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The Hydro Thread

Old 06-01-2017, 03:02 PM
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Hello Sugar. Thinking of you today and prayers are with you. Hope your surgery goes well. If you feel up to it check in. Sending hugs.
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Old 06-01-2017, 10:49 PM
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Not Alone

Here's a song especially for you, Sugar.

Patty Griffin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chU5...5b7bgls4#t=151
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Old 06-05-2017, 03:00 AM
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Hey Sugar!

You doing okay? Dentist appointment done or still waiting to be done?

Sending you good thoughts!

TOD
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Old 06-05-2017, 04:11 PM
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Hey guys....

Thank you so much for the posts!! It was really nice of you to check up on me. It really means a lot. And, I loved the song, Tea. I downloaded it.

I'm doing okay. Had the surgery Thursday afternoon. We decided to combine the two surgeries I was supposed to have into one longer one. The bad news is they had to do a lot of stuff, and so I have been in a lot of pain. I haven't left my house or pretty much gotten out of bed until today. I've had a headache for 4 damn days. It finally eased up last night, so I crawled out from under my rock today to go to the store for necessities. The good news is I don't have to have anymore work done. Just some cosmetic stuff left to do. So, I am glad I decided to do it all at once. No sense dragging it out. Now it's done, and I can move on with my life. Also means no more reasons for pain pills. Tell you what though.....I can't wait for everything to heal up!! First thing I am going to do is eat a salad the size of my head. And nachos. Oh man, I miss nachos!!
Anyways....I picked up some fresh fruits and veggies at the farmer's market by my house today. I busted out my blender and my juicer. I figure if I can't chew my fruits and veg right now, I'll drink them!! And the strawberries smelled so good I couldn't resist. I am trying to make new healthy habits. Like all of you have been saying. To change stuff and rewire my brain. So, I got some healthy food, and I am going to start making a list every night before bed to put on my fridge for morning of the things I want to accomplish that day. Start with a few small things and work my way up. I also want to start exercising again as soon as they say I can jump around!! Might start with yoga.
Well, I guess that's all for now. I will write more later now that I am feeling better. The last few days have been kinda rough.
I hope everyone is doing really well and having a stellar day!!
Love you guys.
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Old 06-06-2017, 01:44 AM
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Well good Sugar! Got that dental surgery behind you! And see? It didn't kill ya? LOL IK IK Any surgery is frightening! But now that you've gotten it done you can heal and not have all that painful stuff to deal with anymore!

Thanks for letting us know you're okay!

TOD
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Old 06-11-2017, 08:39 PM
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Hey peeps....
So.....Things are going pretty well. Or they were until yesterday. For some reason, I woke up yesterday in withdrawals. It went on all day yesterday, and for some reason. I have them again today, too. I am not sure what is going on, or if this is like that PAWS thing or something. All I know is I am super frustrated and disheartened by it. Man, I thought that the wds and stuff were behind me now. For the most part. I still have that confused, can't think straight thing really bad, and I don't sleep like a normal person. But, I am getting some things done that I've put off for a long time, and I am eating good. Too good actually. If I keep this up, I am going to turn into a pork chop.
I should clarify something......When I had my teeth done, the dentist didn't give me any hydro. He did give me pain pills, but they were low mgs, and not a medication that I used to get high on, a med I don't even like. I knew he was going to do that, and I could have asked for hydro and he would have given them to me, but I didn't. I didn't want to scratch that itch. I just left it alone. I didn't over take the ones he did give me, and I only took it for 4 days. I also stopped taking the Xanax before the surgery, and I quit smoking prior to surgery, too. So, I have been clean off everything, and I started to feel pretty good. Then, the wds came back yesterday. Why?? I'm not doing ANYTHING. I haven't smoked a cig in about 2 weeks. It's been 11 days today since my last Xanax, and 7 since my last pain pill. But, I wasn't taking pills prior to surgery. Except for the slip up I had that I told you guys about, I have been clean. So, I dunno what's up. Just hope it goes away soon.
Also, something else weird. I feel all the time lately like I am waiting for something. I feel anxious and I'll wander my house, going from room to room, searching for something. But I'm not really looking for anything. I feel, too, like I am in some sort of holding pattern. Like I am stuck and need to do something but can't figure out what that something is. I know it's the wds, but I don't know how to stop doing it. My thoughts are always so fast and scattered these days. And all over the place. Did anyone else feel this way?? Or am I completely off the reservation??
Anyways, enough whining. All in all, things aren't so bad. I'm not using. I have a little money in the bank, my bills are paid, and I have food in the fridge. I guess I shouldn't bitch too much, right?? It's just that I still don't feel like me, and I am starting to wonder if I ever will. That being said, I am still much happier than I was. Things are getting better. It's just SO slow.
I hope everyone is doing okay. You all are such a big part of this process for me, and I have no idea what I would do without all of you. Thank you for being here.
Love you guys.
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Old 06-12-2017, 02:28 PM
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Hey Sugar-thx for checking in, hon. We are with you!! Sending you a PM....
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Old 06-12-2017, 04:11 PM
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It's always possible you've caught a bug sugarangel?

