard. I didn't think they would be this intense. I have only been back on them just for a month. When I asked my doc for comfort meds, all he did was give me more xannies and an appt. to see him in a month. I mean, he told me that people detox in jail all the time cold turkey and they don't die. He said I would be fine and got me out the door. He made me feel really bad. I need to find another doc. NOT to get a scrip. Just can't deal with this doc anymore. He doesn't care.
Anyways, mom came over. We fought. The usual. I set up my ride to NA meeting on Thurs., but I am really nervous because I am feeling so weird and messed up right now. I am banking on the fact that they have been where I am and will understand that I am not insane. Just detoxing hard. I mean, I just want them to like me and not think I am a whackjob. But, I am meeting new people left and right lately, and I am meeting them at the absolute worst time in my life. I feel so unsure and insecure about everything I say and do right now. It's so hard to be NORMAL in any way. Ok, nuff said. I laid with my puppy and rubbed her belly for a while, and she's fine now. Ate all her food and goodies, played. So, I am really glad she's alright. I love my puppy very much. I would be heartsick if anything happened to her. Ah, damn, I am an emotional idiot today.
SOOO, Final....13 days?? Holy hell, how did you get through that?? That's awful, sweetie. Any advice on how to keep my sanity through this??
Your night sounds like fun. Roses, a nice dinner. That sounds great. This guy sounds alright. I am super happy for you.
Hey Dawg, you sound good, too. I am relieved. You have been on my mind, so it's good to hear you are ok. Please keep posting. You are a real help to me and everyone here. I am proud of you, you know. For a lot of reasons. Keep fighting. It will be worth it in the long run. Someone here once told me that if being sober didn't feel amazing, no one would do it. That always stuck with me. I want that, too. For me, you, all of us struggling. I am putting all my faith in a happy ending.
Guess that's all. Hoping everyone is having a wonderful evening. Thank you guys so much for just being here. I couldn't do this without your support. Just wanted to say again how much it means to me.
Love and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 140
Yep Sugar right here.
Xanax must be a bear to kick.
Your brain must be howling for the fix you poor girl. I really wish you weren't suffering yet again.
I was up to probably 50 5mg hydros a day.
Quit by tapering about 5 days then stopped.
Usually I would be dope sick for days after quitting.
But the Imodium made it a non-event. I had to take 20 of them in the morning. I don't recommend this I'm only telling my story.
But it is the SECRET POTION for making WD's so much easier.
Anyway Sugar I'm here.
Xanax must be a bear to kick.
Your brain must be howling for the fix you poor girl. I really wish you weren't suffering yet again.
I was up to probably 50 5mg hydros a day.
Quit by tapering about 5 days then stopped.
Usually I would be dope sick for days after quitting.
But the Imodium made it a non-event. I had to take 20 of them in the morning. I don't recommend this I'm only telling my story.
But it is the SECRET POTION for making WD's so much easier.
Anyway Sugar I'm here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
YAY!! So glad, Dawg!! Must be such a relief to have something that helps. I did get some melatonin, and that seems to help a little. Google said it works well for xannie wds. So, I guess if google said it, it must be true. lol Oh man, I am getting just plain weird now from lack of sleep. I have been playing word games and riddles. Brain teasers, stuff like that. Anything to keep my brain moving in my head. But wow, I am stoopid right now. Spent 2 hrs jumping over frogs in this dumb game, and never could figure it out. Also did the psychopath test. I failed. First time I have ever been glad to fail a test. Funny thing is, I told my mom and bro about the test, and they both took it, too. My mom failed like me, but my bro nailed it. Guess we know who the Norman Bates in my family is now!! lol
I found this show on Netflix called Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. It is really interesting. One episode was all about color and light and optics. And in another episode, they took you inside a dewdrop. It's super fascinating to watch. I am learning a ton, too. It's a really cool doc series. Been watching it at night when I can't sleep. There is something very soothing about the guy who hosts the show. I don't know. It calms me down for some reason, and gets my mind off things. I like it.
Ok, well, lost my train of thought again.....
