Partyanimal

I am worried about relapsing when having to go to social events/family reunions coming up. 2 weeks clean off oxy & feel a bit more secure staying that way when I am home. But...I have pretty much relapsed every time I have to deal with other people at parties and such, so I have eliminated going to them for a while...however there are some functions coming up in the next couple weeks I must attend. I have relapsed in the past because I am quiet & nervous & say stupid stuff when I am am sober; just end up sitting away from people & am miserable, but on pills I am loose & friendly & all is good. Always been that way, even before using. I have justified relapsing in the past by thinking I can use just for this party then suffer a few days, and at least my family & friends won't think I am a miserable bore who misses jokes, looks unhappy, and kind of just mopes.

So...does anyone out there have this kind of personality (that only lights up on pills!) and if they know what I mean could I get some advice on how to deal with this? I really want to be a social person but it has always led to a relapse. Thank you!

Soberwolf

Welcome partyanimal

finaltime

Welcome. I can share with you what works for me. I go to a meeting before, I have numbers to call if I feel like using. If I am feeling like using at all I leave the environment as my sobriety is more important than a social event. I can't stay sober alone...that is my thing.

doggonecarl

Why must you attend them?

Partyanimal

Weddings of close family, can't really get out of them

MIRecovery

The only thing we must do is stay sober. The rest are choices either good or bad. When my son got married I told him of course I would be at the wedding but made garentees about the reception. There is nothing more important than my sobriety absolutely nothing

doggonecarl

If you have to go, attend the wedding and make a brief appearance at the reception. Put on a brave face and try not to look like your attendance is making you miserable (even if it does). It's family, you should have something to say, even if it's just pleasantries. Brief stay, then depart.

Opiates don't make us glib, so don't believe your addiction. It only wants you to feed it.

tomsteve

glad your here,party animal.
honestly, you cant get out of attending a wedding?
whats more important- staying clean or walking into temptation?

i also had a difficult time with social settings. i had to get drunk ,high, or both to be able to have conversations and feel comfortable.
but when i got clean and sober, i decided getting clean and sober was THE most important thing in my life. that meant i was going to avoid ANY situation where there may be temptation or cause nervousness.
i said no to quite a few weddings of family and any get togethers or social events where there was either drugs or alcohol- i had my past to remind me how easily it was for me to get the F**K ITS and get loaded.

IF you must go, have an escape route and keep close to the forum.

Thought For The Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.

Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it God cannot give me this power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.

Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.

fred59

great advice here and if sobriety is your number 1 priority the wedding reception should not be a priority.
If you start to feel uncomfortable at the reception have a plan to leave no matter what, if your family cares about you they will understand and if they don't to bad.

Maudcat

I went to a wedding not long after I gave up alcohol. I was still fragile and, looking back at it, if I were doing it again, I would not go to the event. Early sobriety is a tender thing, and it doesn't take much to knock it over. If you absolutely must go to the events, keep it short. If you have a sponsor or friend you can share with, you might think about calling before you go and after you leave. Good luck. And congrats on 2 weeks substance free. Keep coming back.

Partyanimal

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts & input. Great quotes there tomsteve, I'm reading them over & over.
Feeling much anxiety & fatigue today, as I have since quitting, and this all helps. I really want to get over feeling this crappy. Since I am going to have to attend these events, I am going to try to remind myself the whole time how I am feeling right now, and I don't want this to repeat, I want to feel better. I will have to cope.
Wonder if there is something wrong with me as I feel like I just woke up without enough sleep, but can't fall asleep when I lay down. And the anxiety (in general) is through the roof. It doesn't feel like it's getting better. I'll just have to be a tired, nervous wedding party member!
Do you who have significant clean time feel better at socializing at some point?

OpioPhobe

I have a little over a year clean, and the socializing comes back. In fact, I feel more comfortable socializing with people now than I ever did (even before using or while using). A big part of that change has been self-acceptance, and not seeking the approval of others. That was something that I got through working a program rather than just waiting for time to pass. I am still a work in progress, but it has gotten tremendously better.

As far as the fatigue and anxiety goes, those got a lot better for me over time. At 2 weeks out I had a ton of fatigue and anxiety, and I would have to force myself to do anything productive. That went away much quicker than the social anxiety did.

Hope that helps.

tomsteve

Do you who have significant clean time feel better at socializing at some point?

ive been sober a few 24hrs. yes I do feel better about socializing, but theres times I just have to leave. not because of booze or drugs there, but it can be taxing on me. its part of being an introvert. some times its no problem. other times its difficult.
as for social events where theres booze, I MUST have 3 very important criteria
1) the right motive- if im attending a social even without that, its not good.
2) an escape route- I make sure if im going with other people that I might have to leave. I just don't know if im going to get squirrely or not. that doesn't mean they have to leave, but I do.
3) be in fit spiritual condition.
I think that speaks for itself.

IvanMike

yep, it just takes time.

I doubt anything is wrong with you. You feel normal for where you are.

Partyanimal

Such food for thought in all your posts. Re-reading them over and over now as I am not asleep, ha go figure! Day 16 on its way. I've gotten this far by staying in the "bubble." By that I mean home on weekends and week nights, work weekdays, with only travel in the car, stops at the occasional store, and some excerise in between. Rinse, repeat. Sheltered, but so far sober. I'm beginning to realize I probably have never given sobriety the respect it deserves. I hope I can maintain this perspective when the time comes to venture out of the bubble.

Partyanimal

😂😀😁😃

MIRecovery

At 3 months I went to a drinking event, almost drank and had myone and only panic attack. then was a basket case for a couple of days. At 1 year I tried again and things went ok. Unfortunately I have seen your post a 100 times and I have seen far more failures during or after the event than I have seen successes. The question is what is so terrible about going to the wedding and not the reception? I suspect your AV is doing all the talking. Remember you are choosing to go you don't have to go

tomsteve

THAT isan excellent obversation!
sobriety is an amazing gift, yet can be quite fragile.

im very glad to see ya venturing outside the bubble. i dont think it would be much fun if i got sober and didnt enjoy life and have fun.
but PLEASE be careful and stay close to SR.
might not even be a bad idea to look into local F2F support. aa meetings are a great source for finding like minded people that are sober.

Partyanimal

I will definitely have my phone link to SR in my pocket.
AA meetings are another matter...In my profession it is pretty important that I don't run into any of the clients that I service. I wonder if I can go there with a bag on my head?? Probably not a comfortable scenario. I would welcome a sponsor, etc. but don't know how I can go about it being that too many people at the meetings in my city may know me professionally, which is not conducive to continuing at my job.

Mountainmanbob

Be prepared to take a long walk outside and away from it all for a while if needed. No one will miss you and you can keep your clean and sober thoughts straight.

Sounds simple but, it works.

M-Bob