Nurses in recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
Nurses in recovery
I was wondering if there are any nurses out there in SR land that would like to share their Experience, strength anad Hope or want to have the support of those who have been there. I know there are many, many of us on this planet. It is a more prevalent problem than the public realizes.
I diverted pills for longer than I can remember--really I can't remember when I really started using. But as best as I can figure, it was at least 10 years before I began recovery. I was the "perfect nurse." I got glowing reviews, was well liked by my co-workers, had a good rapport with many of the physicians and I know that my skills were up there. No one ever had a clue, and I hid it well. It started out so innocently, I think I remember dropping a couple of Tyl. #3 on the floor and slipped them in my pocket to throw away later. I forgot and I found them later at home. I didn't use them, just never threw them away until one day I had a bad toothache and excedrin wasn't helping. I took them and it helped. I don't think I started diverting at that time, but sometime later, I had dental surgery and when my pain meds ran out, I missed the feeling they gave me. I remembered the Tyl#3's and somehow justified to myself that " no one will ever miss one or two. And it began. Over the years I built up a tolerance and needed more and more and soon my focus at work was caring for the patients that would have pain meds. One for them, one for me. Occaisionally, meds left in the drawer after the patients discharge found their way to my pocket.
I had strict "rules" about not using at work, just after I came home and wasn't going out. To my credit, I never broke that rule, BUT, that meant to use I isolated myself more and more, so I would be able to use.
I tried to stop so many times on my own. I would abstain for a week or two, but I always found some reason to start using again. I had much paranoia that people suspected, were talking about me. I would get nervous if my manager ever approached me.
In Nov. 1998 it finally ended. With a new Pyxis dispensing system, it was harder to divert, but I managed for a time, but eventually, I was discovered and terminated. I was very fortunate not to be prosecuted. I entered rehab and started attending 12 step groups. I have a supportive family and network of friends. My license is in "indefinate suspension" in the state I worked. That means if I chose to work as nurse again, I must go through a lot of hoops to regain it to active. I chose NOT to work in nursing. I know myself and I feel the temptation is too great to place myself in that situation. It would be akin to working in a bar if my DOC was alcohol. I am content with the decision and I love my career, still in medicine, but away from meds that can kill me.
I have learned alot about myself in therapy and I know that God has used this to make me better than I ever was. I am happier than I ever was and want to offer encouragement to any addict--nurse or not--to get help before you hit rock bottom.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 17
Nurses
My wife is in the early stages of recovery and not doing well. She got caught and might still be facing charges, although she isn't aware of it yet.
She is, or was, in the impaired professional program, but, relapsed twice after two times in treatment. The second time she refused to go back and as a result we are separated. She is so deep into denial that I fear for the fall that is inevitable. I stronly suspect that she is still diverting and with her it was demerol, morphine, etc.
It is difficult being separated, 3 weeks, but after 50 pages of Codependent No More, it is best for both of us. The fall she will experience, and probably needs, would have been softened or avoided altogether had she remained with me. She and her daughter are in a safe place with her sister, as long as she doesn't try to get an apartment. We are in the process of an annulment, as our marriage was only last April., but I hope something happens before we get too far into it. It's hard to believe that this addiction was kept from me for over a year. I was shocked when she started using heavily and I was finding meds and syringes in the house!
She has all the support she needs, but is convinced that she doesn't need any support/help. Thanks for listening wis2no
She is, or was, in the impaired professional program, but, relapsed twice after two times in treatment. The second time she refused to go back and as a result we are separated. She is so deep into denial that I fear for the fall that is inevitable. I stronly suspect that she is still diverting and with her it was demerol, morphine, etc.
It is difficult being separated, 3 weeks, but after 50 pages of Codependent No More, it is best for both of us. The fall she will experience, and probably needs, would have been softened or avoided altogether had she remained with me. She and her daughter are in a safe place with her sister, as long as she doesn't try to get an apartment. We are in the process of an annulment, as our marriage was only last April., but I hope something happens before we get too far into it. It's hard to believe that this addiction was kept from me for over a year. I was shocked when she started using heavily and I was finding meds and syringes in the house!
She has all the support she needs, but is convinced that she doesn't need any support/help. Thanks for listening wis2no
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Dawn,
I am not a nurse, I am an ophthalmic technician. I was working as a surgical tech for a while, and had to deal with the meds. When someone came in for plastic surgery or to have something removed, we had a proceedure of giving them some valium to calm them down when they got there, and then giving them an envelope of pain meds when they were finished, to hold them over until they got their prescription filled. I used to steal the meds, and syringes (I was an IV drug user as well).