I found this show on Netflix called Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. It is really interesting. One episode was all about color and light and optics. And in another episode, they took you inside a dewdrop. It's super fascinating to watch. I am learning a ton, too. It's a really cool doc series. Been watching it at night when I can't sleep. There is something very soothing about the guy who hosts the show. I don't know. It calms me down for some reason, and gets my mind off things. I like it.
Ok, well, lost my train of thought again.....
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 147
hey sugar hope all is well im on day 22 and everything is normal... on the 5 day i was good and by the 10th day everything was back to normal... i am so proud of u that you were able to get honest and get back on track... no matter what dont use and tell ur self i dont want to go through this ever again and it passes i promise i know u can do this and we are all here for u ... now time to go to dinner for valentines day hope all you guys have a fabulous night talk to you guys later and if anyone is going through the withdrawals i can reassure u as long as u dont use itll be over very soon but when u use u set yourself back to day one keep going one min at a time and itll pass
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Happy Valentines Day to all. Pretty low keyed here. Were going to go to a movie but none are out right now we are interested in. Watched a movie called "Blackway" online last night and it was alright, but dark and creepy. It's got Anthony Hopkins in it and I like anything he's in except Silence Of The Lambs. It also had Ray Liotta in it and he played a real bad creepy mean man. I'll never see logging camps in the same light again.
So, I'm glad you passed that test with flying colors, SugarA. I was wondering about you....totally kidding....anyway, who cares if people think you're a whack job even if you were one. Who the hell really cares? People are going to think what they think and we can't control what they think , so just be yourself and shoot the moon. I guess it's better for someone to think you're crazy, then find out later you're not than to think you're sane and then find out later you aren't. My dad taught me a few lessons about not really caring what other people think...I mean, he wasn't totally anti-social...and he cared about what some people think, I suppose, but when push came to shove he was just himself and if people thought he was crazy he'd just shrug his shoulders and say something like, "What the hell!".
One thing I did not appreciate about my dad until after he died was the fact that he identified with other folks that were marginalized by society...the Natives respected him and he even worked for a Native American guy...the guy was a good boss too; treated him well...my dad was sometimes made fun of at school growing up. He was bullied for awhile, then one day he fought back and that was the end of that-then he became know.......he was a bit of a hell-raiser, I guess you could say, but he turned out to be a good man overall with strong principles...okay, enough about my dad....I miss him and his uncanny wit...he sometimes knew just what to say to cheer people up; funny stuff that made you laugh when you least expected it....
Ya'll are knockin' this thing out of the ball park. Keep it up.
So, I'm glad you passed that test with flying colors, SugarA. I was wondering about you....totally kidding....anyway, who cares if people think you're a whack job even if you were one. Who the hell really cares? People are going to think what they think and we can't control what they think , so just be yourself and shoot the moon. I guess it's better for someone to think you're crazy, then find out later you're not than to think you're sane and then find out later you aren't. My dad taught me a few lessons about not really caring what other people think...I mean, he wasn't totally anti-social...and he cared about what some people think, I suppose, but when push came to shove he was just himself and if people thought he was crazy he'd just shrug his shoulders and say something like, "What the hell!".
One thing I did not appreciate about my dad until after he died was the fact that he identified with other folks that were marginalized by society...the Natives respected him and he even worked for a Native American guy...the guy was a good boss too; treated him well...my dad was sometimes made fun of at school growing up. He was bullied for awhile, then one day he fought back and that was the end of that-then he became know.......he was a bit of a hell-raiser, I guess you could say, but he turned out to be a good man overall with strong principles...okay, enough about my dad....I miss him and his uncanny wit...he sometimes knew just what to say to cheer people up; funny stuff that made you laugh when you least expected it....
Ya'll are knockin' this thing out of the ball park. Keep it up.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Sugar - NA meetings are like the major leagues of people with serious problems. If you came in as a newcomer and said that life was fantastic it would raise red flags with people. In my experience, people that show up to the meetings acting like they have their **** together end up not sticking around. It is the people that show up with a thoroughly whopped ass that tend to do better, because they are willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean. The more experienced members were all newcomers once too.
