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Old 11-26-2015, 04:13 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Yes. I am afraid of using again.

My sponsor used to say that we are all alone in this if we do not have a higher power. He was very strict AA and believed that depending on help from people would send an addict back out.

And part of me wonders if he was right that by depending on the help of other people, I screwed myself.

But also part of me thinks he was wrong.
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Old 11-26-2015, 04:30 PM
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He was very strict AA and believed that depending on help from people would send an addict back out.
Honestly, I've never heard anyone say that but you, quoting your sponsor, or quoting various 12 steps groups you've been involved in.

I really think it might be in your best interests to check out some other approaches

As far as recovery goes, here's my belief.

Ultimately, the buck stops with me, sure. It's my responsibility not to drink or drug...

but...I rely on support in my life, in all manner of ways, including my recovery.

for me having that support network, and focusing on personal growth is like an inoculation against addiction.

I don;t feel scared of using anymore any more than I'm scared of a plane falling in my head.

You've been at this a long time - I really hope you can get to that place of surety too

D
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Old 11-26-2015, 04:59 PM
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I am surprised that you have not seen anyone else who were taught the same things I was taught because they have posted. Nor has anyone ever been able to direct me to any local meeting where something else is taught. I do feel a bit like I have gone through the looking glass when I post here, but given that some people here have responded that they had experience similar to mine, I think it is important that this get shared.

And I say this without rancor because it indicates that the program is changing and that is indeed a very good thing.

I do think that one needs a strong support network. If I am wavering now it may be because I have been rereading emails from my sponsor from over the years because I have no one to speak to this about. That was probably a stupid idea.

I chose my name to let people know where I was in the hope of finding recovering addicts in my own town with whom I might connect. That was before I actually got up the nerve to talk openly to friends about my addiction, but I think that even then my instincts told me that personal contact would be key to my recovery.

And maybe it is wrong to even discuss this as an addiction issue. I only get cravings when I have a day off. If I make plans for theater and dinner, or organize some work or volunteer activity, the cravings go away. They only appear when I have a chance to "get away" with it. I don't know if that is how other people experience addiction or not.
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Old 11-26-2015, 05:13 PM
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Wanting to use when you can get away with it is not a great place to be, and I'm sorry for your struggle.

In all honesty, I think you're stuck in a loop MF.

If the advice you got from AA, or from posts here over the years, is not helpful or good, you're under no obligation to follow that advice.

By always referring back to those approaches you find not helpful, you may be missing out on other approaches that could be of benefit to you.

D
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Old 11-26-2015, 05:39 PM
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I am very surprised at what you are saying.

I have been advocating communication, honesty, openness, service to others and connection to something greater than yourself. I have taken a lot of good advice from people here and often posted in support of good advice given to others. And how many times have I said that AA is the best place for anyone to begin their recovery and is the program that works best for the greatest number of people.

I tell my story to encourage others to seek out the help they need if AA does not work for them, because I was so afraid to for so long. No one told me there were many paths to recovery or that I should even seek out support from others. I think that is important to say (and you have yourself said the same thing even in this thread).

When people try to deny my experience, I must state clearly that my experience is what it is. To do otherwise would be dishonest and foster resentment.

AA was a big part of my life and gave me a vision of what recovery could be. I will always be grateful for that. And I cannot share my experience without including 12-step recovery, therapy and SR . As an addict, all I can share is my own personal experience. I cannot share things that will help me in the future or theoretical ideas. When I share my history in recovery, there are things that were effective for me and things that were not.

One thing I learned in 12-step recovery was the importance of sharing one's experience. I do not think it traps one or keeps one from trying new things as you suggest. Rather it can provide insight, connection, and (we hope) help others to find their own path.

And the great thing about SR is that people with other experiences will share theirs. And it all can be out there so anyone can find something to relate to.
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Old 11-26-2015, 05:50 PM
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Thanks. I'm in no doubt now about your intentions.
I hope the time you spent here today helped deal with your cravings

D
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Old 11-27-2015, 06:18 AM
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It really did, Dee. And you also helped. I think that talking about recovery...even with someone who challenges you...is always a good thing.
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