I had about 2 years clean when I went back to work in the field, for the same doctor who fired me 4 times during my active addiction. I have not had a problem with it. I don't work for him anymore, I have moved on to another office, where we don't deal with it as much, but it is still there.
I love what I do. I have been in this field off an on for 19 years (except 2 years when I was homeless and I thought prostitution was a more profitable career choice). If I wanted to do what I love doing, and stay clean while doing I had to let go of all of my reservations. With the help of my sponsor, and through working the steps, I have been able to do that.
There used to be a meeting in this area, once a week, for health care workers in recovery. It folded due to lack of attendance. Perhaps you can find something like that in your area.
I am not a nurse, I am an ophthalmic technician. I was working as a surgical tech for a while, and had to deal with the meds. When someone came in for plastic surgery or to have something removed, we had a proceedure of giving them some valium to calm them down when they got there, and then giving them an envelope of pain meds when they were finished, to hold them over until they got their prescription filled. I used to steal the meds, and syringes (I was an IV drug user as well).
I had about 2 years clean when I went back to work in the field, for the same doctor who fired me 4 times during my active addiction. I have not had a problem with it. I don't work for him anymore, I have moved on to another office, where we don't deal with it as much, but it is still there.
I love what I do. I have been in this field off an on for 19 years (except 2 years when I was homeless and I thought prostitution was a more profitable career choice). If I wanted to do what I love doing, and stay clean while doing I had to let go of all of my reservations. With the help of my sponsor, and through working the steps, I have been able to do that.
There used to be a meeting in this area, once a week, for health care workers in recovery. It folded due to lack of attendance. Perhaps you can find something like that in your area.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
I was wondering if I would get any replies to this post, it has been out for awhile. Thanks for both of your posts adn sharing.
Wis, I am so sorry you have to go through this. You have to do what is best for you. You are probably right --that your wife will most likely have to hit rock bottom before she realizes she needs help in a big way.
Namommy,
Coincidentally, I am now an ophthalmic tech as well. That was my compromise to stay in the medical field and not be in teh area of drug dispensing. I love my job and work for a group of retinal specialists, and have also done photgraphy for the past 3 years.
I haven't found an impaired professionals group around this area, but I do have a Christian based group, Overcomers, that is great.
Thanks for sharing!
Wis, I am so sorry you have to go through this. You have to do what is best for you. You are probably right --that your wife will most likely have to hit rock bottom before she realizes she needs help in a big way.
Namommy,
Coincidentally, I am now an ophthalmic tech as well. That was my compromise to stay in the medical field and not be in teh area of drug dispensing. I love my job and work for a group of retinal specialists, and have also done photgraphy for the past 3 years.
I haven't found an impaired professionals group around this area, but I do have a Christian based group, Overcomers, that is great.
Thanks for sharing!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
I was trained at Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia. It is a great hospital. Unfortunately during my active addiction I let my certification expire and I have to start all over again. I am having a hard time getting into the studying again. There are some details that you just don't use on a daily basis and I have to know them for the test. Another casualty of my using days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
Wills has a great reputation. I was trained on the job, my medical background a big plus. I still haven't gone for certifcation. I probably won't unless they require it at my office. I am trying to get certified as a study photographer and that is a long process in itself. It won't mean any more $$, but it will make me a better photographer and that is the favorite part of my job. Have you ever attended Academy? I went 3 years ago in New Orleans adn learned so much. Every year the doctors send 2-3 techs all expenses.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
No, I haven't been to the Academy meetings. I usually attend the Wills Eye conference every year. You get JCAHPO credits. And, you learn alot. It has been such a long time since I have done fundus photography, I could probably do just pics, but I know I would have to learn IVFA's again. It's not that much different than retinal tomography or the OPTOS retinal scans, I do those alot.
If I certify it is more money. I really need to buckle down and do this.
Oh, by the way, it is really good to talk to someone who understands all of this. lol
If I certify it is more money. I really need to buckle down and do this.
Oh, by the way, it is really good to talk to someone who understands all of this. lol
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 9
HI Dawn10 and Namommy
Your posts caught my eye. I'm a pharmacist that got back into recovery almost 9 months ago. Dawn, your story about the T#3 really hit home. I remember when my boss gave me some T#3's when I was really sick with the flu cause he wanted me to work so he could take some time off. It was 1986 and I had never taken a narcotic in my life up to then. I will never forget that feeling.
I spent much of the next 15 years chasing that "feeling" finally stealing so much oxycontin that I almost died------but today I had a choice not to get loaded and I didnt----thats a good day.