If you really want to be respected in the fellowship then just be honest about what is going on. People will empathize with you, and you will be surprised how non-judgmental and caring people can be.
If you really want to be respected in the fellowship then just be honest about what is going on. People will empathize with you, and you will be surprised how non-judgmental and caring people can be.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Originally Posted by godsdrummer209 
hey sugar hope all is well im on day 22 and everything is normal... on the 5 day i was good and by the 10th day everything was back to normal... i am so proud of u that you were able to get honest and get back on track... no matter what dont use and tell ur self i dont want to go through this ever again and it passes i promise i know u can do this and we are all here for u ... now time to go to dinner for valentines day hope all you guys have a fabulous night talk to you guys later and if anyone is going through the withdrawals i can reassure u as long as u dont use itll be over very soon but when u use u set yourself back to day one keep going one min at a time and itll pass
Keep going strong. Don't stop. You got this!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
hey guys.....
Thanks Tea and OP, for the posts and the advice. It helps so much. And, if having a thoroughly whooped ass is best when going to NA, then I so got that covered!! No worries there.
Well, day 7 begins. No pain pills, xannies or cigs. Finally slept a little around midnight last night, but didn't last long. About 4 hrs. That's ok. I will take what I can get. I did find my appetite yesterday, though. Ate half the fridge!! Was awesome. I haven't eaten like that since I dunno when. I forgot how good food can taste. Woke up hungry this am, too. So weird for me. All other symptoms are slowly improving. I am tired, though. Punch drunk. I have NA at noon. Coming home after that to my bed. It's really cold and grey and rainy as hell here, and that, coupled with the wds I still have going, makes me want to just lay in bed with my best buddy, the tv remote. I am exhausted. 4 hrs in 7 days is just not enough. Been up since 4 this morning.
Anyways. not complaining really. I think I am starting to see a little crack of light under the door, so to speak. Just taking it one day, one thing at a time. Have therapy next week. Another NA meeting. I come here. What else should I be doing, guys?? Am I missing anything?? I just want to make sure I keep myself safe and moving forward, because if I stop, I will break down.
But, it won't be today.
Ok, I have to go. Need to take the pups out and get ready for NA. Have to go to the grocery with my mom, too. I hope she doesn't start on me today. I really can't handle any arguing right now.
I hope everyone is having a terrific day.
Love and hugs.
Thanks Tea and OP, for the posts and the advice. It helps so much. And, if having a thoroughly whooped ass is best when going to NA, then I so got that covered!! No worries there.
Well, day 7 begins. No pain pills, xannies or cigs. Finally slept a little around midnight last night, but didn't last long. About 4 hrs. That's ok. I will take what I can get. I did find my appetite yesterday, though. Ate half the fridge!! Was awesome. I haven't eaten like that since I dunno when. I forgot how good food can taste. Woke up hungry this am, too. So weird for me. All other symptoms are slowly improving. I am tired, though. Punch drunk. I have NA at noon. Coming home after that to my bed. It's really cold and grey and rainy as hell here, and that, coupled with the wds I still have going, makes me want to just lay in bed with my best buddy, the tv remote. I am exhausted. 4 hrs in 7 days is just not enough. Been up since 4 this morning.
Anyways. not complaining really. I think I am starting to see a little crack of light under the door, so to speak. Just taking it one day, one thing at a time. Have therapy next week. Another NA meeting. I come here. What else should I be doing, guys?? Am I missing anything?? I just want to make sure I keep myself safe and moving forward, because if I stop, I will break down.
But, it won't be today.
Ok, I have to go. Need to take the pups out and get ready for NA. Have to go to the grocery with my mom, too. I hope she doesn't start on me today. I really can't handle any arguing right now.
I hope everyone is having a terrific day.
Love and hugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey...
On day 11 today. Still working things out. My brain is fried and I can't think, but hey, I am sober. Thinking about changing my quit date to last Thurs. cuz I took my last benzo the day before. So, I dunno. Don't want to get all caught up in specifics.