D
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:01 PM
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Originally Posted by teatreeoil007 View Post
Hey Sugar-thx for checking in, hon. We are with you!! Sending you a PM....
Thank you, Tea. I am glad you are here. Heading up to check my messages next.....
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
It's always possible you've caught a bug sugarangel?

D
Love that smiley, D!!
You could be right. I have been dealing with the wds for so long, I now attribute every single thing I feel to them. I know I am still going through Xanax wds. They just aren't going away. But, I have a sore throat and stuff, so maybe I am getting sick, too. I swear, I have never been sick so much in my whole life as I have been lately. It's been like one thing after another. But, I'm not complaining.(Just whining) If this is what I have to go through to be sober, then that's fine. I am willing to do whatever it takes.
Thank you for checking up on me. It means a lot.
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Old 06-13-2017, 02:43 PM
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So.....How long does this lack of energy/motivation last?? Does it go away on its own?? Or do I have to do something proactive about it?? Like exercise??
Ugh!! Kill me now!!

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Old 06-13-2017, 06:12 PM
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Exercise should help. But, sometimes it's hard just to get motivated to exercise. But there is something about putting the body in motion that seems to "unlock" energy. Something to think about. And when you increase circulation to the brain, that's a boost.
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Old 06-20-2017, 07:00 PM
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Hey guys....
So, I just got into a huge fight with my mom and now all I want to do is get high, So much I can't even express it. I came here to write about it in the hopes I can make it through this without using, but now I find I don't have the words to even say how I'm feeling. I am so tired of always being the bad one, the wrong one. I mean, I know stuff is my fault. But why can't anything ever be just a little bit her mistake?? And she plays these stupid head games with me and my bro, and I don't understand why. My bro and I are finally starting to get along, and here comes my mom with her victim mentality, making it look like I am the one verbally abusing her when it's really the other way around. My mom pushes all my buttons, and then waits for me to explode. Which I always do cuz I get so mad and can't control my temper. Then she runs to my bro and tells him how mean I am to her. God, it's so irritating.
She hasn't said anything about being proud of me for what I have accomplished so far. And she's embarrassed by me and my addiction. I never even told her I finished step one and how things are going at NA, which isn't good. I am lonely and depressed and I really just need her to be here for me. Like just be a MOM for once and not play any ******** games. I am so tired and I am struggling hard to find some sort of peace and balance in my life, which is really hard when I am always so emotionally all over the place.
I think part of the issue is I start to see myself in a little better light, start to feel like I am doing better, that I got this. Then my mom comes along and reminds me that I am a flake, a loser, and how unnoticed and unwanted I am. She doesn't exactly say those things. Well, sometimes. Mostly, it's just the WAY she treats me, her attitude towards me, that makes me feel like that.
You know, I realize now that I was under the impression that once I quit getting high and got over the worst of the wds, that my life would suddenly just come together. That I would magically be able to fix things. That the person I want to be, that I imagine in my head I could be, would suddenly appear. Without any real work or effort. Like in the movies. God, I am so so so stupid. Now here I am, sober and everything has changed. And yet nothing has changed. So, I want to get high. Wasted. Make it all go away for a while. Especially that negative, hurtful voice in my head which I have only just discovered is actually my mom's voice. I want to drown it out. I want to escape.
I guess I am done venting for now. And it looks like I found some words after all. I am going to go to bed and read for a while. Try to take my mind off the cravings which are really super intense right now. If I can get through right now without giving in, I will consider that a huge accomplishment. And a huge learning curve, too.
Thanks for 'listening'.
Love you guys.
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Old 06-20-2017, 08:41 PM
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Hi Sugar!

No matter how mad or angry you get? It's not a reason to get high! You cannot control your mother or her actions! You CAN control your own! If you go out and get high because of y'all's fighting? She basically won! You just proved everything she accused you of! Don't go there!

Your mom is still in active abuse with her drugs and alcohol! She doesn't like the fact you are cleaning your act up and starts fights in order for herself to see you're still what she expected you to be! Whatever that is in her eyes?