Here is a link to a health care professionals group on MSN--check it out--there are a bunch of nurses on board.
http://groups.msn.com/HealthCareProf.../welcome1.msnw
namaste
Charley
Your posts caught my eye. I'm a pharmacist that got back into recovery almost 9 months ago. Dawn, your story about the T#3 really hit home. I remember when my boss gave me some T#3's when I was really sick with the flu cause he wanted me to work so he could take some time off. It was 1986 and I had never taken a narcotic in my life up to then. I will never forget that feeling.
I spent much of the next 15 years chasing that "feeling" finally stealing so much oxycontin that I almost died------but today I had a choice not to get loaded and I didnt----thats a good day.
Here is a link to a health care professionals group on MSN--check it out--there are a bunch of nurses on board.
http://groups.msn.com/HealthCareProf.../welcome1.msnw
namaste
Charley
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 17
silver lining from Silverback
Can't tell you enough how helpful the website has been that you recommended. Just another blessing from this site and it's users. As this unfolds, I am sure that my wife will have found exactly the support she needs, should she choose to use it. wis2no
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 14
First time user
I just registered to the site after reading the nursing post. Not sure how to use the site exactly, but will learn how too. I recently (4 weeks ago) was terminated from my position as a home care nurse for diverting Morphine. I had a opiate addiction from 2007 to 2010, was able to quit, then began drinking heavily. Last year, while being "hung over" I change a Dilaudid IV cassette for a terminal cancer patient. While sitting in my car, I thought "I wonder if I take that orally if it would do the same as tablet Dilaudid" I was too afraid to inject the IV med, so I took it orally. Well, to say the least, it did help, and I continued to take more, and more, and more. My husband left in October not knowing what was wrong with me as he kept asking me. Our divorce was final in January. My patient died on 1/16/14 and by one week I was out of IV Dilaudid. My third day of the worst withdrawal I have ever had, I went to my office, took the emergency kit, and took all the IV Morphine orally and IV Valium. I confessed a few days later and terminated. I too was the "super nurse" always taking extra call, most productive nurse in the department, and well liked by everyone. I went to rehab, came home, ran away, tried to kill myself and now am on Suboxone. I am so lost and need support. I have started going to NA and AA meetings locally, but there are no other professionals in any of these groups. I feel there is no one who relates to me. I just found this site. Any suggestions for recovery.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
HCN - welcome to SR! I can assure you there are many medical professionals here, though we seem to post all over. I was an RN, terminated from many jobs. Though I was turned over the BOA, no action was ever taken and I let my license lapse.
Unfortunately, I am also codependent, started using the drugs as my relationship was so messed up and I didn't address that. So, quit the opiates (you name it, I did it and a lot of it), and for whatever reason didn't have withdrawals, or nothing so bad I remember (That was 2004). I let my license lapse in 2006, my record is clean as far as the BON.
Rather than go through my whole background, here, you can read most of it here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...mpurrfect.html
That was 3 years ago, I just passed 7 years in recovery. I have a new degree in the healthcare field, and certification but jobs are hard to get as everyone wants experience. I am a caregiver for sweet people who are affected by alzheimers.
I have a job that I'm supposed to be training physicians on a new computer system, but for some reason it has stalled out the last couple of weeks. It's temporary but if they hold up their end of the bargain, it will look good on my resume.
I no longer cringe about (how could you give up on a career you loved?!?!?!) when I would take someone to the ER. Now, I'm fine with it.
A friend who used to post here went through her state's diversion program. It took a long time, her license will always show it and it took her a while to find a job. But she is working, as an RN, at a rehab facility.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery, both as an addict and a codependent. I recommend reading around the site. I found out, it didn't matter what someone abused or did for a living, something in their story clicked with mine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Unfortunately, I am also codependent, started using the drugs as my relationship was so messed up and I didn't address that. So, quit the opiates (you name it, I did it and a lot of it), and for whatever reason didn't have withdrawals, or nothing so bad I remember (That was 2004). I let my license lapse in 2006, my record is clean as far as the BON.
Rather than go through my whole background, here, you can read most of it here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...mpurrfect.html
That was 3 years ago, I just passed 7 years in recovery. I have a new degree in the healthcare field, and certification but jobs are hard to get as everyone wants experience. I am a caregiver for sweet people who are affected by alzheimers.
I have a job that I'm supposed to be training physicians on a new computer system, but for some reason it has stalled out the last couple of weeks. It's temporary but if they hold up their end of the bargain, it will look good on my resume.
I no longer cringe about (how could you give up on a career you loved?!?!?!) when I would take someone to the ER. Now, I'm fine with it.
A friend who used to post here went through her state's diversion program. It took a long time, her license will always show it and it took her a while to find a job. But she is working, as an RN, at a rehab facility.
SR has been a huge part of my recovery, both as an addict and a codependent. I recommend reading around the site. I found out, it didn't matter what someone abused or did for a living, something in their story clicked with mine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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