Wow, things have been rough since I stopped the xannies. Spent the last 3 days in my jammies. Haven't gone anywhere or done anything. Just laid in bed watching Netflix. Binge watched all 62 episodes of Breaking Bad and am now hip deep in Sons Of Anarchy. Didn't sleep, barely ate. Just episode after episode of BB. Great show, btw, but wouldn't recommend it while in wds. Huge triggers in there. But, I would rank it in the top 5 best shows of all time. Bryan Cranston has mad acting skills.
Anyways, went to NA last Thurs. Went well, I guess. Picked up some IP's to read. There was one there called The Loner - Staying Clean In Isolation. That was really interesting, and gave me a few ideas. There were a lot of people at the last meeting. That's good. I just wish I could be more open and engaging. But, it's just not in my nature.
Ok, well, I feel like this post is coming out sideways, so I am going to stop now. I can't think today. Everything is confusing me. And, I am irritated as all hell over every little thing. Wish I had a car so I could go kick the tires. A punching bag. Something. And, I am craving a cig SO bad I could scream!! But, gotta keep keeping on. I am not doing this again. Not if I can help it. But, some days, life isn't worth the price of admission, ya know??
I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I have all these feelings and no protection from them. I want to drink so bad right now, it's stupid.
Hope everyone is ok. Seems pretty quiet down here lately. I guess everyone decided to pull a Ferris Bueller at the same time. Me included.
Much love and many hugs.
On day 11 today. Still working things out. My brain is fried and I can't think, but hey, I am sober. Thinking about changing my quit date to last Thurs. cuz I took my last benzo the day before. So, I dunno. Don't want to get all caught up in specifics.
Wow, things have been rough since I stopped the xannies. Spent the last 3 days in my jammies. Haven't gone anywhere or done anything. Just laid in bed watching Netflix. Binge watched all 62 episodes of Breaking Bad and am now hip deep in Sons Of Anarchy. Didn't sleep, barely ate. Just episode after episode of BB. Great show, btw, but wouldn't recommend it while in wds. Huge triggers in there. But, I would rank it in the top 5 best shows of all time. Bryan Cranston has mad acting skills.
Anyways, went to NA last Thurs. Went well, I guess. Picked up some IP's to read. There was one there called The Loner - Staying Clean In Isolation. That was really interesting, and gave me a few ideas. There were a lot of people at the last meeting. That's good. I just wish I could be more open and engaging. But, it's just not in my nature.
Ok, well, I feel like this post is coming out sideways, so I am going to stop now. I can't think today. Everything is confusing me. And, I am irritated as all hell over every little thing. Wish I had a car so I could go kick the tires. A punching bag. Something. And, I am craving a cig SO bad I could scream!! But, gotta keep keeping on. I am not doing this again. Not if I can help it. But, some days, life isn't worth the price of admission, ya know??
I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I have all these feelings and no protection from them. I want to drink so bad right now, it's stupid.
Hope everyone is ok. Seems pretty quiet down here lately. I guess everyone decided to pull a Ferris Bueller at the same time. Me included.
Much love and many hugs.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Hang in there Sugar. It does get easier and you will come to realize how much better and easier to manage life is without the merry go round of drugs and alcohol.
Where did everyone else go? Check in people! We need to stick together. Strength in numbers as they say :-)
Where did everyone else go? Check in people! We need to stick together. Strength in numbers as they say :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Hey there. I'm still here too...hi Marcus, thx for checking up on us all. You are right; strength in numbers. We are with you all the way, Sugar. I got your pm and will pm you back today. My life is a bit hectic right now, but hoping it will calm down soon. Not countin' in that though. I hope you are sleeping better. Sleep is a big deal to me. If I sleep good I see life in a much better frame of mind.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey guys....
Good to 'see' you all. I hope everyone is doing ok. I agree with Marcus, too, Tea. Strength in numbers. I don't know what I would do without someone to talk to while going through this. Honestly. Thanks for checking up on me. And each other. Nice to know you are all out there.