Next time she does this? Look her square in the eyes and speak softly. She'll have to shut up to hear you! Don't interact with the argument she's trying to fuel. Ask her questions! Why are you wanting to argue? What do you want to accomplish with your accusations? Etc.

PPL in their clean minds don't do those things you're mom is doing! You are clean! Feel the clean in your bloodstream flow thru you when she goes on the attack. Point blank ask her if she's been drinking or using? Think before you speak. Look at her! See how she's acting? Put the ball back in her court to play with! You aren't a ball to be tossed against the wall by using harsh words and accusations!

Users and Alcoholics love company. She's not happy you have cleaned your act up! Don't let her pull you down to her level!

I'm sorry she's doing this to you!

TOD
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:48 PM
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Hey guys.....
Thanks TOD, for the encouragement and advice. You are right in that I need to change how I react to my mom and how I deal with her. She isn't going to change, so I need to change how I relate to her. I also need to think first before I speak. Probably couldn't hurt to talk to my therapist more about how I handle stuff and how not to get so mad and lose control of what I say. And, no, my mom and I aren't really talking right now. She is really pissed at me and I am still confused as to why. And, since I am pretty sure she will never tell me why, I need to just let it blow over. I hate saying that, but I don't know what else to do.

Anyways, my AV is making me crazy. All these thoughts of using and how awesome it would be to get high are just running through my head full stop and I don't know how to shut my brain off. So, I have been reading a lot. And isolating myself. And I am liking it!! Everyone keeps saying that you shouldn't isolate. But, what if you're a huge introvert and you like being alone?? What's so wrong with that?? I am beginning to think that I have been trying to fit a square peg into a round hole by trying to be a social butterfly. It tires me out, and I seem to do better by myself. Is this my addiction talking?? I can't tell sometimes cuz the thoughts are so sneaky and insidious. Like a coiled up snake inside my head that wakes up and slithers around my brain, hissing and whispering. I play the tape through all the time and I am working on step 2, doing my gratitude list daily and coming here. But none of it totally helps to shut the noise off in my head. Sigh. I dunno......
Ok, I'm done. Not a lot to say right now. I am struggling badly, and I feel like I am on an inevitable course to use. The only thing that's stopped me so far is that I know the futility of it. Well, that and the sure knowledge that I can't go through this again. I just can't.
I hope everyone is happy and sober and having a wonderful night.
Love you guys.
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Old 07-07-2017, 01:49 AM
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Hi sugarangel!

How are you doing?

As for seeing a Therapist? I saw one many years ago! She'd get so tickled at how I'd talk about and around everything I should have been talking about. I didn't want to say what was hurting me inside or how life was treating me in general! So I learned to be honest with her and just let the crap flow out of me. To my surprise it really made me feel a lot better!

I managed to get a lot off my shoulders and out in the open! She taught me how to deal with my feelings and how to just let it go when it started building up inside of me. Thanks to her? I'm dealing with life today on my terms and nobody else's!

Hold your head up high and know you matter in this world!

TOD
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Old 07-10-2017, 03:15 PM
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Hi Sugarangel,

Hope you're doing ok, we haven't heard from you in a while. Please check in and let us know how you're doing.
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Old 07-16-2017, 01:10 PM
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Hey sugarangel,

I wanted to see if you were doing as well as you have been. You gave me some amazing advice a few months back.. you..teatree..and we'll, this whole forum supported me. I guess I just wanted to give back and support you.

Hangin' in there?

Well.. I relapsed. Our drugs of choice are the same.

Life is stressful and I'm in over my head. I find myself saying "I can't handle this sober" and looking to use.. but I've been trying my best. Of course the withdrawals are still going..so m emotional, depressed, and just not able to handle anything. Going out to the mailbox creates such an overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety..same when the phone rings. It's like I cannot handle anything.. I think I need to get out and exercise.

I've followed your thread and secretly cheered for you in the background..now I'm expressing it for you and everyone to see.. our stories are similar and all the emotions you went through early on are eerily the same. Your triggers are like mine.. so..I feel as if I can say I kind of understand what you mean. I've argued with family members and that drives me to want to use.. same with work. My boss loves to nitpick. Then.. I just want to float away..high.

Stay positive. Stay strong.. we are all here to support you sugar.

- Josh
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Old 07-17-2017, 12:12 PM
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Sugar, we've really missed you and care dearly for you. Hope you're still around. Please check in with us.
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Old 07-28-2017, 11:50 PM
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Reaching out to ya sugarangel!

TOD
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