So, I was thinking a lot today about your question, Dee. About coping strategies for cravings?? And, the answer to that is, I don't know. But, I will tell you all this much. This morning I went to see my therapist. It had been a crappy morning and I was tired and irritated and my mom and I had just had another one of our spectacular fights. And, I'm sitting there across from her, talking, and half my mind was on what I was saying, and the other half was on how I was going to go get some pills when I got home. I was planning everything out. Blaming my mom. It's all her fault because we fought. Looking for excuses to use and finding a million of them. I mean, I was for sure, no doubt doing this when I got home. Just one more time. I mean, how much damage could 2 or 3 pills make?? It's not like I couldn't keep that under control.
Anyway, after I left the therapist's office, I went home, and started to go to my source's house. But, something happened. Dunno what, but I suddenly just saw the whole thing play out in front of my eyes, and the end result was being right back here again. And, I thought to myself that the high I am looking for isn't in that direction. That the only damn way I can have what I really want out of life is to go the other way. Away from the pills. I came in my house and got into bed and ate Chinese take out and tried not to think. And, it passed. But, I still don't really understand why I didn't go get them. I just got really tired and I knew it wouldn't make a difference. Nothing but time is going to help this. Going back means there's no hope. I know what's back there. And I don't want it. At least this way, I have hope. Small and fragile, but hope nonetheless.
Sorry for being so off. It has been a rough 2 weeks. 14 days tomorrow. I have surprised myself. My therapist asked me today if I was proud of myself, and I told her no. But, I did tell her I could maybe muster up a little respect. It's a start.
Love and hugs.
Good to 'see' you all. I hope everyone is doing ok. I agree with Marcus, too, Tea. Strength in numbers. I don't know what I would do without someone to talk to while going through this. Honestly. Thanks for checking up on me. And each other. Nice to know you are all out there.
So, I was thinking a lot today about your question, Dee. About coping strategies for cravings?? And, the answer to that is, I don't know. But, I will tell you all this much. This morning I went to see my therapist. It had been a crappy morning and I was tired and irritated and my mom and I had just had another one of our spectacular fights. And, I'm sitting there across from her, talking, and half my mind was on what I was saying, and the other half was on how I was going to go get some pills when I got home. I was planning everything out. Blaming my mom. It's all her fault because we fought. Looking for excuses to use and finding a million of them. I mean, I was for sure, no doubt doing this when I got home. Just one more time. I mean, how much damage could 2 or 3 pills make?? It's not like I couldn't keep that under control.
Anyway, after I left the therapist's office, I went home, and started to go to my source's house. But, something happened. Dunno what, but I suddenly just saw the whole thing play out in front of my eyes, and the end result was being right back here again. And, I thought to myself that the high I am looking for isn't in that direction. That the only damn way I can have what I really want out of life is to go the other way. Away from the pills. I came in my house and got into bed and ate Chinese take out and tried not to think. And, it passed. But, I still don't really understand why I didn't go get them. I just got really tired and I knew it wouldn't make a difference. Nothing but time is going to help this. Going back means there's no hope. I know what's back there. And I don't want it. At least this way, I have hope. Small and fragile, but hope nonetheless.
Sorry for being so off. It has been a rough 2 weeks. 14 days tomorrow. I have surprised myself. My therapist asked me today if I was proud of myself, and I told her no. But, I did tell her I could maybe muster up a little respect. It's a start.
Love and hugs.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
respect
Hey Sugar-great to read what you wrote. I really like that thought you shared of mustering up a little self respect...and you know what? I think you are onto something there...it's perfectly okay, fine; even good to have respect for yourself and you know what? You deserve it!! You really do. No matter what kind of 'messages' you get from other people in your life whether it's your mom, your boss, your brother, the man on the moon...tell yourself you deserve respect; you just do......you are a great person, Sugar and a big help to me. So there...you definitely have my respect too. I'll just say it. Your mom sounds like a nag. You don't need that; it can be triggering. She needs to get off your back. You need a lot of love and support. We have that for you, dear. Love and support.
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